Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Building the Right Way of Thinking
• Part 2 of 3: Creating a positive attitude towards life
• Part 3 of 3: Overcoming Traumatic Experiences
• Tips

Sooner or later, each person is faced with such events that I would like to simply forget about. Fortunately, there are healthy ways to help yourself deal with negative memories, from techniques for getting rid of bad thoughts to methods of suppressing the anxiety that occurs when bad memories come up.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Building the Right Way of Thinking

1. 1 Avoid contact with objects and places that give you unpleasant memories. Have you ever noticed that unpleasant memories roll over you when you visit certain places or are near certain objects? Perhaps you yourself are not even aware that it is they who provoke your thoughts. For example, a bad memory might refer to an incident that happened to you in elementary school, and it pops up in your memory every time you walk past school. But if you take a new route to work that doesn't run past the school you went to, you can be more successful in keeping your mind free of bad thoughts.
   • If you can completely eliminate contact with triggers of bad memories, over time the bad event will fade into your memory. You will have less reason to recall past memories, and life will replace them with more important thoughts.
   • Of course, not all triggers can be completely ruled out, perhaps you just don't want to change your path to work or donate your collection of sci-fi books to someone, or stop listening to songs of your favorite band just because the last time you saw the performers live. the night your ex told you to leave. If avoiding triggers is impossible, either because there are too many of them, or because you are unwilling to let the vagaries of your mind affect you so much, there are other ways to deal with your memories.
2. 2 Think about a bad event until the thoughts disappear by themselves. This step helps a lot. The first few times you remember something bad, negative memories can catch you off guard and leave you feeling anxious and devastated. You will instinctively try to avoid thinking about the event as much as possible, but suppressing memories can make them even more powerful when they do pop up in your memory. Instead of chasing bad thoughts out of your memory, allow yourself to remember what happened. Think about it until the memories stop hurting you.Eventually, you will stop thinking about them in the same volume, and when the memories do arise, they will no longer be painful. If the memories put a lot of stress on you, go for a long walk or engage in vigorous exercise.
   • Try to take into account the fact that the event that is the root cause of the memory is long gone. Whatever happens to you (whether you are ridiculed to your embarrassment or you are in a dangerous situation) is in the past.
   • In some cases, thinking about bad memories can become an obsessive habit. Analyze your own emotions that arise from bad memories. If you find that even after a long time thinking about events, the memories continue to hurt you, try other methods of getting rid of them.
3. 3 Try the method of changing memories. Each time you remember something, the memories change slightly. The brain tries to fill in small gaps in memories with fictional information. You can take advantage of this feature of the brain and replace bad memories with other information. Eventually, an altered version of the memory will begin to emerge in memory.
   • As an example, let's say that you have a childhood memory of riding with your father on the lake on a boat called Dream. You remember how your father stood at the stern in red shorts and sunglasses, how he screamed when you leaned too much over the railing and fell overboard into the water. Are you sure that you know all this, but years later, looking at the photo of that day, you find that the father was in jeans, and the name of the boat was actually "Zarya". As you can see, memories are never completely accurate and can change.
   • Try changing the part of the memory that upsets you. Based on the above example, if you remember your fear and loneliness when you fell into a lake, try to re-draw the memory in your mind so that your focus is on how amazing it was to be saved by your father.
   • Each time the memory re-emerges, it will be slightly modified. If at the same time you always begin to concentrate on good feelings instead of bad, then the memory will begin to change accordingly. You may not be able to transform it from bad to amazingly good, but in this way you can deprive the memory of its former painfulness.
4. 4 Concentrate on happy memories. Sometimes the brain starts digging into bad memories so deeply that it becomes difficult to get out of it. If you find yourself thinking too much about the bad, try to learn how to switch to good memories. Don't give bad thoughts time to ruin your mood or make you worry. Instead, when a bad memory re-emerges in your memory, you will forcefully switch to a happier memory. Continue to practice positive thinking until you are automatically sucked into a quagmire of bad memories.
   • Try to match the bad memory with a good pair. For example, if you are unable to stop remembering how you gave a slurred presentation to the class and everyone was laughing at you, supplement that memory with others when you did a good presentation and earned praise. Whenever a bad memory comes up, shift your thoughts to its positive pair. Having a positive memory prepared in advance will save you from having to panic and search for something good in your memory when you feel uncomfortable.
5. 5 Learn to live in the present. The practice of paying more attention to the present moment in time is called being aware of the present moment.It involves focusing on what is happening here and now, instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Self-awareness is a great way to relieve stress and get more out of life. Instead of wasting time and energy worrying about what cannot be changed, you can take this burden off your shoulders and simply live in the present.
   • During their daily activities, people often relax mentally, letting their thoughts take their course, and are completely distracted from what they are doing at the moment. Instead of turning on this "autopilot", take the time to consider the small details of what is happening at the moment, for example, sounds and smells that you usually do not pay attention to. This will help you return to the present moment, and not leave your thoughts in the past and dwell on memories.
   • Use a mantra that you can repeat when thoughts begin to go where you do not want to let them go. For example, you can say to yourself: "I am here and now," or: "I live in the present." This will help you realize that you have a choice.
   • Try to become aware of how your body feels right here and now. Pay attention to the senses: what do you hear, see, what tastes and smells do you feel at the moment? Never limit your feelings to memories of the past.
   • Try meditating. Most types of meditation are about self-awareness. Concentrating on breathing and freeing your mind from abstract thoughts allows you to more fully feel yourself in the present. Regular meditation not only helps you concentrate, but it also improves your mood in general.

Part 2 of 3: Creating a positive attitude towards life

1. 1 Think about what you've learned from a bad moment in the past. Even the worst experience can teach you something. It may take a long time for you to understand what you have learned, especially if the event happened recently. But if you look back at it from the present and see how much wiser you have become since that moment, your bad memory may lose some of its pain. Think about whether there is something positive in that event that you did not notice before?
   • Remember that negative experiences are an unavoidable part of life. Difficulties make a person stronger and help him appreciate pleasant moments more. If there were no bad things happening, it simply would not be possible to fully enjoy the good moments.
   • Try to count everything that you are grateful for in life. Whatever your loss, expressed as a bad memory, make a list of things for which you are currently grateful in life.
2. 2 Create new happy memories. Over time, the bad memory will gradually fade in your memory. But this process can be accelerated by starting to live life to the fullest and creating new good memories that take over your mind. Do what you enjoy and connect with people who make you happy. In the long term, the more positive the fresh memories are, the less significant the past negative thoughts will become against their background.
   • It will be useful to visit places that you have never been before, so that you have new experiences that are not affected in any way by your past. Buy yourself a ticket and travel to a new city for yourself, or become a tourist in your own city, visiting places where you usually do not appear.
   • If travel isn't your forte, change your routine in some other way. Visit a cafe that you have never been to, cook some complicated dish, or invite all your friends to your dinner party.
3. 3 Lead a busy lifestyle. Maintain a busy schedule and try to stimulate your brain to be productive so you have less time to think about the bad.If you tend to spend a lot of time alone with yourself, try to start meeting with friends or visiting relatives more often. Take a break from reading a good book or pick a new hobby. The more time you spend sitting and doing nothing, the more likely you will be immersed in negative memories. Below are some distraction activities to keep you occupied.
   • Engage in new physical activities, such as playing soccer or boxing. If you are not very into sports, try to challenge yourself and force yourself to walk a certain number of kilometers a day, or start doing yoga. Stimulating physical activity is a great way to free your mind from negative thoughts. Exercise causes the brain to release endorphins that improve mood.
   • Create something new. You can sew a new dress, paint a picture, or write a song. Channel your energy in a creative direction so that you simply do not have time to think about the bad.
   • Find volunteer opportunities. Helping other people is a great way to forget about your own problems.
4. 4 Avoid alcohol and drug use. Using mind-distorting substances can only make things worse, especially if a bad memory makes you feel depressed and anxious. Alcohol can increase depression, irritability and anxiety, especially in those people who already experience similar symptoms. To maintain a positive morale, it is best to completely stop or limit the use of alcohol and drugs.
   • Using alcohol and drugs to forget or avoid any negative emotions often leads to addiction. Seek help immediately if you find yourself addicted to alcohol and drugs at a time when you don't want to think about what is bothering you.
   • Other forms of escapism should also be avoided. If, in order to suppress bad feelings in yourself, you become prone to gambling, overeating or reclusiveness to such an extent that it can harm your health, it is important to recognize this behavior in a timely manner and control it, either on your own or with the help of a therapist or support group. ...
5. 5 Make your health a priority. When you are immersed in your own negative thoughts, it can sometimes be difficult to remember to take care of yourself. But taking care of your own health has a big impact on the way you think. Eating wholesome and nutritious foods, getting enough sleep at night, and exercising several times a week will lay a good foundation for keeping bad memories aside. In addition to meeting the basic needs of your body, take time to pamper yourself to help ease the symptoms of anxiety associated with your bad memories.
   • Eat a balanced diet that includes plenty of fruits and vegetables, lean protein, healthy fats, and whole grains.
   • Aim to get 30 minutes of exercise every day, even if it just boils down to long walks after work.
   • Try to sleep for 7-8 hours at night, as overwork can exacerbate your emotions and make you prone to thinking about the bad.

Part 3 of 3: Overcoming Traumatic Experiences

1. 1 Try to burn out the memory. Acknowledge the negative memory and negative emotions associated with it. It may seem counterproductive, but psychocatarsis (the manifestation of disturbing emotions) is a key component of mental wound healing. Suppressing bad memories will only lead to them re-emerging a little later and possibly becoming more intense. Allow yourself to feel angry, sad, embarrassed, or hurt.If you feel the need to cry or scream, do so. Eventually, you will be able to move on to the other side of your feelings, which will be easier to come to terms with than if you ignore your own pain.
2. 2 Talk to someone. Talk to a friend or family member you trust. Other people can give you advice, share similar stories, and even cheer you up by saying that your incident was probably not as bad as you think. If possible, talk to someone who has nothing to do with the event - they will help you look at the situation from a new perspective.
   • Consider joining a support group. Try to find a local support group that is associated with the exact problem you are experiencing. For example, there are many support groups for divorce, relationship termination, chronic illness, and so on.
   • If you are uncomfortable sharing your own story with someone else, write it down in your own journal and keep it in a safe place where no one can find it.
3. 3 Consider psychotherapy sessions. If you feel you need more help than a friend or relative can offer you, then going to a professional therapist is the right choice. Since the information discussed between the doctor and the patient is confidential, you do not need to hide something from the doctor or be shy in front of him.
   • A therapist can help you identify triggers for bad memories and teach you how to overcome them. He will introduce you to techniques to help break the captivity of bad memories in which you find yourself.
   • In people faced with traumatic events, cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy has shown a fairly high efficiency. Consider seeing a therapist who specializes in this type of therapy.
4. 4 Find out if you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This disorder can develop after a horrific and dangerous event, such as sexual abuse, a car accident, violent assault, or a debilitating illness. In people with PTSD, memories of the trauma do not fade. They are a source of constant anxiety that this situation could happen again. If you suspect you have PTSD, it is very important to seek help, as this is not a problem you can deal with on your own.
   • PTSD symptoms include vivid memories of past events, nightmares, and frightening thoughts.
   • At the same time, a person may feel emotionally drained, depressed, or constantly anxious due to the fact that they feel like they are on pins and needles all the time.
5. 5 Get specialized medical treatment. If you feel trapped in your own memories of a traumatic event, there are medical treatments that can help you. These techniques are usually used in conjunction with psychotherapy for best results. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist to discuss with them if medical treatment can help you get rid of bad memories that are negatively affecting your quality of life.
   • Taking medication is the first method to try. Antidepressants and medications for anxiety disorders are often prescribed for people who have difficulty coping with negative thoughts.
   • Somatic trauma therapy is a treatment that aims to restore normal natural behavior and tidy up one's own feelings. It focuses on correcting the body's fight-or-flight response so that it is no longer activated when there is no danger.
   • Electroconvulsive therapy is an effective way to free the mind of traumatic memories when no other treatment is working.

Tips

• Renaming a memory can trick the brain into forgetting about it more quickly. For example, instead of calling a memory "bad," call it a "past memory." Mentally repeating the word "bad" will make you feel bad.
• Don't linger too long in the bitterness phase. Some period of sadness is quite normal after an upsetting event, but you need to understand when it is time to forget about the grief and start living a normal life again.
• No matter how terrible your memory is, it’s a thing of the past. Don't let it influence your present and future, as you cannot change the past unless you know how to travel in time, so leave the past in the past and cheer up!
• Think joyful. As bad as your memories are, focus on the future.