Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 4: Daily Care
• Part 2 of 4: Solving Common Problems
• Part 3 of 4: Meeting Your Own Needs
• Part 4 of 4: How to Help Cope with Panic Attacks?
• Tips

Anxiety disorders are common and treatable. However, dating someone who is anxious can be challenging. Support and care in this case, of course, is necessary, but you still need to set clear boundaries and enforce them. Sometimes it is not easy to find a balance between the urge to maintain and establish the necessary distance. With patience, trusting communication and the help of a therapist, you and your partner can find this balance together.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Daily Care

1. 1 Find out the specifics of your partner's anxiety disorder. Specific disorders include generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), panic disorder, social anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Each of them includes different symptoms, triggers (provoking factors) and a course of treatment. Look for information about a specific disorder and ask your partner what exactly is causing them anxiety.
   • You can find useful information at: https://omh.ny.gov/omhweb/russian/booklets/anxiety.pdf.
   • If your partner is seeing a therapist, ask them for more information about a specific anxiety disorder. Discuss how you can actively participate in treatment, such as helping your partner with anxiety reduction techniques.
2. 2 Encourage him to seek medical attention if he has not already done so. If he is nervous about treatment, suggest that he see his therapist first. Some people are less afraid of the "regular" doctor than the psychotherapist. Say that you care about him and remind him that he should not be ashamed of being treated.
   • If he hesitates, try to calm him down. Say, “There is no difference between taking care of your physical and mental health. Anxiety disorders are a disease; don't worry about someone gossiping about your visits to the doctor. "
   • Also, ask your partner to continue treatment, take any prescribed medications, and do exercises at home. The treating psychotherapist will most likely instruct him to do breathing exercises, take notes, exercise, or practice cognitive-behavioral exercises.
   • He may be nervous about taking medication. However, a therapist can help him try techniques that can help him manage anxiety without medication, depending on the type and severity of the patient's condition.
3. 3 Convince the person that you can be trusted without fear of judgment. Reassure your partner that he can share any unpleasant, disturbing thoughts with you. Perhaps he tends to jump to conclusions, jump from one to another, or convince himself that you have left him or that something has happened to you if you do not hear from you. Hiding these thoughts and feelings all the time can fuel anxiety, so tell him that you can be trusted.
   • Say, “Please come to me if you are in a panic, especially when it comes to our relationship. If you have negative or obsessive thoughts, breathe out and convince your mind to stop this incoherent flow. I am here for you, I care about you and I understand that because of anxiety you can be overwhelmed with bad thoughts. "
4. 4 Communicate with your partner to make them less anxious. Keep in touch with your partner (within reason), especially if they tend to jump to conclusions or think about the worst. For example, if you know that you will be late, send him a message so that he does not imagine that you are lying in a ditch somewhere.
   • Keep in mind that posting your whereabouts is helpful, but you still don't have to cross borders. Telling him that you are late is one thing, but having a call at work every hour is another.
5. 5 Help him develop a self-control strategy and stick to it. Discuss triggers and work on setting goals related to managing anxiety. For example, if he has social anxiety, the goal might be to visit public places once a week.
   • Coping strategies for panic attacks can include breathing exercises and positive visualization.
   • If the person is prone to stalling for time and then experiencing anxiety attacks due to workload, help him learn how to manage his time more effectively.
   • Keep in mind that there is a difference between a control strategy and a complete avoidance of provocative factors. For example, by locking in a house with the curtains drawn to avoid a panic attack, a person simply perpetuates social anxiety.
6. 6 Praise his accomplishments, even if they seem insignificant. Even if you are making very little progress, still celebrate every step forward and celebrate small victories. Positive reinforcement can push him to keep fighting hard.
   • Suppose that his anxiety disorder prevented him from getting a full-time job. If he has written a resume and started mailing it out, praise him, even if he has not yet passed the interview. Say, “This is a big step, and I know you are putting in a lot of effort. I'm proud of you".

Part 2 of 4: Solving Common Problems

1. 1 Remember, your partner didn't want this. It's normal to feel upset, angry, or annoyed.However, do your best not to show negative feelings as soon as you see your partner. This is permissible when the situation is already taking place (although it is worth exercising restraint here as well). He has a mental illness; it does not provoke panic attacks or anxiety to anger you.
   • If your partner has a fear of crowds, you may be upset that he does not attend social events with you. Sometimes, serious anxiety disorders make it difficult to work, and this can put a financial strain on you. If you have children in common, you may be disappointed that he does not share parenting responsibilities equally with you.
   • These situations are difficult, but try to work with your partner to resolve them rather than holding a grudge.
   • It may be helpful to attend a support group for relatives of people with anxiety disorders. Ask your partner's therapist for a personal recommendation, or look for an online counselor in your area.
2. 2 Set clear boundaries instead of indulging your partner. Providing emotional support doesn't mean you have to give up your life to adjust to your partner. When you set boundaries, do it firmly but lovingly. Don't yell at him or make him feel bad, but make it clear that you have the right to go about your business.
   • Suppose he always wants you to stay at home, and he gets upset when you leave to relax with friends. Say, “I care and I want to be with you. But I also have my own needs. I need to spend time with my friends, get out of the house and do my own thing. "
3. 3 Honesty and compassion will help you resolve the conflict. Voice your concerns instead of hiding them, and speak openly with your partner. Harsh criticism can only make it worse, so try to be gentle and avoid accusations.
   • Use self-messages when trying to resolve a conflict. Let's say your partner calls you at work all the time and gets upset when you can't pick up the phone. If you tell him, “You need to stop calling me so often,” it will look like an accusation and make him even more worried.
   • Instead, say, “I'm worried that I might get in trouble because of my phone calls at work. I don't want you to get upset or take it personally. But if this is not an emergency, you better try the relaxation technique or send an SMS or email instead of calling. "
4. 4 See a family counselor with experience working with anxiety disorders. If you are having trouble resolving conflicts on your own, a psychologist can help you find compromise solutions. Even if you don't face significant challenges, seeing a counselor can help you better understand your partner's anxiety disorder.
   • Don't think of counseling as a wake-up call that your relationship is at an impasse. Rather, seeing a counselor means you're willing to put in the effort to build a relationship. Every couple faces difficulties and there is nothing wrong with getting a little help.
   • Keep in mind that you are not your partner's therapist or psychologist. Attending a family counseling center can help you keep this distance.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Liana Georgoulis, PsyD

   
   
   Licensed Psychologist Dr. Liana Georgulis is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 10 years of experience. He is currently the clinical director of Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California. Graduated from Pepperdine University with a degree in Psychology in 2009. She is engaged in cognitive behavioral therapy and other types of evidence-based therapy, working with adolescents, adults and couples.

   Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
   Licensed Psychologist

   A specialist can teach you the skills you need to help your partner. Psychologist Dr. Liana Georgulis says: “Sometimes anxiety can lead to increased irritability, especially if it is not handled well. This may give the impression that your partner is frustrated or angry with you, or it may even seem like he is threatening you. He can also become dependent on you, convince you of the same thing over and over again and harass it. The therapist will teach you how to help your partner at this moment.».

   
   

Part 3 of 4: Meeting Your Own Needs

1. 1 Consider your interests, do not give up your hobbies. You must continue to do what you enjoy, even if it makes your partner anxious. Being a reliable companion doesn't mean that the fear of another person should ruin your life.
   • Let's say he has social anxiety and you like to go to concerts. If your favorite band comes to town, go see their shows with a couple of friends. He doesn't have to do this, but you shouldn't sit back just because your partner can't stand large crowds.
   • You shouldn't force your partner to do something that makes him uncomfortable, and he cannot force you to give up his hobbies. Plus, by not giving up on your favorite activities, you are maintaining your own physical and mental health.
2. 2 Take time to rest. Try to find time to read a good book, listen to music, take a bubble bath, or do other relaxing activities. If you can't find time for personal activities every day, try to include them in your schedule at least a few days a week.
   • The daily whirlwind is already exhausting enough; caring for a partner only adds to the fatigue.
   • Stress management can help you maintain your own mental health and avoid burnout. Stress and tension will take their toll on you, your partner, and your relationship.
3. 3 Stay connected with your support group. If you are upset or depressed, it is better to talk to a friend or relative than to take out the evil on your partner. When you need to get some air, call a loved one you trust and pour out your heart.
   • Contacting a support group or a counselor on an individual basis can also help you maintain mental and emotional well-being.

Part 4 of 4: How to Help Cope with Panic Attacks?

1. 1 Remind your partner that the feeling of panic will go away anyway. Tell him that you understand that he is experiencing something overwhelming and frightening. Let him know that he is safe, that his feelings of anxiety or panic will not last forever, and that he will soon feel better.
   • Say, “I know this is difficult, it seems impossible to catch your breath and relax. Remember this will pass. You are safe, everything will be fine, and if you want, I will be here until everything is over. "
2. 2 Ask your partner how to help him. If you've never experienced symptoms of anxiety disorder, admit that you don't fully understand what a panic attack is. Instead of asking your partner to calm down or trying to guess what he needs, ask him what you can do to help him.
   • Say, “I've never had anxiety attacks, but I know it's not easy to force yourself to relax. What can I do to help you deal with this? " Everyone has their own ways to calm down; they might ask you to breathe with them, help them visualize a calming landscape, or just sit next to them and hold their hand.
   • During times of anxiety, your partner may not be able to communicate clearly what they need. It is best to discuss a plan of action in advance in case of a panic attack. He can also write a checklist for you to take.
3. 3 Count and breathe deeply with him. Ask him to breathe from his stomach as much as possible. Say that you understand his desire to gasp for air (in moments of panic, it seems to a person that it cannot be otherwise), but explain that slow breathing in with his stomach will bring him relief.
   • Ask him to inhale slowly and smoothly through his nose, fill his stomach with air, and exhale slowly through his mouth. You can eliminate symptoms of panic and anxiety by inhaling and exhaling on a count of five or counting down from 100.
   • Say, “Let's breathe together. Close your eyes and just concentrate on your breathing. Inhale, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ".
4. 4 Describe calm, pleasant pictures. Give your partner positive images to help them feel better. Ask him to imagine himself in a cozy corner of his childhood, on a calm beach or near a home fireplace with a mug of hot cocoa. Describe sensations such as a refreshing sea breeze or the soothing warmth of a campfire.
   • If he finds visualizing calming landscapes helps, ask him where he likes to imagine himself so that he can choose some actionable images. Keep in mind that landscapes you find soothing can, on the contrary, give him negativity, so find out where he feels most comfortable.
   • Ask, “Tell me where you feel most comfortable. If I describe this to you during a panic attack or anxiety, it may be easier for you to imagine yourself in a safe place. "
5. 5 Do something together, such as write, paint, or listen to music. Notice what he likes and offer to do it together. You can play soothing music, paint or write, meditate, or do yoga. Some people also find it helpful to keep a record of what they are feeling to help relieve their obsessions.
   • In addition, it helps to get to know your partner better and discuss beneficial actions while he is not in a state of panic or anxiety.
6. 6 Don't criticize or belittle his anxious feelings. Don't say things like, "Just take it easy," "Relax and sit still," or, "You're okay, so stop it." Try to understand that a panic or anxiety attack can be overwhelming and terrifying. This is a real illness, and severe tugging will only make the situation worse.
   • Instead, let him know you’re around and reassure him that you’ll get through it together.
   • A simple and harmless suggestion to sit down and calm down can trigger another attack. During an anxiety attack, the adrenaline level rises, and at such times, some people need to walk or run. If your partner finds it difficult to sit still, invite him to take a walk with you.
7. 7 Reassure him that it is better to face the attack than to avoid provocative situations. While this is a tough process, treating anxiety disorders usually involves confronting triggers. Try to provoke your partner, but be gentle. Tell him that sometimes experiencing anxiety is part of coping with the disorder and that you will be there to help him cope with it.
   • Let's say your partner is experiencing social anxiety. Instead of staying at home in an attempt to avoid panic attacks, he should try to gradually engage in social interaction.
   • A walk in the park or to the grocery store might be the first step. Then he can dine in a restaurant or go to a quiet party.

Tips

• About 20% of Russians suffer from anxiety disorders. Psychotherapy, sometimes combined with medication, is highly effective in treating anxiety disorders.
• Everyone experiences anxiety from time to time, but there is a difference between stress and panic or fear.Only a psychotherapist can diagnose anxiety disorders, so avoid labeling those who have not received an accurate diagnosis.
• Sometimes, helping a partner with a mental illness can be challenging. Do not take into account the idle speculation about mental illness, think about whether you are capable and willing to live and support such a person. If you are just starting out, ask yourself if this person is right for you "sick and healthy."