Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 2: Dealing with Grandparents' Bullying
• Method 2 of 2: Fighting Our Children's Grandparents

Everyone has heard the expression: "You can't choose your family." It does not exist for nothing. Be that as it may, but we are all members of a separate family, and we can not get away from the responsibility entrusted to us: to develop and maintain our relationship. Communicating with grandparents - whether they are your grandparents or your children - can be quite challenging. However, in the end it will be worth it, and you will only enjoy a strong and loving relationship. In this article, we offer tips on how grandchildren can better cope with the irritation caused by the behavior of grandparents, as well as tell you how new parents can raise their children under the strict supervision of their own parents.

Steps

Method 1 of 2: Dealing with Grandparents' Bullying

1. 1 First, find out what "pushy" means to you. Before you start solving a problem, identify the real source of irritation. It's easy to argue that all grandparents are very annoying. But what is it about their behavior that annoys you so much?
   • Expressing your grievances about the annoyance directly to them (or to someone else who will listen to you) will not help you in any way. Try to be specific as soon as you define the problem for yourself: "It annoys me that my grandmother treats me like a five-year-old boy and forbids watching The Walking Dead at her place, even though I'm already 25."
   • Before deciding how to cope with the situation and come into conflict with grandparents, take the time and write down possible ways out of this situation on a piece of paper.
2. 2 Try to understand your grandparents' point of view. When some kind of interpersonal conflict arises, it is very important to try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person. Imagine yourself in their place and try to understand their point of view.
   • Try to figure out why your grandparents do this. Most likely, you cannot avoid having a direct conversation with your relatives, in which you express your indignation. But you will be better prepared for it if you think over some options in advance.
   • Your grandmother may not let you watch your favorite TV shows when you visit her during the winter break. But think, maybe this is due to the fact that she finds these TV shows disgusting or stupid?
   • Maybe your grandparents are trying to control your TV viewing because they still see you as a five-year-old and just yearn for a bygone time?
   • Does it annoy you that your grandparents call you every day? Maybe they just miss talking to you.
3. 3 Learn more about grandparents. Undoubtedly, you have a special relationship with them. But what do you know about them outside of this context? Let's say your grandparents are happy to talk about themselves and their lives. Listen carefully and try to get as much information as possible. This will help you understand them better and identify ways to build relationships.
   • Before moving on to a specific problem (for example, dissatisfaction with the fact that grandfather and grandmother constantly interfere in your life, or, conversely, are not interested in you at all),talk to your family members about their life and relationships with their own relatives.
   • Ask them specific questions: "How often did you see your grandparents?", "Were they strict with you or indulged in everything?"
   • It will be helpful to learn more about the difference between generations. For example, if your grandparents grew up in the post-war years, this can clarify a lot about their outlook on life.
4. 4 Find common topics of conversation with your grandparents. Shared values ​​and hobbies will help you improve your relationship.
   • Do you share your grandfather's strange sense of humor? Keep this in mind when you decide to give your grandfather specific complaints about the cause of your irritation. If your grandfather has a good sense of humor, a humorous conversation about the topic will help you.
   • Also think about what you are grateful for to your grandparents. Were they always ready to help you? Can you call them at midnight when your tire is flat? If family security is very important to them and to you, knowing it can help you understand the source of some of your family's most annoying habits, or ignore them altogether.
5. 5 Assess your own role in the conflict. It is extremely rare that a conflict occurs through the fault of one side. It is very important that you reflect and honestly assess your role in this situation.
   • For example, you are very annoyed that your grandparents do not treat you like an adult and do not allow you to go out late. But at the same time, you allow them to look after you just like they did when you were a child. If so, you are involuntarily provoking such behavior on their part.
   • Is it possible that you are reacting negatively to traits that you do not like in yourself because you see them manifest in your grandparents? If so, then it’s unfair to accuse them of never calling you back, for example, if you yourself often do that.
   • Are you fussy or irritable when dealing with your grandparents? You may feel like you're successfully hiding your grievances, but remember that body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice speak volumes.
   • Your grandparents know you quite well and most likely understand your displeasure. This can easily lead to tension in the relationship.
6. 6 Decide for yourself what you can accept and what you cannot. Remember, not every fight has to take place. In fact, constant fights will only worsen the situation.
   • If you don't see your grandparents too often, it will not be very difficult for you to change your habits and schedule in order to maintain peace in your family.
   • Perhaps you have been waiting a whole week to watch your favorite program, but is it worth the fight if you can record it or watch it a little later on your phone or laptop?
   • On the other hand, if you can come to terms with your grandmother's displeasure about your appearance, then you are unlikely to want to endure her hostility towards your chosen one.
   • The main task in this situation is to decide what is important for you both in your own life and in maintaining relations with relatives.
7. 7 Explain with your grandparents. After you've done your best - tried to understand your grandparents, find a common language with them, figure out your own role in this situation - it's time to talk to them.
   • Make sure to pick a suitable time and place for the conversation. If your grandparents go to bed early, it may not be a good idea to start figuring out late at night why they are unhappy with your career choices.
   • Try not to blame. Even if you find them annoying, do not start the conversation with the words: "Grandma annoys me that you are constantly trying to shove more food into me."
   • Instead, try to say the same thing more politely: "Granny, I love you because you cook so much delicious for my arrival, but sometimes I feel bad from overeating, and it upsets me."
   • Note that when you talk to your grandparents, the best strategy is to talk more about what you value them for, even though there are some challenges.
   • You can try answering a question with a question. If you are tired of your grandparents being overly interested in your romantic relationship, next time when asked about a date, answer: "Why are you asking?" Their answer may surprise you, or your question may make them wonder if they are overly curious.
8. 8 Check with your parents. Of course, it's good that you are trying to figure out the problem yourself. But depending on the severity of the problem or the level of your relationship with your grandparents, you may want to seek support from your parents.
   • It doesn't matter what kind of relationship your parents have with their parents (good or tight), they can give you good advice. They can suggest how best to start a conversation about the problem, or, if necessary, talk to them on your behalf.
   • If you decide to seek advice from your parents or ask them to speak on your behalf, try not to embarrass them.
   • If boredom is the only problem in your relationship with your grandparents (they don’t hurt or offend you), then it’s something that an adult should be able to deal with on their own. One of your parents' main jobs is to protect you, but not necessarily from the little things of the day.
   • Of course, if your grandparents insult you with their actions, everything changes dramatically. There is no rule that requires you to maintain a friendly relationship with malicious and caustic people, even if they are our relatives.

Method 2 of 2: Fighting Our Children's Grandparents

1. 1 Assess the situation carefully. If you've recently become a parent, your life has changed dramatically, and you are still getting used to it and adapting your lifestyle. Remember that your parents are also adjusting to new circumstances in the family.
   • Before you aggressively confront grandparents and voice their dissatisfaction with their behavior, try to determine if you are still in the process of adapting. Think, maybe over time, if you show a little patience, the problem will disappear by itself?
   • If you want to initially suppress behavior that you cannot accept, such as frequent surprise visits from your family, make a list of specific problems that bother you.
2. 2 Try to understand the point of view of grandparents. If you've read the first method on how to deal with grandparents' annoyance, you'll notice that many of the steps outlined here are similar to the previous methods. Even if your relationship with your parents differs in many ways from your grandchild-grandparents relationship, they also have something in common. We are dealing with interpersonal family relationships, and whenever we are faced with a conflict situation, it does not hurt to first consider the other person's point of view.
   • It is likely that you and your husband (or wife) will have to talk seriously with your children's grandparents, but first think about why they do this. This will help you better prepare for the conversation.
   • For example, you don't like your mom constantly asking you about the baby's feeding schedule (and it even seems like a cleverly disguised criticism to you). However, she may be worried about you because she remembers the difficulties she faced herself when you were a toddler?
   • Likewise, unexpected visits can irritate you. But perhaps you will change your mind if you realize that you yourself only occasionally invite grandparents to visit a newborn.Most likely, they just want to spend more time with their grandchildren.
3. 3 Be condescending in drawing conclusions about the behavior of your loved ones. This step naturally follows from the previous one, where you do your best to understand your parents' motives. Nothing good will come of it if you automatically think bad about their intentions.
   • Perhaps you think that your mother-in-law is just waiting for the moment to catch you making a mistake. She believes that you cannot feed your family normally, and therefore constantly brings you ready-made meals. But don't rule out the possibility that she's simply trying to make your life easier.
   • Maybe your parents have hardly called or visited you since the newborn came to the house, and you begin to think that they are not at all interested in your grandson. While this is possible, think positively and assume that they are trying to give you more freedom. It is possible that they are looking forward to the first step from you.
4. 4 Find out more about your children's grandparents. You already have your own relationship with your parents, but you may not know what the relationship is between them and their parents or matchmakers. Their behavior now will certainly be conditioned by the experience they received as parents of the baby. They may have their own views on how to participate in the upbringing of your children.
   • Ask your parents specific questions about their relationship with their own parents or matchmakers: “Mom, how often did my grandmother visit when I was little? Have you often consulted with her? "
   • In addition, ask about their experience of raising children: “Olga Petrovna, and Vanya was a fidget in childhood? And how did you deal with it? "
   • Learn as much as you can about the newly minted grandparents. This will help you better understand them and identify ways to improve your relationship.
5. 5 Consider the difference between generations when raising children. It can be difficult to make sense of the conflicting and ever-changing advice on how best to raise children. Find out what has changed in parenting theory over the years (sometimes the changes are very significant) and you may understand the motives of grandparents.
   • You may be annoyed that your mother-in-law insists on adding rice flakes to your baby's diet for a week. But when you find out that the pediatrician recommended this at one time, her behavior will become clear to you.
   • Likewise, the past generation was less aware of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), and not so long ago, all young parents were warned of the dangers that could arise from allowing an infant to sleep on its back. Naturally, this is not a reason to listen to all the advice. But understanding that your parents were given different instructions at the time will help you decide which direction to take the conversation and express your wishes more clearly.
6. 6 Enlist the help of your children's grandparents. Rather than rejecting the help of grandparents altogether or setting clear rules, find areas where you can turn to them for advice and make them feel important.
   • You may have good reasons to keep a clear sleep schedule. But still, pay attention to how quickly the grandmother puts your child to bed. If she is good at it, ask her to teach you too. When the baby is staying with her overnight, ask her to put him to bed at exactly 7 pm.
7. 7 Decide what you can live with and what you can't. It is very important that you can adapt to situations when dealing with grandparents. There are, of course, questions on which you will have to remain unwavering. For example, if it concerns the safety of the child. However, try to identify which of your grandparents' behavior is the real source of irritation for you.
   • For example, if you are following the principles of a balanced diet for your child's growth, a few extra treats your grandfather brought in won't spoil your rules.
   • On the other hand, if you are not completely sure that the grandfather will not put the baby on his back without a pillow and will not put soft toys in the crib, then do not let him put the baby to bed.
8. 8 Be realistic about your expectations. Don't expect grandparents to read your mind and know exactly what you want from them.
   • You've probably done a great job of consulting your pediatrician and reading the literature to establish a suitable daily routine for your child and create a set of rules that work best for your family. When children are being supervised by grandparents, make sure you clearly state your requirements.
   • You certainly want grandparents to be an integral part of your children's lives. But you still didn't count on daily visits. If you want your parents to come in less often, explain this: “Mom and Dad, we are glad that you come. But weekdays are very busy. Could we all get together on Saturday or Sunday? "
9. 9 Remember your most important role for children. First of all, you are their protectors. If you ever notice that your child has been harmed as a result of communication with anyone, including grandparents, you must take steps to protect your child.
   • There is no rule that we must maintain good relationships with people who offend us because they are blood relatives.
   • However, the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren can be of immense benefit and love.
   • Do your best to have people around your children who will love and protect them. Build your own relationships with relatives - this will help strengthen the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren.