Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 4: Analyze Your Feelings
• Method 2 of 4: Rebuild the relationship
• Method 3 of 4: Set boundaries
• Method 4 of 4: Talk to the parent

The romance of one of the parents on the side is very unpleasant news. You are likely to question your relationship, distance yourself, or get very angry afterward. However, parents are always parents. Learn to analyze your feelings effectively, talk to your parents, and set boundaries. Over time, your relationship may improve again.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: Analyze Your Feelings

1. 1 Talk to a trusted friend. Talk to someone not directly affected by the situation (a brother, aunt, or uncle might not be the best choice). A good friend will not judge your feelings and will help you figure it out.
2. 2 See a psychologist. You are now experiencing a wide range of emotions, from anger to sadness and frustration.It will be helpful for you to speak with a professional who can help you understand the situation with one of the parents' extramarital affairs and will draw attention to what you may have missed. He will not judge your parents' behavior and will provide an objective point of view.
   • The specialist will give practical advice to help you cope with the situation.
3. 3 Write down your feelings in a journal. This is a good way to analyze your feelings and reduce stress. You don't need to share your recordings with anyone. Explore your innermost experiences to understand your emotions and decide how to speak with your parents.
4. 4 Don't jump to conclusions. It is unlikely that you know all the details and see the situation in the same way as your parents. Marriage is a joint work of both partners. Surely you are not told about all the problems. A hasty conclusion will not do anything good for a relationship on either side.
5. 5 Don't sniff. Resist the temptation to find evidence of the parent's infidelity, as that is not your concern. This is your parents' marriage, so even if you feel betrayed by the unfaithful parent, you are still a child, not a spouse. Don't read parent's messages or emails.
6. 6 Talk to siblings. If they are aware of the situation, then see how they handle it. If you have a younger brother or sister who lives with your parents, take them for a walk to talk in private. Find out how they are feeling and how they are coping with the situation.
   • If they don’t know anything, then think twice about whether it’s worth telling. This is not really your responsibility, and in addition, such news can cause unnecessary pain.

Method 2 of 4: Rebuild the relationship

1. 1 Think of the parent's attitude towards you. The fact that a parent is unfaithful can distort the perception of him. You can lose respect for him, feel resentment and anger. Remember how your parent has treated you throughout your life. If he was kind and caring, then remember this, because this is what determines your relationship, and not cheating.
2. 2 Start building relationships with your parents separately. In many cases, cheating becomes the end of a happy family, and parents begin to live separately from each other. Building a relationship from scratch will help you move to a new stage in which your parents are no longer a couple.
   • Give love and support to both parents. In this difficult and troubled time, your love and support will become a necessary support for them.
3. 3 Determine your attitude to the situation. If you decide to move on and rebuild your relationship with your parent, then define your attitude towards cheating. You don't have to forgive the parent, but don't use the situation to your advantage to gain the upper hand in an argument or get what you want.
   • Nobody makes you forget about cheating, but you don't need to return to it at every opportunity.
4. 4 Let both parents know your position. The relationship with one parent should not affect the relationship with the other. If you decide to improve relations with the unfaithful parent, then the second may think that you have taken his side or forgiven the betrayal. Talk to each parent individually and let them know what kind of relationship you are in.
   • Explain that your relationship with one parent does not affect your relationship with the other parent in any way.
5. 5 Continue to live your life. A parent's infidelity can be a threat to the future of the family together, but your love life still continues. Take control of other aspects of your life, especially if things get out of hand.
   • Look to your parents for advice to keep building relationships with each of them.

Method 3 of 4: Set boundaries

1. 1 Tell your parents you don't want to be caught between two fires. It so happens that in case of betrayal, one of the parents tries to turn the child against the other. This situation is especially dangerous if the children have not yet grown up and continue to live with their parents.
   • Encourage parents to see a counselor. You can always listen, but you don't have to be their only support.
2. 2 Don't take sides. You are not obliged to correct other people's mistakes and send news. This situation will certainly affect you, but your parents' decisions remain their own.
   • Do not report to one parent about each step of the other parent or keep their secrets. Everything may look harmless, but if the parents use the child for their own purposes, then this will become additional stress for him.
3. 3 Don't show excessive solidarity. Sometimes it is difficult to behave differently, because there is a desire to protect the cheated parent. Every marriage has two sides and you don't always know all the details of the story. Maintain partial neutrality, as this is not your marriage after all.

Method 4 of 4: Talk to the parent

1. 1 Determine the desired outcome. Before talking to a parent, think about where you want to come to. Finding out the truth can have serious consequences for the whole family, so think carefully about the outcome of the conversation that suits you. Define the purpose of your conversation:
   • Want to find out the missing information?
   • Want to tell your parent how you feel?
   • Looking to improve your relationship with your parent?
   • Go to see if this romance is still going on?
2. 2 Choose the right time. Find out when the parent is comfortable talking to you. Choose a moment when no one is in a hurry to work or school and can pay enough attention to the conversation.
3. 3 Talk about your pain first, not your anger. Share your pain and discomfort. Don't start with accusations, but describe your feelings. The parent might not even have guessed how much this affected you. When you move on to feeling angry, the parent will have a deeper understanding of its causes.
   • Start with the following: “I am in great pain. I often wake up at night and cry. I am very worried about the future of our family. "
4. 4 Speak in the first person. Focus on your feelings instead of judging your parent. Don't blame, but describe the impact of the situation on you. Instead of “You're just a terrible person. How could you do that? " Say, "It hurts and is unbearable for me to be aware of the situation."
5. 5 Try to stay calm. It is very difficult to restrain emotions in such a tense moment, but the conversation will be much more effective if you do without yelling, insults and accusations.
6. 6 Don't discuss everything at once. Treason and consequences are a huge topic of conversation. The parent may be surprised that you are in the know, or be nervous and defensive. Share your feelings, and then allow both of you to think about the situation and how you feel about it.
   • If the parent does not want to discuss the situation, then tell them that you want to talk, but are willing to wait.
7. 7 Focus on the parent's behavior. Do not stray from the theme of your parent's behavior and the fact that it does not correspond to the role that he played in your life. It's not about attacking the parent. Focus on the behavior that is hurting you.
8. 8 Respect the parent's decision. A cheated parent can forgive an unfaithful spouse, kick out of the house, or turn a blind eye to cheating. You may disagree with your attitude, but this is not your marriage. They are trying to find the best solution for both parties.
   • If you or your younger siblings live with your parents, talk to the parents about how this behavior might affect you and your younger children.
9. 9 Do not get into a fight in order to offend the parent. The parent's behavior and actions are most likely far from commendable and are quite capable of destroying the family, but this problem mostly concerns the parents. Do not seek to be caught between two fires or turn into a pawn.