Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: How to Build Communication
• Part 2 of 3: How to Reignite the Fire of Romance
• Part 3 of 3: Strengthening Marriage Ties
• Tips

Marriage is the ultimate bond that can bring two partners together. You have vowed to love each other in joy and sorrow, but sometimes the relationship can get complicated. You may have quarreled, drifted apart, or simply reached a point where you realized the need to mend a relationship. Any relationship is hard work that keeps your love alive, and marriage is no exception. An active effort, some understanding, and a little patience can strengthen the marriage and remember why you made a commitment to love and care for each other.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: How to Build Communication

1. 1 Listen to each other. Couples who have lived together for a long time often begin to perceive each other's words as simply a shake of air. For example, your wife tells you that she is annoyed by some of your actions, but you may think that this is not a problem, since you have been together for a long time. Nevertheless, little things tend to accumulate, and if your partner begins to think that you have ceased to hear or perceive him as a person, then a crisis of trust can arise in the relationship and feelings can weaken.
   • If your partner is trying to tell you about a problem, then you should take such statements seriously. Try to solve the problem individually or together, but never let the situation take its course.
   • Consider your partner's needs. If your spouse tells you what they want out of the relationship, then make an effort to bring it to life or find a compromise solution.
2. 2 Spend time with each other. Spouses should find opportunities to spend some time together and devote their full attention to each other. There simply cannot be exceptions to this question. The phone rings? Dump the challenge right in front of your partner. Listen to each other, sit side by side, look at each other. Enjoy each other's presence and being together now. Find 30-60 minutes for this at least once a week.
3. 3 Be sincere and open with each other. Sincerity is an incredibly important aspect of a relationship, especially for a spouse. It is important to feel that you can trust your partner and also understand that your partner trusts you. Being honest and open means not only telling the truth, but also not withholding information and not being silent about problems.
   • Never lie to your partner. Even a small lie, such as saying that you are okay when it really isn't, can cause resentment or quarrel.
   • Don't be afraid to talk openly and show your partner your vulnerability. Share your dreams and aspirations, your biggest fears and other secrets.
   • Allow your partner to also speak openly and not hide their vulnerability. This is the only way to build trusting relationships, enhance the feeling of closeness and mutual attraction.
4. 4 Find compromises. Compromise is not easy, especially in the heat of emotion after a heated argument. It is important to understand that having to feel innocent for 30 seconds is not worth scandalizing and creating tension in the relationship. It's perfectly okay to disagree or occasionally argue with each other, but be prepared to sacrifice your pride and your opinions for compromise and cooperation.
   • Don't think of an argument as a battle to be "won." This is a dangerous mindset that pits you against each other.
   • There is no need to quarrel over trifles. Even if you're right, the argument isn't worth the frustration and stress that comes later.
   • Be prepared to concede in an argument. If you are sure that you are right, this does not mean that further bickering will allow you to come to something, so it is better not to aggravate the situation.
   • Compromises strengthen relationships. When partners are willing to temporarily put aside their needs, including the need to prove their case, they become a team and grow together as individuals.
5. 5 Speak in the first person. In times of disagreement, it is important to avoid accusations or insults. Many spouses often hurt each other when they say "you" instead of "me." First-person phrases allow you to express your feelings and promote productive, positive conversation instead of trying to hurt your partner's feelings.
   • Second-person phrases express accusation. For example: "You are always late and thus make me feel awkward all the time!"
   • First-person phrases allow you to focus on your feelings without blaming. For example: "I noticed that you are looking around during our conversation. I get the impression that you are not taking my feelings seriously."
   • A first-person phrase has three components: a concise and non-accusatory description of a specific behavior that you are not happy with, your feelings in such a situation, and a tangible, clear influence that your partner's specific behavior has on you.
   • In terms of behavior, you should adhere to the facts, your feelings should be directly related to such behavior, and the influence should clarify the consequences or explain feelings in such a situation.
   • The goal is to be as specific as possible and not deviate from the heart of the problem. There is no need to think about other problems or unrelated feelings. Focus only on the tangible consequences of the current problem.
6. 6 Never yell at your partner. People often don't notice when they raise their voices. During an argument, emotions can be overwhelming if the subject of the dispute is of some importance to you. However, yelling has only two results: the partner also raises his voice and both of you go screaming, or the other person becomes afraid of you. Both outcomes can have extremely negative consequences for your relationship.
   • Sometimes screaming can bring a sense of temporary relief, but the emotions will still not subside.
   • In a conversation in a raised voice, people tend to say words that they will later regret. Once you have calmed down, the word cannot be taken back.
   • It is best not to discuss important issues if you or your partner are in a bad mood. Take a walk or just find an excuse to leave for 5-10 minutes, then return to the conversation in a calmer frame of mind.

Part 2 of 3: How to Reignite the Fire of Romance

1. 1 Change your routine. After two or twenty years of marriage, it may feel like you and your partner are stuck in a familiar rut. The established order of actions arises for the reason that it is more convenient and easier to solve everyday problems, but the routine in a relationship can slowly and imperceptibly kill romance.
   • If you almost always eat dinner at home, try going out on dates to a restaurant. If each of you usually sticks to your own nutritional system, then try preparing a dish for your partner and share the meal with him.
   • Do something exciting and unusual together. You don't have to do something crazy, just find an activity that will help you to have fun and experience new emotions.
   • Go on a romantic getaway together, or simply plan a fun day - go to a fair or an amusement park ..
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

   
   
   Family Therapist Allen Wagner is a Licensed Family and Marriage Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. He received his MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individual clients and couples, helping them improve relationships. Together with his wife, Talia Wagner, he wrote the book "Married Roommates".

   Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
   Family psychotherapist

   Save money to make each other's dreams come true... Allen Wagner, marriage and family counselor and author of books, advises: “I often meet people who dream of doing something together, but one of the partners usually says:“ Well, this is too expensive. ”Well, if you sit around, then there may really be no money for such a dream, but in how many months do you collect the necessary amount to realize a dream that will bring you joy? It may take several years, but at least start procrastinating.... If you do nothing, then the idea will remain a pipe dream and grow into an insult. Plan well and stay optimistic. "

   
   
2. 2 Flirt with each other. At the very beginning of the relationship, you probably flirted with each other continuously. Why did you stop? Most couples get used to each other, which is good in itself. But there is also a downside to the coin - you forget how to use charm, because you have not used this weapon for a long time.
   • Maintain eye contact.
   • Smile and feel free to fool around.
   • Engage in romantic body language and mimic your partner's body language.
   • Sit facing each other, do not cross your arms, bend over to your partner during a conversation.
3. 3 Touch each other more often. Touch is an important aspect of intimacy. Touch makes partners feel welcome, increases their comfort and brings them closer together. If you are already in a very close relationship and touch each other frequently, then you should continue in this spirit. If you have lost this aspect of the relationship, then try to bring it back.
   • Physical contact is not only about sex (although many people consider sex to be a healthy component of marriage). Hold hands, hug, kiss, and express affection with other touches.
   • Your partner may want physical contact as much as you do, but be shy or worried that you don't.
   • Don't think too long, just take the initiative. Your partner will appreciate this step, and you will feel incredible closeness again.
   • Actions evoke feelings. If you make an effort and have a romantic dinner together, then the romantic mood will not keep you waiting.
4. 4 Make time for intimacy. If you have been married for a while, then you probably know the feeling of discouragement when trying to find a balance between work and family life. If you have children, things can get even more complicated. It is important to always find time for intimacy (and not be distracted by children or work calls) in order to bring the romantic spark back into the relationship. Try to find such opportunities every week.
   • Sharing time and physical contact often leads to sex and brings partners closer together.
   • Schedule time for sex as needed. Experts claim that even 30 minutes alone can work wonders.
   • Leave small children with a nanny or take them to visit grandparents. If they are old enough, invite them to go to the movies or to the mall. This will allow you to be alone for a while.
   • Disconnect your mobile phones. Nothing spoils the mood more than a unexpectedly prolonged call on work issues.
   • Intimacy doesn't have to be a one-time event. Make an effort and find opportunities to be alone each week, as many times a week, or as often as you and your partner want.
5. 5 Express your sexual preferences. This is one aspect of sincere and open communication. Some people are afraid to talk about their desires even to their spouses. It is important to understand that you have nothing to be ashamed or ashamed of. Talk to your partner about your sexual preferences or fantasies and inquire about your partner's preferences. Whatever you desire, it is important to remember mutual respect for each other's needs.
   • If you do not satisfy your sexual preferences, then sex can cease to be enjoyable and perceived as a duty.
   • The best way to get mutual pleasure from having sex is to talk to your partner about your preferences or inhibitions, and also ask questions.
   • Strive to explore new sensations in the bedroom together to meet each other's needs. Also, the novelty will help to return the spark to the relationship and not be limited to the usual routine.
   • Respecting your partner's needs doesn't mean embarrassing yourself. Each of us has boundaries that must be respected.
6. 6 See a family counselor. Some people are of the opinion that family psychologists are only useful for couples who are on the verge of divorce. It's not like that at all. Counseling with a family psychologist helps you acquire important communication skills, rekindle intimacy and solve problems that arise in marriage.
   • There is nothing shameful or shameful in such sessions. Family counseling will help you at any stage of the relationship.
   • If either partner has decreased sex drive, then you may be advised to see a doctor to try to find a medical explanation.
   • Some medications can reduce sex drive or potency. It can also be due to emotional reasons.
   • Be open with your therapist or therapist to address sexual issues.

Part 3 of 3: Strengthening Marriage Ties

1. 1 Express your gratitude for the nice little things. One of the dangers of long-term relationships is taking each other for granted. No matter how much you love and appreciate your partner, there is always the risk of getting too used to each other and forgetting to express gratitude for everything he does for you. If you try to show gratitude, your partner will almost certainly behave the same way.
   • Thank your spouse for the cooked dinner, order in the house, and other familiar things.
   • If you show that you appreciate such nice little things, then your partner will feel your gratitude and will want to continue to delight you in the future. Try to say: "I was so pleased that you dropped by my place of work today. Thank you. I was very happy to meet you."
2. 2 Show that you notice your partner. When people take each other for granted, they forget to compliment. You may think that your partner already knows about your love and this will also be true, but what could be more pleasant than the words that you are attractive and desirable? So try to make each other feel special as often as possible.
   • This is not difficult. Praise your partner's new outfit, recent hairstyle, and your progress after a fresh approach to training.
   • Try to say words of praise in front of other people. Share your partner's accomplishments if they are too shy to express their feelings and care.
3. 3 Go on dates. As the relationship develops, it becomes more difficult to find time for dates or romantic get-togethers. The situation becomes especially difficult after the birth of children. That said, dating only two people on a regular basis can help revive the emotional excitement and passion you felt at the beginning of the relationship. These emotions are very important for maintaining a marriage.
   • Find opportunities to spend an evening with just the two of you. Find a babysitter for the children, ask grandparents to sit with the children, or let them stay overnight with friends.
   • Choose a romantic restaurant.It's even better if you have a favorite place or the opportunity to recreate the atmosphere of the first date.
   • Surprise each other with outfits. Try to impress your partner as at the beginning of the relationship.
   • Go for a romantic walk after dinner or to the theater. It is important to spend the evening only together, so that no one interferes with your intimacy.
4. 4 Strive for self-realization. In addition to satisfying sexual needs, it is important for a person that life has meaning and includes personal achievement. This may surprise some, but experts agree that having not only common, but also personal goals and achievements actually strengthens a marriage.
   • If you have the opportunity to achieve personal goals, then it will be easier for you to pay attention to your partner.
   • If your career is very important to you, then take the time for it. It is important for an artist to be creative, and for an athlete to be able to prepare for a marathon.
   • Both partners should have their own personal goals and achievements. Support each other and together rejoice in the new successes of each of you.

Tips

• Always show your feelings. Kiss and hug each other, talk about your love.
• Respect your partner. Never betray your partner's trust by lying or cheating.
• Surprise your spouse with a hot bubble bath. Light the candles, turn on the music, and open the wine.
• Don't make scenes of jealousy. Talk to your partner in private and express your thoughts like this: "Look, I love and trust you, but I just can't help being jealous of this person. I'm sorry, I can't help myself." Your partner should understand and explain the situation to allay your jealousy.
• Don't sit at home. Go on dates to restaurants or buy food to go. It is important that you take the time to go out and talk to each other.
• Be nice to your partner's friends and try to communicate with them at least a little. At each meeting, do not forget to say hello and exchange a few words. Your partner probably values ​​their friends, so this behavior will help strengthen your relationship.