Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Discuss Your Needs
• Method 2 of 3: Plan a Joint Future
• Method 3 of 3: Prepare to Live Together
• Tips

Getting started with a boyfriend is a big step that comes with a lot of discussion and planning. Whether you want to test compatibility in your home before getting married, cut down on financial costs, or just move to a new stage in your relationship, getting ready to live together can take a while. Be clear about your interest, discuss your plans for the future and tell us how you see the rules and principles of cohabitation. This will help you make sure in advance that you are both on the same wavelength, and will increase the chances of a happy and successful life under the same roof.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Discuss Your Needs

1. 1 Let your boyfriend know that you want to live together. Expressing your desire is the first step in starting a discussion about living together. By simply informing your partner that you would like to live together, you no longer leave room for misunderstandings. Set up a time to sit down together and discuss if this is possible.
   • Timing is very important. Do not force your partner to live together in the early stages of the relationship, and try to avoid conflicts when discussing the topic.
   • Set aside a significant amount of time for this conversation. This will not only allow you to talk a lot, but it will also emphasize the importance of the conversation.
   • Start by saying that you like your relationship and describe how you would like to continue it, for example, “I enjoy spending time with you and I want more time.”
2. 2 Explain why you want to live together. Now that you have clearly stated the purpose of the conversation, explain why you want to live together in order to objectively evaluate this phase of the relationship. There can be many reasons for this desire, such as financial convenience, a step towards marriage, fostering intimacy, or the opportunity to have children.
   • Think carefully about why you want to live together. If the reason lies in finances, make a budget based on the income of both parties. When it comes to future marriage, explain why you think living together is a step in the right direction.
   • Try to give specific examples, such as “We could both save a lot of money by dividing the rent,” or, “I really want to get married and have children in the future, and living together is the next step towards achieving that goal.”
3. 3 Describe what is currently missing in your relationship. Living together will also provide you with the opportunity to fill in the missing elements of the relationship. Perhaps you are both very busy people and cannot spend a lot of time together, or you have different schedules that limit quality time, or your relationship lacks a stronger intimacy. Whatever the reason, explain what you are missing in the relationship and why living together will be a step in the right direction. This will help the guy understand your needs.
   • Use first-person statements to describe what you think the relationship is lacking.Instead of saying, "You're not giving me enough time," try saying something like, "Spending more time together will benefit our relationship."

Method 2 of 3: Plan a Joint Future

1. 1 Discuss the future and goals of your relationship. Being on the same page about the future of your relationship (be it marriage, having kids, or just living together) will strengthen your bond and prioritize.
   • If you have different ideas about the future, for example, one of you wants a long-term relationship and living together, and the other does not, it may be better to end everything now.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Elvina Lui, MFT

   
   
   Relationship Specialist Alvin Louis is a licensed family and marriage therapist based in San Francisco. Specializes in relationship consulting. She received her Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology from Western Seminary in 2007 and interned at the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of experience in psychological counseling and has been trained in a harm reduction model.

   Elvina Lui, MFT
   Relationship Specialist

   Think about how you can support each other's goals. Elvina Lu, family psychologist, says: “Even not directly related dreams can bring a couple closer together. We each have dreams that don't directly affect our partner, but even so, you can still provide powerful support to each other by constantly encouraging and acknowledging your loved one’s actions, and sometimes providing practical help that will allow him to achieve personal goals. ".

   
   
2. 2 Respect his personal space. Living together is a big step, and many people take time to get over their doubts about it. Acknowledge the guy's experiences and desires, and give him space and time to change his point of view. By giving him the space to work out why he is resisting this idea, you will demonstrate your caring and commitment to the relationship.
   • Don't pressure him to "want" to live together. Living together is a serious commitment and the decision must be reciprocal.
   • Respecting a guy's personal space does not mean abandoning the idea of ​​living together. Make sure to set a date to return to the conversation after he has time to think things over.
3. 3 Discuss the financial side. Finance can play a huge role in the development of relationships. Perhaps you are not financially stable enough to move from where you currently live, or one of you earns significantly more than the other. Regardless of the problem or imbalance, discussing finances will help you get on the same page about a possible cohabitation.
   • Provide all information about your financial position: credit score, credit card debt, income, assets and other financial liabilities.
   • Discuss how you will divide rent and other bills. Remember that fairness does not always mean equality.

Method 3 of 3: Prepare to Live Together

1. 1 Ask your boyfriend to bring some of his belongings to your home. This will help you become familiar with the concepts and principles of cohabitation. You need to carry small things that he uses on a daily basis, so that both of you can fully experience the effect of living in the same space. The more things the guy eventually brings to your apartment, the easier it will be for you to start living together.
   • Ask him to bring personal hygiene products, change of clothes, and items that he may need for work so that he does not have to return to his home before the start of the work day.
2. 2 Spend more nights together than apart. The more time you spend together in the same room, the easier it will be for you to associate this place with home.Your partner will also be able to get an idea of ​​living together, sharing space, everyday life and household chores with you on a daily basis.
   • Try to have the guy spend at least a few evenings on weekdays with you - this way he will begin to get used to the new order.
   • Try giving him assignments, such as fixing something or rearranging furniture, so that he feels like he is playing an active role in life at home.
3. 3 Give him the keys. Thus, you will demonstrate your desire to live together, as well as provide him with unhindered access to your apartment. You may also need the key for more practical reasons, such as to check if the apartment is okay when you are out of town, or to grab something for you before meeting. In any case, as soon as your partner has the key, tell him to open the door himself when he comes to visit, and thus get used to this action. The more often the guy uses the key, the more he will associate your home with the home.
   • If your partner doesn't already have the key to your apartment, try giving it in a casual or meaningful way, such as on a date or as a “special” delivery to work.

Tips

• Don't forget why you want to live together in the first place: because you love each other. Do not try to lure your partner into deception, so as not to involve him in a relationship based on manipulation.
• Be patient. It can take a long time to settle all the issues and discuss the future of the relationship!