Content

• Steps
• Tips
• Warnings

Alcoholism is an addiction and an obvious symptom of unresolved physiological and psychological problems, which results in the dependence of the human body on alcohol. A person suffering from alcoholism may be obsessed with alcohol and be unable to control how much alcohol they drink, even if they know that binge drinking causes serious health, relationship, and financial problems.

Alcoholism is a widespread problem that anyone can face. Many families suffer daily from alcohol abuse. This problem often does not end with drunkenness - emotional abuse, money problems, and even physical abuse can affect (and be a consequence of) alcohol addiction.Dealing with a parent who suffers from alcoholism is not easy, but possible. See Step 1 for further information.

Attention: This article assumes that you have already determined that one of your parents is an alcoholic. It makes no assumptions about your other parent's role, which may or may not be useful or even relevant.

Steps

1. 1 Understand the causes of alcoholism. The most common cause of alcoholism is depression. It is extremely rare for a person to become an alcoholic without being depressed; moreover, drunkenness only aggravates the state of depression. The only difference between depression when sober and depression when drunk is the ability to forget about yourself and lose control over your actions while intoxicated. It is important to know that while some actions are attributed to lack of control, the overall responsibility of this control rests with the person who drinks. It is he who decides to drink, thinking that intoxication can remove the burden of responsibility from his shoulders and shift it to someone else or something else. It is much more difficult to deal with problems while sober; when a person is drunk, he can give up all obligations.
2. 2 Try talking to your parent when he is sober. Guess the moment when both you and your parent are calm and not drunk. Sit down and talk about how his addiction affects you. Explain the problems that have arisen due to his addiction. You may not be able to immediately dissuade him from drinking, but at least you can ask your parent to drink less and add some realism to his understanding of the consequences of his habit.
   • Explain what kind of behavior you can and cannot tolerate. You are not trying to tell your parent what to do, you are just providing for your own safety and well-being. Tell him that if he continues to drink, you will take action (ask for help, move in with relatives, etc.).
   • Try to nudge your parent into talking about the underlying causes of the depression that is driving the habit. Showing compassion is not tolerating your parent's behavior. You can suggest that he see a therapist for depression, but don’t be surprised or discouraged if your parent rejects your offer, as visiting a therapist will mean accepting some responsibility.
   • Ask your parent to take a gradual approach to reducing their alcohol dependence. If you ask him to stop drinking immediately, then you will not succeed, but you can ask him to reduce the amount of alcohol consumed and the frequency of consumption from week to week or from month to month.
3. 3 Avoid fights with a drunk parent. You are unlikely to ever win an emotional argument with a drunk parent, but such a fight can alienate the addict from further conversations with you. Plus, there is a risk of physical abuse. Your parent may not even remember what you had a fight about when he sober up, but he will remember that he was angry with you.
   • Don't reproach or blame your parent. Remember that as your parent, this person may feel like you disrespect him if you try to tell him what to do and how to behave. Instead, frame your argument in the form of a request from a loving and caring child.
4. 4 Keep your word. If you tell your parent that you will do something about his alcoholism, keep your word. Otherwise, your parent may decide that you are not serious about your intentions, and will only continue to control you, from time to time pulling you to himself by emotional strings.
   • Never support your parent's alcohol addiction by buying alcohol for him. By the same principle, do not give him money for alcohol.If you find yourself in a situation like this, you should realize that, while difficult, you need to be consistent in your desire to see your parent sober and healthy.
5. 5 Understand that you are NOT to blame for your parent's alcoholism. Many alcoholics blame their children for their addiction. Even if your parent doesn't blame you for it, you may still feel a little guilty about it. It is not your fault. Your parent makes the decision to drink. Alcohol is partly so attractive precisely because it allows people to become more "thick-skinned" - in other words, instead of completely accepting responsibility for their lives and actions, alcoholics find it in their habit to shift this responsibility onto other people.
   • You may feel intense feelings of resentment, especially if you have had to take on all of your parent's household chores.
6. 6 Don't keep your feelings to yourself. Keep a personal journal and write down all your thoughts and emotions in it. Or, if you are afraid that your parent might find your diary, start it on the Internet and close it from prying eyes. Clean your browser history regularly to avoid being detected. Keeping a personal journal will help you speak up about whatever you are feeling. You can better deal with your feelings if you find a way to express them, whereas holding your feelings inside of you will only turn you into a ticking time bomb - and when you explode, the effect can be disastrous. This is, of course, not desirable. Try to deal with the big problem by taking it apart into small pieces.
   • Taking care of yourself and your own feelings should be your top priority. If you constantly worry about your parent and his alcohol addiction, you will be frustrated and confused all the time. To acknowledge your feelings, you should study them carefully.
7. 7 Don't rely on your parent or believe what he says unless he has proven to you that he can be trusted. For example, if you are traveling somewhere, always have a backup plan in case your parent gets drunk and can't (or forget) to take you home. Always have contingency plans, options, and other people who can help you in a difficult situation. Resourcefulness will help you now and in the future.
8. 8 Do things that will help you switch from domestic problems. Hang out with your friends often and have fun with their company. Sports, reading, and painting are also good activities that will allow you to switch when you need a break from domestic problems. You cannot radically change the situation in your family, so try to stay with relatives or friends who care for you and whom you can rely on to feel more stable and in control of your life.
9. 9 Don't start drinking. Children of alcoholics are 3-4 times more likely to become alcoholics themselves. Remember anything you dislike about your parent's behavior when drunk, and remind yourself of this when you are tempted to drink.
10. 10 Leave if your parent starts to insult you. Never tolerate abuse or violence. You should leave home before the situation worsens or remains the same if the abuse has been going on for a long time.
    • Keep your emergency number with you.
    • Know who you should contact and where you can go if you need asylum. Make sure you save and hide enough money to get to a safe place.
    • Act without hesitation — no one deserves harm, whatever the relationship between you and your parent. You are not being unfaithful when you are trying to defend yourself.
11. 11 Don't be afraid to share your concerns with other people. Share your situation with your best friend, uncle, aunt, grandparent, teacher, or school counselor.They will not judge you and will try to help you. Plus, knowing that there is someone else who knows about your situation can be quite a comforting feeling when things get worse.
    • Share your situation with a relative or friend you can trust, as not only will you feel better, but you will also get someone to always be "by your side." Walk up to a friend (or your friend's parents) and tell him about the seriousness of the problem; start this conversation at the right time. Ask if you can rely on them if you need to stay somewhere for a couple of nights if your parent gets out of hand.

Tips

• Don't rely on the veracity of anything your parent tells you unless he has shown you in the past that you can rely on him.
• Consider leaving home as soon as possible. You cannot depend on someone who cannot support you. Don't make excuses for your parent, buy him alcohol, or spare him. All this will only make the problem worse. Even if you cannot help your parent, you can help yourself.
• Always have a backup if you need to get home from anywhere or from home to an important event, in case your parent gets drunk before driving or picking you up.
• If you are worried that your parent might find your personal diary, make sure you don't write anything in it that could punish you. This way, your parent will only find records of your feelings, which may even encourage him to revise his bad habit.
  • For example:
  • ’’Normal text - I hate it when Mom gets drunk. It seems to me that she is no longer my mother. It feels like some stranger came to our house from the bar and decided to pretend to be my mom.
  • Not normal text- My mom is stupid! I hate her!! It would be better if she was gone, she drinks so much !!
• When you try to talk to your parent, always try to catch him in a good mood and sober. Try not to blame him for anything, but let him know the seriousness of your intentions.
• If your parent tries to start a fight with you, keep yourself together.
• Alcoholics Anonymous is a support group for relatives of people with alcohol addiction. Find out if there is a similar group in your city or area. The people in this group can support and empower you when you need it most.
• Find a support group or just a friend who is in a similar situation on the Internet or in your local area. Such people will help you cope with your problems, and you will have someone who can understand what is happening to you.
• Very important understand the difference between alcoholism and alcohol abuse. Also, remember that a person who drinks one bottle of beer a day is not an alcoholic.
• Create your own support group from your friends and family. You need their help.
• Consider arranging an intervention; find a safe rehab clinic where your parent can go for treatment.

Warnings

• Don't let your parent drive you anywhere while drunk.
• If you try to talk to your parent about the problem of alcoholism, he may get angry or become defensive.
• If your parent starts to insult you or if you think you are in danger, leave your home and seek help.
• You cannot change your parents. Only they can decide that they want to change; you can only convince them that they want it.
• If one of the parents picks you up from the other parent without telling anyone or following the correct procedures (kidnaps you), call the police or the single emergency number 112.
  
  
  • Depending on the laws of the country or region in which the kidnapping takes place, it may be considered a criminal offense. For example, if a child is taken out of the UK for more than 28 days without the consent of the other parent (or guardian), then it is considered a criminal offense. In many US states, if there is no formal custody order and the parents do not live together, then actual child abduction is not legally considered a crime.