Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Preparing for New Challenges
• Method 2 of 3: Starting a Family-Based Study
• Method 3 of 3: Long-Term Survival
• Tips

Completing graduate school is not an easy task. Regardless of which university you attend or what field of study, you will have to cope with a significant workload and combine your academic obligations with other responsibilities. For students with families, achieving balance can be particularly challenging.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Preparing for New Challenges

1. 1 Prepare yourself. Understand that even if you were an outstanding student (as most graduate students were), you will face very different challenges in graduate school. The specific nature of your specialization, research, teaching and laboratory responsibilities will vary greatly depending on your field, your university and faculty, and your potential scholarship and funding will also vary, so research these questions and find out exactly what you are for. go.
   • Many faculty websites will answer your basic questions about specific programs, so start there to get a feel for what your responsibilities as a student might be.
   • Consider also contacting current students. Most programs have a person in charge who can introduce you to the students in your program. You can then email a couple of emails to ask more specific questions. Current students may have a better understanding of the typical workload and funding opportunities, and also - unlike the website - they may be frank about the potential downsides of earning a degree in their department.
2. 2 Be clear about your goals. A PhD (or Master's) is not something to do just because you can't think of anything else to do with your life. No one should waste their years, energy and money for a degree without a crystal clear understanding of their goals and what is required to achieve them. This applies doubly to family people. Be aware of your reasons for pursuing your degree, and explore further what opportunities you will have after graduation - don't just assume that your master's degree will provide you with a wonderful job.
   • Many people in the academic world are reluctant to admit this, but the job market for scientists is now very bad, especially in the humanities and social sciences. If you are pursuing an advanced degree in one of these areas, think twice: even if you go to one of the best programs and do well, you may find yourself in five to ten years with an impressive diploma, heavy debt, and no job. For students with families, this can be especially problematic. Do some preliminary research, and walk with your eyes open (if at all).
3. 3 Discuss your plans with your partner. If you are married or in a serious relationship, it is imperative that you discuss the upcoming difficulties with your spouse or partner. For most households, starting a curriculum will entail a combination of relocation, firing from work, creating a new budget, adjusting childcare, and redefining the distribution of household chores. These are big, life-changing events, so discuss them openly and honestly.
   • If your partner is not from an academic background, then he or she may not fully understand what your new responsibilities will look like. After you've done your research on this issue yourself, try to convey your knowledge and clarify possible misunderstandings - let your partner know, for example, if you think you will need to work on weekends or go on trips for scientific research.
4. 4 Prepare your children. If your children are already big enough to understand everything, then you will need to openly discuss your plans with them as well. Remember that your decision to continue their studies will also change their lives: they will likely need to adjust to new schools or kindergartens, changes in their daily routine, and spend less time with you. Be honest with them, according to their age and maturity level, and explain why you are choosing this path.
5. 5 Think about money. Regardless of your financial capabilities, additional study is an expense that must be carefully considered. Ideally, you should not go to graduate school, especially in the humanities and social sciences, unless you are fully funded by your chosen program - “fully funded” usually means you receive a study guide and a modest monthly stipend, often in exchange for teaching or working at laboratories. But family people need to be very careful, especially since “full funding” probably won't include money for expenses such as childcare.
   • Research future spending on children in advance. If you used to sit at home with your child yourself and are now planning to pay for child care for the first time, then you may not even imagine how expensive these services can be. If you are going to leave a “real” job to study, then you may not realize how inadequate your scholarship will be once you deduct the costs of children from it. Either way, you need to know where you are going.
   • Consider also changes in your partner's income. If you are married or in a serious relationship, your partner's income also needs to be assessed. Are you planning to move to study? If so, your partner may need to find a new job - and how will you pay your bills during this time? Does your decision to study for graduate school (master's) affect your partner's work schedule or the ability to take overtime? If so, then you need to consider that as well.
   • Be careful with loans. You may want to get as much financial aid from the government as possible, but while this solution may be attractive now, it is probably not wise in the long run. Study programs, especially postgraduate programs, are very time-consuming; debt will pile up, and then you end up with a terrible academic job market. How will you repay the debt?

Method 2 of 3: Starting a Family-Based Study

1. 1 Spend some time observing the culture of your faculty. Once you start your studies, pay attention to what is happening around you. Are there other student parents in your program? Do you feel like faculty members help students with family responsibilities? How long do successful students spend in the office? Do they study in the evenings and on weekends? Answering these questions will help you identify potential problems and adjust to your program's requirements as soon as possible.
2. 2 Talk to your supervisor. Most students are assigned a counselor or mentor as soon as they start the program. Let this person know that you are a parent. He or she can give you specific advice on how to combine your family and academic responsibilities.
   • As with most relationships in this program, your tone and attitude are essential. Don't whine or complain to your supervisor about how difficult it is to balance school and family, and don't demand special treatment on the basis of being a parent. You learn to be a professional and behave as such. Strive for a firm “I can do it!” Position, but be receptive to any advice or constructive criticism from your supervisor.
3. 3 Learn to manage your time effectively. The first skill a family student must develop is not academic or intellectual — it is simply time management. Estimate how many hours per week you will need to spend studying, reading and researching; if applicable, estimate how many hours per week you will need to spend on teaching or laboratory duties. Mark down important family responsibilities and create a timetable to keep you going. Then figure out how to stick to that schedule and maximize your productivity.
   • You may find, at the very beginning, that you misjudged how long it would take to study, read or prepare a lecture. Consider help from one or two older students, at least until you become better at your job. Older students may also point out “hidden” work hours that you might not know about — academic work, “unofficial,” but necessary, conferences and faculty events, and the like.
   • Calculate your time. If you've set aside three hours of time for a specific task, set a timer and, if the situation isn't really desperate, force yourself to stop at the appointed time. If you find yourself over and over again that you are not completing your tasks in the allotted time, then you need to reevaluate your schedule.
   • Consider restrictions on unnecessary activities that take too long - Facebook and other social media, for example. Getting rid of Facebook (or setting clear time boundaries for it) can greatly increase your productivity.
   • Be flexible. Be aware that study requirements will change over time: you will have different courses and different teaching or laboratory responsibilities, and different projects will start and end. Your family responsibilities will also change as your children grow up. What works this month may not work next month, so be aware that you will have to constantly revise your schedule.
4. 4 Get help. Learning how to combine study with family life is a major challenge, and the first months of a master's or graduate degree will probably be the most difficult. Get help. If you have a partner, see if he or she can take on some of the things you would normally do, including cooking, laundry, and other household chores, at least temporarily. If you're fortunate enough to have friends and family nearby who want to help, accept their suggestions! They could babysit, sometimes bring food, or play with the baby instead of you.
5. 5 Don't distance yourself from your partner and children. Don't be so caught up in your new responsibilities as to neglect your old ones. Let your partner and children know that you are worried about how they are adjusting. If the process of your adjustment has made you dull, detached, or careless, apologize and tell them that you will try to improve.
6. 6 Maintain a positive attitude. The first months of school can be challenging and overwhelming, even for people without children! Give yourself some time to adjust, and don't feel like a failure if you're struggling. There is a long process involved, and in the end, if you work hard and adapt where necessary, you will get to where you need to go.

Method 3 of 3: Long-Term Survival

1. 1 Practice saying no. Some commitments aren't worth your time and effort, and if you're going to get through your studies with a family, you'll have to learn when to say no. Features will vary depending on the specific situation, but in general:
   • You will need to say no to your partner from time to time.Your spouse or partner may want to go to the movies with you on Saturday afternoons, but if you have to write an article before the beginning of next week, you may have to turn down the offer. These situations can be resentful, so proceed with caution and discuss these stressful situations openly.
   • You will regularly be forced to refuse your children. If you are going to be successful in learning, then you cannot allow your children to participate in any activity that attracts them or agree to every invitation they receive. Explain this to them as clearly as you can.
   • You will need to limit your additional responsibilities at school and kindergarten. If you are already on one parenting committee, for example, say no when someone calls you to join another. Resist the urge to engage in unnecessary fundraising or volunteer work.
   • You will have to learn to say no to some academic opportunities. It can feel like a minefield: you don't want to hurt your success as a degree applicant, distance yourself from your academic advisor or professors, or miss out on key opportunities. However, you cannot do everything. Understand that it's okay to skip a random faculty event, pass up an opportunity to speak at a conference, or avoid an active role in the faculty structure.
2. 2 Know when you should say yes. If you say no too often or to the wrong things, you will quickly feel like you are failing — academically, parenting, or both. Some commitments are fundamentally non-negotiable. The particulars will again vary depending on your personal circumstances, but in general:
   • You will need to distinguish between the wants and needs of your family. If you say no to your partner too often, he or she will feel abandoned, unloved, unhappy and resentful, which is not fair. Know when you need to spend more time with your partner, or relieve him or her of some household chores. The same is true for your children: don't neglect their needs in the name of your academic career. Spend enough time with them and allow them to have some fun.
   • You will need to recognize what is needed to be successful in graduate school. Know that doing just the absolute minimum to overcome every obstacle and earn your degree may not be enough to lead you to your goals; in some cases - but not in all! - you still need to distinguish yourself and impress people. Say yes to enough academic responsibilities, faculty events, conferences in your field, and research travel to ensure the level of success you desire.
3. 3 Get in the habit of completing academic tasks ahead of time. In general, it is a good strategy to finish academic work ahead of time, so if a major seminar article needs to be ready by a given Friday, aim to finish it by the previous Friday. Setting deadlines this early gives you back-up, and you don't start to be late when unforeseen difficulties arise. When you have a family, unexpected problems arise all the time! Your child will get sick; you will be called to the parent meeting; your partner will have problems at work. You do not want to realize at the very last minute that you will not have enough time to finish some work.
4. 4 Don't be a perfectionist. Many graduate students are perfectionists; they work hard and want everything they do to be excellent. Ultimately, this perfectionism will stand in your way - both at school and at home - preventing you from getting things done and enjoying life.While you don't want to be a bum or be famous for your mediocre work, you shouldn't exhaust yourself trying to be the best at everything.
   • Realize that most academic challenges are simply obstacles to jump over, not monumental efforts that require genius or excellence. Don't be so hard on yourself.
   • It is better to turn in an assignment on time, provided the quality is acceptable to your program, than asking for an extension. Do it, and finally, even if you think you can do even better; do not bury yourself in academic debt by letting tasks hang on your calendar for too long.
   • Get rid of the desire to keep your home perfectly clean and be the perfect parent. This will not happen, and spending extra hours trying to achieve this will only lead to frustration and exhaustion.
5. 5 Make time for social life. Between academic work, parenting, marriage, or other relationships, you may feel like you don't have much time to interact with people. But it's better to carve out some time. Attending a party or occasionally having dinner or a drink with friends will revitalize you and remind you that you are still outside of parenting and academia.
   • Try to communicate at times with people from your program, and at times with people outside of your program. Both types of friends are valuable. Your academic friends can empathize with you about your studies, and your non-academic friends can remind you of life outside of it.
6. 6 Try to keep one day a week free of all academic work. If possible, reserve Saturday or Sunday as a non-working day. This practice will give you planned time for your family, and believe it or not, rest can make you a better student when you get back to work.
7. 7 Be an example to your children. When you’re upset that you’re not spending more time with your family, remember that you are setting an example for your children. It can be very good when they see you working long and hard towards a long term goal. As they grow up, they will remember how you did it, and this can inspire them to work hard towards their own goals.
8. 8 Celebrate milestones. Studying can be a long journey. Don't wait for your degree to celebrate your accomplishments - take pride in the smaller steps you take along the way! When you have completed your writing assignment, speak at a conference, pass exams, publish an article, or give a great lecture, enjoy the moment and celebrate with your family.

Tips

• Make sure you use all your resources. Some universities offer assistance with setting up and / or paying for daycare; some have organizations for student parents; some offer payments or scholarships primarily for students with families. Ask around and do some research on the university websites; some help may be available for you.
• Getting an advanced degree combined with family can be stressful and exhausting at times. If you are feeling very anxious or depressed, consider visiting a counselor to help you navigate these feelings. Most universities have such facilities on campus.