Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Notice Behavior
• Method 2 of 3: Pay attention to communication problems
• Method 3 of 3: Build relationships with real friends

A true friend can be compared to the zest in a cupcake or the cherry on the cake. He is able to make life more pleasant and sweeter. In contrast, communicating with a fake friend is exhausting and fills with negative feelings and emotions. If you think that such a person has appeared in the company of your friends, look at their behavior and communication habits to determine if they are actually a fake friend. Then do your best to stay as far away from such people as possible. Thanks to this, you will have enough time and opportunities to fully communicate with real friends.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Notice Behavior

1. 1 Think about how often your friend disappoints you. A fake friend tends to lie, fail to keep his promises, and avoid meeting you when you need support most. Think about your relationship by looking at the past few weeks or months. How often has this person let you down? If so, you may be dealing with a fake friend.
   • If your friend constantly disappoints you, you need to decide how to act in this situation - stop expecting too much from him or completely stop communicating with such a person.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Klare Heston, LCSW

   
   
   Licensed Social Worker Claire Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. She has experience in educational counseling and clinical supervision, and received her Master's degree in Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also completed a two-year continuing education course at the Cleveland Institute of Gestalt Therapy and is certified in family therapy, supervision, mediation, and trauma therapy.

   Klare Heston, LCSW
   Licensed social worker

   It's important to know who your real friends are. Clinical Social Worker Claire Heston explains: “True friends are always with us — in good times and bad. They accept us, cheer us up and believe in us. Such friends are honest about their opinions, but at the same time they respect our decisions. They accept our other friends and family members. "

   
   
2. 2 Pay attention to the “me, me, me” behavior pattern. Think about how you feel during or after communication. Does your friend often ignore you and your words? All conversations revolve only around him and his interests? If so, then your friend probably doesn't care what happens to you.
   • You should feel better after hanging out with your friends. You shouldn't feel tired or irritable.
   • If your friend is only focused on himself, then most likely he needs a listener, but not a friend.
   • Keep in mind, however, that it may take a while for your friend to think things over. He may respond to mild constructive criticism from you. For example, try saying, “I sometimes get frustrated that our communication is always about discussing your problems. It seems to me that you have absolutely no time to listen to me. "
3. 3 Pay attention to the indifferent attitude on his part. Friendliness and compassion are at the core of good friendships. If you are often faced with indifference from your friend, chances are you should reconsider your relationship.
   • For example, your friend expects you to be the first to apologize, even though he or she is the initiator of the conflict. Such a relationship can hardly be called a good friendship.
   • A fake friend can also leave you at a difficult time. If you are going through a difficult time in your life, for example, breaking up a relationship, be prepared for the fact that such a person may prefer the party to chatting with you.
4. 4 Pay attention to whether this person supports you and your interests. Is your friend interested in you as a person? If so, he will certainly attend the concert at which you will perform, or will ask you about how the competition in which you took part went. In addition, this person will not forget about your birthday and other memorable dates for you.
   • If your friend downplays or laughs at your interests, then you can hardly say that he is support for you.
5. 5 Pay attention to how your friend feels about your mistakes and mistakes. Think about whether he turns a blind eye to your mistakes or constantly reminds you of them. Everyone in this life makes mistakes. A good friend will not constantly tell you that you are doing something wrong all the time. If your conversations revolve only around your shortcomings or mistakes, then you should stay away from such a person.
   • If you've hurt your friend's feelings, don't expect them to forgive you easily. However, he should also not constantly reproach you for wrongdoing. Otherwise, being in the company of this person, you will not feel the best way.
6. 6 Think about whether you feel guilty about your interactions with the person. True friends understand that sometimes you are busy and cannot find time to communicate with them. Pay attention to how your friend reacts to this. If you feel guilty about his reaction to your refusal to spend time with him, then this person can hardly be called a true friend.
   • All people at one time or another of their lives are busy. Therefore, you shouldn't be upset that you can't spend time with a friend.
   • Pay attention to whether your friend expects you to be available at all times when he needs it, but he doesn't act that way himself.

Method 2 of 3: Pay attention to communication problems

1. 1 Observe whether your friend is listening to you or expects you to listen only to him. If you want to have strong friendships, learn to listen actively. If you, for your part, make an effort to listen to your friend, and he does not do this, then this person is unlikely to be a real friend.
   • Pay attention to how the person reacts to your words. Does he often interrupt you? Is he ignoring your words, or is he trying to turn the conversation around?
   • For example, imagine that you are visiting a friend to tell you an important piece of news. A fake friend is unlikely to want to listen to you. He would rather tell about himself and his news.
2. 2 Set boundaries and see if your friend respects them. To test a friend's sincerity, set boundaries in your relationship and see how the friend reacts to it. A true friend will be willing to accept and respect the boundaries you set.
   • For example, you might say, “Unfortunately, I can no longer spend time with you on Thursdays. I want to devote this time to my studies. I need to tighten up my chemistry "or" I don't want to discuss sex-related topics. I feel awkward. "
   • If this person continues to violate the boundaries you have set or does not recognize them at all, it is difficult to call him a real friend.
3. 3 Look for signs of envy or jealousy. Some friends remain the best as long as they are on par with the people they associate with. However, when a friend starts to succeed in something, the friend who used to be good begins to show himself not from his best side. If the person starts to show discontent, tease, or roll their eyes when it comes to your success, they can hardly be called a real friend.
   • Another sign of jealousy might be the feeling that your friend is constantly competing with you. You never hear words of praise from him, and he believes that in a difficult situation you cannot do without his help.
   • If your friend expresses his displeasure when you spend time with other people, then he is a jealous owner. A true friend will never try to keep you from hanging out with loved ones and friends.
4. 4 pay attention to passive-aggressive behavior. Does your friend promise you something but never keep his promise? Is this person secretly trying to harm you? If you answer yes to the above questions, then your friend probably has passive aggression that has no place in true friendship.
   • You cannot change this type of behavior, so don't even try. Instead, try to stay away from such people. If you have to communicate with them, be confident.
5. 5 Pay attention to whether the secrets you shared with your friend are made public. If you notice that other people know about your personal moments that you keep secret and tell only your loved ones, then most likely a fake friend has appeared in your company.
   • You can even test how loyal a person is to you by telling them a little secret and asking them not to tell others about it. If you hear this information from someone, you will know that you should not trust this person.
   • Also, if your friend is gossiping about your mutual acquaintances and friends, chances are he is also talking about you with other people.
6. 6 Pay attention to how often this person interacts with you. Does he try to keep in touch with you all the time? Of course, the frequency of meetings may depend on what kind of relationship has developed between you, but good friends always try to keep in touch with each other. Plus, a real friend doesn't just call to ask for a favor.
   • If a friend contacts you when he needs something, then most likely he is a fake friend.

Method 3 of 3: Build relationships with real friends

1. 1 Reevaluate your relationship with fake friends. Consider if you want to spend time with such a person. Analyze your feelings. How do you feel being around this person? Does he bring something positive into your life? If you cannot answer this question in the affirmative, then it is better to end the relationship with this person.
   • You can also seek advice from people you trust. Ask your parent, older brother, sister, or trusted friend if you should continue your relationship with this person.
2. 2 Talk to a friend. Tell him what you don't like about his behavior. Be direct about how his actions affect you. Then watch his reaction. You will be able to make the right decision.
   • For example, if your friend starts to apologize and say that he is ready to change, give him another chance.However, if he disagrees with your accusations or behaves unfriendly towards you, it is better to stop communicating with this person.
3. 3 Lower your expectations to avoid pain. Be prepared to lower your expectations for some people so you don't waste your time and energy on those who don't deserve it. By reducing expectations, you will not experience frustration and feel like you’re being ignored. You can continue to communicate with these people. However, you shouldn't spend too much time and effort on such a relationship.
   • For example, you can move this person from the "friends" category to the "acquaintances" category. If you treat this person like a friend, you will not be too upset if he forgets to wish you a happy birthday.
4. 4 Connect with people with whom you have common interests and values. Meet new people who have similar interests to yours. Try yourself as a volunteer, sign up for a sports club, or attend a workshop. You will be able to meet many interesting people. When spending time with new acquaintances, pay attention to their worldview. This will help you determine if they have similar values.
   • For example, if you value your friends very much and they take a priority place in your life, then look at the attitude of these people towards you. When communicating with you, is not your friend constantly distracted by his phone, preferring a virtual relationship with someone to personal communication with you.
   • If you value honesty in people, pay attention to whether your new friend is hiding something from you.
5. 5 Be careful when sharing personal information with new friends. If you want your acquaintance to become your close friend, share your innermost with him. However, do it carefully and gradually. You should not take risks and trust personal information to a person who may turn out to be a fake friend.
   • For example, you might first talk about your career goals and see how the person will react to it. As your relationship grows in trust, you can start sharing personal information, such as your health status.
   • By disclosing information gradually, you will not only protect your personal interests, but also choose the right model for building a healthy relationship. You should not strive to tell or try to find out the most intimate if you have known a person for only one week.