Content

• Steps
• Tips
• Warnings

Promises are like screaming babies in the theater, they must be delivered immediately. ~ Norman Vincent Peel Communicating with someone who makes a lot of promises but constantly breaks them, or just doesn't keep them, is challenging. It's even more difficult if it's a member of your family, or someone you consider a close friend, or even a boss or mentor you trusted. In particular, a story of sharing experiences and feelings can make it difficult to communicate with this person. However, if the person continues to break promises, and it makes your life unpleasant, and you feel used, forgotten, ignored, or just in trouble, it is important to deal with the one who broke the promise and then forgive him. Note that forgiveness does not mean that you forget or let things get away with it; it means that you are letting go and will no longer allow this person to dominate you and ruin your chances of enjoying life.

Steps

1. 1 Consider your position. It's important to acknowledge your feelings about broken promises. If you hide these feelings and continue to allow yourself to believe this person's promises in the hope that he or she will change, it's time for a reality check. The very fact that you are reading this headline shows that you have begun to wake up and feel the potential damage that is being done to your psyche by constantly failing to keep promises. Be the master of your feelings and go through the next steps.
2. 2 Consider behavior by asking questions. Think about the “promises” the person broke and how many times have you been in a situation where you have forgiven their behavior for many reasons. Then ask yourself the following questions:
   • How do you perceive them as promises made to you? Are you justified from this point of view? (See "Tips")
   • Why do you allow yourself to trust the person who makes promises to you when you know he or she will not keep them?
   • Why do you keep hoping that he or she will do what you promise well?
   • Why do you need this person to keep their promise?
   • Why are you giving this person another chance?
3. 3 Write down your answers to these questions. Think about the answers. You must begin to identify your character and your weaknesses. Consider these shortcomings - are they superficial with this person only, or with everyone? Consider how you could deal with these weaknesses through better self-talk, clarity of thought, and the promises you make. myself, that no longer let the other person be your source of hope and direction.
4. 4 Think about how you feel if the person breaks promises. In the previous exercise, you asked yourself why you are reacting in this way — accepting promises. At this point, ask yourself and express your feelings:
   • Do you feel lonely without being consumed / without the guidance / friendship / authority of this person?
   • Do you think that you are afraid of losing this connection?
   • Do you think there is something "special" between the two of you that you protect (jealously) from others?
   • Do you feel generally needy, sad, lonely, depressed, depressed, angry, afraid, lost, etc., and think that this person somehow eliminates these feelings, even if you know that he or she rarely ask for your point of view or help?
5. 5 First try to confront the situation through visualization. Do this in two steps: the first is talking to yourself, and the second is talking to the breaker.
   • For myself - Admit that you are fed up with unfulfilled promises, that this person cannot be trusted, that this is no longer worth submitting to yourself. Trust yourself, believe in yourself and support yourself.
   • To break a promise - write a script and play it constantly in your head. In this scenario, tell the breaker how you feel when you endure broken promises all the time and how you decide you don't want to be friends anymore if he doesn't make an effort to keep his promises.
6. 6 Be in a real confrontation with the breaker. It's time for assertive behavior and constructive criticism. Avoid Judgment, Avoid Saying "You" (See How To Practice Nonviolent Communication). Think about how their broken promises make you feel, and why you see promises not fulfilled, and why they count as promises (hence the reasons why you did the exercises above). Say to the one who broke the promise:
   • What do you feel after that
   • How it affected your personal / professional life (please provide specific examples)
   • Why the way you feel can no longer instill the same level of trust in your relationship with him (give one or more examples of when they failed to deliver on their promise)
7. 7You still think of this person as a person, but it's time to let him know that you will no longer take the floor from him, as you simply cannot rely on him (this has to do with using the next step for forgiveness; you are not breaking off the relationship, just clarify them).
8. 8 Sorry. It's important for your benefit to forgive. Be compassionate in your approach; a promise breaker often doesn't take it as seriously as you do, even if he feels guilty. For him, this may well be the case when "easily acquired - easily lived", especially since the fulfillment of promises is not important for him. By forgiving, you win by doing the following:
   • Assess how serious the breaking of a promise really is. Is it worth it to end the relationship? Or is it better to just make it clear to the person who broke the promise that you cannot trust him at the moment (or maybe never), but that you remain a friend / colleague / project employee, etc. In general, try to find ways of least resistance for the sake of maintaining cordial, even companionship. However, if this is so scary for you that you can no longer deal with this person, part amicably and sincerely, but with the clarity that everything is over between you.
   • Put yourself in his place. Ask yourself what you would do if you were in the same position. Are you too subjective, too harsh? Was the promise easier said than done?
   • Think about your relationship with this person in the next 5 years. Do you want this? Or not? How easy will it be to walk away and start over with a new spouse / colleague / boss / friend / coach / mentor, etc.?
   • Is this the lesson you should have taken? Remember the Danish proverb that "eggs and vows break easily". What role did your naivety play in what happened? It may be time to embrace confidence, when you can comfortably learn to say no, and admit that if someone is behaving this way, it is simply not good for you.
9. 9 Live forgiveness. You don't have to forget to forgive; indeed, it would be foolish to do so, otherwise you will repeat your mistakes. Learn from your mistakes and experiences and apply them wisely in life. But let go... Don't let this question hang like a stone around your neck, complaining to others about injustice for any reason.Speak heartily with someone you trust to correct your point of view and move on, but don't get angry or talk about what happened. To do so would be to let the one who broke the promise continue to break your heart. Ultimately, your compassion and empathy in understanding their motivation and distance yourself and strengthening your defensive positions is the best possible form of forgiveness.

Tips

• Appreciate a Promise: A Promise - This is an offer to do something that will lead to receiving benefits for you, or participating in something, or strengthening a bond with someone, or tangible gain. In other words, someone says that he will do / give / become X, Y, Z for you, and you get / participate in / are informed about something, etc. The promisor has vouched that he or she will do just that. And you, as the one who received the promise, can be sure that the person will do what he said.
• Stereotypical traits: [Although they are stereotyped, they are probably related to some extent to your experience of a broken promise.] Often, promise breakers are people who use others without thinking about the consequences. They are often unreliable, unreliable, and hate active listening. Often a promise breaker does not understand how this affects his reliability and prospects. His behavior is usually driven by the "me, me, me" mentality. And woe to you if this person is more respectable, older, richer, smarter than you, looks better than you, etc., and knows that it affects you. It is better to come to terms with the lack of self-respect in relation to what affects you, than succumb to the desire of their "charisma" to suppress you; it will not, but they will know that they can use you at this time.
• Evaluate a Broken Promise: a promise can be violated explicitly, for example, Uncle Vanya promises to come to you on your 30th birthday, and does not come. A promise can also be broken slightly, gradually, or in part. For example, someone might promise to bring you to a team that is planning a new project, but they just forget to call you after the first few meetings, and you will think that nothing is happening. Suddenly a completed project is presented, and you wonder why you were no longer involved and you were not told. The project manager shrugs and says, "Oh, I thought you weren't interested." You know deep down that it’s just a lie to get away from the fact that they didn’t engage you.

Warnings

• Don't be a child if you are an adult; be open with people, but don't expect everyone to keep their word. Not everyone does this. You may be understanding, but do not be deceived.