Content

• Steps
• Tips
• Warnings
• Additional articles

Did you find out that your spouse is cheating on you and do not know if the marriage can be saved? If you are thinking about whether you can fall in love and trust this person again, overcome the pain of resentment, anger and jealousy, these thoughts and feelings associated with them are completely normal. Don't shut yourself in, thinking about your grief and what to do next. This article will help answer your questions and show you how to walk the long, dark road to recovery.

Steps

1. 1 Realize that you are in shock. The first phase is disbelief. You cannot believe that your spouse could have an intimate relationship with someone other than you, that he / she was secretly spending time with another man / woman. And all this time you did not notice anything. You start to put the puzzle together and realize that everything turned out to be a simple lie. During this phase, you will feel like you are in a thick fog, trying to figure out what is happening. Could it be just a bad dream? It's up to you to decide.
2. 2 Expect feelings of anger. You begin to realize that the situation is very real and that this is not just a bad dream. During this phase, you may feel that you are overtaken by illness and that you are unable to get out of bed, go to work, or simply communicate with other people as before. Cheating is all you can think of. It is quite normal for you to start crying, throwing things away, smashing objects, yelling, fighting and not controlling your actions. You cannot control your anger and you see the world through its prism. In anger, a person can commit rash acts that can be dangerous and illegal.
   • "Thirst for revenge" If you feel a thirst for revenge, this is a sign that you have reached the most dangerous point. It is just the emotion that you are living at the moment. In this situation, you are not able to think soberly, but simply want to take revenge on the offender.
     • You will start planning how to get revenge on your spouse and his / her chosen one.
     • The thoughts of the place are now in the foreground, they have absorbed your consciousness. You may even have the idea of ​​who to sleep with to even the score.
     • You will begin to think about how to break your lover / husband / wife, how to harm him / her personally, professionally or financially.
   • Remember this phase will pass. Actions taken in a fit of emotional breakdown can lead to negative consequences. In the future, you will regret the perfect.
3. 3 Let go of your anger. At this point, the initial intense anger diminishes. You will only have a dull pain and a feeling that your feet have been wiped on you. At this point, you must decide whether to go for reconciliation or file for divorce. Despite the fact that you have been greatly offended, you will start to think logically, you will not think about the place, rather your head will be occupied by thoughts about rethinking and reevaluating life, about goals, and about how to live on. You will soon forget about your lover / s and start thinking about your husband / wife and focus on the problem that has arisen from their relationship. You are now too tired to cry, swear, or spread fear for 24 hours. One way or another, you will want to end it all.
4. 4 Collect the pieces of the broken marriage. If you plan on staying married and are able to keep it, you will have to talk vigorously with the cheater / s about the situation. He or she needs to understand that this will be a long and drawn-out process that can take even longer if someone puts a spoke in the wheel.
   • What a cheater / -ca can do to hinder progress:
     • Refuse to answer questions about things you have a right to know about
     • Refute any evidence
     • Continue communication with another woman / man
     • Downplay the current situation.
     • Downplaying the importance of being in a relationship with another woman / man
     • Place the blame on the victim or
     • set a deadline for the victim to recover.
   • Realize that one or all actions can become an obstacle to the "recovery" of your relationship or put an end to the relationship altogether. If you don't want to save your marriage, then start looking for something that will fill your space and time. This does not mean that you need to take advantage of someone's weakness and then harm someone on the way out of depression. Find a hobby to fill in the free time left after the breakup. You can get lonely, but if you mope and feel sorry for yourself, you will definitely stay in the same place.
5. 5 Learn to trust people again. This is a very difficult phase, despite the fact that you are trying to mend old relationships or build new ones. It is not recommended to start a new relationship too soon. You will need time to be alone with yourself, to come to your senses, before accepting a new fan / -tsu into your life. If you are trying to rebuild the old relationship, you can learn to trust again only when your friend / -ness reveals all the cards in front of you about his adventures. This is a very long and slow process that can improve over time. When you understand that the story is true, when you are one hundred percent sure that communication with your old passions has been stopped, only then can you trust again. But, as mentioned earlier, if the cheater / -tsa does not help you in this matter, nothing will work. If you have contacted a "serial cheater / s", or with someone who continues to walk to the left, this process will never end. Therefore, you will never be able to restore trust or maintain a healthy marriage.
6. 6 Fight the "ghosts of the past". Ghosts are specific names, places and events that can painfully remind you of your spouse's cheating. Perhaps this is some kind of song that was played on the radio during this incident, a restaurant, a hotel in which your spouse spent time with another / s, places they have been, people with whom they talked or mutual friends.
   • These ghosts can be people who look like your spouse's lover or spoken names. Often, looking at old photos and looking at happy faces, you can involuntarily remember that at that moment you were happy and carefree, while your loved one was lounging in bed with another.
   • Ghosts are painful reminders.
   • There is no cure for ghosts or a way to avoid them. Don't let them take over you and drive you crazy about something you can't control.
7. 7 Set realistic goals. This is the moment when you have to decide for yourself whether to continue the old relationship. Of course, they will not be the same as before, and all the ensuing consequences of traumatic events will have to be squeezed into a new reality. Think:
   • Can you live with it? Do you think you can trust your spouse again without reminding him / her of cheating or bothering him with questions? Has he / she taken full responsibility for the committed act, is trying to honestly restore the relationship, vowed not only never to repeat his / her mistakes, but also not to create or maintain an environment or relationship that could lead to negative consequences? If so, and you feel the relationship can be repaired in the future, then keep building it.
   • If, on the other hand, your spouse refuses to admit cheating, does not answer questions, behaves suspiciously, and / or continues to contact the old man / woman, you need to understand if you can live with it. If not, then reconciliation is an impossible task. Only you will be able to assess the situation, although friendly advice can be helpful. After all, it takes time for you to figure out what is right for you.
8. 8 Discover a new self. With him / her or without him / her, you will find harmony again and everything will be fine. It will take time, learn from mistakes and you will become stronger and more competent. Recognize that you cannot hold someone else fully responsible for your happiness. In the course of events, you need to look into the past and look at things in a new light, could you do something differently to strengthen your relationship. Don't be too overbearing or overly dependent on your spouse. This will not lead to happiness.
   • Do your favorite things, make new acquaintances. In this case, if your relationship doesn't work out, you have a second line of defense. If everything is going well in your relationship, do not give up your favorite things and do not cut off pleasant acquaintances. It will only benefit you.
9. 9 Be kind to yourself and develop. You will have to learn a lot about yourself, your partner, and your relationship after cheating. Don't miss the lesson, focusing on the pain inflicted. Remember, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. (the difficulty is that you have to go through such a situation).

Tips

• If you feel like there is something to worry about, you should listen to your intuition. Intuition is a genuine feeling and only you know the character of your spouse.
• Remember the stressors of marriage:
  • Unforeseen disagreements
  • Unmet needs
  • Hidden resentment
• Realize that you will not and should not have to revive your old marriage. You'd better give up old relationships and start building new ones. The following factors are positively influencing a marriage: a new anniversary date, an improved way of communicating with each other, and a renewed commitment to work together on the marriage.
• Try to minimize third party intervention as you deal with the consequences of cheating. Only you know about your vital interests and you will be surprised at the number of people who will not reckon with them.
• Don't cling to the past I. You have gone through hell. Find the strength to become a new personality with improved qualities, regardless of whether you decide to leave or stay. Your / -sha's chosen one / -tsa does not make you perfect, God does it
• Part of healing is self-esteem. Although nothing can justify cheating, ask yourself: Was / was I the best, loving, and considerate spouse? Could I be even better for him / her?

Warnings

• You can read a million books, consult psychologists or listen to advice from friends all day long, but in the end, you need to decide what is best for you. You must realize that your spouse loves you and he / she will fully devote his / her life to you. He / she really loves you and you must believe that he / she will keep his / her promise and prove that he / she is worthy of your trust.

Additional articles

How to ignore your husband How to Reconquer Your Wife's Trust How to love your spouse again How to accept a marriage proposal How to be a good husband How to make your wife happy How to be a good housewife How to trust your wife How to show your husband or wife that you truly love How to be faithful in marriage How to be a good wife How to be happy in an unhappy marriage How to deal with your husband's alcoholism How to improve family relationships