How to love yourself

Video: How to Love Yourself to the Core | Jen Oliver | TEDxWindsor

Content

Steps
Method 1 of 4: How to Improve Your Self-Relation
Method 2 of 4: How to start loving yourself
Method 3 of 4: How to Practice Special Meditation
Method 4 of 4: Understanding Self-Love Properly
Tips

Most of us understand what it means to love another person. Surely everyone is familiar with attraction, admiration and emotional attachment to another person. We do a lot to nourish this love. But how many of us know how to love ourselves? Self-love is a combination of self-acceptance, self-possession (not the same as being overly self-absorbed), self-awareness, self-kindness, and self-esteem. Self-love is not only about understanding that you are worthy of respect and courtesy, but also about taking care of yourself. In other words, self-love is a positive attitude towards yourself that is expressed in actions.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: How to Improve Your Self-Relation

1 Let go of negative beliefs about yourself. Many people find it difficult to let go of negative thoughts about themselves.These thoughts are often the result of the opinions of people we value and from whom we expect love and acceptance.
2 Avoid perfectionism. Some people find it difficult to put up with anything that differs from their ideal image. If you feel that you are striving for an ideal and are frustrated when you cannot achieve it, do the following: stop the flow of thoughts, focus on the effort it will take to achieve the goal, and then start taking action.
- Focus not on the end result (to which the criteria of the ideal apply), but on the effort required to achieve this result (they are more difficult to classify). This will help you appreciate your work.
3 Get rid of the negative filter. Thinking bad things can become a habit. If you focus on negative or just unpleasant events all the time, they will start to seem more important than they really are. If you notice that you only see the bad things happening to you, try to find a refutation of this. Surely not everything that happens is bad.
4 Don't call yourself names. It reduces your personality to one small detail that you don't like about yourself.
- If you say that you are a failure when you get fired, it will be dishonest and unfair to you. Better to say: "I lost my job, but I can use this experience in search of a new one."
- The phrase "I'm a fool" is also hardly close to the truth. If you are feeling stupid, chances are you just lack knowledge of something. Better to think like this: "I don't know how to do minor repairs in the house. Maybe I could look for educational information and learn how to do everything myself."
5 Don't think the worst will happen. There is a danger of deciding that every situation will develop according to the worst scenario. But if you start thinking more realistically, you can avoid generalizations and exaggerations that often lead to thoughts of the worst.
6 Rewrite the internal script. When you find yourself thinking badly about yourself, accept the feeling, identify the source of the feeling, and then consciously rewrite the thought into a more positive one.
- For example, if you forgot to send an important email at work, you might think, "I'm a fool! How could I forget about this?"
- Stop yourself and think like this: "I feel stupid because I forgot to send a letter. When I forgot to do something as a child, my father called me a fool. His words are now speaking in me, not mine." Then move on to the next thought: "I am a good employee who made a minor mistake. In the future, I will keep reminders for myself. Now I will send an email and apologize for being late."

Method 2 of 4: How to start loving yourself

1 List your positive qualities and think about them daily. If you tend to think badly about yourself, this can be difficult, but you should add another good quality to the list once a week. At the end of each day, think about everything on this list.
- Try to make the items on the list very detailed. It is better not to describe yourself in general phrases, but to give specific examples.
- For example, instead of "I am generous," it is better to write this: "Every time my friend finds herself in a difficult situation, I give her a small but valuable gift that reminds her that I am there. It makes me generous."
- As you read the list and reflect on it, remember that each item, no matter how insignificant it may seem, makes you a person worthy of respect and love.
2 Take your time. Don't feel guilty about taking the time to reflect on yourself and your life. It is important to give yourself the opportunity to love yourself. This will make it easier for you to use the remaining time helping others.
3 Celebrate victories and reward yourself. The best part about loving yourself is the reward. If you have accomplished anything significant, indulge in a delicious dinner in a beautiful restaurant.Think about the work you do on a daily basis and find a reason to reward yourself with something enjoyable. Buy a new book or video game that you've got your eye on for a long time. Take a dip in the tub or jacuzzi. Go fishing or get a massage.
4 Come up with a plan to deal with bad thoughts. Identify what is causing you to deviate from the new course and decide how you will deal with it. Remember that you cannot control the words and actions of other people, but your answers and reactions are in your hands.
- Perhaps negative comments from other people (such as your mom or your boss) trigger a flood of bad thoughts in you. If this happens often, try to understand what is the reason.
- Decide how you will deal with the thoughts you have. You may need to step back from the situation to meditate or take a few deep breaths. Accept your feelings and re-engineer your reaction so that you are always aware of your value.
5 See a psychotherapist. Analyzing negative thoughts and emotional triggers can trigger feelings or memories of the past that you find it difficult to deal with on your own.
- A therapist who specializes in problems of the past can help you overcome difficulties without forcing you to relive painful moments of the past.
- The doctor will teach you how to deal with negative thoughts and be aware of your positive qualities.
6 Repeat positive affirmations daily. Identify which positive thoughts make you feel better and come back to them daily. You may feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, but this habit will force positive thoughts into your subconscious, and you will begin to believe in them, even if you doubt at first.
- You can say this: "I am a whole and worthy person, and I respect myself, trust myself and love myself."
- If you find that affirmations on their own are not working, try going to a therapist and starting treatment that will include other approaches.
7 Do what you enjoy physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Do whatever makes you feel better in different ways. It can be physical activity, meditation, a diary of positive thoughts. Find one that works and stick to your chosen path.
8 Reflect on the results of increased self-love. Paying more attention to yourself will benefit other areas of your life as well. Pay attention to whether you have more energy and can spend more time with others. You may feel that your decisions depend only on you and that you have more control over your life.

Method 3 of 4: How to Practice Special Meditation

1 Understand what is the essence of meditation. You will need meditation to strengthen your sense of self-love. She will give you the tools you need to strengthen that love.
2 Understand the principles of meditation. Such meditation will focus on strengthening love without expectations and conditions. It teaches a person to love without judgment (themselves or others).
- Judging yourself or others often leads to disappointment in relationships with others or with yourself. If you learn to love without judging, you will learn to love selflessly.
3 Start breathing deeply. Take slow, deep breaths. Sit comfortably in a chair and let your chest fill with air by stretching the diaphragm. Then exhale slowly so that there is no air in your lungs.
4 Support yourself with positive affirmations. As you continue to take deep breaths, begin repeating the following affirmations:
- I want to achieve the fulfillment of all desires and live peacefully and happily.
- I want to love others with all my heart.
- I want my family and me to be protected from harm.
- I want me, my family and my friends to be healthy.
- I want to learn to forgive myself and others.
5 Determine what negative reactions you have to positive affirmations. If you have negative thoughts while repeating affirmations, figure out what triggers them. Determine which people you find it difficult to feel unconditional love for. Repeat the affirmations with these people in mind.
6 Think of the person who makes you feel positive. Repeat the affirmations while thinking about the person.
7 Think of someone who doesn't evoke any feelings in you. Repeat the affirmations while thinking about the person.
8 Let the positive affirmations fill you. Repeat words without thinking about anyone in particular. Focus on the positive. Allow positive thoughts to fill you and start channeling this positive energy from yourself to other people.
9 Repeat the final mantra. After directing positive energy to everything around you, say the following words: "I want all people to be happy, joyful and healthy." Repeat them five times, and you will feel how the words go beyond the body and go into the universe.

Method 4 of 4: Understanding Self-Love Properly

1 Know the dangers of lack of self-love. Lack of self-love can make you make the wrong choice. Lack of self-love often means a lack of self-esteem, which causes a person to consciously or unconsciously undermine all their endeavors and prevent them from satisfying their basic needs.
- Lack of self-love can make your self-worth depend on the opinions of others. If a person seeks to receive evaluation only from others, he begins to neglect his own interests in order to gain the approval of others.
- Lack of self-love also prevents a person from developing emotionally and forgetting about emotional trauma. One study suggests that people who tend to blame themselves and neglect their needs have little success with psychotherapy.
2 Realize the importance of childhood memories. The relationship between children and parents affects how a person's character develops throughout life. Children whose physical, emotional and mental needs are not being met may have low self-esteem.
- Negative attitudes received in childhood, especially if they were often repeated, are fixed in a person's consciousness and affect his self-perception throughout his life.
- For example, if a child is told that he is boring when he grows up, he will think that he is boring even if he sees evidence to the contrary (for example, that he has many friends, that he can make people laugh, or that he leads interesting lifestyle).
3 Find out how parents can support their child's self-esteem. To improve the child's sense of self, you should do the following:
- Listening to children will build their self-esteem.
  - You may want to "disconnect" from a conversation with a child who is talking too much, but if you listen to him and start asking questions, he will feel that you appreciate his words.
- Teach children to understand their importance without resorting to aggressive parenting methods (no physical punishment, shouting, and shaming).
  - For example, if your child hits another child, take him aside and explain that you shouldn't do that because it could harm the other person. Give him a break and pull himself together before letting him return to play.
- Give your children warmth, love, support, and respect without judging them so that they feel they are worthy of love and respect.
  - If your child is upset about something that seems insignificant to you (for example, because the sun has gone down), do not dismiss him. Acknowledge his feelings. Say something like, "I understand that you are upset about the sunset." Then explain that the situation cannot be changed: "The sun sets every night because the planet is spinning and people on the other side also need the sun. The darkness gives us the opportunity to rest and prepare for the next day."Then, hug or kiss your child to calm him down and let him know that you share his feelings but cannot change the situation.
4 Understand the impact of third-party comments on self-love. You will face negativity in the future. Self-love cannot be isolated and can be influenced by other people's comments and possible negativity. You need to learn how to deal with the negativity that can come from your boss, your spouse, your parents, and even strangers on the street.
- Try not to let this negative energy affect your self-esteem by making it bounce off of you.