Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 2: Console her with words
• Part 2 of 2: Comfort her with real action
• Tips
• Warnings
• Additional articles

When your girlfriend is upset, there are two ways to comfort her. On the one hand, she needs emotional support through your words. On the other hand, she needs to feel protected and safe, which is facilitated by the physical expression of support. If you combine both approaches correctly, a change in her mood will not be long in coming.

Steps

Part 1 of 2: Console her with words

1. 1 Ask what happened. No matter what you think about it, keep your opinion to yourself for now. Let her talk and tell her whole story. Just nod your head to indicate that you are listening carefully, and insert short comments from time to time, if again appropriate. If she doesn't want to tell you anything, don't insist. Sometimes girls just don't want to talk about the reasons for their worries. If that's the case, just tell her you're around and let her cry.
   • "How do you feel?"
   • "Did something upset you recently?"
   • "You look upset. What happened?"
   • "If you want to talk, I am ready to listen to you."
2. 2 Support, do not be lenient. It doesn't matter if you agree with her arguments or not.Just try to convince her that you are ready to be there. Take her to a secluded place and tell her that if she wants to cry, it's okay. Tell her that you are on her side.
   • "I know it's terribly hard for you. I'm so sorry."
   • "I can't even imagine how you are going through all this. I understand, this is not easy."
   • "I'm sorry you're so upset. Please tell me if I can help you with something."
3. 3 Acknowledge the problem and express your feelings succinctly. Seeing that someone sees and understands your problem means a lot. Express yourself simply and concisely.
   • "I'm so sorry to hear that your mom is sick."
   • "I know you deserve this promotion. I'm sorry you didn't get it."
   • "She was a great friend and I am also sad that she is moving."
4. 4 Refrain from advice. Most people get upset when there are no easy solutions. So don't try to offer them to her. Most likely, she has already thought about everything, and your advice will only make her think again and again that the situation is simply "hopeless." Better say:
   • "It must be really hard for you."
   • "I wish I had a ready-made answer or solution. But I want you to know that I am there anyway."
   • "What do you think next?"
   • "How do you plan to be with this?"
5. 5 Show empathy and show that her emotions are valuable. This can be especially difficult, but letting her talk can help her gain control over her emotions. Help her express her feelings openly instead of giving examples from her own experience. Labeling emotions will help her control them:
   • "I know how badly you wanted this job. If I were you, I would be terribly upset."
   • "You have every right to be upset. If I were you, I would feel the same way."
   • "I know you are upset and angry. I understand the situation is really unpleasant."
6. 6 Maintain a positive attitude. It is very important. Support her by constantly reminding her that sooner or later everything will change for the better. She will seek your advice, so be careful not to get negative. Bring positive energy into the conversation, and then she will slowly but surely be imbued with it.
   • "Let go of what is happening. You know that no matter how hard it is for you, these feelings will pass."
   • "Let's remember the good moments together. Do you remember how ..."
   • "Everything seems awful right now, I know. But I'll be there until things change for the better."
7. 7 Try not to downplay her problems or speak down to her. At the end of the day, remember that you are not there to magically fix everything, but to support her. If you say “it doesn't matter,” or “I've been through this too,” she will get the impression that you are not taking her seriously. You cannot say the following:
   • "You were too good for the job anyway. They are not worth your time." Obviously, if she is upset about it, she herself thinks the job was worth her time.
   • "I know exactly how you feel." Each problem is unique in its own way - you cannot reliably know exactly how she feels - and she will easily understand this.
   • "You are so strong - everything will be fine." Sometimes people need time when they don't need to be strong. Don't make her think that she shouldn't be vulnerable around you.
   • “I know how awful it is. And I didn’t tell you how…” This is not about your problems in the past, so try not to change the subject.

Part 2 of 2: Comfort her with real action

1. 1 Be patient until she can control her emotions. This does not mean that you need to behave passively. Watch, wait and seize the moment when the time comes to act. Depending on how upset your girlfriend is, it will take a while for her to open up. You can only understand when it is better to act through communication. Constantly ask if she is ready to talk.
   • Leave her alone only if she directly asks for it. If she is angry or upset, stay there until the emotions have cooled down.
2. 2 Console through physical contact. Light touches work wonders. They release a hormone called oxytocin. This hormone enhances feelings of connection, affection, trust, and closeness. If you are holding hands, stroke her fingers or the back of her hand with your thumb. You can put your hand on your shoulder or in the area of ​​the shoulder blades - the effect will be the same.
   • Holding hands is a wonderful way to relieve stress. This simple action alone gives you a sense of confidence and security, and also reduces cortisol ("stress hormone") levels.
3. 3 Hug her. Hug her tightly, but gently and gently pat or pat her on the back as a sign of encouragement and comfort. Remember that this hug is just to comfort the girl, so make sure she feels safe and secure.
   • Hugs give you a sense of security. Touch helps us cheer up.
4. 4 Don't force things. A gentle touch or hug is enough to comfort the girl. If she wants to kiss you, she will do it herself.
5. 5 Move it out of place. Physically take her somewhere - surprise her with an act dictated by kindness. At the moment, she most likely does not want to be around people. Offer to loosen up a bit to take your mind off heavy thoughts.
   • Have a picnic for two.
   • Pamper her with a massage or a spa trip.
   • Take her to a comedy movie.
   • Take her for a walk.

Tips

• Do not leave. If she doesn't want to talk, wait until she wants to.
• Once she calms down, give her tea or buy some chocolate or other sweets. By doing this, you show your concern for her well-being.
• If you feel that you cannot help her, invite her to talk to a friend. Offer to take her to her place and pick her up when she feels better.

Warnings

• Be careful with humor when trying to cheer up the girl. She may appreciate your efforts, but it is likely that the jokes themselves will not make her smile.
• Most often, girls appreciate trying to console them, but some prefer to be alone in this state. If your girlfriend says she wants to be alone, or is behaving appropriately, give her that space. But don't go too far, she may change her mind and want you to be there.

Additional articles

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