Content

• Steps
• Tips
• Warnings

Are you worried that your children have grown up and are old enough to be independent, and they still live with you? Is your home starting to resemble a free hotel? If you decide it's time for one or more of your children to leave the nest, but they refuse to spread their wings, here are some tips on what to do.

Steps

1. 1 Assess the situation as objectively as possible. As a parent, you may have mixed feelings about your desire to encourage your child to move. On the one hand, you may like his company, or you may not want to make life difficult for him, or you may not want to feel as if you are being kicked out. On the other hand, perhaps you feel that your child is not responsible for his own destiny, and you are afraid that if you do not take any action, he will not become independent at all. Before you start talking to your child, you need to deal with all of these feelings.
   • List the reasons why you want your child to move. Be honest - face all the reasons your child's home makes you uncomfortable, and don't let guilt make you bite your tongue. Some reasons are usually obvious, such as if your child shows blatant disrespect for your privacy or property. Some reasons may be subtle, more personal and sometimes embarrassing, such as hearing your child with your mistress / lover, or the fact that you always have to wash their clothes.
   • Ponder if there is a real reason why your child cannot live on their own. Parents are often reluctant to move their child because they believe that he simply does not have the resources to live independently.In most cases, however, children are absolutely adapted to an independent life, but it requires a lowering of the standard of living - moving to a smaller apartment or sharing housing with fellow students. If this is your case, acknowledge that by allowing your child to stay with you, you are creating comfort, but not real circumstances.
   • Speak with a united front. A common situation when one of the parents wants the child to move, and the other opposes. Before you start pushing your child towards independence, you need to come to a consensus. Read how to reach a compromise with your spouse.
2. 2 Ask your child how they feel about the idea of ​​moving and wants whether this. This is a simple question, but it can reveal a lot about why your child is still living with you. Usually the answer will be in the style well, yes, of course, but ..., with a further list of reasons why this still hasn't happened. Try to objectively assess these reasons, not forgetting that there may be others - real reasons not voiced by your child, such as that he likes, that someone else washes for him, or that it is possible to use the machine without paying for its maintenance, etc. What is required of you is to deal with the reasons voiced (which in most cases, although not always, are common excuses), each in turn, in fact:
   • "I'm looking for a job." Is it really so? How often does he / she check job sites? Is he / she currently doing any volunteer work to make contacts and fill out your resume? Is he / she looking for work or perfect job? Is he / she reluctant to work for the minimum wage until a better option comes along?
   • “I can't afford the rent.” Is your child really unable to afford to pay the rent or he / she cannot afford to pay the rent that is as comfortable as you? Maybe he / she cannot afford to pay rent in a good area, and this is not really a good reason: living in a good area is usually one of the rewards for a successful career. Take a look: where do other adults live? Does your child feel like he too goodto live in a place like this? Or that you feel that he too goodto live there
3. 3 DO NOT POISE IN HIS BUSINESS! It's just AWESOME when parents rummage through their children's belongings! DO NOT INVOLVE HIS / HER PERSONAL SPACE AND DO NOT TOUCH PERSONAL THINGS IN HIS ROOM!
   • "I want to save up for a house, car, education, etc." This is perhaps the most legitimate reason for your child to stay at home, but in this case, he must be held accountable. How much has he saved up? What is the ultimate goal? Does he save money regularly, or does the savings depend on how many good films are in theaters this week? Has he proved in any way that accumulating funds is a priority for him? If so, that's good. But don't just take words for granted. If this is indeed the reason the child stays at home and rides your car for free, you have the right to see payment orders and bank confirmation of savings, just as banks have the right to see proof of tax payments before disbursing funds for a loan. So you need to come up with several strategies for building an adult relationship with your child.

Tips

• Once my child finishes school, the "gift" for graduation will be moving assistance. A roommate will be needed, and the rent will be sponsored with a gradual reduction in assistance from my side, so that in a few months the responsibility for housing rests entirely with the child. Thus, he will feel a lack of funds and will work harder.There is no big risk of overstraining, but the guys will be able to learn to support each other and cope with financial responsibilities on their own. The most important thing is to help you get out on your own with love.
• If you can afford it, a good idea some parents have is to take rent from their children, using a small amount to pay utility bills, and putting the rest into a separate account. When a child moves either voluntarily or at the request of the parents, the parents give him the money accumulated in the account. They can help cover the initial costs: for moving, for the first and last months of the rental, and the like. It is better if the child does not know that you are saving this money until the very moment of presenting the gift. It is much better when your child thinks that paying rent is simply his / her responsibility and that you expect it on time - any landlord expects the same.
• On the other hand, do not forget that your home was bought with your efforts and at your expense. It is not your responsibility to "invent something" for your children. Even if you just want to enjoy a home without already grown children, of course, this is your right. It is simply assumed that all parties show some compassion for the rest, in the interest of maintaining good family relations.
• A more extreme measure involves moving you. Some parents move to more remote areas, for example, outside the city, where they can relax and where children are not very interested in living. You can also sell your property and buy less, explaining to the children that you want to save money for retirement, and also make it clear that the new location will not have enough space for them.
• Before deciding to send adult children out of your home, listen to their point of view and explain your reasons to them. A real mature person is always ready to listen to another in order to solve a problem. Perhaps you and your children can work together to find the best solution.

Warnings

• Make sure your child is not suffering from any form of mental illness, such as depression. Such diseases can progress. You should help them find help. Despite the fact that once the child reaches the age of majority, you are no longer responsible for them, denying the action of a real illness in such a situation is irresponsible and can harm your child.
• Do not forget that the economic situation is extremely difficult. There may be little or little work, and the maintenance of the house and, in general, living costs are high. Be healthy in your expectations.
• Before you go as far as changing locks, throwing things away, etc., check your local laws. Despite the fact that children are already adults and do not pay rent, the law may be on their side.