Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Work on the root causes
• Method 2 of 3: Open up to others
• Method 3 of 3: Avoid Negative Behavior

If you are sad to realize that you are fencing off from people you care about, do not be angry with yourself. You can learn to stay close to friends and family. First, work on addressing the root causes of avoiding people. Then try to open up more to others and learn to prioritize your relationship. Finally, make sure that your own unintended behavior is not the reason people stop communicating with you.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Work on the root causes

1. 1 Think about how you feel right before pushing the person away. In most cases, people close themselves off from others because they are afraid of something. Think back to the last time you pushed someone away and ask yourself what scared you. Once you understand the reason for your behavior, it will be easier for you to start changing.
   • You may have been traumatized or injured in a previous relationship, so you push people away to protect yourself from more pain.
   • Journaling or writing down thoughts freely can help you pinpoint the root of your behavior. Start a page about relationships and jot down whatever comes to mind as you think about the topic.After a few minutes, re-read what you got.
   • You may be afraid that people will dislike you as soon as they get to know you better, or that they will take advantage of you after you begin to trust them.
2. 2 Boost your self-esteem. People with low self-esteem often push others away because they feel they don't deserve a positive relationship. If your self-esteem is low, you may have negative self-talk in your head that reinforces your sense of alienation from others.
   • In addition, you may be constantly repeating self-critical expressions, such as, "I don't deserve to be happy," or, "People hate me." These statements only worsen your psychological state.
   • Instead of engaging in negative internal dialogues, develop healthy self-esteem by listing your best character traits. Then turn these qualities into actionable affirmations, such as, "I am a good listener," or, "I try to empathize with others."
   • Repeat these statements several times each day.
3. 3 Analyze your level of trust. Another reason for push-and-pull relationships can be trust issues. If you've been hurt in the past, it may be difficult for you to break down the walls around you and become vulnerable to others. In order to stop this tendency, you will need to risk feeling pain again. This is the only way to give others a chance to earn your trust.
   • It may be helpful to voice your concerns to all new partners. Let them know that you find it difficult to trust others and ask them to be patient and help you with this.
   • Take small steps to give your new partner the chance to be close to you. For example, you can ask him to support you on an important project or invite him to a social event. If he supports you, gradually build up your trust in him.
4. 4 Be honest about your readiness for intimacy. You may be pushing others away because you are with them at different stages of readiness for intimacy. One person may crave intimacy while another needs extra time, and vice versa. If you are on different waves with someone, it can create imbalances that prevent you from creating a healthy relationship. Understand your readiness for different types of intimacy and share it with the other person.
   • You may be pushing your friend off because they reveal personal information early in the friendship. Most likely, this kind of openness is uncomfortable for you, and you do not know how to communicate it, and therefore push the person away.
   • Better to say, “I appreciate you sharing these personal things with me, but I hope you will understand if I cannot respond in kind to you right now. I need some time to open up. "
   • Being ready for intimacy involves not only intimate openness, but also physical, emotional and spiritual cohesion.
5. 5 Replace guilt with empathy. If you've offended a loved one, you may be pushing them (and others) out of guilt. To counter this, pay attention to times when you betrayed someone close or hurt him, and then tried to push him away. Then step outside your own self and step into that person's place. Try to understand why he might be in pain.
   • For example, think about what this person went through and how he felt in this situation. How would you feel if the same thing happened to you?
   • Once you show genuine empathy for the person, try to apologize and make amends. Empathy is necessary so that you can understand the feelings of the other person, instead of shutting off from him.
6. 6 See a psychologist. If you find it difficult to change your behavior on your own, make an appointment with a psychologist.It will help you identify the thoughts and feelings that are causing you to push people away, and change your habits so you can maintain a healthy relationship.

Method 2 of 3: Open up to others

1. 1 Let your comfort level be your guide. Look inside yourself to decide how comfortable you feel about opening up to someone. You may feel more vulnerable at certain times than at others, and it’s okay to defend yourself when you’re uncomfortable. Determine what is comfortable for you and what is not.
   • Whenever you’re in someone’s company, take small steps and push yourself to get closer to that person, but respect your comfort level.
   • You can start with a nice compliment to a colleague. When you next meet, make a small, friendly gesture, such as a donut or coffee. And when you're ready, invite him somewhere.
2. 2 Be friendly. Smile and greet people when you meet. If the person wants to talk to you, participate in the conversation, rather than respond with monosyllabic sentences. When you see someone you know, take a moment to say hello and ask how they are doing.
   • If you are shy, you may be used to going about your business in public, so take your time. Work on eye contact and smiling. When you feel more comfortable, start interacting with people more often.
3. 3 Stay receptive. Get ready to meet new people and expand your social horizons. Look for the positive side of your friends and acquaintances and look optimistic about your relationship. If new opportunities or invitations arise, accept them.
   • For example, if your classmate asks you to study with her after class, agree even if you’re not sure you’ll like it. Give her (and yourself) a chance.
4. 4 Ask people questions about them. Strengthen bonds with others by showing interest in them. Try to find out more about the goals of your friends, their families, and their preferences. If you are spending time with your friends, ask them about projects they are working on or recent problems.
   • For example, ask: "Why did you decide to choose the profession of an architect?" - or: "What do you think about your new apartment?"
   • Of course, you should not ask too personal questions from the series: "Why are you getting a divorce?" An exception may be a conversation with a very close person, or if you feel that the other person wants to discuss this topic with you.
5. 5 Tell about yourself. To maintain a friendship is not enough to ask questions, you need to talk about yourself. As you get to know the person better, share more of your thoughts and personal quirks with them. Being open will show others that you are contributing to the relationship.
   • So, if your close friends share their dreams, it might be a good idea to share yours as well. For example: "You know, I have always secretly dreamed of spending a year traveling the world."
   • Consider telling close friends that you are trying to stop pushing others away. This will help them understand you better. They may even help you if you let them.
6. 6 Try not to lose contact. Once you connect with the person, do your best to keep them in your life. Don't cancel appointments even if you're nervous. Quickly respond to friends when they contact you, and if you haven't heard any news from the person for some time, call or write to him yourself.
   • Keeping in touch with people can be challenging, especially if you're used to shying away from relationships if you're uncomfortable. However, if you want to preserve your surroundings, you should not disappear from the radar.
   • If you're really not in the mood to chat, don't leave your friends in limbo. Say something like, “I can't meet today, but I would like to see you soon. How about Thursday? "
7. 7 Repair damaged relationships. If you've ruined your relationship with a loved one, call them or send an email. Explain why you pushed him away and apologize for the pain. If he's willing to rekindle the relationship, promise to treat him better in the future.
   • If a former friend doesn't want to rebuild the friendship, accept his answer and leave him alone. However, make it clear that he can contact you if he changes his mind.
   • Keep in mind that apologizing will not repair a broken relationship overnight. To get things right in the long run, you must be a better friend now.

Method 3 of 3: Avoid Negative Behavior

1. 1 Don't be intrusive. Make sure you don't bore people with your attention. Do not pester them so that they spend time with you every day, and do not shower them with messages. If you tend to be obsessive, find solitary hobbies and goals to keep yourself occupied.
   • For example, sign up for new courses or join a new organization where you can meet new friends so you don't have to spend time with just one person at all times.
2. 2 Ask yourself if you are complaining too much. Do you always complain about food, weather, or other people? Spending time with someone who is constantly whining is exhausting, and if you are a pessimist, people may start to avoid you. When a complaint comes up in your head, consider if you can look at it from a different angle and find positive words.
   • To counteract complaints, start practicing gratitude. If you are aware of what you have, you will whine much less.
   • Each day, write down two or three things you are grateful for.
3. 3 Make sure to maintain a balance of "you - me, I - you" in your relationship. If you're always looking for favors but never helping others, people may not want to be around you. Don't ask too much of other people and offer your friends and acquaintances help when they need it.
4. 4 Do you need the constant approval of others? It can be tedious to deal with a person who is always in need of attention and praise, or who is always looking for compliments. Make sure you don't. If you have low self-esteem, look for healthier ways to experience self-satisfaction.
   • For example, you can boost your self-esteem by playing sports, volunteering, or taking time out to take care of your health.
5. 5 Solve relationship problems. Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. If you bury your head in the sand whenever you have disagreements with someone, you will never learn to stay close to people, and most of your relationships will end badly. Instead of hiding from the conflict, discuss it with the other person and find a solution.