Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 2: Transforming Your Emotions
• Part 2 of 2: Move Forward

You may feel extreme hatred for your ex or divorced spouse, and often this hatred makes you feel even worse. When you are trying to recover your morale after breaking up with your partner, it is very important to give yourself time to experience the emotions and move on with your life. Such a step will help turn hatred towards your ex-partner into some kind of positive, and possibly even beneficial emotions, and, finally, get rid of the anger.

Steps

Part 1 of 2: Transforming Your Emotions

1. 1 Describe your feelings on paper. Take a piece of paper and take some time to pour out the reasons for feeling hate towards your ex. This could be because of what he or she did to you, or even because of a joint decision. Try to do this in as much detail as possible, and don't be afraid to be really sincere about your feelings and emotions.
   • This may take you some time, during which you add new thoughts every day until you feel free from all the causes of anger or pain associated with your partner. You can describe in detail any betrayal or a situation where your ex made you feel worthless or in some other way insulted you.
2. 2 Analyze your own feelings. Re-read the notes at least twice after writing down all possible negative points and associated periods of hatred towards your ex. Use this as a testament to your past relationship and how bad you felt during that period. After reading, tear or otherwise destroy the document.This is how you acknowledge your hatred for your ex while choosing to give it up or root it out of your heart.
   • If you are seeing a therapist or professional family counselor who helps you sort out your relationship with your ex, you can bring a document to this meeting and destroy it in front of him. Having a credible witness to the destruction of the document can motivate you to let go of the hatred.
3. 3 Help yourself get rid of the hatred. Remember that hate is not a productive emotion and is often exhausting for you and those around you. Think about how you can replace hate with exciting thoughts about the future or motivation for the next stage of life, but without your ex. By overcoming your hatred, you can switch to less harmful emotions, such as pity, dislike, or even forgiveness of the abuser.
   • You may be afraid to let go of the hatred, as it somehow keeps you connected to your ex. Anger can act as a form of negative attachment, as opposed to love or happiness, which are positive attachments. Instead of letting hate control your attachment to your ex, letting it go will leave your past relationship behind. Don't forgive or forget your ex's bad behavior after you've shed your anger and hatred, but you can become a person free from emotions that depress and make you feel worse and more lonely.

Part 2 of 2: Move Forward

1. 1 Avoid contact with your ex-partner or spouse. While it may be tempting to share your anger with your ex in a long, hate-filled email, text, or angry voice message, avoid contacting her / him by any means. The distance between you and your ex-partner will help manage your emotions and prevent you from being pulled back into the negative feelings you associate with a breakup.
   • If you need to exchange personal items, get the help of a friend or relative so that you don't have to meet with your ex face-to-face. Try to stay away from him for a while, which will allow you to continue the life path, free of all memories of past anger and hatred.
2. 2 Start taking care of yourself. Oftentimes, anger and hatred are emotions that can distract you from your personal needs. Make time for personal needs, such as taking care of your body or health. This can be a relaxing bath, a walk in your favorite place, a hobby or handicraft. Taking care of yourself will open up self-compassion and allow you to focus your energy on your needs rather than the needs of your ex.
3. 3 Create a list of goals that you are going to achieve in the coming year. To motivate yourself to focus on the future rather than the past, create a list of short and long term goals for the year. Think about the skills you would like to learn or improve but have been unable to get started because of your relationship with your ex or because of the energy wasted in hating after breaking up.
   • These can be short-term goals, such as a cooking class, or long-term goals, such as running regularly in the morning and doing yoga at least three times a week. Focus all your attention on achievable tasks where you feel like you can force yourself to succeed in achieving them. You will gain a boost of self-confidence and feel great if you know that your energy and personal time are not wasted with your ex.
4. 4 Spend time with friends and family. During a breakup, this kind of communication will help you feel the support of family and close friends who support you.They will most likely support your desire to get rid of hate and focus on your plans for the future.
   • Also, relatives can give an assessment of what is happening and provide regular support in an accessible form. Don't be afraid to ask them for help or advice if you are struggling with feelings of anger or hatred. Support from loved ones in difficult times will help change everything, and give you the necessary strength to get rid of negative feelings.