Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Get yourself together
• Method 2 of 3: Communicate without conflict
• Method 3 of 3: Listen to others

Are you overly dramatic? Do people around you say that you are too prone to conflict? People fight for a variety of reasons, but more often than not, emotions come to the fore: anger, frustration, and anxiety. Excessive conflict is a bad trait that can destroy a relationship. Learn to manage your emotions, communicate effectively, and listen to others to better control your temper.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Get yourself together

1. 1 Pay attention to physical signs of emotion. Most often, the root cause of conflict is anger, frustration, and other intense emotions. They activate the fight-or-flight response, in which the body exhibits physical signs of increased stress. Learn to recognize these signs in order to nip the reaction at the root and reduce the likelihood of conflict.
   • Follow the sensations. Are you stressed, anxious, or upset? Is your heart jumping out of your chest? This is how emotions build up.
   • Watch for gestures and facial expressions. The emotional state is often reflected in our gestures, as a result of which we adopt an aggressive posture. Are you frowning or grinning? Are your fingers clenched into a fist? Do you have something to say? In a conflicted mood, a person tends to interrupt the interlocutor.
2. 2 Breathe deeply. In reaction or flight mode, the likelihood of aggression increases and the ability to perceive the information heard decreases. Breathe slowly and steadily to get yourself together. Breathing helps relax the central nervous system.
   • Breathe mindfully. Breathe in and out slowly, counting to five. Take a long, deep breath before speaking your thoughts.
   • Don't speak too fast! Slow down if your words and thoughts are racing at a breakneck speed, and remember to breathe.
3. 3 Don't interrupt. In a conflicting mood, there is often a desire to criticize and argue. Attempts to interrupt the interlocutor in order to get away from the essence of the question or criticism are a sure sign of conflict and unproductive behavior that betrays aggression and insecurity in a person. Surely emotions are out of your control right now.
   • Every time you want to interrupt the person you are talking to, force yourself to count to ten.It is likely that after ten seconds the conversation will turn to another question, and your comment will no longer matter. If the emotions have not subsided, then try to count to twenty.
   • Also try to hold back and not interrupt. Watch yourself, stop talking, and then apologize to the person you rudely interrupted.
4. 4 Reschedule the conversation for later. Sometimes emotions just don't allow for a calm conversation. If this is the case, invite the other person to continue the conversation later and apologize politely. No one will benefit from talking in a conflicted mood.
   • Postpone the conversation, but don't forget about it. Offer to finish it another time: “Andrey, can we return to this conversation later? I'm not in the best mood right now. Maybe after lunch? ”.
   • When apologizing, do not forget to emphasize the importance of this conversation: “I know how important this is to you, so I want to calmly end the conversation. Now I'm a little on edge. Let's talk a little later? ”.
5. 5 Look for ways to deal with stress. Emotions and conflicts lead to stress. Find ways to help you deal with stress, relax, and relieve the tensions of the aggression. Among other things, stress is bad for your health.
   • Try to slow your breathing, focus, and relax. For example, you can practice meditation, yoga, or tai chi.
   • Other exercises also have a calming effect. Walking, jogging, team sports, swimming and other activities can help you relax.

Method 2 of 3: Communicate without conflict

1. 1 Practice your words. There is a big difference between conflict and decisive, sincere expression of one's own opinion. In the first case, aggression prevails, and in the second - calmness and confidence. If you find it difficult to control aggression, start practicing speaking calmly. Decide in advance what you need to say.
   • Consider the ideas you want to convey. Say them out loud or write them down to remember them better.
   • Practice until ideas line up into a script. So it will be easier for you to follow the text and in which case return to the true path.
2. 2 Speak in the first person. Another way to speak emphatically, but not in conflict, is to express thoughts in the first person. This allows you to speak for yourself, to express thoughts and opinions without blaming or shifting responsibility to others. Give preference to phrases from the first person rather than the second person.
   • For example, instead of “You’re wrong,” it’s better to say “I disagree.” “I feel under pressure”, not “You always criticize me”.
   • First-person statements also allow you to express your desires like “I need help with the housework” instead of “You never help me with the housework.” The phrase “I would like to receive more support from you” is better than “You only think of yourself”.
3. 3 Refuse counter criticism. It is important to learn to respectfully perceive other people's opinions in order to behave less conflict. This requires self-control and impartiality. It is very important not to be tempted to criticize a friend, partner, or coworker who gave their opinion.
   • Stop criticizing people who express a different opinion. Never say "You're just an idiot" or "I can't believe you were the one who dared to say this to me."
   • Also, do not move the arrows during the conversation: “What are you talking about. You yourself are sinning by this! ”.
4. 4 Don't take words personally. Non-conflict people behave patiently and try not to react to irritation. Don't take criticism for an insult. The interlocutor has the right to be presumed innocent. It is unlikely that the person provokes you into conflict.
   • Think about why the words hurt you. Seems like you've been insulted? Does it seem like the others have conspired against you? Are you fighting off hopelessness?
   • Think about who you are talking to. Relatives and loved ones want to help you rather than humiliate or insult you.

Method 3 of 3: Listen to others

1. 1 Listen carefully. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and get into their feelings so that you can be less conflicted. This behavior is called empathy and starts with listening. Make an effort to let the person speak, and learn to listen actively.
   • Focus on what the person is trying to convey. Listen and don't say anything. Just let the other person speak.
   • Resist the temptation to interrupt. You will still have the opportunity to express your point of view. Also show that you are listening carefully - nod, say "Yes" or "I understand you." Such words should not prevent the interlocutor from speaking.
2. 2 Refrain from judgment. Set aside your opinions and feelings temporarily until the other person finishes the thought. It's not easy, so it's important to remember that your job is to understand the person, not to voice your point of view. Focus on the emotions and concerns of your interlocutor.
   • This behavior will allow you to refrain from judgments and conclusions. This does not mean that you need to accept the person's point of view. Just assume for the time being that he is right.
   • First of all, you do not need to immediately discard someone else's opinion. The words “Forget it” or “Resign yourself” will sound harsh and aggressive.
3. 3 Rephrase what you hear. You can express what you hear in your own words to show your attention and understand the situation. Try to rephrase the other person's thought. To do this, retell what you heard in other words and make sure that you understood everything correctly. You can also ask questions.
   • For example, repeat the main idea when the other person has finished saying, “Do you feel like I don’t respect you?” or "Do you really think I am a very conflicted person?"
   • This will show that you have listened carefully to the other person and can better understand their point of view.
   • Try asking questions. It is better to choose open-ended questions in order to get a sufficiently detailed answer. Ask something like this: “What exactly made you think that I am not listening? Can you give an example? ”.
4. 4 Confirm what you heard. People appreciate it when the other person confirms their words. To do this, it is not even necessary to agree with the stated point of view. Just show your friends, family, or coworkers that you are listening carefully and that you understand what you hear.
   • For example, say the following: “Well, Oleg, I do not quite agree with you, but they understand your point of view” or “Thank you for your frankness, Ksyusha. I see that this is important to you, so I promise to think over your words. "