Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Work on yourself
• Part 2 of 3: Become a Good Friend
• Part 3 of 3: Express gratitude
• Tips
• Warnings

Have a few of your acquaintances already noticed that you are too selfish? If you constantly consider yourself the center of the universe, always consider your point of view to be the only correct one, hate helping others, most likely you are really too selfish. Of course, you cannot cope with this character trait in an instant. But there are several ways to become a good generous person.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Work on yourself

1. 1 Join a team. Start doing any team sport. Join a team or find a sports section in your area, start exercising at school after school. Whatever activity you choose, teamwork can help you learn how to interact with others - which is very important. It is in the team that you can find a balance between your interests and the interests of those around you. Lack of selfishness is an important quality that develops in teamwork. Therefore, joining a team is a great opportunity to cultivate such qualities as generosity and fairness. In addition, the ability to work in a team is an important skill for many professions.
   • When you become part of a team, it will be more difficult for you to put your interests ahead of the interests of other people, because in this case you will be criticized for your selfishness, which can harm the whole team.
2. 2 Learn to empathize. Empathy (or the ability to empathize) is the ability to share the feelings of another person and put yourself in their place. You can learn empathy and empathy - this will help you get rid of selfishness. Work to understand the other person's point of view and try to put the other person's interests on a par with your own. If you succeed, you will most likely become a kind and empathetic person. Several ways to learn empathy:
   • Take an interest in the other person's affairs. Instead of making assumptions or challenging someone else's point of view, ask what is happening in that person's life. Show interest and concern for this person and watch as you begin to perceive him and his point of view.
   • Think about the reasons the person behaves this way. If you are queuing up for an older woman who takes too long to pay, try not to judge her or be annoyed. Most likely, this woman spends most of her days alone, and she tries to strike up a conversation with the cashier, because she just rarely gets to talk to someone. It doesn't really matter if this is really true, but what is important is that such reasoning will help to generate empathy for the other person.
3. 3 Try to match your needs with those of others. If you always and in all situations put your interests above all else and are sure that you will get what you want, it is worth reflecting on this and try to find a balance in the relationship. Start thinking about what your children, friends, loved ones need, even if it doesn't match your interests. Whenever you are in a conflict situation, instead of thinking about yourself, think about what would make the other person happy. Try to find a compromise or go against your wishes.
   • Remember that everyone's needs, desires, and dreams are equally important and valuable.
   • If your partner wants to watch his favorite baseball team play, and you want to go to the movies, go meet him this time.
4. 4 Be grateful to other people for all the good things they do for you. If you find that you are always expecting something from the person that you use their kindness (for example, if you force a friend to give you a ride or ask a relative to get you a job), it's time to thank those who help you. Show your appreciation by thanking the person in words, writing a note, and making a small gift. Let him know that you truly appreciate what this person has done for you.
   • Try to do something nice for each of your friends, as well as for strangers, without expecting anything in return. Good deeds are always done free of charge.
5. 5 Learn to compromise. Try to find a middle ground where each party can benefit from it. To compromise is a skill that helps to achieve success not only in friendship, but also in relationships and career.
   • When you're trying to solve a problem, think about who needs it most. If you and your friend are going to watch a movie, and she just wants to see one movie to death, although you prefer another, give in to her.
   • If you feel that you are not so sure about your desire, try to compromise and do what others want. Then the next time you need something, others will meet you. It all comes down to giving in to another person at least once.
   • Before you agree with someone, make sure that everyone has expressed their opinion. This will help you to consider your options before making a decision.
6. 6 Share. Lend your friend a favorite dress. Share your lunch with your friend who forgot his lunch at home. Lend your stereo headphones to a friend for a day.
   • Learn to share the things you hold dear. This will show other people how important they are to you, and it will make it easier for you to learn how to share with someone. It will help you change and develop kindness and generosity instead of selfishness.
7. 7 Become a volunteer. Take the time to volunteer to join a community, it can be a community from school, work or other independent activity. For example, you might start working in the school library, cleaning the park, working in the kitchen, spending time with adults, or teaching children to read. Volunteering will allow you to broaden your horizons, see how other people need help, how you can help them. Plus, volunteering teaches you to be grateful for what you have when you observe people who are less fortunate than you.
   • Make it a goal to volunteer at least once a week and watch how you release your selfishness.

Part 2 of 3: Become a Good Friend

1. 1 Become a good listener. If you want to get rid of selfishness, you need to learn to listen to other people. This means that you should just listen and penetrate, and not just nod and say "uh-huh" and wait until it is your turn to speak. Listen carefully to what the person is telling you. Memorize everything that is told to you and try to understand what the problem of your friend, colleague or loved one is. In addition, it is worth asking open-ended questions that will help to start and prolong a conversation, to express your thoughts.
   • Don't interrupt.
   • After your friend finishes talking, think carefully about the answer, refer to the facts that were said during the conversation to show that you listened carefully.
   • If your friend has a problem, don't compare it to your problem, which you think is "much worse." Call a spade a spade and try to give your friend good advice if he asks you to. For example, you might say something like, “Look, I was in a similar situation, and this is what helped me. Do you think it might work in your case too? "
2. 2 Let your friend choose how to spend the time. This simple gesture will show that you value your friendship. One of the key aspects of a good friendship is support, including supporting your friend's interests and choices. The next time you spend time together, let your friend choose which movie you go to, where you dine, which bar you go to, what you do.
   • Once you get into the habit of listening to your friend's opinion, you will start to enjoy caring for other people.
   • Of course, you can give in to each other in turn.One week your girlfriend will choose where you go and what you do, the next week you will choose.
3. 3 Prepare something tasty for your friend. Go to the store, buy food your friend loves, take the time to prepare a delicious meal and set the table. It takes time, money and effort to make a friend or girlfriend such a surprise. You will see how pleasant it is to do something good for another person. This gesture is especially important if your friend is very tired, if he is broken, and he needs support and rest.
   • Don't ask your friend to bring anything other than drinks with them. This evening, you are the one to arrange the surprise.
   • If you find that you enjoy cooking for your friends, you can start baking cookies or making stews by inviting friends to dinner.
4. 4 Give your friend good advice. Consider giving your friend really good, meaningful advice - it will help you feel kind and less selfish. Remember that a gift is not the only thing that pleases a friend. Sometimes the best thing you can do is help a friend deal with their problem. You need to not just tell him something that he wants to hear, you need to find time to think and give meaningful advice that will help solve his problem.
   • Give good advice to your friends - it will also help you take care of what your friends need, not you.
5. 5 Stop talking only about yourself all the time. This is easier said than done, of course. Although selfishness and self-centeredness are not the same thing, they are always connected. Thus, try to talk about yourself only a third of the time you spend with a friend. The rest of the time is worth talking about your friend's life, other people you know, common interests, and other topics.
   • If your friend is having a problem that you've already experienced, it's okay to briefly share how you dealt with the problem in order to help your friend with advice. In this case, the goal of your story is to empathize with your friend. As soon as you describe how you dealt with this problem, return to the topic of the conversation.
6. 6 Ask your friend how he is feeling. If you don't usually do this, try to develop this habit in yourself. The next time you talk to friends, ask how they are doing, what is happening in their life, what has happened in the last week. You should not pounce on a friend, bombarding him with questions immediately upon meeting, wondering how he is doing, what he is doing.
   • Taking an interest in the lives of others can help you get rid of selfishness.
   • It shouldn't be a superficial interest. You are interested in your friend and his life because he is your friend, because you care about him.
7. 7 Do a friend a favor. Do something good for your friend just for fun, not to get something from him in return. It can be big or small, from a simple gesture of attention (like bringing him coffee when he has a tough school day) to serious help (like spending three hours of your time explaining equations to a friend). If you see that your friend needs something, but he is embarrassed to ask you about it, offer it yourself even before he makes a request.
   • Sometimes you can do something good for your friend, even if he did not ask you about it - simply because you are in a great mood, and suddenly you remembered about your friend.

Part 3 of 3: Express gratitude

1. 1 Make a thank you list once a month. Take 15 minutes once a month to sit down, think, and jot down what you are grateful for. Come up with at least 10 points. Don't throw this list away - add to it every month. This list will remind you of all the good things in your life. Think how grateful you are for having met good people in your life, tell them your words of gratitude!
2. 2 Give a friend a little gift. Of course, it is very good to give gifts to friends and loved ones, for example, for a birthday. But it’s much better to give a spontaneous gift without a reason to show the person how happy you are that you know him. This little gesture will make you both happier.
   • It doesn't have to be some expensive or big gift. It can be just a souvenir, a book or some kind of jewelry. The most important thing is to show your friend that you are grateful for having him in your life. And the price of the gift does not really matter.
3. 3 Present your favorite item to the other person. This is a great way to show your appreciation. It's one thing to give away an old shirt that you don't really care about, and quite another to give your favorite sweater to your little sister or girlfriend. If you have some thing that you are especially attached to, but which you no longer use, give it to someone who means a lot to you, who can use this thing. Your kindness will spread to other people as well. Think about how many good things you can do!
   • Getting in the habit of giving away things you love but no longer use will make you a less selfish person and lessen your attachment to simple things.
4. 4 Appreciate nature. Go for a run or a walk in the park. Take a walk along the beach. Surround yourself with natural beauty, immerse yourself in the atmosphere of beauty and focus on the beauty of the moment. Natural beauty inspiration will help you become more grateful for everything you have. You will be willing to share it with others.
   • Plus, as you admire nature, you will learn to think about things in perspective. Your personality will no longer seem to you the most important thing in the world when you stand near a waterfall and observe its beauty and power.
5. 5 Write thank you cards. Every time someone helps you and does something good for you, take the time to write them a thank you card. Be sure to mention what this particular person did for you. Don't just hand out these postcards to teachers, colleagues, or faculty members. Get in the habit of writing these cards for loved ones and friends to show them how grateful you are for their help and attention.
   • Buy a pack of ten thank you cards. Make it a goal to use them throughout the year.

Tips

• Be glad that you are more fortunate in some things than others. Think about those around you and be grateful for all the good things you have.
• Try to imagine what it is like to be hungry and not know when you can eat next. Try to live without tasty food and favorite drinks for at least three days. Pay attention to your most expensive piece of clothing. Do you really feel that this thing is more valuable than food and hope?

Warnings

• Be careful, don't go too far, don't let others fool you. You should have your own point of view, but be prepared to compromise, help the other person, and take care of the good people you trust.