Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 2: How to Believe in Yourself
• Part 2 of 2: How to communicate with strangers
• Tips
• Warnings

Shyness is a sense of discomfort in a social environment that prevents us from achieving personal and social goals. You're shy? Does your heart jump from the very thought of talking to a stranger? This is common since shyness is a very common problem. As with any unwanted trait, the right approach can help you deal with shyness.

Steps

Part 1 of 2: How to Believe in Yourself

1. 1 Determine the nature and reason for the desired change. Are you concerned about your lack of communication skills? Are you unable to conduct superficial conversations, show feelings, awkward pauses or other practical problems often occur in your speech? You may have been able to master your communication skills, but you want to forget about the constant feelings of awkwardness and doubts.
   • Consider how much you want to change. Not everyone is given to become a socially active or sociable person. There is no need to waste energy on comparisons with others. You don't have to think that you should be like the rest. Such negative reinforcement will only confirm you in the thought that you are alone, not like everyone else, or even worse than others.
2. 2 Change your way of thinking. People who are uncomfortable in social situations often have a string of negative thoughts. "I look stupid", "No one is talking to me" or "I will look like an idiot" - all these thoughts can revolve in a vicious circle. As you yourself understand, such thoughts are negative and only increase your shyness and feelings of awkwardness.
   • Break the circle of negative thoughts.Be aware that you are the victim of such ideas. Question their logic. For example, if you are nervous in a large crowd or at a party, this does not mean that you look stupid. The people around you may well be worried.
   • Changing your way of thinking means not just thinking only in a positive way, but soberly assessing the situation. Many negative thoughts are based on illogical beliefs. You will need to find evidence that will question your negative thoughts, look at the situation differently.
3. 3 Direct your attention outward, not inward. This is one of the most important aspects of shyness and social anxiety. Most shy people do this unintentionally, but they often begin to draw attention to themselves during a conversation. As a result, a person is absorbed in himself and a vicious circle of thoughts begins again. The researchers concluded that this fact may be the main cause of panic attacks after moments of moderate anxiety.
   • Learn to be more relaxed about your shortcomings and don't focus on shyness or inappropriate words. Try to laugh it off and don't draw attention to what you think is a disadvantage. Most people will show sympathy - it's easier to feel human kinship than you think.
   • Show interest in other people and your surroundings. It may seem that everyone is looking at you right now, but usually people do not appreciate you at all. Distorted perception in such a situation only exacerbates the problem. The rest are busy with their own business and do not follow you at all.
   • While it is a common misconception that shy people are introverts, the reality is that introverts enjoy being alone and recuperate when they are completely alone. Shy people, on the contrary, are desperately looking for communication, but are afraid of condemnation or a questioning glance.
4. 4 Watch how confident people build social relationships. Imitation is one of the highest manifestations of flattery. Of course, you don't have to repeat every last detail, but watch out for outgoing people to get useful ideas for different situations.
   • If you know each other well, you can even talk about your problem and seek advice. Tell the person that you think highly of their communication skills and ask them for helpful tips. To your surprise, you may find that the person you admire so much is actually very shy.
5. 5 Contact a specialist if you are unable to cope with the problem. In some situations, excessive shyness is a sign of social anxiety disorder. A person with this problem is so afraid of criticism and condemnation from others that he has no friends or a romantic partner.
   • A professional can diagnose social anxiety disorder, help you develop a healthier mindset, and gain the confidence to stop avoiding people.

Part 2 of 2: How to communicate with strangers

1. 1 Go willingly. Would you approach someone with a sour expression on their face or with their head down? Hardly. Our body language helps others make assumptions even before we start talking. Stop staring at your shoes, smile a little, and maintain eye contact.
   • Open body language shows that you are open to interaction. Bend over to the person you are talking to, do not cross your arms and legs, and do not strain.
   • It should be recognized that body language not only shapes an opinion about you, but also affects your ability. Studies have shown that some power positions, such as relaxed posture and open arms, indicate that a person feels like a winner. On the other hand, the isolation in the fetal position expresses helplessness and vulnerability.
   • At one of the Ted Talk conferences, it was demonstrated that these power positions of superiority are universal for all living things - humans, primates, and even birds. The speaker suggested the idea that if we deliberately use these "power" positions in moments of uncertainty, then we ourselves begin to believe in them. Consequently, a person is able to control the degree of self-confidence in any situation.
   • Take a domineering pose for 2-5 minutes to alter brain chemistry, increase testosterone levels, and reduce stress hormones. Even if you mentally imagine such poses, then the person will feel confident and agree to take risks.
2. 2 Show yourself. The best way to meet new people is to actively visit the places where you can meet them. Go for an autumn dance night at school or attend a New Year's corporate party. Try to meet at least one new person before the end of the evening. Attend a poetry club meeting and read the poems you wrote as a student.
   • One researcher shared his recipe: The best way to overcome shyness around other people was to work in a fast food restaurant. As a teenager, he worked at McDonald's and had to communicate with complete strangers on a daily basis. He may still be embarrassed in some situations, but that experience helped the person become more successful despite being shy.
   • Ask friends to introduce you to other friends or acquaintances. This is a good way to meet new people. In addition, you don't need to know everyone, as your buddy can act as an intermediary. After talking with this person, gradually start to strike up conversations with mutual acquaintances.
3. 3 Practice communicating. This may sound strange, but stand in front of a mirror or just close your eyes. Imagine that you are talking to another person. Feeling ready to talk in an unfamiliar environment can help reduce anxiety. Imagine that your conversations are dialogues from movies. Imagine yourself as a sociable person who finds a common language with others. Then go from rehearsal to business.
4. 4 Showcase your talents. Emphasizing your merits will not only increase your self-confidence around other people, but you will also appear more attractive or interesting with others. For example, if you love painting, try painting the scenery for a play. It is easier for a person to show his best qualities if he does not feel discomfort. Strive to find common ground with people who share your passions and enthusiasm. Just do what you love and have fun with it to make new friends.
5. 5 Make sincere compliments. Nothing extraordinary is needed. Sometimes the most engaging conversations start with the phrase, "I like your shirt. May I ask, is this from (name )'s store?" Compliments naturally form a good impression of you, as your words lifted the person's spirits. Better yet, you are guaranteed to smile, as compliments made to other people will make you feel good too.
   • If you know the person, use their first name when you compliment them. Be specific. Instead of saying, “You look great,” it’s better to say, “I love your new hairstyle. The shade matches your skin tone very well.”
   • Aim to give 3-5 compliments a day to different people you meet on the street and during your daily activities. Try not to compliment the same person twice. See how many conversations you can strike up, and how many times after the conversation you feel better than before you met.
6. 6 Take small steps. Move forward in small, comfortable, audible steps. Every time you will learn something new. Track your progress.Keep talking to strangers and strive to find common ground. Celebrate small wins, even if you just managed to give a few compliments or successfully deal with negative thoughts.

Tips

• Try to take at least one step every week (or day). For example, if conversation is easy for you, try having a long conversation every time you start talking to someone. One effective way is to ask questions.
• Some people are uncomfortable visiting different places alone. Try going to the movies alone. How can you be shy in the dark? Other people in line will see that you are quite confident to go to the movies without company. Simulate confidence until you feel like it is real!
• If you need help, then speak directly about it. If you are silent, then anxiety accumulates, and the problem remains unresolved.
• Talk to random people, even if you don't know each other. Be polite and you will soon have a reputation for being a very outgoing person!
• Go in for sports. This is a great way to meet new people, shed the shell of shyness, and show your strengths.
• It's always nice to hang out with friends and other people, but sometimes it's okay to just sit and listen. This is the only benefit of being shy. You are able to listen and understand what is happening.
• Watch your facial expressions. No need to frown or frown.

Warnings

• Striving to overcome shyness is a daunting task. Don't expect the situation to change overnight. Everything is arranged a little differently. Please be patient and remember: "Moscow was not built right away."
• Be yourself and don't let others humiliate you.