Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 4: Basic Steps
• Part 2 of 4: Approaching Anger on a Personal Level
• Part 3 of 4: Approaching Anger Spiritually
• Part 4 of 4: Approaching Anger on a Social Level

Anger can consume you from the inside out and slowly destroy your life. While anger is a natural emotion and healthy response, it is dangerous to succumb to it. You must learn to let go of it for yourself. Here are some tips on exactly how to do it.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Basic Steps

1. 1 Understand anger. Existing over a long period of time, anger becomes an emotion that hurts the person experiencing it more than the person or people it is directed at. Anger often manifests itself when someone wants to avoid feeling pain over a situation, but that anger can ultimately only hurt him or her even more.
   • Anger can affect your emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical health when it has had you long enough. Even being angry with one person can ultimately make you unprepared to accept others into your life, especially if that person meant a lot to you.
   • Anger can drive a wedge between you and others, and between you and your faith. This can lead to the fact that you close even from yourself.
   • On a physical level, anger can also cause problems with high blood pressure or other elements of the circulatory system.
2. 2 Identify the root of your anger. Find out what exactly is hurting you. Only by identifying the loss or the underlying problem will you be able to confront him and let him go.
   • For example, if your spouse cheated on you or left you, naturally you would be angry. The feeling of loss you are experiencing is most likely due to the loss of the feeling that you are loved, appreciated, and respected.
   • As another example, if you feel angry after a friend betrayed you, the loss that leads you to sadness and anger is the loss of friendship and camaraderie. The more important this feeling of friendship was to you, the greater your loss and the greater your anger.
3. 3 Allow yourself to grieve. Since anger is often a mask to hide pain, remove that mask when you are alone, and allow yourself to grieve over that pain or loss without feeling guilty or weak about it.
   • Denying your grief is not strength, although many people mistakenly believe that experiencing grief and sadness is a sign of weakness. When something upsetting happens, there is no real point in denying how much it hurts you. The pain won't go away just because you refuse to admit it.In any case, the pain will remain longer if it is conserved inside.
   • Instead of saying "I am fine," admit "I am suffering." In the long run, this admission will help relieve pain and anger more effectively than rejection.
4. 4 Replace resentment with empathy. Another way might be to try to put yourself in the shoes of another. Consider the reasons for the behavior that the abuser might have. You may never fully understand someone else's motives, or you may agree with them after accepting them, but it will be easier for you to stop being angry with someone after you spend a little time in his or her head.
   • People rarely hurt others without hurting themselves in some way. Negativity spreads like a disease, and if you fall for someone else's negativity, it is likely that the person caught it from someone else before.
5. 5 Sorry. This does not mean that you have to accept, respect, or forgive the wrongdoing that caused your anger. In this sense, forgiveness means only making a conscious decision to let go of the resentment and desire to take revenge on the person who did wrong to you.
   • Understand that forgiving someone cannot push the other party to change their behavior. The purpose of forgiveness in this sense is to cleanse yourself of the anger and resentment that builds up within you. Forgiveness for your own benefit is an internal necessity, not an external one.
   • Forgiveness can help you build healthy relationships, achieve higher levels of spiritual and psychological well-being, reduce stress and anxiety, lower blood pressure, reduce symptoms of depression, and reduce your risk of alcohol or drug abuse.

Part 2 of 4: Approaching Anger on a Personal Level

1. 1 Take a more optimistic look. Remember that there is a silver lining. While the situation that triggered your anger can be extremely negative, it can have several positive aspects or side effects that are actually beneficial to you. Identify and cling to them to help you deal with the situation.
   • In particular, consider any ways your pain has helped you grow as a person. If that doesn't work, reflect on how your pain has set you on a new path, leading to good things that you might not have experienced if you skipped that path entirely.
   • If you can't find the positives of an unpleasant situation, look at other good things in your life and other things you can be grateful for.
2. 2 Write a letter or magazine. If you are keeping a diary or journal, write about your anger as often as necessary to help you release it. If you don't have a magazine, you can write an angry letter to the person who initiated your anger in order to vent your emotions. But don't submit it.
   • Sending a letter is almost always a bad idea. Even if you phrased it as politely as possible, the other party is likely to take it badly, especially if he or she is suffering from low self-esteem or other personal pain.
   • Ideally, you should write a letter, read it aloud, and tear or burn it as a form of symbolic liberation.
3. 3 Shout. There are times when a person feels so angry that he or she feels the urge to scream. If you are facing this kind of anger right now, pause reading and shout into your pillow. Screaming gives you physical release. Mind and body are connected, so by physically releasing your anger, you can also help ease some of your mental emotions.
   • As a precaution, you need to make sure your screaming is well drowned out by a pillow to avoid disturbing neighbors.
4. 4 Exercise. Like screaming, exercise provides physical release from your anger. Unless you're a big fan of exercise, you can still start small by walking more.
   • It works best when you can find the type of exercise that you enjoy. Take a walk in the picturesque park, take a dip in the refreshing water, or drop a couple of balls into the basket.
5. 5 Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. When memories of past anger begin to surface, quickly replace that thought with something positive to prevent a worsening of your mood.
   • You may think back to something good in the past, think about something exciting ahead, or think wider as you indulge in daydreaming.
   • Although, as a rule, you will want to not think about things related to the one who hurt you, even if these thoughts are positive. By remembering how it was, you can increase the pain of how it turned out, as a result, only increasing your anger.
6. 6 Throw it away figuratively. If the many details of a given situation upset you, you may want to find something symbolic to represent these components of your anger before discarding them.
   • You can collect stones near the river and throw them into the water after you have assigned your anger component to each of them.
   • You can also buy a bunch of tennis balls and label each with the component of your anger. Throw them as far as possible in your yard or tennis court and pick them up when you're done.
7. 7 Find a hobby you like. Sometimes it’s better to heal negative emotions like anger with a positive hobby that you really want to invest yourself in.
   • If you don't already have a hobby, try a few different ones. Take a lesson in painting, cooking, knitting, or any other potential hobby that grabs your attention.

Part 3 of 4: Approaching Anger Spiritually

1. 1 Pray. If you believe in God, pray for fortitude and willingness to let go of your anger. When you can't let go of your anger yourself, asking for divine help can help soften your heart enough to release your anger.
   • If you can't find words to express your anger and pain during prayer, you can also look online and in prayer books for pre-written prayers that accurately describe how you are feeling.
2. 2 Meditate. Whether you hold to any particular belief or not, meditation is a good way to stabilize your body, mind, and soul. There are many types of meditation you can try, so choose what works best for you and your needs.
   • When learning to meditate for the first time, choose a basic meditation program and create a soothing space for yourself, but not so relaxing that you fall asleep during your meditation exercises.
3. 3 Turn to your faith. Again, if you believe in a higher power, relying on that higher power to find the strength to overcome your anger and resentment can be a successful idea.
   • In particular, if you believe in God and that God loves and takes an active part in the process of human history, release your negativity and realize that God has a purpose for your pain and has not left you.
   • Consult a religious leader at your worship center or others who share your faith for support and guidance. Read Bible texts or spiritual books written about anger and forgiveness.

Part 4 of 4: Approaching Anger on a Social Level

1. 1 Surround yourself with positive people. Simply put, by opening yourself up to the optimism and positive thoughts of others, you will bring positive thinking back into your own life. Over time, you may even start developing your own positive thoughts to replace your anger.
   • Don't shackle yourself into thinking that you are limited to only one group of people, especially those people who constantly suppress you or contribute to feelings of anger.
2. 2 Consciously choose to have a positive impact on the world. You can let your anger spill out and affect those around you, but then you will only spread it and make these negative feelings stronger. By knowingly deciding to spread a positive influence to others, you can change social interactions in ways that reduce anger.
   • The world is filled with enough pain, sadness and anger. By choosing not to make additional negative investments, you can help heal yourself and others.
3. 3 Take responsibility for your actions. When dealing with the person who triggered your anger, think about the situation and honestly determine if there was anything you did poorly, should have done differently, or otherwise did it wrong. Take your own responsibility for these actions, rather than shifting all the blame to the other side.
   • This does not mean that you cannot admit the other party's mistreatment. It simply means that if you have done something wrong, you must be honest, especially if you are planning a reconciliation.
4. 4 Avoid social activity as needed. If someone who makes you angry is at a public event and you want to avoid the temptation to get involved in an argument or rekindle old feelings of resentment, there is nothing wrong with skipping that social event, even if others don't quite understand why.
   • At the same time, you also must not let the person who makes you angry ruin your life. If you have a lot of mutual friends, schedule time with friends without the bully.
5. 5 Give yourself a chance to speak up before meeting people who make you angry. If you are working with someone who pisses you off, or is otherwise forced to interact with that person, give yourself 30 minutes before meeting them. During this time, speak out loud and silently about how angry this person is at you. By the time you meet, you may be too worn out to deal with your anger in person.
6. 6 Determine if there is a reconciliation option. Understand that forgiveness does not automatically lead to reconciliation. If you suspect that the party responsible for your anger is remorseful and wants to make amends, reconciliation might work.
   • On the other hand, if the other side is not open to dealing with the situation, or if the nature of the pain is such that you can never trust the other side again, reconciliation may not work.