Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 4: Behave Right
• Part 2 of 4: Hear the story
• Part 3 of 4: Give good advice
• Part 4 of 4: Help
• Tips
• Warnings

Giving advice is not an easy task. You can get into an awkward situation, especially if you mostly (unintentionally) give bad advice. With the help of our recommendations, you will become a professional in advice matters! Start at step 1 below.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Behave Right

1. 1 Don't judge. The first and most basic step in giving good advice (or any advice at all) is not to judge the other person. You cannot assume that the person made a bad decision. We all play with a different set of cards, and what you were able to do with what you have in hand has nothing to do with what anyone else would have done.
   • Keep your face serious and remember what your mom taught you: if you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all.
2. 2 Don't press. We all, of course, have our own opinions on what is right and wrong, or who should do what, but when you give advice, the idea is to give someone the tools to make their own decision, and not make a decision for him. Try to exclude your own opinion from the conversation and just focus on helping the person come to their own conclusion.
   • For example, if your friend is thinking about having an abortion but you don’t believe it, don’t spend all your time telling her how bad it is. Instead, give her the pros and cons that you know in equal numbers.
   • Only when asked, “What would you do?” Do you have to express your personal opinion.Just make sure you give reasons for your opinion so she can understand your logic.
3. 3 Be honest. Let her know that you are not an expert. You don't have to talk for a long time, as all she really needs to do is talk. But it is important that you do not impersonate an expert if you are not.
   • This is fine do not speak "I know what you feel". Instead, say something like, "You're right to be upset" or "I feel like I would be upset if I were you."
4. 4 Express confidence. Sometimes all it takes to make the right decision is knowing that someone has faith in you and that someone thinks you can do the right thing. Be that kind of person for your friend, especially if no one else can be. Tell him something like, "This is a really difficult decision, but I know you want to do the right thing. And I know that you will do the right thing. You just have to pull yourself together with all your courage, which I know you are. "
5. 5 Know when intervention is needed and when it is inappropriate. Intervention is when you give advice to someone, when you are not asked to do so and probably do not want to. This can often be done with the help of a few friends or family members of that person who support you, but it can also only be done on your own. Of course, it's important to know when you should and shouldn't get involved and give someone advice they don't want. As a general rule, you should only leave this in case you are worried that someone is a danger to themselves or others.
   • If we are talking about how to dissuade a friend from friendship with a guy whom you do not approve of, then this is not a very rewarding business. However, if you're worried that your girlfriend is being physically abused by a boyfriend because she shows up at school with bruises, it's time to step in.
   • Sometimes a steady hand is what it takes to get someone to make the right choice, but often it can get someone on the defensive. This is a very difficult situation and you can play roulette here.

Part 2 of 4: Hear the story

1. 1 Just listen. When someone is talking and trying to get your advice, start by just listening. Very often, all that is needed is to speak out. He must be heard. This gives him the opportunity to understand the problem himself and come to accept the situation in his own mind. Don't speak until he's finished if he doesn't need a straight answer.
2. 2 Don't offer your opinion yet. If he asks for your opinion at some point in the story, give evasive answers and ask for all the information first. This is because you need to form a complete, informed opinion before you can actually give good advice. He may manipulate history and try to get an answer from you before you have all the facts to get the exact answer he expects.
3. 3 Ask a lot of questions. After he tells his story, ask him questions to get more information. This will allow him to develop a more complete, informed opinion, but it will also help him to think about something that he has not considered, such as alternatives or other points of view. Ask questions like:
   • "Why did you say that?"
   • "When did you tell him about it?"
4. 4 Ask if he needs advice! It's a good habit to ask first if advice is needed. Some people just want to talk and they don't want to be told what to do. If they say they would like advice, give it. If they say no, then just say something like, "Well, if you have a problem, I'll always be happy to help you with that."

Part 3 of 4: Give good advice

1. 1 Take time to think about the problem if you can. If you can spend a day or even a few hours thinking about their problem and possible solutions, take a break to really think about all possible solutions or approaches to the problem. You might even take the opportunity to ask someone for advice if you know someone who is more knowledgeable about the matter. However, people often need immediate help at the time they seek advice, so you should simply respond based on your best ability.
2. 2 Talk to them about any obstacles. Walk with them through the tricky parts of the situation and why they are a problem. What they see as an insurmountable barrier, in fact, can be easily overcome from the outside.
   • "So you want to move, but you're worried it's not possible. What things are stopping you from moving? You have to find a job first, right? Okay. What else? Can't you leave your daddy here alone? I see."
3. 3 Help assess the problem from the outside. Sometimes people cannot, as they say, see the forest for the trees. They find it difficult to see the fullness of their situation or even possible solutions because they are so fixated on a few small problems. Help them take a step back, rise above the situation, from the point of view of an outsider.
   • For example, if your girlfriend is worried about inviting a new friend to a party because he is older than she and she doesn't want to be judged, you could point out that she probably won't know anyone at the party, so that there is nothing wrong.
4. 4 Unlock all the possibilities. Go through all the options they thought of. Then, try to come up with a few new options that they haven't thought of. At this early stage, it is important to try to keep them from crossing out any options so that all options can be weighed equally.
   • If they neglect options, try to figure out the real reason. Sometimes they can be wrong.
   • Say something like, "So you want to tell your husband that you are pregnant again, but you have to do it carefully, because money is difficult right now. You can wait, not talk to him until you find out about his new job, or you can tell him now so that he has more time to look at other options. Maybe you can look at what assistance programs you can apply for and then talk to him? "
5. 5 Help evaluate options. Once everything is on the table, go through all the options in a brainstorming session, assessing the pros and cons. Together, you must develop a less biased picture of what can be done to solve the problem.
   • “Telling your boyfriend that you want to get married is an option, but knowing him will just make him feel like you're judging him. Another option would be to meet you and James and me. James can talk to him like a man and maybe , try to figure out why he is so indecisive. "
6. 6 Provide information you can. If you have advice from experience, or even just additional information on what to expect, provide that information as soon as the options have been discussed. You can then use this additional information to evaluate your options.
   • Again, remember to try to avoid bias and judgment in your voice and words when giving advice.
7. 7 Know when to be tough and when to be soft. Basically, people need a positive, but motivating pep talk. Sometimes, however, people really need to hear the truth. Sometimes people just need a serious kick in the ass. You have to learn to evaluate how to be in this case, and this is not easy. There is no ready-made formula here. In general, when someone is really just hurting themselves and not learning a lesson, then it's time to intervene.
   • However, if you don't have a good relationship with the person, or he takes criticism very badly, then telling him what he wants to hear will not improve your relationship with him in the short term.
   • Even when you're giving someone a useful boost, it's important not to be straightforward.
8. 8 Emphasize that you are not in control of the future. People, when they seek advice, will want guarantees. Remind them that you cannot give them, that there is no way to predict the future. Let them see that you are for them, and even if it does not work out as they hope, life will still go on.

Part 4 of 4: Help

1. 1 Provide help if needed. If your friend is dealing with a situation where the other person can do something, such as resolving interpersonal situations or serious problems at work, offer help. He will most likely refuse, but it is important to follow through if you are proposing.
   • Of course, if you know you won't be able to provide help, don't offer it, but you can offer to help find someone who can help.
2. 2 Continue to support. As the friend goes through the difficult situation they are in, support them as much as you can. It might sound like a fan, or it might mean something like “back up at work,” if needed, to keep him busy with the problem. Knowing that you are still behind him can seriously support him.
3. 3 Find some support materials. Do a little research on the problem and send him useful links. You can even buy him a book if you find one that addresses his problem. This is a great way to give the tools he needs to solve his own problems.
4. 4 Follow this question. If he doesn’t report on the progress of solving the problem, you should ask him (if he clearly does not want to talk about it). This will allow him to see that you really care about him and that you are really interested in having his problem solved.

Tips

• It is good to know a little about the topic in which you need help (for example, acquaintances, friends, school ...). If you are not too experienced in this area, let the person know that you are not an expert.
• Think about your friend periodically. Ask how he is doing, and if there is a gap in business and worries.
• Be especially careful not to hurt his feelings!
• Do not offer anything that could harm the person.
• Think before you speak. If things go horribly bad, you can be blamed.

Warnings

• If you think he may harm himself, immediately seek professional help.