Content

• Steps
• Advice

Apologizing is a way to show repentance when you do something wrong and improve your relationship after doing it. The hurt person forgives when they desire to heal the relationship with the person who caused the pain. A good apology conveys three meanings: regret, responsibility, and redress. Apologizing for doing something wrong may seem daunting, but it will help you heal and improve your relationships with others.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Before Saying Sorry

1. 

   Get rid of "right and wrong" thinking. Controversy over the details of a matter involving more than one person is often very frustrating, because it is highly subjective. The way we experience and understand a situation is completely different, and it is possible that the experience of two people in the same situation will be very different. An apology needs to accept the truth about the other person's feelings, whether you think they're "right" or not.
   • For example, imagine that you go to the movies without your partner. The person feels abandoned and hurt. Instead of arguing whether she / he feels “right” or wrong or whether you went out wrong or “right,” accept that he / she feels hurt when you apologize. .

2. 

   
   
   Use the "I" clause. One of the most common mistakes in apologizing is to use the phrase "you" instead of "I". When you apologize, you must admit responsibility for your actions. Don't push that responsibility to the other person. Focus on what you do and avoid speaking as if you are blaming the person.
   • For example, a common but ineffective way to apologize is to say "I'm sorry you were hurt" or "I'm sorry you feel sad". An apology is not to apologize for the other person's feelings. It should acknowledge your responsibility. Apologies like that don't help - they just push the blame to the hurt.
   • Instead, focus on you. Sentences like "I'm sorry I hurt you" or "I'm sorry my actions made you sad" will show that you are responsible for the harm you did and that it didn't make you. seems to be blaming the other person.

3. 

   
   
   Avoid making excuses for your actions. It is perfectly okay for you to justify your actions when you explain them to others. However, this often makes an apology lose its meaning, as the other person will see it as an untrue apology.
   • Advocacy can include asserting that the person you hurt has misunderstood you, like "I got it wrong," or denying the hurt, like "it's not that bad" or giving a reason for you. doing so "I was so devastated that I had no choice".

4. 

   
   
   Use your defense carefully. An apology may indicate that you did not intend or knowingly harm the person. This can be helpful in reassuring the person that you really care about them and not intentionally hurting them. However, you must be very careful that the reasons for your actions do not turn into excuses for the harm you did.
   • Examples of advocacy include denying your intentions, such as "I didn't intentionally hurt you" or "It's unintended" or negating your own wishes like "I was drunk and I I don't know what I said. Use these words carefully, and make sure Firstly You must always acknowledge the hurt you have caused before giving any excuse for your action.
   • The likelihood that the hurt person will forgive you if you apologize is higher than the justification. He / she will often forgive you if you apologize and accept responsibility, admit hurt, understand the right behavior and make sure to act appropriately in the future.

5. 

   Avoid using the word "but". An apology that includes the word "but" is almost never considered an apology. Because the word "but" is often referred to as "a tool to undo a spoken word". It will change the aim of the apology - acknowledging responsibility and showing regret - into justifying yourself. When people hear the word "but", they tend to stop listening. All they heard from that was "but these are really all errors your’.
   • For example, don't say something like, "I'm sorry, but I'm tired". This emphasizes that you apologize for what you did, instead of focusing your regret on hurting the other person.
   • Instead, say, "I'm sorry for being angry with you. I know it hurts you. I was very tired at the time and I said things I regret now."

6. 

   Consider the other person's needs and personality. Research has shown that "self-esteem" can affect the way a person accepts your apology. In other words, the way the person views himself toward you and others affects how best to apologize.
   • For example, there are a few people who are quite independent and value things like rights and interests. These people are more likely to accept an apology that offers a specific way to correct the mistake.
   • For people who value personal relationships with others, they may be more inclined to accept an apology that shows empathy and regret.
   • Some people value social norms and norms and always consider themselves part of society. Such people will often accept an apology admitting that they have violated certain rules or values.
   • If you don't know the person well, mix each up a little. These apologies often tend to admit that you are apologizing about what is most important to the other person.

7. 

   If you want to, write down your apology. If you have difficulty putting words to apologize, consider writing down your feelings. This helps you ensure that you are expressing the correct words and feelings. Take the time and organize exactly why you feel the need to apologize and what you will do to not make the mistake again.
   • If you're worried you'll get too emotional, you can take that note with you. Maybe the other person will appreciate seeing you put in so much effort to prepare for your apology.
   • If you're worried you're going to mess things up, consider asking a close friend for help. You also shouldn't practice so much that your apology becomes awkward and rigid. However, it's still helpful to practice apologizing to others and asking for their feedback on it.
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Part 2 of 3: Apology Punctuality and Right Place

1. 

   Find the right time. Even if you were feeling remorse right then, an apology won't work if it comes in the middle of a sensitive moment. For example, if the two of you are still arguing, your apology won't work. Because it is difficult to listen to others when we are filled with negative emotions. Please wait until both of you calm down before apologizing.
   • Plus, if you apologize while your emotions are overflowing, you may have trouble expressing your sincerity. Waiting until you calm down will help you get what you want to say and ensure your apology is complete and meaningful. But don't wait too long. Waiting days or weeks to apologize can also make things worse.
   • In a work environment, it's better to apologize as soon as possible. This will help reduce disruptions in your work.

2. 

   Please meet up and apologize. It's a lot easier to show sincerity when you go face-to-face to apologize. There are many ways we can communicate without using words such as body language, facial expressions, and gestures. Whenever possible, apologize in person.
   • If you can't apologize in person, use your phone.Your tone of voice will help show that you are being honest.

3. 

   Choose a quiet, private place to apologize. Apologizing is often a personal act. Finding a quiet, private place to apologize will help you focus on the other person and avoid distractions.
   • Choose a place that feels comfortable and make sure you have enough time to avoid rushing.

4. 

   Make sure you have enough time to speak fully. Apologizing in a hurry usually won't work. Because an apology has to take on certain things. You must fully admit your mistake, explain what happened, show your regret, and show that you will act differently in the future.
   • Choose a time when you are not feeling in a rush or pressure. If you are thinking about other things you have to do, you won't focus on the apology and the other person will feel it.
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Part 3 of 3: Saying Sorry

1. 

   Be open-minded and don't be intimidated. This type of communication is known as "unified communication" and involves discussing issues openly in a way that is open to mutual agreement, or "agreement". This method of communication has been shown to have lasting, positive effects on relationships.
   • For example, if the person you hurt is trying to repeat past actions that they believe are related to your mistake, let him / her finish. Wait a moment before you answer. Consider what the other person said and try to see things from the other person's point of view, even if you disagree with it. Do not curse, yell or offend the other person.

2. 

   Use open and humble body language. The gesture communication you use when apologizing is just as important as what you say, if not more. Avoid leaning or slouching as this indicates that you are not open to the conversation.
   • Make eye contact while speaking and listening. Try to do it at least 50% of the time you speak and 70% of the time you listen.
   • Avoid crossing your arms. These are signs that you are defensive and not open to the other person.
   • Try to keep your face relaxed. You don't have to be forced to laugh, but if your face is cranky or frowning, take a moment to relax your facial muscles.
   • Relax your hands instead of clenching if you want to gesture.
   • If the other person is standing near you and that's appropriate, touch to convey emotion. A hug or a light touch on the arm or hand can show what the other person means to you.

3. 

   Show that you regret it. Show empathy for the other person. Acknowledge the injury and damage you have caused. Acknowledge that the other person's feelings are completely correct and appropriate.
   • Research has shown that apologizing, driven by guilt or shame, is more likely to be accepted by the hurt. On the contrary, apologies for pity are often not accepted because they may sound insincere.
   • For example, you can start an apology by saying, "I hurt you yesterday. I feel so bad for hurting you."

4. 

   Accept responsibility. When you accept the responsibility, speak as clearly as possible. Specific apologies are often more meaningful to the other person because they show that you care about hurting him / her.
   • Try to avoid being too general. Saying something like "You're so bad" is incorrect and it is not intended for a particular action or situation. Too generalized it makes problem-solving out of reach; You can't change a "bad guy" as easily as changing someone "who doesn't care about other people's needs".
   • For example, continuing to apologize by pointing out what specifically caused the hurt, "I deeply regret making you hurt yesterday. I feel so bad for being hurt. hurt me. You shouldn't be saying badly to me just because I came to pick you up late’.

5. 

   Show how you will fix it. Apology will be most successful if you give some suggestions about how you will change in the future or compensate in some way.
   • Find the underlying problems, explain it to the other person without blaming anyone, and tell him or her what you intend to do to fix the problem so you won't make the mistake. that mistake in the future.
   • For example, "I deeply regret for hurting you yesterday. I feel so bad for hurting you. I shouldn't have spoken to you just because you came to pick me up. late. In the future he will think more carefully before speaking’.

6. 

   Listen to the other person. The other person may want to express their feelings to you. She / he may still be feeling sad and has some questions for you. Do your best to stay calm and open.
   • If the other person is still upset with you, he / she will act in an unfriendly manner. If the other person is yelling or insulting you, these negative emotions may prevent them from forgiving you. You can pause the conversation or try to direct the conversation to a more beneficial topic.
   • To pause, show your empathy for the other person and give them choices. Try to avoid acting as though you are blaming the other person. For example, "Obviously I hurt you and you seem to still feel upset right now. Should we stop for a while? I want to understand what you're saying. But I also want you to feel more comfortable. "
   • To divert negative conversations, try targeting specific behaviors that the other person wants you to do instead of what you actually did. For example, if the other person says something like "I never respect you!" you can respond by asking "What can I do to make you feel respected in the future?" or "How do you expect me to act next time?"

7. 

   End with gratitude. Show appreciation for the other person's role in your life, emphasizing that you don't want to endanger or ruin the relationship. It's time to recap what has made and maintain the bond between the two of you over time and tell them that you really love them. Describe how empty your life would be without their trust and presence.

8. 

   Patience. If an apology is not accepted, thank the other person for listening and leave it open in case they want to talk about it later. For example, "I understand you are still upset about it, but thank you for giving me the opportunity to apologize. If you think again, just call me". Sometimes they really want to forgive you, but they still need some time to calm down.
   • Remember, someone accepting your apology doesn't mean they've completely forgiven you. It will take time, possibly a long time, before the other person can completely ignore and trust you again. There's almost nothing you can do to speed it up, but there are lots of ways you can get it to sink. If the other person is really important to you, give them the time and space they need to heal. Don't expect them to return to their normal behavior right away.

9. 

   Keep comments. A sincere apology will either include a solution or show that you're willing to fix the problem. You promised to work things out, and you have to fulfill your promise to prove that your apology is sincere and complete. Otherwise your apology will lose meaning and your trust will completely disappear.
   • Try to probe the other person from time to time. For example, after a few weeks have passed, you might ask, "I know my actions a few weeks ago hurt you and I really tried to make things better. You see that. Which? "
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Advice

• Sometimes, a failed apology can evoke an earlier argument that you want to correct.Be very careful not to re-argue about anything or bring up old wounds. Remember, apologizing doesn't mean that what you say is completely wrong or incorrect - it means that you are very sorry that your words hurt the other person and you want to fix the relationship. generation of both.
• Even if you feel the argument happened in part due to the other person's misunderstanding, don't try to blame it while apologizing. If you believe that better communication improves things between you two, you can mention that as part of how you will make sure that argument doesn't happen again.
• If possible, pull the other person aside so you can apologize when it's just the two of you. This not only reduces the likelihood of someone else influencing the other person's decision, but it also helps you to feel less stressed. However, if you offend the other person in public and make him / her lose face, maybe your apology will be more effective if you speak in public.
• After apologizing, take some time for yourself and think about how better you can handle the situation. Remember, part of that apology is your commitment to being a better person. That way, the next time a similar situation occurs you will be ready to deal with it in a way that won't hurt anyone.
• If the other person is willing to talk to you about a resolution, see this as an opportunity. For example, if you forget your spouse's birthday or your anniversary, you may decide to have another night and make it more romantic and wonderful. This doesn't mean you can forget it again, but it does show that you are willing to work hard to change things for the better.
• An apology will often lead to another apology, whether it's from your friend for something you feel guilty about or from the other person because they realize the argument is on both sides. Be prepared to forgive.
• First of all, wait until the other person calms down, your cup of tea (once stirred up) will need to wait a while to get back to normal. People too, they will still feel upset so they may not be ready to forgive.