Content

• Steps
• Advice

It is important to be mindful of the other person's feelings; But you shouldn't put their needs above yourself. When you are too passive, you are giving other people the right to mistreat and take advantage of your kindness. As a result, you yourself endure a lot of resentment and frustration. Being too passive also has a negative effect on your self-confidence and self-esteem. However, being overly aggressive is another extreme and doesn't help either.Extreme behavior also reflects arrogance, bad temper, and uselessness. On the contrary, assertiveness shows that you are a person who knows how to express your thoughts and needs without underestimating or hurting those around you. It is important to find balance with proper assertive behavior.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Explore your relationships with others

1. 

   
   
   Evaluate your personal communication style. It is important to understand your personal style before making a change. If you have been assertive in all life situations, then perhaps only a little adjustment is needed. After all, there is a line between assertiveness and aggression. However, you can be a bit passive if you find yourself in the following situations:
   • Do not speak your opinion.
   • Always keep quiet.
   • Agree while you really want to say no.
   • Get more jobs when you have more problems to deal with.

2. 

   
   
   Explore your fear. If you find yourself unable to stand up for yourself or find it too difficult to say no to others, then you are afraid of losing their hearts. When you find yourself in a passive position in a situation, ask yourself what makes you really scared. Remember, the only way to overcome fear is to first realize its existence.
   • Talking to yourself that you “have to” wait for someone's approval is a misnomer. When you feel you "must" and "have to" do it, you will begin to ask yourself unrealistic demands.
   • What others think does not reflect your own worth, it often reflects their own problems.

3. 

   
   
   Think about if your fear might happen. Usually, the fear of being rejected or retaliated is the fear of being rejected by others. In other words, you can be passive in a few key situations because you care about the possible outcome if you are more assertive. Thinking about real revenge and how to respond if it does is a good way to overcome your fear and become more assertive. Here are some questions that will help you during this stage:
   • Will something you fear happen if you become more assertive?
   • Do you have any evidence that he or she will retaliate? For example, have they done that before?
   • Do you have any evidence that people will not retaliate?
   • Is what you're thinking about really happening?
   • What can you do to protect yourself from such retaliation?

4. 

   Release the responsibility of caring about other people's feelings. Sometimes you suppress your assertiveness because you don't want to hurt others' feelings. However, sometimes they misinterpret your intentions even when your assertion is correct. Don't do something you don't want to do or control yourself just out of fear of hurting someone.
   • Assertiveness doesn't mean being careless. You should always try to be assertive in a way that minimizes the hurt feelings as much as possible. However, keep in mind that this is not always possible.

5. 

   Get rid of guilt. Sometimes you may find yourself doing something you don't want because you think no one else will be able to do it. However, feeling guilty over and over when there is no reason for you to be, is neither good for you nor good for your self-esteem.
   • People in general are coping and will follow other avenues to meet their needs. So there is nothing wrong with rejecting someone.
   • Others may try to convey the information that you should do if you really care about them. That is manipulative and not fair to you. Your needs are also important, and if you allow the manipulation to continue, you will develop a feeling of frustration.

6. 

   Learn from your passive magnetism. When you do something you don't want to do, you often won't feel comfortable. Likewise, when you find yourself being despised by someone, that feeling is terrible. Spend more time thinking about how it makes you feel when you become too passive. By reminding yourself that you shouldn't be sad about yourself, you may just want to learn how to be more assertive. Here are a few things to keep in mind if you find yourself being too passive:
   • Feeling frustrated, hurt or depressed?
   • Are you feeling tight in your chest, tight in your stomach, or short of breath?
   • Notice your negative feelings and remind yourself that you don't have to accept anything just to fulfill someone's needs.
   • Sometimes you will feel satisfied after helping someone and that is the feeling you should be aiming for. If you feel dissatisfied, chances are you are being too passive and easily taken advantage of.
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Part 2 of 3: Knowing how to refuse

1. 

   Decide what you want and don't want to do. If you are a bit too passive, then make sure you always agree when you really want to say no. This causes inner tension and makes you even more frustrated with others. To avoid this, it's important to find out what you want and don't want.
   • When someone asks you to do something, ask yourself if this is what you really want to do.
   • If it doesn't feel too bad, stop and ask yourself again if that's what you really want to do. If you want, you don't have to convince yourself.

2. 

   Deep breath. This will help you stay focused. This is also important because it allows you to talk in a calm manner.
   • Breathe in through your nose and feel as if the air is entering your abdomen, then exhale through your mouth. Taking a deep breath will remind you to be calmer.
   • If you're talking to someone, don't make it obvious that you're trying to take a deep breath.

3. 

   Say you can't do it today. This may seem a bit awkward at first, as you are used to agreeing. However, it's important to set boundaries with others. Being more assertive has the following benefits:
   • More confident
   • To be respected by others
   • Higher self-worth
   • Improve decision-making skills
   • Increased career satisfaction
   • Get a better relationship

4. 

   Repeat the sentence in 1 or 2 words. If the other person is used to you always doing what they say, they may resist when you begin to say no. However, it is important to take your stand. Shorten the answer "no" to 1 or 2 words every time the other person insists.
   • For example, you might say you can't do that.
   • Then you can say that is impossible for you.

5. 

   Refuse. If the other person continues to insist, it's time to say no. Obviously they don't respect your boundaries and shouldn't talk around anymore. Time to just decline.

6. 

   Discuss more about other solutions. Sometimes it is difficult to say “no” frankly. For example, if you want to make work a priority, don't just tell your boss a "no" and walk away. In a tied situation, just saying "no" is not a good option, so try to offer alternative solutions instead. For example, you could say the following:
   • "Can I suggest another idea?"
   • "Can anyone else do this?" (Can you explain why this is difficult to do on request).
   • If the other person doesn't accept the other option, it helps to talk about your concerns to them. It could be said that you understand their request, but you also have a valid restriction and want to discuss some of your concerns.

7. 

   Finished the conversation. You may continue to get some adverse reactions even if it has been made clear that you cannot fulfill the request. In this case, this is the best time to end the conversation to avoid the situation of increased stress.
   • You could say you have to leave or that your spouse is waiting for you and then leaves.
   • If you were talking on the phone you could say this was a great conversation but you have to go.
   • If you talk to your supervisor, say that you understand this job is important, but only because you cannot do it.
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Part 3 of 3: Exercise assertiveness

1. 

   Decisions become more assertive. You must accept the change to get results. It helps to think about why you want to be more assertive. Here are a few of the negative consequences of being too passive:
   • Frustration arises when you repeatedly ask yourself how you let that happen.
   • Resentment can happen because you begin to feel like you are being taken advantage of.
   • You become aggressive and verbally violent when your anger increases and you often lose control and react inappropriately.
   • Depression comes from feeling helpless and as if you can't control a situation.

2. 

   Write down areas where you want to be assertive. Be as specific as possible. So instead of writing down that you want to be more assertive at work, make it clear that you want to be more assertive with your coworkers. Remember that there may be some aspects that you are often more assertive than others. Identify the areas in which you want results so you can focus on developing more assertiveness in those areas.

3. 

   Start with a low-risk situation. Becoming more assertive is a skill, and like some other skill, you need practice to improve. Perhaps it's best to practice assertiveness with a friend or lover and then move into more risky situations as the skills progress. For example, if your sister wants you to run to the market for her one more time, and you simply don't want to go, this might be a good time to practice assertiveness.
   • Remember, you still love or cherish your partner when you are assertive; Saying no means that you realize that your needs are just as important as the others' needs.
   • If possible, try practicing in a low-risk situation before moving into a higher-risk situation.

4. 

   Practice what you want to say. Whenever possible, write in advance what you plan to say. This way, you can rehearse what you would say before actually starting to assert yourself in the situation.
   • You can write the script first to reinforce, remember what you are going to say.
   • Definitely use sentences that begin with "I" instead of "You". For example, you could say, "I can't look after the kids today," instead of saying, "You can look after your kids."
   • It can be helpful to spend your time and mind rehearsing the whole situation. Use your imagination and pictures to visualize exactly what you will say and what you will do during the conversation. Pretend you are there so that you have the vivid situational experiences in mind. This will help reduce the anxiety you may experience, especially when you begin to become more assertive.

5. 

   Choose a time to chat. If you need to discuss something seriously, it's important that you choose a time that is convenient for both you and your partner. When you meet, communicate with the other person in a calm and calm manner as you rehearsed. Also, make sure you demonstrate confident body language, such as:
   • Make appropriate eye contact
   • Erect posture
   • Lean back slightly when speaking
   • An expression on a positive side
   • Also, try to avoid worrying gestures like clenching your hands, shaking your body, or kicking your feet, as this will make you look less confident.

6. 

   Repeat the process. Keep looking at your list of areas where you'd like to be more assertive. Assertiveness will eventually become second nature, but from now on, make sure you really intend to be assertive. advertisement

Advice

• Asserting with family and friends is probably the most difficult because you both want to please them; however, as you become more assertive, your relationship with them will also improve for the better.
• Deny is not always an option. Sometimes you may have to do things you don't want to do, such as parenting conferences or having to get work done on due; There is no clear pattern for this.
• Dealing with conflicts can be very difficult, even for the toughest of people. If you think it's easy to be emotional when you get angry, cry, or act overly emotional, try to wait a bit if you can before talking to someone.
• Assertiveness brings a sense of balance and choice. Make sure your assertiveness doesn't turn out to be outrageous and dangerous aggression.