Author:
Peter Berry
Date Of Creation:
19 February 2021
Update Date:
1 July 2024
Content
Self-control is a balanced, graceful, and courteous manner in social situations. If you want to be self-reliant, you need to increase your confidence, be a good communicator and learn to stay calm in difficult situations.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Increase confidence
Practice accepting yourself. If you are confident, you will be in a self-reliant manner; These two things complement each other. Accepting yourself will increase your self-esteem, making you more confident and in control.
- Make a list of your strengths and things you want to improve on, including your personality and appearance. Go through your list and verbally accept each of your features. Say, “I accept my word of mouth. I accept that sometimes I'm very hot-tempered. ”
- In general, you can use self-affirmations to talk to yourself, such as “I accept everything about myself. I accept who I am, my appearance, my past, my present and my future. "
Confident. The way you think about yourself affects your behavior and self-control. To develop confidence, learn to believe in yourself. That means you have to believe that you are an optimist, and there are many interesting things to share. It also means doing things that make you feel confident in yourself.- Visualization is a helpful way to gain confidence. Close your eyes and visualize yourself in complete confidence and self-control. Where are you? How do you feel? What are you thinking about? What are you doing?
- Think positively about yourself. If you find yourself worrying or thinking negatively, turn the tables. You can practice by thinking actively: “I can do it. I can accomplish anything if I focus. I believe in myself. "
- Try power poses. Our body language can shape what we feel about ourselves. Power poses will make your body appear bigger (taking up more space) instead of getting smaller (showing a lack of confidence). Try standing with your legs spread slightly apart and resting your hands on your hips. You can find many more power poses online.
Focus on strengths. Paying attention to the positives of yourself can increase your self-confidence and self-control in all situations, making you more likely to accept you.- Make a list of your achievements. Do you get an A on the test? Are you good at swimming and have won a medal?
- Think about how to use your strengths to increase self-control.
Believe that will not be there. No matter what situation you are in, the way you think about it can affect results (for better or for worse). People who believe that bad things are about to happen can actually contribute to making that bad outcome happen. For example, if you are concerned that you might say something stupid during a meeting, this thought may make you more nervous, leading to confusion. Therefore, you are the one that will produce the results you are most afraid of dealing with.- Instead of thinking about what could happen or the worst case scenario, focus on what you really want it to happen. Instead of thinking, "Oh no, I won't say it wrong," take the initiative to think more positively, for example: "I want to speak effectively and clearly.I will focus on self-control and confidence. These positive thoughts reduce negative feelings and increase the likelihood of positive results.
Seek social support. Highly supportive relationships will strengthen and boost your confidence. When we have consensus from others, we develop a sense of connection, belonging, and acceptance.
- If you are feeling unhappy or not confident in yourself, talk to a friend or relative. They may help you to recognize the good points about yourself and change your moods and thoughts. That will make your values recognized, you will feel more confident knowing that others support and trust you.
- Examine your relationships and ask yourself if your regular friends support you. Social relationships should be positive and supportive in times of stress. If there are people who make you feel sad or bad, those are the ones who can't help you become more confident. Stay away from harmful relationships and focus on connecting with people who are supportive.
Method 2 of 3: Become a good talker
Knowledge of many different topics. Interacting comfortably with others demonstrates confidence and self-control. It will be easier to come up with topics to discuss if you have a variety of skills and topics knowledge.
- Go to the library and read a lot of books. Read about history, science, sociology, psychology or whatever you like.
- Browse and read reputable websites for the latest events.
- Read newspapers (online or print) and stay abreast of events in the community and around the world. This way, you can initiate a conversation by asking: “Do you know about ____? What do you think about that?"
- Explore new hobbies and activities. For example you can learn to: play a musical instrument, dance, yoga, rock climbing, skydive, surf, snowboard, ski, dive, painting or vocalize. This way, when you meet new friends, there are plenty of activities to discuss. Maybe the other person will have the same interests as you.
Listen. When participating in social events, be the "listener" instead of being the controller of all conversations. People love to be heard and will be automatically drawn in by someone who takes the time to listen to them.
- Relax, breathe, and pretend you're talking to someone you've known for a long time.
- Ask questions and enjoy what they say. Focus only on the person and their experience, instead of what you intend to say. Live in the present.
- Ask open-ended questions instead of "yes" or "no" answers. This will help keep your conversation flowing and positive.
- Use active listening to build understanding and confidence. One way to show listening is to repeat what the person said. You can do so by saying, "I just heard you say you're angry with your brother, right?"
- You can also make opinions and stand with the speaker. Say things like, “That sounds difficult. Looks like you got hurt, and in that situation it's easy to understand. ”
Focus on the positives. If you talk too much about the negative things, you will become a complainant and lack of self-control. However, if you focus on positive topics, people will find you very charming and attractive.
- Ask positive questions like: “What's so funny about these days? Are you doing anything interesting? ”
- In general, political and religious topics should be avoided, unless you share the same spirit and openness about them.
Definitive communication. It is the ability to respect and open up about one's feelings and thoughts but still maintain dexterity and calmness. Decisive communication brings a feeling of warmth, closeness and friendliness.
- One way to be decisive is: to understand others and their circumstances, but still respect and express your own needs and wants. For example you could say: “That's a great idea. What if we do it this way too? "
- Show definitive body language. Make appropriate eye contact (no staring but not hiding, looking around from time to time). Stretch the body; not curled up (over shoulders) or extended (put hands on hips).
- Do not communicate in an overwhelming manner by lowering others, calling them difficult names or speaking in a high voice.
- Expressing how you feel or think when you know it will hurt another person is also an overwhelming form of communication; There are some things that are best not to say (negative comments about someone else's behavior or appearance). These words and actions will show your aggression, making others feel that you are not in control.
- Programs that teach life skills are organized in some places.
Method 3 of 3: Stay calm
Pause and take a deep breath. Part of being in control is staying calm in difficult or annoying situations. Instead of reacting negatively like rushing out of the room or yelling at someone, maintain self-control by stopping and breathing, or politely leaving the situation (for example, asking for permission to enter. toilet).
- If you are alone, you can practice deep breathing to calm down. Breathe in deeply through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. Focus on breathing and experiencing it. Your body will relax, and once you feel calm, you can stop the breathing exercise.
Observe. Being mindful of your reactions is an important factor in staying calm. If you observe what is happening, you can begin to change how you react to situations and become more in control.
- Ask yourself, “What am I responding to? What am I thinking and feeling about this situation? Is this how I handled the situation up until now? Am I upset about this situation, or is it because it reminds me of the past, so I lose my temper? "
- Take a broader view. Observe the situation from afar as if you were on a helicopter and look down at everything from the sky. Where is the whole picture? Does this have any effect after 1 month, 6 months, or a year? Maybe you are reacting to things that won't affect you in the long run.
Do things that help. Having a plan for dealing with difficult emotions is a great way to stay calm. List suitable ways to deal with those emotions.
- For example, if you find yourself getting angry easily when you don't get everyone's approval, you can develop a strategy to deal with the situation. It might include: take a deep breath, count to 10, or remind yourself that nine people have ten ideas, and that doesn't mean they think you are stupid or don't like you.
Advice
- Never change yourself if you don't want to.
- Observe people who are self-reliant and follow them.
