Content

• Steps
• Advice

Some are born shy while others are inherently bold and sociable. Most people are somewhere between "introversion" and "extroversion." Whatever your natural personality tendencies are, things like social phobia and lack of confidence can easily separate you from those around you. Fortunately, however, you can learn how to train your brain and get out of that shell!

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Positive thinking

1. 

   Understand the difference between introversion and shyness. There's a stark difference between introversion and shyness that you can't talk to someone at a party. Introversion is a personality trait: what makes you feel happy and comfortable. In contrast, shyness comes from a feeling of fear or anxiety about interacting with others. Find out if you're an introvert or if you're simply too shy to step out of your shell.
   • Introverts tend to prefer being alone. They feel like they are "recharged" when no one is around. They like to hang out with people but they often like to go out with small groups and have light meetings instead of big parties. If you feel happy and comfortable alone, like satisfying your needs, then you're probably an introvert.
   • Shyness can cause anxiety when interacting with others. Unlike introverts who enjoy being alone, shy people are often dream that they can interact more with people but are too shy to do so.
   • Research has shown that shyness and introversion are almost completely unrelated - in other words, being shy doesn't mean you're introverted and introverted doesn't mean you "hate people. ".
   • You can take the Wellesley University test (in English) to test your shyness. If your score is greater than 49, it means you are extremely shy, and if your score is below 34 it shows that you are not too shy.

2. 

   
   
   Out misconception into self-awareness. It can be difficult to step out of your shell when you feel like everyone is paying attention to your every move. But science has proven that the one who criticizes us the most is ourselves - often, others don't even recognize any lump that we consider unacceptable. . Learn how to judge your actions in terms of acceptance and understanding rather than criticism.
   • Misconception starts with shame and shame. We worry that others are judging us as harshly as we are criticizing ourselves for our mistakes and mistakes.
   • An example of such a misleading thought like, “I can't believe I said that. Sounds like a dumb kid. " This thought is critical of yourself and does not have any future benefits.
   • A self-aware thought like “Oh, I've completely forgotten the person's name! I need to find some way to be able to remember other people's names better ”. This thought tells you that you did something wrong, but it doesn't mean your life is over. It also accepts that you can do differently in the future.

3. 

   
   
   Remember that no one is watching you for the most part friend. People who have difficulty stepping out of their shells are often stuck in the thought that everyone around is observing their every move, waiting for them to fail. When you are in a socially interactive situation, do you spend all of your time observing each person's actions in the room? Of course not - you're busy concentrating on the things that really matter to you. And guess? Most people do.
   • "Personalization" is a common misconception, or unhelpful way of thinking that your brain has habituated. Personalization makes you feel guilty for things that are not your responsibility. It can make you see everything as your business while those things have nothing to do with you.
   • Learn to challenge personalization by reminding yourself that it's not all about you. That the colleague does not respond to your friendly wave is not angry with you; Maybe she can't see you or maybe she's been having a really tiring day, or she's worried about things you don't even know. Remembering that everyone has a rich inner life filled with thoughts, feelings, and desires can help remind you that most people are too busy to spend time observing you.

4. 

   
   
   Challenge self-criticism. Perhaps you are afraid to step out of your shell because you constantly remind yourself of all the things you did and ruined that social situation. Maybe you will leave thinking "I'm too quiet", "The only comment I gave is stupid" or "I think I offended someone A or B". We all have all been gossiping before, but we have also all succeeded in socializing. Instead of obsessing over the bad things you did or didn't do, focus on the positive ones. Remind yourself that you can make other people laugh and they look really happy to see you or that you made a great opinion about something.
   • "One-way perception" is another common type of misconception. It happens when you focus on only the bad things and ignore all the positives. This is a natural human tendency.
   • Fight off one-sided perception by being more attentive to your own experiences and proactively acknowledging the positives. You can carry a small notebook with you every time something good happens to you, even if it's just a small thing. You can also record these moments on twitter or Instagram.
   • When you find yourself having negative thoughts, pull out your list of positive thoughts and remind yourself that there are lots of things you can do well. And with what you can't do now, you can learn!

5. 

   Find out what makes you special. If you want to get rid of your shell, you need to have enough confidence and satisfaction with who you are. If you are happy with yourself, you will be more inclined to share who you are with others. Think about the things that make you special: your quirky sense of humor, your travel experience, the intelligence you gain after reading so many books. Be proud of what makes you feel be yourself and remind yourself that you are really have qualities you deserve to show off the next time you step out into the world.
   • Make a list of the things in which you feel good about yourself.
   • Nothing is too "small" to include on this list! We often have the habit of belittling our talents and achievements (another type of misconception), assuming that what we know is not as great as what others can do. But not everyone knows how to play ukulele or cook perfectly scrambled eggs or find the best shopping deals. No matter what you can do, be proud of it.

6. 

   Imagine success. Before you enter into a social interaction situation, envision yourself walking into a room, people are happy to see you, and they react enthusiastically to social interactions with you. You don't have to imagine yourself as the center of attention (in fact you might not want it at all!), But you should imagine the scenario that you would expect. It will help you to put more effort to achieve it.
   • There are two types of imagination, and you need to use both for best results. With "results visualization", you will imagine yourself achieving your goals. Close your eyes and imagine how enjoyable and fun your next social interactions will be. Visualize your body language, words and movements, and how people react to them. Imagine them smiling at you, laughing at your jokes, and happily hanging out with you.
   • With "process visualization", you have to imagine the steps you need to take to achieve your goal. For example, what did you-of-the-future do to get that easy and comfortable social interaction? Prepare some "chat" topics? Uplifting with a few positive affirmations? What action will help increase your chances of success?
   • Basically, imagination is a mental "exercise". It allows you to "practice" a situation before going through it. You can also identify potential problems and find ways to fix them.
   • Imagination can help you accomplish your goals because it can actually trick your brain into believing you đã do those things.
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Part 2 of 4: Raising confidence

1. 

   Good at something. Another way to build confidence and gain motivation to talk to others is to learn something new. It can be anything from figure skating to creative literature or Italian cooking. You don't have to be so great at it; It is important that you try and acknowledge your success. Being good at something not only boosts your confidence but also gives you more topics to talk to others about. In addition it can also help you make a few more friends.
   • If you are already good at something then great. Make it a list of the things that make you special. And don't be afraid to try new things.
   • Learning new skills can also help your mind become faster. When the brain is constantly challenged with new information and tasks, it becomes more resilient and adaptable - and that's incredibly conducive to breaking out of its shell.
   • Try taking a class! Whether it's a beginner's yoga class or an Italian cooking class 101, it's a great way to connect with people who are also learning something new to them. You will probably find that everyone makes mistakes along the way towards success, and perhaps you even bond with people through your new interests.

2. 

   Force yourself to step out of the safe range. Hiding in your shell can help you feel comfortable. You know what you are good at and you never have to do the things that make you scared or uncomfortable. The problem is that if you stay within safe range you will lose your creativity and your discovery. Doing something you've never done before will get you out of your shell.
   • Forcing yourself to step out of your comfort zone means accepting your fears and uncertainties, and that it's completely normal to feel this way. You can't let those feelings stop you from exploring the world. If you practice risky even though you are a little scared, you will find it easier to keep going.
   • Psychologists have discovered that you are need A little bit nervous to be more creative.People often work harder when they are not sure about the situation and this will increase productivity.
   • On the other hand, you probably won't want to try too hard and too quickly. When you get too stressed your brain stops functioning. So sometimes you can force yourself a bit, but be patient with yourself.
   • This doesn't mean you have to skydive if standing on the second floor balcony is also frightening. But whether you're trying to learn salsa dancing, rock climbing, or making your own sushi, promise yourself you'll start doing things outside of your comfort zone.

3. 

   Set some "easy" goals. One way that will likely disappoint you when you encounter failure is to have perfect expectations from the start. Instead, increase your confidence by setting a few goals that seem difficult but achievable. As your confidence level increases, you can set yourself up with harder goals.
   • Try to talk to someone in the meeting. It can be overwhelming for you to be in situations where you have to "own the room" and interact with everyone, especially if you've just started the process of trying to step out of the shell. mine. Instead, aim to speak to only one person. It is completely doable! And when you do, you will be able to see it as "your own success".
   • Look for shy people just like you. You're not the only one having trouble getting along with everyone! The next time you're at a meeting, look around and look for someone else who feels uncomfortable or alone in the corner. Please go ahead and introduce yourself. Maybe you're the inspiration they need to get out of their shell theirs.

4. 

   Understand that you are likely to fail. Not all of your interactions will go well. Not everyone will react enthusiastically when you approach them. Sometimes something you say won't work out as it should. Do not worry! Accepting uncertainty and outcomes that are different from your own plans will make you more open to connecting with others.
   • Seeing those difficulties or failures as lessons learned can also help you stop seeing them (or yourself) as "failures". When we mistakenly think of ourselves as human failures, we lose the motivation to keep trying, because there is nothing to gain by trying. Instead, look for things you can learn from each situation, even those that are uncomfortable or not going as you would like them to be.
   • For example, you try to introduce yourself to someone at a party but he is not interested in talking to you and turns away. This is bad, but guess what? It is not failure; It's also not really a mistake because you already have the strength and courage to step out into the outside world. You may also learn a useful lesson from the experience, such as observing the signals that the person is not interested in talking and understanding how others react is not. your fault.
   • When you feel ashamed of something, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. Maybe you asked someone about his girlfriend when everyone else knew he was "kicked" a few weeks ago. Perhaps you find that you talk too much about your childhood with your obsession about adventures. All is well - everyone has been. It is important that you stumble, but you can get up again. Don't let a social mistake stop you from trying in the future.
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Part 3 of 4: Step out into the world

1. 

   Demonstrate yourself as an accessible person. Part of stepping out of your shell is making others want to talk to friend. You will be surprised to learn that people may think you are arrogant or disrespectful just because you are too embarrassed to give others a positive impression of yourself. You can change this today. The next time someone comes up to you and starts a conversation, give them a big smile, straighten up, relax your hands, and enthusiastically ask how he or she is feeling. Once you get used to hiding in your shell, you'll have to practice to be friendlier, but you can do it.
   • If you're feeling shy, you might embrace a book or phone, but this will make people think you're too busy talking to them.
   • You can still be open and close even when you're shy. Even if you don't say much, nodding, making eye contact, smiling at the right time, and the look that shows you are happy are all signs of "a truly listener". Sincere listening helps people feel interested and engaged in the conversation. If you just stand there and stare down at the floor, people will probably forget your existence.
   • Try to reiterate a few of the key points of the conversation that underpin your contribution. Not only does this show that you are listening, it also helps others feel recognized. For example, if you are listening to someone talking about her trip to Nha Trang, you could say things like “Sounds great! I've never been to Nha Trang, but I've been to Danang. ”
   • If talking about yourself is still too difficult, here is one way you can use it until you feel a little more comfortable talking about yourself.

2. 

   Ask people open-ended questions. When you're talking to people, it's a great idea to ask them a few simple questions, whether it's a question about themselves, their plans, or whatever they're talking about. go on. Asking questions is also a way to reduce stress in social interactions because you won't talk about yourself too much, it shows interest and motivates the conversation. You don't have to ask thousands of questions or learn too closely about your private life that makes them uncomfortable; Be skillful in asking a friendly question when appropriate.
   • Obviously, for shy people it will be more difficult to open up a word to introduce themselves. So this would be a good way to get started.
   • Open-ended questions will allow the other person to share something about them, instead of “yes” or “no” questions.
   • A few open-ended questions could be mentioned such as "Where did you buy such a beautiful shirt?" or "Which book do you like and why?" Or "Where is the best place to drink coffee around here?"

3. 

   Start sharing about yourself. As you become more comfortable with the person you are talking to, or even with your friends, you can begin to open up to them. Of course, you shouldn't share your biggest, most secretive secrets in the first place, but you can gradually reveal them one by one. Get rid of the pressures. Tell a funny story about your teacher or show everyone a cute photo of Muffins, the bunny you are raising. If someone talks about his trip to Da Lat, talk about a troublesome trip with your family there. The small steps are the key.
   • You can share a little bit by saying "Me too" or "I understand what you mean. There was a time I ..." when people talk about their experiences.
   • Whether it's sharing stupid stories or small details can help you step out of your shell. As people actively respond to what you say, you will gradually open up.
   • You don't have to be the first to share something about yourself. Please wait for a few people to speak first.
   • Although it is not rude to talk about yourself too much when unnecessary, it is also considered that you are completely silent.If a person is sharing a lot of things with you, and you just let it go, then that person may be hurt because you are uncomfortable talking about yourself. Even if it's just "Me too!" will also make people feel more connected to you.

4. 

   
   
   Master the gossip. There isn't anything trivial to gossip. Lots of good friendships and close relationships start with talks about the weather or the sports team of the area. Some people say "I don't gossip" because they think they are meaningless and time consuming. However, creating a simple, pressure-free conversation with strangers is a way for you to get to know them better. Chatting really gives people the opportunity to mingle on topics that are not too personal. When people first meet, they often decide to share information about themselves that they consider "safe". Gossip creates many opportunities to share "safe" information and takes small steps to build trust. To initiate a gossip, you just need to know how to make the person feel comfortable, ask polite questions, share something about yourself, and keep the flow of conversation steady.
   • Use the person's name in conversation. This will make them feel like they mean to you.
   • Use hints to start a conversation. If the person is wearing a Manchester United hat, you can ask him what team he likes, or how he became a fan.
   • You can say a simple question and then ask a question. For example, you could say, “I stayed home all week because it rained. I have to help my mother with lots of chores. And you? Did you do anything more interesting? "

5. 

   
   
   Read everyone. Reading others is a social skill that can help make conversation happier and help you step out of your shell. Having the acumen to know if the person is excited and ready to talk or distracted or upset can help you decide what to say - or whether you should talk to them. .
   • You also need to understand the general psychology of the people on the team as well; do they have a lot of internal jokes and are difficult to accept by outsiders, or are they the type to be interested in anything? This will help you figure out how much you should present yourself.
   • If someone smiled and walked slowly like she was not aiming for a specific destination, then she would be more likely to talk to you than someone drenched in sweat, furiously surfing through a text, or are plugged in as fast as the wind.

6. 

   
   
   Focus on speaking time. When you're talking to people, focus on what's going on: the context of the talk, the facial expressions people are talking about, and so on. Never mind what you said five minutes ago or what you will say over the next five minutes when you have the opportunity to comment. Do you remember the part "stop misunderstanding"? It doesn't just apply to everyday thoughts, but also specifically applies to mind-tuning in conversation.
   • If you are too busy worrying about everything you have said or will say, you will not be able to pay attention to the talk and will not be able to provide reasonable opinions. If you are distracted or anxious, others will notice.
   • If you find yourself really distracted or anxious about the conversation, count your breaths up to 10 or 20 (Don't lose the pulse of course, of course). This can help you focus on the moment of your speaking and less on other details.
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Part 4 of 4: Make it a habit

1. 

   Start saying "yes" and stop advocating. If you want to make stepping out of your shell a habit then it's not just about mastering your current social skills, it's also about creating the habit of socializing, Attend new events, and keep your social life rich. You may refuse because you are afraid of social situations, don't want to feel embarrassed when you don't know the people at the party well, or because you would rather be alone than socialize. .
   • The next time someone asks you to do something together, try asking yourself if you refuse just out of fear or laziness, not for a good reason. If your fear keeps you from moving forward, say “no” to it and step outside!
   • You don't have to agree to go with a classmate to the "insect lovers" club or with everything you are asked to do. Just make the goal of saying yes more often. You can do that.

2. 

   Invite everyone to do something together. Part of stepping out of your shell is not simply accepting what others want to do, but also starting to plan for the things you want to do. If you want to be known as a more sociable and friendly person, then sometimes you should be the one in control. Even if you just invite everyone over to order pizza and watch movies Scandal Or invite a classmate to have coffee, people will gradually see you as someone who has many interesting things to do.
   • You will certainly feel afraid of rejection again. Maybe people will say no, but mostly because they're busy.
   • Also, if you invite people to do something, it's more likely that they'll do the same for you.

3. 

   Understand that you cannot change completely. If you are extremely shy, introverted, then you won't be able to become a gossip after a month. Introverts can't really become extrovert or the most comfortable and brave person in the room to stand up and show off their good qualities.
   • So, don't get discouraged if you can't start dancing on the table or catch everyone's eyes. Perhaps you don't want to either.

4. 

   Remember to recharge yourself. If you're an introvert, you'll need time to recharge yourself after social interaction as extroverts will gain strength from others while introverts will feel exhausted. strength when there are many people around. And if your energy is running out, you need to give yourself a few hours to be alone and recharge.
   • While you may want to fill your social interaction schedule, always be sure to set aside some "time for yourself," even if it's a bit inconvenient.

5. 

   Find people who really understand you. Let's face it. Maybe in the end you may never break your shell to become a completely different person. However, as you feel more comfortable stepping out of your shell, you will be able to find people who truly understand you, who make you feel comfortable. Maybe it's a group of five best friends who let you really relax, sing like idiots and dance to "The Macarena". But this small group can help you cope in crowded places.
   • Finding people who really understand you will help you feel comfortable, confident and out of your shell in the long run. What could be better than that?

6. 

   Grow from annoying things. If you're having trouble breaking your shell, it's probably because you often leave the room whenever you feel uncomfortable. If you find yourself in a social situation where you don't know many people there, there's nothing to contribute to the situation or simply feel like you don't belong there, you may want to leave, as an excuse to leave early or silently step back.Now, don't leave when things get tough - try to enjoy yourself in your uncomfortable situation and find that it's not as bad as you think it is.
   • The more often you are in unfamiliar situations, the easier it will be for you the next time you come. Take a deep breath and tell yourself it's not the end of the world and find a way to initiate the conversation - or simply act like you're having a good time.
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Advice

• People won't be able to understand your character if they never talk to you! If you look kind and dressed properly, everyone will feel more comfortable! Smile!