Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

In most cases, someone's gender is theirs. Trying to "identify" just to satisfy your curiosity is immoral, and will even put your friend at risk of harassment. However, if the person is secretly liking you or vice versa, you need to make it clear. Instead of trying to answer questions about the person's characteristics, define your goals clearly. Are you trying to calm the situation and maintain the friendship? Or do you want to turn this friendship into another deeper emotional form? Either way, it requires careful handling to avoid ruining the friendship.

Steps

Method 1 of 2: Dismantling emotions that may arise

1. 

   Respect the person's privacy. Your best friend's gender is their own business. However, if she might be watching over you, you can help undo the situation and save your friendship. If this is your goal, you should correct your thinking. You don't need the friend to confess; you just need to return to simple friendship.
   • Never let other people know you think your friend is gay. No matter how your school or city progresses, someone might bully or harass her because of this rumor (even if it's not true).

2. 

   
   
   Look for signs. You don't have to be 100% sure before doing something. You may continue to be suspicious or speculative about the person until you clear the heavy air. However, if you are hesitant or suspicious of yourself, you can check for the following signs to see if your attraction is likely to happen:
   • Touching the body is a common practice in a woman's friendship, but only to a certain extent. If your friend holds your hand on the road, massages you, or hugs you for unusually long periods of time, she may be secretly liking you. (The boundaries of each culture will be different, so these examples won't apply everywhere).
   • She is in constant contact with you, and is annoyed if you don't respond quickly.
   • She gets angry if you spend time with other friends instead of with her.

3. 

   
   
   Gently decline. There are ways to alleviate the situation without having to pry into her personal life. During a private conversation, make it clear that you are not interested without embarrassing your friend. Here are a few suggestions you can provide (but only use them if they are true):
   • "I really want you to be my good friend forever. Can we continue like that?"
   • "I want to find a guy to date".
   • "I want the two of us to spend more time with other friends instead of just together. Do you mind?"

4. 

   
   
   Clarify misleading signs. If you've cuddled, kissed, or done anything that might confuse your best friend, stop and think about why you're doing this. If you really don't want to date the person, this will hurt her. Set new boundaries for your relationship, even if she tries to argue with you.
   • You could say "I think we should stop (cuddle / sleep together / etc). I don't want you to misunderstand".

5. 

   Resolve the problem directly with her. If your friend is not responding well to the change in relationship, you need to address this difficult issue. For example, if the person is jealous of someone you date or other friends, or if she gets angry every time you don't spend time with her, she may be in love with you. At this point, a private, informal conversation will be the only way to move forward.
   • Ask if she has feelings for you. Don't force her to respond or argue with her response.
   • No matter how she responds, let her know that you are not in love with her.
   • If you are not gay, you can let her know. If you are gay, or not sure, it's best not to share it in the same conversation.
   • If she is angry or scared because you mentioned her gender, use soothing statements like “We don't have to talk about it”, or “Don't worry, this is private. of you, I just want you to open up ”. Just make sure to show the important part: that you don't have feelings for her.

6. 

   Far apart for a while. If your friend has feelings for you, she will be hurt a little. Suggest that you stop seeing each other temporarily while you're working on the problem. You should not contact each other for at least two weeks. When you both feel ready, slowly return to friendship with short, low-pressure encounters, like a 30-minute lunch in public. Make it clear that you are still her friend, and that you want to maintain your friendship.
   • If the person is questioning about her gender, this will be a hard time for her. Let her know that there are resources and hotlines for LGBT that she can search online to help herself. (Or if she clearly has feelings for you but doesn't admit she is gay, you can let her know that there are resources "dedicated to what she's going through. ".)

7. 

   Sympathy. Mental and physical health of homosexuals will improve with a strong and accepting system of support. Just like when your friend respects your gender, you should respect her as well. If she's a good friend, and you can let go of all charms (if any), your friendship doesn't need to change. Support her, become her ally, and respect who she is.
   • If she is dealing with negativity about her gender, you can still support her. Introduce her to other lesbians, ask her to seek the help of a therapist, encourage positive self-awareness, and encourage her to appreciate her gender as part in her character; all of which can help produce positive results.
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Method 2 of 2: Determine your feelings for that friend

1. 

   Determine your goals. If you're a woman and you have a secret crush on your best friend, it's okay to wonder if you have a chance or not. However, before you start asking your main question, you should ask yourself about your goals:
   • Attraction often interferes with a friendship, and it won't go away if you know that your friend isn't gay. Sometimes, being clear about it is something you need to do, no matter how the person feels.
   • On the other hand, if the two of you don't feel similar (and usually do), the friendship may end. If this is going to destroy you, and you don't have a support system to help yourself (especially if you haven't come out about your gender yet) then moving on wouldn't be a good idea. Stay away from the person for at least a few weeks instead of trying, and ease the situation and continue the friendship on a less stressful level.
   • If you are unsure about your gender, or if you are not gay but have feelings for your friend, focus on yourself instead of on her. Look for LGBT resources online or at the LGBT community center to help you define your identity.

2. 

   Acknowledge the person's gender identity. Desire thinking will obscure your thinking when it comes to romance. If your friend has dated a man in the past or told you about a guy she's interested in, she is probably not gay.
   • There's no clear indication that someone is a lesbian, especially if she hasn't come out about her gender yet. Trying to analyze the person this way is not going to be possible, especially when your charisma is obscuring your judgment.
   • If the person is attracted to you, she may take the initiative in physical contact (for example, a long hug) or regularly ask about you. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to distinguish this from a close female friendship, especially if she is responding to your own desire for intimate interaction.

3. 

   Talk to another soulmate. If possible, talk to a trusted friend about the situation (preferably someone with whom you can come out about your gender or did this). Your ex will take an unbiased view of whether your friend is interested in you, and will help you overcome your feelings. You should only move on if you decide this is important enough for you to risk your friendship.

4. 

   Explore how comfortable she is on the subject of LGBTQ. Before you let your friend know, it's a good idea to get to know her a little bit about her views on gay and male relationships. How does she react to the fantasy and real-life gay couple? Does she support gay rights? Even if she seems accepting, she may not be a lesbian - but it will make it easy to take the next step. If the girl reacts to the topic with horror, don't continue the conversation.
   • One way to address this is to mention that you are planning to attend the LGBT event, and it will just "knock" you out as a heterosexual ally.
   • Some adults in a homosexual stigma environment will exhibit a negative view of homosexuality even when they seem attracted to people of the same sex. If your friend seems conservative on the subject or is sending out confusing signals, it may take her longer to determine her gender. This is not something you can do for her.

5. 

   Be open about your gender to the friend. If you are comfortable with your gender and identity, and your friend is an ally of LGBT (or at least not against them), the next step is to let the person know that you are not a different person. love.

6. 

   Briefly mention your feelings. This will be a moment of success or failure, and while sad, the response is often rarely what you want. But you can't move forward without your burden, don't reveal all your secrets to that person. Let her know what's going on, but do it in a way that doesn't put too much pressure on her or your friendship. This process is quite personal for your friendship or for the story you both have, but here are a few examples to get started:
   • "I think you're very charming, but maintaining a friendship is the most important thing to me."
   • "I have feelings for you. I just need a moment to stop thinking about it."
   • (joking) "I wish I could find a good lover like you!"

7. 

   Let her decide. Your friend now knows what you need her to know. Maybe she's not ready to talk about her own gender or about how she feels about your feelings. Asking a question directly won't help: if she feels the same way, she will let you know. End the conversation and give her time to process what she has heard. You will need to be apart for a while to cool the atmosphere. advertisement

Advice

• If a friend declares you sex publicly, you can support it without any dramatic changes in your friendship. Her personality doesn't affect yours, or make you and your group of friends become gay activists. You can show your support with a simple statement like "I think you two are a great match", or "You look so much happier lately", or "I've never seen you feel. comfortable with yourself like this ”.
• Remember that sexual orientation is part of a personal identity. Your friend doesn't want to change his tendencies as much as you do.If she tells you about her sexual orientation, don't question or question her, but you need to respect the way she wants to be identified. Having a positive response helps her feelings of happiness and personal development.
• If she's gay, don't assume she is attracted to all women. To think like this is stupid; She also has hobbies like everyone else. Don't start acting oddly about what is completely out of your business, as it can ruin the friendship you currently have.
• Avoid hate speech or offensive language. Mentioning her gender frankly without offending her is quite simple. The phrase "lesbian" is a pretty good choice.

Warning

• Don't try to question or change the person's dispositions. "Transformation therapy" will not be effective and can cause serious emotional harm, including an increased risk of suicide. Non-heterosexual people with no mental illness or phobias of expected sexual or sexual roles.
• Don't rely on regular stereotypes to determine her gender. People do not follow a specific pattern. Supporting that friend's character and relationship is important for maintaining her mental health. Avoid causing undue stress or difficulties to people who are suffering from many types of pressure in society.
• Avoid revealing the true sex of others. This is the personal story of that friend, who knows his sexual preferences. Openly identifying someone as gay is often quite dangerous, even in free areas in schools. Making public disclosures about your gender often involves negative professional or social complications, and you are not the one to impose them on your friend.