Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

When you love someone they don't love you, the world falls apart. The pain you experience is very real. Science has proven: the emotional rejection will activate the pain neurons in the brain like when the body is injured. You can't control your emotions, but you can learn to overcome this pain and move on.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Give Yourself Some Space

1. 

   Suffering is normal. When you love someone unilaterally, you will feel pain. "Broken heart" is real pain: this pain activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for regulating heart rate and muscle tension. Suffering is a natural reaction when the person you love does not return your feelings. Accepting this will help you learn how to cope with your pain.
   • Being emotionally rejected will actually cause the same responses to your brain as you did when you quit addiction.
   • Psychologists estimate that about 98% of us ever love unrequited. Knowing that you are not alone may not stop your sadness, but it will also be a little easier to know you are not the only one to get through this.
   • Emotional rejection can also cause depression. If you notice that you have one of the following symptoms, seek immediate medical attention:
     • Alter eating or sleeping habits
     • Feeling hopeless and helpless
     • Change in mood swings
     • Can't control negative thoughts
     • Have self-harm thoughts

2. 

   
   
   Allow yourself to suffer. There is nothing wrong with feeling suffering, as long as you don't stay stuck with it. In fact, it's better for you to let yourself be sad instead of trying to suppress your emotions. Negating or suppressing your emotions, for example by saying, "It's not a big deal" or "I don't love her either" - in the long run, it can only make things worse.
   • If possible, take some time to nibble on your sadness. This will give you time to heal your crush. For example, when you realize (or someone tells you) that the other person doesn't have a crush on you, find a place to be alone for a while, even if it's just a 15-minute commute at work.
   • However, you shouldn't indulge in suffering. If you haven't been out of the house for weeks, showered, and wearing just one, you are going too far. It's normal to be sad, but if you don't try to get back to your daily life, you will forever be lost in thoughts and feelings for that person.

3. 

   
   
   Realize you can't control that person. Maybe your first reaction when you know someone doesn't love you is to think: "I will make that person love me!". This type of thinking is normal, but it is neither correct nor helpful. The only thing in the world you can control is your own actions. You cannot convince, argue with or force another person's feelings.
   • Remember, too: you can't always control your emotions. But you can try to control how you react to the emotion.

4. 

   
   
   Stay away from the person for a while. Part of creating space for yourself and overcoming your pain is: don't let them be present. You don't have to push them out of your life forever, but you do need to stay away from them for a while.
   • You don't need to be upset or angry. Just tell the person to give you time to get over these feelings. If the person really cares about you, they will give you what you need, even if it is not a very enjoyable experience.
   • If the person you want to stop loving unrequitedly is someone you used to rely heavily on, you should find another friend to take that position. Ask a friend if you can reach them every time you feel like contacting the other person.
   • Unfriend the person on social media, or at least hide their posts. Remove the person's number from your phone so you don't have any intention of contacting again. You don't want to be reminded of the person all the time, nor will you want to see what they do. That will only make it more difficult to leave them.

5. 

   Acknowledge your feelings. It's better to show emotions than to repress them and let them explode one day. That will help you accept that you're going through a tough time. When you begin to experience a feeling of loss or disappointment, it may feel a bit uncomfortable, and that's normal. Don't blame yourself or try to ignore these feelings and expect them to go away on their own. Just express them comfortably and honestly.
   • Cry if you want to. Crying is also a treatment. It will reduce feelings of anxiety and anger, in addition, it also helps your body reduce stress. If you want, you can grab a paper box and cry freely, just try it.
   • Avoid acts of violence such as yelling, hitting or smashing things. You may feel better at first, but scientific studies show: using violence to express anger - even when you vent your anger on inanimate furniture - will do more. anger increases. Reflecting on and analyzing why you feel that way will be much healthier and more beneficial.
   • Express your feelings through artistic activities such as music, painting or a hobby. This is very helpful. However, it's best to avoid art that contains sad or angry emotions like death metal music. When you're suffering, these types of art can make you feel even worse.

6. 

   Realize best of all, you don't need them. No matter how great that person is, if they didn't love you, even if you were with them, you wouldn't be happy. When you love a person very much, you will often idealize that person. Reflecting on reality - not being angry or judgmental - will help you overcome the grief of unrequited love.
   • Think about personality traits that could potentially cause discord in your relationship.
   • For example: Maybe due to fear of social communication, they won't be able to acknowledge your relationship while you need it.
   • Studies show that recognizing the bad points of the other person will make you get over the pain of rejection more quickly.
   • However, don't get tempted to talk badly about the person to feel better about yourself. In the future, thinking like this will make you feel more bitter and angry than it will help you calm down.
   • Believe it or not, being emotionally rejected will temporarily make you a little less intelligent. If you find it difficult to properly explain your feelings, accept that it takes some time to get back to “normal.”

7. 

   Avoid blaming the other person. Just as you cannot control your feelings for them, that person cannot force their feelings for you. If you blame the person for just treating you as a friend, or think that the person is bad for not loving you, you are very unfair to them. Chewing through the pain will take you longer to calm down.
   • You can still grieve the person without blaming them. Don't let your friends do the same. Your friends may criticize the other person for not loving you. If this happens, thank them for supporting you, but say: “It is not fair to blame the person for something beyond their control. How can I help me forget that person? ”

8. 

   Throw away souvenirs. You may cry when you have to remove them, but this is an important step in the psychological recovery process. Leaving mementos around will only make it harder for you to get over this, and that's not what you want!
   • For each memento, think of the memories associated with them, and then imagine you are tying them to a balloon.When you remove them, imagine the ball is soaring in the sky and you will never see it again.
   • If the items are good, consider donating them to a second hand shop or homeless shelter. Think of the new memories your old shirt, teddy bear or CD can bring to your new owner. This right action will mark a big change in your life that you are going through.
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Part 2 of 4: Application of Short Term Measures

1. 

   Avoid getting drunk and call or text the other person. In the early stages, especially, you may feel a strong desire to get in touch with that person. When you're awake, your willpower may be strong enough to get you through this, but it is well known that alcohol will make your decisions wrong. Drunk and berating the other person for not loving you, or crying about suffering with someone else can embarrass you and upset the other person. Also, doing so makes it harder for you to become friends with them later on. If you think you are in danger of doing such unfortunate things, ask a friend for help.
   • Give the phone to a friend (preferably a friend who doesn't drink) and tell them not to give it back to you, no matter how drunk you make excuses or plead.
   • Remove the number from your phone. That way, you will have no way to call or text the other person anymore.

2. 

   Distract yourself. It's completely impossible to think of something at all, but you can direct your thoughts toward something different whenever you find yourself stuck emotionally. When memories come, distract yourself with another thought, activity, or project.
   • Call a friend. Read a good book. Watch a funny movie. Create something. Garden. Decorate. Find something that attracts you long enough to forget about the other person for a while. The more you get used to stopping thinking about the other person, the easier it will be to get over them.
   • Taking a certain amount of time just thinking about the person is also a good trick. Don't spend too much time on these, 10 to 15 minutes should be enough. When you find yourself starting to think about the person again, you can tell yourself, “Not now. I will think about this later. ” And when that moment comes, you can think about that person. When time is up, think about something else and do other things.

3. 

   Remember that not being able to return your feelings hurts the other person. You may feel that this world is all suffering from rejection. However, many studies show: people who refuse your love can also feel very sad. Most people don't like hurting others.
   • When you learn that the person is also feeling badly for not being able to return your feelings, you can take a different look at this. Usually, someone who doesn't love you is not because they are bad, they hate you or want to hurt you.

4. 

   Make a list of the good points about yourself. When you are rejected, you may believe that your "harsh ego" is right. Don't let yourself believe: I don't deserve to be loved just because someone has rejected me. Studies show: when you remind yourself that you deserve to be loved, it will be easier for you to overcome being rejected now and the like later.
   • Note down all the wonderful things you can think of about yourself. If you can't think of it, ask a friend for help.
   • Show that you love yourself for it. Example: "Maybe I'm not strong right now, but I'm very good at rollerblading and I'm proud of it."
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Part 3 of 4: Starting Recovery

1. 

   Avoid things that are reminiscent of the past. If you keep reminding yourself of the other person, it will be very difficult to get over this one-sided love affair. Don't listen to songs or go to places reminiscent of a good time together.
   • Old reminiscent can be anything. From a photo of the person on Facebook to a song related to them. It could also be a scent (for example, apple pie, because there was a time when you and the other person competed in making apple pie together).
   • If you come across something like that, take note of it and try to overcome it. Don't cling to the emotions it brings. For example, if you hear a song that reminds you of the other person, turn it off or skip to another song. Acknowledge your feelings of sadness and sadness, and then turn your attention to happier things (what you ate tonight or planning an outing).
   • Remember, you don't have to avoid them forever. You are trying to make it easier to overcome pain, and reminiscent of the past will make things harder. Once you get through it, sometimes the memories will still overflow, but it will make you less heartbreaking.

2. 

   Talk to someone. It is best to let go of all the burdens and emotions involved in your psychological recovery. If you hold onto those emotions, you will find it much harder to express them later on. Find someone to describe all your moods and experiences.
   • Find a trusted person. Maybe it was someone who wasn't trying to calm you down. There could also be a family member you can call every time you feel sad. It can be a psychiatrist, especially if you're really having trouble getting through a long-term relationship, or it's related to other issues.
   • You can write down your feelings if you don't want to talk to others. The good side of this is that you will keep track of your recovery. This will also be proof that it is possible to overcome the pain of emotional rejection.
   • It helps to talk to someone who has experienced the same thing. You can ask for their experiences and how they got through this.
   • People who have experienced a similar experience will understand other people's problems. You will have less to explain to them and they will understand you better.
   • Don't share it with people who have never suffered such sadness, especially if they make fun of it. Never mind, because they have never experienced it so they will not understand.
   • Strengthening your belief in your superior (God, Buddha ...), spiritual strength can be a very powerful weapon to help you become more resilient in difficult times.

3. 

   Tighten relationships with others. One of the "side effects" of rejection, especially in love affairs, is the feeling of being abandoned or isolated from others. You may not have the desired relationship with the person, but you can strengthen your relationships with other people in your life.
   • Studies show: communicating with people you love will help you recover faster. Psychological damage is often very obvious. You will get over your sadness faster by spending good time with loved ones.
   • Joy is very important because of its effects on the brain. Feeling happy will ease your anger and help you feel more positive. Laughter is also the best medicine: it boosts the body's production of endorphins, a natural joy hormone. It also increases the body's tolerance to pain. So, go to see a funny movie, sing karaoke comfortably, dance on a spring mattress ... Have fun, laugh and recover gradually.

4. 

   
   
   Get rid of bad thoughts. Certain ways of thinking can ruin your recovery and make it difficult to step through the love affair.
   • Remember that you can live without that person, and that person is not perfect either. It is okay to give love to someone else.
   • Remind yourself that people and situations change. Present feelings also won't last a lifetime, especially when you are confronted with them actively and positively.

5. 

   
   
   Consider this as a lesson from experience. No one wants a broken heart. However, if you can take this as a lesson for yourself and learn from experience, it will not just be a sad memory in your life anymore.You can see it as a drive to move forward.
   • Example: Find out the good points about this incident. You have expressed your feelings that the person did not accept. But anyway, you were very strong, brave and dare to get hurt. If we do not dare to suffer pain, we will not be able to connect with others or feel deeply emotional things like happiness and love.
   • Let's see if this is related to a bigger problem. There are a few people who have feelings for those who have rejected them. This is especially noticeable if you did not feel secure in your relationship with your parents as a child. If you have loved someone who rejected you more than once, you may subconsciously always choose to love those who are similar to your parents. Perhaps talking about this with a psychiatrist will help.
   • Remind yourself: through this experience you will learn how to be strong and rely on yourself to overcome it. Rejection is not the most enjoyable way to learn these things, but if you focus on learning instead of indulging in suffering, you will grow stronger. You can also better understand your feelings and needs.

6. 

   
   
   Change of life. Studies show: doing new things (like going on vacation or going to work through a different route) is one of the best ways to break old habits and replace them with new ones.
   • If your finances aren't strong enough to do something big, try doing small everyday things. Go to a new location in the city. Try going out with a new group of friends on Saturday night. Rearrange furniture in the house. Join a new band. Learn a new hobby like cooking or rock climbing.
   • Avoid doing things too reckless unless you are sure you want to. This is the time when many people decide to get a haircut or tattoo. It's best to wait until your mentality has stabilized before making such changes.

7. 

   Find yourself again. When you love someone so much, you may have forgotten the feeling of being yourself. Overcoming a one-sided love is the best time to find yourself again after the feelings for that person.
   • Self growth. Don't change yourself just because the other person doesn't like you. However, if there are things you want to improve on yourself, do it. Let's learn a new language. Exercise on a new schedule. Take a flamenco guitar class.
   • Improve your other side too. While you spend too much time thinking about the person, there are many interesting aspects of your life that are overlooked. Spend more time on things and people that you have missed attention while dealing with the pain of rejection.
   • Don't "personalize" the emotional rejection. You can easily feel that the person is rejecting you because you are not beautiful enough, smart enough or something like that. Learn to avoid this kind of wrong thinking and you will feel less vulnerable. You also won't try to "fix" yourself to win the other person's love. Remember: the problem is not with you.

8. 

   Step out of your comfort zone. Trying to do new things will help you get out of your daily routine and forget the person you love unilaterally. You will be busy enough not to remember the person who rejected your love.
   • Stepping out of your comfort zone has many other benefits, too. Feeling safe has been shown to decrease your motivation to change. A little new feeling will help you make necessary changes in your life.
   • Learning how to step out of your comfort zone will also make it easier for you to cope with your unsettled feelings in the future. Taking risks (under control) and challenging yourself will help you realize: being hurt is a natural thing, and then you won't feel crushed every time something bad happens.
   • If you think that the rejection is yourself, you may never want to try something new again. Dare to take risks, even if they are small ones, will also help you not fall back into the shell.
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Part 4 of 4: Next step

1. 

   Realize when you can move on. There is no specific time frame for getting over a one-sided love. There are a few signs, however: you are ready to walk over someone who doesn't love you.
   • You start to realize what's happening to everyone. Many times, you are so sad that you can only think of yourself. As you begin to care about what others do, you will find that you are recovering well.
   • Every time someone calls, stop wondering if that person is calling (especially when receiving calls from an unknown number).
   • You have stopped attaching your stories to songs and movies about unrequited love. In fact, you have already started to be interested in things that have nothing to do with love or pain for love.
   • You stop fantasizing about suddenly realizing how much they love you.

2. 

   Do not let the pain "come back". Even if you are ready to move on, sometimes when you are not careful, your pain will return. It is like removing the wound thread too soon. The wound was relatively healed, but not ready for vigorous exercise yet.
   • Avoid working with the person or letting them appear in your life until you are sure it won't touch you again.
   • If you feel the pain come back, don't worry. You put in a lot of effort to overcome that person, and your efforts will pay off. Emotions will rush in and if you give in right away, things will get tough later on.

3. 

   Be active again. Go out and meet people, flirt with someone, and remember how wonderful it was to be pursued by others. Your confidence needs to be strengthened - and in the meantime, you'll meet other interesting people. In fact, every time someone is better than the person you used to pursue, for example more beautiful, funnier, smarter, more realistic ..., take note of that. You will judge everything more accurately.
   • You don't have to go looking for a new relationship. Enjoy the presence of new friends. It helps.
   • Beware of alternative relationships. Sometimes, finding a replacement is something your doctor recommends, but it only works if you're ready for it. You need to be honest with yourself and the person you're dating that this is just a sentiment alternative. Don't let the new person love you as desperately as you did for the other person.

4. 

   Always courageous. Forgetting someone you are in love is not easy. Whatever you have done to get through this is commendable. You should also remember: just because they don't love you doesn't mean everyone in the world will do it to you. advertisement

Advice

• Realize that you deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them.
• Remember: love has to come from both sides. If not, you will lose the good years of your life waiting for something that will never happen.
• Learn to love yourself before you find someone else to love.

Warning

• Don't try to maintain a relationship without love. You may think that with enough time, you will make the person fall in love with you, but it really is impossible. You and that person won't be happy, and that's not fair to both of you.