Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Coping with someone who is angry with you is not easy. Anger can flare up in almost any situation: in front of a friend or stranger, at home or on the street. Fiery encounters can also happen in the workplace, with coworkers, with managers or clients. This is most likely to happen when your career requires public exposure, such as those in service provision or financial processing. Such situations are common, but still frustrating and confusing. You can't control how others react, but there are tactics you can use to keep your behavior safe and in control.

Steps

Method 1 of 5: Keep yourself safe

1. 

   
   
   Move from a seemingly dangerous situation. It's not always possible to leave a stressful situation immediately, like when a client yells at you while you are working. However, if you feel you are in danger, you need to leave the place, or try to keep as much distance between you and the threat as possible.
   • If you are dealing with an angry person at home or at work, go to a safe, public place the better. Avoid places that do not have a way out such as bathrooms or places with potentially weaponable items such as kitchens.
   • If you're dealing with an angry client while you're at work, try to keep some space between you and that client. Stand behind the counter or out of the person's reach.

2. 

   
   
   Call for support. You have the right to be safe. Depending on the form and severity of the threat, you might want to call in a friend for help. If you feel that a dangerous situation is imminent, call 113 (quick response police). If you live in the US, call 911 or the emergency services.
   • If you are at work, call a responsible person such as a manager or security guard.

3. 

   
   
   Create a "break" time. If the situation is stressful but not critical yet, offer to pause. Use sentences with "I" subject, such as "I need 15 minutes to calm down before we talk."During the “break,” you should do something relaxing to calm your emotions and calm the other person. Should meet again at a specific time and place to discuss the issue.
   • Always use "I" statements when suggesting pauses, even if you assume it is all the fault of the other person. Saying "I need some time to think" can relieve them of their anger without putting them on guard.
   • Avoid blaming statements like "Maybe you need a break" or "Calm down". Even if you feel it is true, such statements will put the other person in a defensive stance and may even make them even more angry.
   • Don't be afraid to offer to pause again if the other person remains aggressive and angry. It is best for both parties to do something to calm and soothe during the pause.
   • If a few pauses still don't calm the other person down, consider offering to stop and discuss the matter with a neutral third party present. A third party could be a therapist, human resources manager or a spiritual figure, etc.
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Method 2 of 5: Controlling Your Reactions

1. 

   Take a deep breath. Stressful situations such as when someone is angry at you can trigger a "fight or flight" response, causing your heart to beat fast, breathing shallow and fast, and release stress hormones throughout the body. Fight this reaction by taking a deep breath to calm it down. Don't forget: When two people get angry, the situation will be twice as bad.
   • Inhale while counting to 4. You should see your lungs and belly bulge when you inhale.
   • Hold for 2 seconds, then slowly exhale as you count to 4.
   • As you exhale, focus on relaxing the muscles in your face, neck, and shoulders.

2. 

   Control your emotions. Responding calmly to an angry person will help defuse a stressful situation. Reacting with an angry attitude will only escalate the tension and often get worse. Walking, meditating, and counting down from 50 are all the ways to calm your emotions.

3. 

   Avoid assuming that the other person is targeting you. It is hard to separate personal feelings when faced with an angry person. Remember that anger is often a sign that the other person is not yet healthy and assertive in a situation they consider threatening. Studies have shown that when people think the other person's anger is not part of their responsibility, they are less likely to feel frustrated by it.
   • Anger escalates due to many factors: restlessness, lack of options, disrespectful behavior, or aggressive or passive responses to an issue.
   • People feel insecure when their sense of the unpredictable reaches a certain threshold. When a basic level of order and safety is threatened, one can react in anger.
   • Humans can respond in a hostile manner if their choices are limited. This stems from a sense of powerlessness because they have little choice in a situation.
   • When a person feels disrespected, a person may react angrily. For example, if you speak to someone in an irritable or disrespectful tone of time, they may get angry at you.
   • People may get angry to make themselves feel better. If someone is angry, think about the possibility that they are reacting to something in their own life, not to what you do.
   • If you did something wrong with the person, take responsibility for your actions and apologize. You are never responsible for the other person's response; no one "makes" someone angry. However, taking responsibility for your wrongdoings can help the other person handle their feelings of anger and hurt.

4. 

   Keep calm. Speak in a calm tone of voice. Do not shout or yell in response to an angry person. Use calm but assertive body language.
   • Avoid slumping or crossing your arms across your chest. It shows that you are bored or don't want to communicate.
   • Keep your body relaxed. Be assertive: stand with your feet firmly on the ground, shoulders back, chest reaching forward, and making eye contact with the other person. Such body language shows that you are calm and in control, but you are not the type to be bullied.
   • Be careful not to act aggressively like clenching your hands or clenching your jaw. Trespassing another person's “private space” (usually 1 meter) is also a sign that you are becoming aggressive.
   • It is better to stand diagonally from the angry person than face them. This position seems less challenging.

5. 

   Be careful not to fail in communication. It is not easy to stay calm when someone is angry with you, but it is important to maintain calm and calm communication. If you notice any of the following signs creeping into your behavior, communication is deteriorating and you need to correct it:
   • Screaming
   • Threats
   • Swear
   • Use irritating or exaggerated statements
   • Ask aggressive questions
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Method 3 of 5: Communicating with an Angry Person

1. 

   Know when not to talk. Certain physical and emotional cues can be important clues to when communication has broken down. These signs are described by the English acronyms H.A.L.T., representing Hungry (hungry), Angry (angry), Lonely (lonely) and Tired (tired). These factors make an already tense situation even more acute and difficult to deal with. Of course this person is already angry with you, but if their anger does not cool down (even after a pause), or if there are other factors involved, it is best to postpone the argument until when the person's physical and emotional needs are met. In a nutshell, we will discuss each of the factors to see why they interfere with communication and problem solving.
   • When we are in a state hungry then rational and intentional thoughts are often thrown out the window. Your body is “running out of fuel” and you can say or do anything just to recharge. Research shows that hungry humans and animals are often more reckless. Hunger affects your decision-making skills and behaviors - two things you probably don't want to lose at all in an encounter.
   • Angry An emotion that few people learn to express in a constructive way. Usually, anger is expressed with insults, insults, ridicule, and even physical violence. What's more, people often get angry when they feel hurt, confused, jealous or rejected. When inner emotions are fueled by anger, people seem to lack the ability to look at situations objectively and not to try to find solutions. It is best to set aside space and time for the angry person to let their emotions settle down before the two of you can communicate effectively.
   • Lonely is when one feels separated from others. A person without a sense of community will find it difficult to remain objective when confronted with others.
   • Feeling tired While controversy can be a harmful factor. Poor sleep leads to bad mood, poor cognitive function and poor performance. Fatigue also affects decision-making ability. You can see the solution clearly if you get enough rest, but lethargy can keep arguments going for hours without seeing a way out.

2. 

   Understand the other person's anger. When someone yells at you, you probably don't want to understand their anger. However, anger is often a reaction to feelings of misunderstanding or being ignored. The other realization are Anger does not mean that they are behaving right.
   • Try saying something like, “I know you're angry.I want to understand what's going on. What makes you so angry? " This shows that you are trying to see things from the other person's perspective, and that may help them feel better.
   • Try to avoid sentences that sound like judgmental. Don't you ask like "Why are you so mad?"
   • Ask about specific things. Calmly ask about the specific event the other person is reacting to. For example, "Did you hear what I said that upset you?" This can encourage the other person to calm down and think about why they're angry - and they may find things just a misunderstanding.

3. 

   Refrain from making the other person silent. Telling the other person to shut up or stop them from expressing emotions doesn't make the situation any better. By doing this, you will make them even more angry.
   • Telling the other person to keep quiet implies that you don't think their feelings are legitimate. Remember that even though you don't understand how the other person is feeling, it feels real to them. Refuting that will not help alleviate the situation.

4. 

   Listen to the other person. Be an active listener. Show that you pay attention to the other person by making eye contact, nodding, and using words like "uh, uh" or "um, um".
   • Don't let the other person catch you preparing in case they are speaking. Focus on what they say.
   • Listen to why the other person is angry. Try to imagine the situation through their lenses. If in their position, would you feel the same as them?

5. 

   Redefine what the other person just said. One reason stressful situations escalate is misunderstanding. When the other person tells you why they're angry, redefine what you heard.
   • Use a sentence that focuses on "me". For example, "I just heard you say you're angry because this is the third phone you bought from us and it doesn't work, right?"
   • Say something like "Looks like you are saying _______" or "You mean _______?" will help you make sure you understand the other person. This can also help the other person feel understood, and can help relieve their anger.
   • Do not add salt to fish sauce or express the other person's words differently when you redefine. For example, if they complain that you picked him up late for the past six days, don't say something like, "I heard you say you're mad that I'm late all the time." Instead, focus on what he actually said: "I heard you say that you are angry because I was late for the past 6 days."

6. 

   Use “I”-focused statements to convey what you want. If the other person continues to scream or behave aggressively, use “I” statements to express your wishes. This will keep your words from sounding like a blame.
   • For example, when the other person is yelling at you, you could say something like: “I want to help you, but I don't understand what you're saying because you're talking too loud. Can you repeat less? "

7. 

   Sympathize with the other person. Try to look at the situation from their perspective. This will help you manage your own emotional responses. As a result, you can also communicate effectively with that person.
   • Saying things like "That sounds annoying" or "I understand why you're upset" can help cool down. Sometimes people just want to show their frustration. Once they are understood by others, they may be relieved.
   • You may also think that the other person is upset and that they are trying their best to express their feelings. That way you can adjust to the situation in your mind.
   • Don't take the other person's problem lightly. Even if it's a small thing in your eyes, they are clearly annoyed.

8. 

   Avoid mentioning your intentions. Instead you should think about the consequences. When someone gets mad at you, they feel like they were being treated badly by you in some way. Your first reaction may be to defend yourself and to tell your intentions. For example, try not to say "I was going to get you a suit from the laundry, but because I got home from work too late." Although your intentions are good, at this point the other person is not interested. They are just thinking of the consequences of your actions, and that is what makes them upset.
   • Instead of declaring your good intentions, try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and notice how your actions affect them. You should have a note like, "I know I'm making it difficult for you tomorrow meeting because I forgot to get the suit."
   • It seems that this notion makes you feel like you are not loyal to your beliefs. You may really feel that you did the right thing and are frustrated with accepting yourself wrong. If this is the case, try to imagine that the other person is not angry at you but at someone or something else. Think about how the situation could be solved if you weren't the "wrongdoer".
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Method 4 of 5: Deconstruct Con Angry

1. 

   Handle situations with an open mind. When you listen to the other person, think about how you might handle the situation.
   • If you believe the other person's grievances are valid, accept them. Acknowledge your mistake and ask what you can do to make up for it.
   • Don't make excuses or take a defensive position. This often makes the other person even more angry, because they feel like you are dismissing their needs.

2. 

   Proposed Solutions. Think clearly and calmly. Try to come up with a solution that focuses on what the other person communicates to you.
   • For example, if the other person is angry because your child threw the ball on their glass, say what you are willing to do. Example: “My daughter threw a ball that broke her window glass. I can call someone to repair and change my glasses within 2 days. Or you can call someone instead and send me the bill ”.

3. 

   Inquire about other options. If the other person doesn't like the solution you suggest, ask them about a solution they are happy with. For example, you might ask, "What do you mean in this case?"
   • Try to suggest a “we”-focused solution to encourage collaboration. For example, “Okay, you disagree with my offer, but I still want to know if we can find a way out. What can we do about this? "
   • If the other person asks for something that you find unreasonable, don't initiate the curse. Instead, offer another suggestion. Example: “I heard you say you want me to change your window glass and pay for the carpet cleaning for your whole house. I think I change the window glass and it's fair to pay for cleaning the carpet in your living room. Can you see it like that? "
   • Trying to find things in common with you and the angry person can help divert and find solutions to the problem. For example, you could say things like “I understand that fairness is important to you. For me too… ”This implies that you are working hard to achieve a common goal.

4. 

   Avoid using the word "but". "But" is considered "verbal abolition", because it completely negates what you just said. When people hear the word "but", people tend to stop listening. They just heard the sentence "You are wrong."
   • For example, don't say something like "I understand what you are saying BUT I need to ______"
   • Instead, use sentences with "and" like "I understand what you mean AND I feel that it is necessary to ______"

5. 

   
   
   Thank you to the other. If you find a solution, encapsulate the conversation with a thank you. This shows your respect for the other person and so they will feel like their needs have been met.
   • For example, if you have reached an agreement with an angry customer, you could say, "Thank you for helping us fix the problem."

6. 

   
   
   Wait for a long time. In some cases, the other person's anger may not go away right away, even if you have done everything you can to resolve the situation. This is especially true in situations that are deeply hurtful, such as when the other person feels betrayed or used in some way. Accept that it may take a while for the other person's angry feelings to cool, and not push.

7. 

   
   
   Seek a third party to act as mediator if needed. Not all conflicts can be resolved, and not all anger will cool down, even if you patiently keep calm and respectful. If you've tried the strategies above and still haven't made any progress then you may have to leave now. A third party such as a therapist, negotiator, or HR manager can help negotiate in this situation.

8. 

   Consider getting professional help. In addition to negotiating services, another helpful option is to have a therapist or psychologist who has been trained in conflict resolution or anger management. Especially when the angry person has an important role in your life such as a spouse, parent, sibling or child. If you and the person constantly quarrel, or if a person has a tendency to easily explode anger for just one small reason, you may need a professional. Not only do they help mediate in the situation, they also teach you effective communication and problem solving skills.
   • A therapist can teach a family member or friend how to relax, how to overcome anger, strategies for expressing emotions, and how to recognize negative thoughts that cause anger.
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Method 5 of 5: Efficiently apologize

1. 

   Think about what you did to make the other person angry. If you made a mistake, you need to correct the situation by apologizing and atoning for it.
   • Don't try to justify your behavior. If you have done something wrong with the other person, you need to recognize your mistake.
   • Think when it's better to apologize, when interacting with them, or when they've calmed down.
   • See if the apology was sincere and meaningful in the situation. You shouldn't apologize if you don't want to, as apologizing in that case will only escalate the tension.

2. 

   Show sympathy and regret. You need to show the other person that you regret your words or actions affecting them.
   • You may not be trying to make the other person angry or hurt their feelings. Whatever your intention, realize that your behavior has negatively affected the other person.
   • The apology should first be about repentance. For example, you can start by saying “Sorry. I know I made you angry. ”

3. 

   Take responsibility for your actions. Your apology needs to be accompanied by accepting responsibility to increase efficiency and ease the situation. In other words, show that you realize that your actions contributed to or hurt the other person's feelings or let them down.
   • The statement of responsibility could be “I'm sorry. I know because we were late we missed the event. "
   • Or you can also say “I'm sorry. I know you fell because of my carelessness. "

4. 

   Offer to compensate. Apologies are meaningless unless you suggest a way to correct the situation or avoid letting it happen later.
   • Suggestions to correct the situation may include offers to help the other person or ways you won't make the same mistake again.
   • For example, you could say “I'm sorry. I know because we were late we missed the event. From now on I will set the alarm on my phone to get ready one hour ahead. ”
   • Or another example, “I'm sorry. I know you fell because of my carelessness. Next time you will pay more attention to where your belongings are located ”.
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Advice

• Never hesitate to offer to sit alone for a few minutes before dealing with a stressful situation. This will help reduce the pressure in the situation and take control of your emotions.
• Try to apologize so sincerely. Humans are very good at detecting deficiencies or lies, and it's like adding fuel to the fire.
• Don't forget: You can't control the reactions of others. You can only control your own behavior.

Warning

• Be wary of people who say things like “Why do you always do am I pissed off? " This is a sign that they are not accepting responsibility for the actions their.
• If you feel that you are in danger, call for help or try to leave the situation.
• For your part, don't use harsh language or behavior.