Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Controlling people are difficult to deal with. They are very skillful in control and make you feel isolated from others. Fortunately, being difficult doesn't mean you can't cope. You need to stay calm and not react immediately. Next, draw personal boundaries so that the person doesn't push you out of your comfort zone again. Remember to take control of your emotions. You will have to care more about yourself so that you won't be ruined by a controlling person.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Coping with a difficult situation

1. 

   Don't react to their negative behavior. What the controlling person wants is your reaction. And whether you protest or criticize, they don't behave any better. On the contrary, if you get angry or respond with aggression, the fire will burst. Instead of being helpless on both sides, try to stay calm.
   • For example, if you live with your boyfriend and one day problems start to arise because when you finish bathing, you do not hang a towel in the place he specified, you need to speak up decisively and start a conversation. Talk about this issue. Just keep the air moderate.
   • You could say, "I know you want your towel to hang in the front. But I want to hang it here because _____. Can you change it for me, or I'll hang it somewhere else that's convenient for you and give it This place is for you. "
   • However, you need to stay calm if the person tries to change the boundaries you set. For example, "We agreed that _______ last week, do you remember?"

2. 

   
   
   Try to empathize. While we don't have to justify the bad behavior of others, it's better to at least know the cause. People with control problems often have buries. You will find the most effective way to reach them if you understand this. Try to find out what they really get from manipulating others.
   • For example, say you live with a controlling girlfriend. One day she sees you leaving a few pieces of trash on the kitchen because she is busy on the phone. She would ask, "Why don't you clear your battlefield and answer the phone?"
   • Clutter isn't the real problem here. The cause is often deeper than whether she has a controlling, or anxious mother or father, or if her family values ​​the values ​​that manifest in a certain behavior, if so it is definitely the source. the source of that behavior.
   • Ask her why your sequence of actions is such a big deal for her, which will help you understand the problem better and provide the information on time. Others may not see what you take for granted.
   • For example, you could say, "Is there something special you want me to clean up before you get on the phone?"
   • Or, "I know you don't like messing around. Suddenly the phone rings so I have to listen. I'll clean up after I finish."

3. 

   
   
   Limit controversy. Controlling people love quarreling. They want nothing more than to send others into a war of words that are going nowhere. They need a sense of victory. By avoiding every argument with them, you will not satisfy them.
   • Simply refuse to argue. For example, if your partner is going to have an argument with you, say, “It is true that you and I need to talk about this, but maybe not when you are both angry. Can we talk tomorrow night? "
   • In the long run, you need to identify potential relationship problems and set personal boundaries.

4. 

   
   
   Stay as calm as possible. The only thing you should not do with a dictator is to look upset or angry. Controlling people like to hit other people's weaknesses, causing people to break down in order to get what they want. Minimize showing your feelings to them as much as possible. Your strong reaction made them even more agitated.
   • Try to take deep breaths when interacting with a controlling person. While they are talking in your ear, ignore it by thinking about something pleasant, like a wonderful beautiful beach.
   • If you have to react, speak in limbo sentences to buy time. For example, "I'm not sure about that. Let me think."
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Part 2 of 3: Setting clear boundaries

1. 

   Remember that you also have basic rights. In any given situation, you still have some rights. Don't forget those benefits just because you're dealing with a difficult person. Controlling people have a way of getting into your head and making you forget about your basic human rights. Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated well.
   • We all have the right to be respected, to express our personal opinion and to have our own views, to say "no" without feeling guilty.
   • Sometimes we forget we have these rights when faced with a controlling person over the long haul. Before you interact with anyone you should remind yourself of those rights. Keep it in mind to set personal boundaries.
   • For example, your controlling boyfriend wants you to spend time with him instead of hanging out with your friends. If you don't want to be at home one night watching a movie with your boyfriend, he will make you feel guilty about it. If you are ready to reinforce personal boundaries think, "I have the right to say no without guilt."

2. 

   Tell yourself that you are in control. Before you set personal boundaries, you need to regain control.While we cannot control the negative actions of others, we can control our reactions to them. In terms of approaching personal boundaries, you have many options such as:
   • Usually, most of us choose to smile and tolerate when we interact with manipulative people. You can also do the same to avoid the person. For example, limit going to family gatherings if you know your powerful father is also there.
   • Get out of the box. Think, "I have control over what's going on. I don't want to be confined." Deciding that you will strengthen your own freedom requires respect.

3. 

   Clear out the limits. Controlling people love to break other people's boundaries. Let them know where your limit is. Make it clear which behaviors are acceptable and which are unforgivable.
   • Realize when you go to the limit. For small things like setting aside for dirty dishes or clothes, you can agree. However, there are a few other issues that can be frustrating.
   • Think of actions that go beyond common sense. For example, you don't mind putting your phone away when you're dating your boyfriend. However, he wants you to cut off all contact even if you are just walking around the nearby park. Now you need to let him know that it doesn't make sense for you.

4. 

   Straighten out your boundaries. You need to be clear about personal demarcation. Perhaps it's a good way to write it down and show it to a controller. Make your limits as clear as possible. In a clear tone of voice, tell the person what you can and cannot tolerate in the future.
   • In essence, controlling people are very difficult. They will do everything they can to ignore or misunderstand your boundaries. So you have to be very clear when it comes to setting personal limits.
   • If your boyfriend is very controlling, you need to draw personal lines by saying something like, "I won't turn off the phone most of the time we meet, because I come over to my house. It's more than being at home. I'm willing to put my phone aside when you and I go on dates or watch movies, but that isn't always the case.

5. 

   Be persistent when needed. Controlling people won't accept the boundaries easily. They are willing to push the other person out of the person's comfort zone so they can feel safe. Therefore, you must remind them of your individual rights when necessary. Be clear and determined if your personal boundaries are violated.
   • Being determined doesn't mean being aggressive. Resolute means that you respectfully let the person know that they are violating your personal boundaries. Keep calm and remind yourself whenever a problem arises.
   • For example, you and your boyfriend are watching TV in the room. Your phone has a text message, you answer and he gets angry. He said like, "You are so rude. You sit right here."
   • Do not react impatiently. Responding something like, "What are you doing, I'm just texting" will make things even more stressful. Instead calm down and say respectfully, "We've already talked about this. Now I don't need you to be fully focused, so I have the right to reply to the message. This time I will watch more with you. "
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Part 3 of 3: Managing emotions

1. 

   Don't have unrealistic expectations. The difficult and controlling person is extremely difficult to change. Even though you have strengthened your personal boundaries, you still find yourself often in power wars. Hope more, higher disappointment. We always have problems with people in control, so don't expect big changes.
   • You cannot change others. Even if you identify their bad behavior, a controlling person doesn't easily change unless they want to. So when interacting with that person, don't forget to redefine your personal boundaries and ignore difficult words.

2. 

   Remind yourself that it's not your problem. Controlling people have their own underlying problems, such as the insecure tendencies manifested in their need to control others. Every time you deal with a controlling person, remind yourself that this has nothing to do with you. You obviously did nothing wrong. It was just that this person had an overwhelming need for control.
   • If you know what is causing the ex to be in control, remind yourself to remember who the problem is with.
   • For example, "In the past, my grandfather was very strict with my father, so I didn't believe in my career direction. The problem was not with me, but with him."

3. 

   Take care of yourself. This is especially important if you are in constant contact with a controlling person. For example, if you love or live with such a person, remind yourself that you need to take care of yourself more. Sometimes you are overwhelmed by prioritizing the needs of a controlling person and forgetting about yourself.
   • You have the right to take care of yourself. You are allowed time to exercise, eat properly, do interesting hobbies and do things that make you happy.
   • Set aside time for personal needs, even if you have to go against the one who controls you. For example, you need to get enough sleep because you have to go to work early tomorrow morning. But your partner wants you to stay awake while he sleeps very late. Even though he's fussy, go to bed and remind him that you have to wake up early to go to work.

4. 

   Limit your exposure. Sometimes the easiest way to deal with a controlling person is to stay away from them. Find ways to limit your interaction with the person. This will make your life more comfortable.
   • If you live with a controlling person, just meet them during meals and communicate simple sentences that are necessary.
   • If you have such a co-worker, try to limit your exposure at work. For example, just have a brief communication and try to choose projects that aren't in the same group as this person.
   • If it is a family member, limit your interactions with that person during activities. For example, if you have to take the phone, keep the conversation as quick as possible.

5. 

   Discard if necessary. When a relationship makes you lose, you should give it up. There are people who are too authoritarian and never change. If they repeatedly violate your personal boundaries, terminate the relationship. This life is inherently too short to waste time for people who only know to hurt and control you. advertisement

Advice

• Don't let others tell you how to manage or spend your money unless you hire them to manage it. In marriage, a spouse has equal decision-making power over the family finances, and this is always negotiable.
• Focus on the positive things and they will help you deal with your ex.
• Most reactive ways to deal with a controlling person are reverse control and passive aggression. While it's easier to do what others want without judgment, you need to look at each request individually, and see if it makes sense. For example, if a friend asks you to stop fiddling with your phone because you're talking, there's nothing too much about them. Or, if you're still unnecessarily persistent texting while you and your partner are watching a movie, then you're a bit rude.

Warning

• We can still manage controlling and / or manipulating relationships from time to time; However, if you accidentally let it get out of hand or the person is too strong and persistent, your other relationships with family and friends may be ruined.