Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Boundary Personality Disorder (BPD) is a personality disorder defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychological Disorders (DSM-5) and is an unstable personality disorder in personal relationships and self-awareness. People with BPD often have problems identifying and controlling emotions. As with other disorder syndromes, this type of behavior will also cause suffering or impairment of social interaction and certain symptoms are required to diagnose. BPD requires a diagnosis by a qualified psychiatrist; you cannot diagnose yourself or others. Coping with this disorder will be very difficult for both the sufferer and the loved one. If you or someone you love has Boundary Personality Disorder, there are several ways you can learn to deal with it.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Seek help for your BPD syndrome

1. 

   
   
   Seek help from a therapist. Specialists are often the first line of treatment for people with BPD. Although there are several different types of therapies that can treat BPD, Dialectic Behavioral Therapy, also known as DBT, is considered the most effective. It is a form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and was developed by Marsha Linehan.
   • Dialectic Behavior Therapy is a treatment designed specifically to help people with BPD. Research has proven that it has a high success rate. DBT focuses on teaching people with BPD to control their emotions, develop failure tolerance skills, learn meditation skills, identify and label emotions, and improve psychological skills. society so that they can interact with others.
   • Another common treatment is schematic therapy. This type of treatment combines CBT technique with technology from other therapies. It focuses on helping people with BPD reorganize or restructure their own views and experiences to build a stable self-esteem.
   • Therapy is often done individually and in groups. This combination gives the best results.

2. 

   
   
   Pay attention to your feelings. A common problem for people with BPD is not being able to recognize, identify, and label their emotions. Taking time to calm down during an emotional experience and thinking about what you are going through will help you take control of your emotions.
   • Try to "check in" yourself a few times a day. For example, you could take a break while working to close your eyes and “check” on your body and emotions. Notice if you feel tension or pain. Think about whether or not you have ever been absorbed in a particular thought or emotion. Noting how you are feeling can help you see your feelings and that can help you control them better.
   • Try to be as clear as possible.For example, instead of thinking “I'm so angry, I can't stand it!”, Try to notice where the emotion came from: “I felt really angry because I went. I work late because I have a traffic jam ”.
   • Try not to judge your feelings when you think about them. For example, avoid saying something to yourself like “I'm really angry. I am such a bad person because I felt that way ”. Instead, focus on identifying that emotion without judgment, like "I feel angry because I was hurt when my friend was late."

3. 

   
   
   Distinguish between primary and secondary emotions. Learning to discover all the emotions you have in a given situation is a very important step towards controlling your emotions. Usually, people with BPD feel overwhelmed by the cycle of emotions. Take time to separate what you are feeling first and then to the other emotions you may have.
   • For example, if your friend forgot that you two had a lunch together today, your immediate reaction would be anger. This will be the primary emotion.
   • Other emotions can also accompany the anger. For example, you may feel hurt when your friend forgets you. You may experience some fear that this is a sign that your friend doesn't really care about you. You may feel ashamed, as if you don't deserve to be remembered by your friends. These are all secondary emotions.
   • Taking into account your emotional sources can help you learn to control them.

4. 

   Use active monologues. One way to learn to control your own responses to situations in a healthier way is to challenge negative reactions and habits with positive monologues. It may take a while to feel comfortable or natural to do this but it can be very helpful. Research has shown that using active monologues can help improve your concentration and relieve anxiety.
   • Remind yourself that you deserve love and respect. Find out about things you admire about yourself like your energy, thoughtfulness, imagination, and more. Remind yourself of these positives when you realize that you are feeling negatively about who you are.
   • Remind yourself that unpleasant situations are temporary, limited, and will happen to everyone at some point. For example, if your coach criticizes you for your performance at a tennis session, remind yourself that that doesn't mean all past or future training sessions. you will too Instead of immersing yourself in the past, focus on what you can do to improve next time. This will help you gain a sense of control over your actions instead of feeling as though you were victimized by someone else.
   • Re-direct negative thoughts with positive words. For example, if you don't do well on a test, you might think “I'm a failure. I'm useless and I'm going to fail this exam ”. This is neither beneficial nor fair to you. Instead, think about what you can learn from the experience: “On this test, I didn't do as well as I expected. I can talk to the professor to know my weaknesses and study more effectively for the next exam.

5. 

   Stop and check your feelings before reacting to the other person's actions. A natural response to a person with BPD is frequent anger or despair. For example, if a friend does something that makes you sad, your first instinct is to scream and intimidate the other person. Instead, take the time to examine and determine your feelings. Then, try to convey them to the other person in the most calm way.
   • For example, if your friend is late for a lunch date with you, your first reaction is probably anger. You will want to yell at her and ask her why she disrespects you so much.
   • Test your feelings. How are you feeling? What is primary emotion? Are there any secondary feelings? For example, you might feel angry, but you might also feel scared because you believe the other person is late because she doesn't care about you.
   • Ask the other person why she was late in a calm, indecisive or threatening tone. Use the phrase "I". For example: “I feel hurt when you are late for our lunch date. Why are you so late? " You may find that the reason she was late was just because of something innocuous like traffic jam or because she couldn't find the key. The phrase "I" will help keep your words from being critical of the other person. This will help them feel more comfortable.
   • Reminding yourself to process your emotions and not coming to hasty conclusions can help you learn to control your responses to others.

6. 

   Describe your feelings in detail. Try to associate your physical cues with the emotional states you often experience. Learning to identify your physical and emotional feelings can help you better understand your feelings.
   • For example, maybe in some situations you feel a hangover in your stomach, but you don't know what feeling it is related to. Next time you feel a hangover, think about the feeling you are experiencing. That hangover can be linked to anxiety or stress.
   • When you know that the hangover is anxiety, you will feel more active in controlling it instead of feeling like it is controlling you.

7. 

   Learn self-soothing behaviors. Learning self-soothing behaviors can help you stay calm when you feel in turmoil. These are behaviors you can do to comfort and treat yourself well.
   • Take a hot bath. Research has shown that for many people the feeling of warmth in the body has a soothing effect.
   • Listen to relaxing music. Research has shown that listening to certain types of music can help you relax. The British Academy of Sound Therapy has created a list of songs that have been scientifically proven to soothe and relax.
   • Try touching yourself. Loving yourself and gently touching your body can help soothe yourself and relieve tension by releasing the hormone oxytocin. Try putting your arms around your chest and squeezing gently. Or place your hand on your heart and feel the warmth of your skin, the heartbeat, and your chest rise and fall as you breathe. Take the time to remind yourself that you are beautiful and worthy.

8. 

   Practice improving tolerance skills for uncertain or difficult situations. Tolerance is the ability to bear an uncomfortable emotion without reacting in an inappropriate way. You can practice this skill by becoming familiar with your emotions, and gradually being exposed to unfamiliar or uncertain situations in a safe environment.
   • Start a diary that records times when you feel unsafe, worried, or scared throughout the day. Make sure you document both the situation in which you feel this way and how you react to it.
   • Rate your worries. Try to put the things that are worrying or uncomfortable in order from 0 to 10. For example, "going to a restaurant alone" is 4, but "let a friend plan vacation". maybe 10.
   • Practice tolerance for uncertainty. Start with small, safe situations. For example, you might try ordering a dish you've never eaten at a new restaurant. You may or may not like the meal, but it doesn't matter. You have shown yourself that you are strong enough to control uncertainty on your own. You can gradually practice with larger situations as you feel safe to do so.
   • Record your reactions.When you try something unsafe, take note of what happened. What did you do? How did you feel during that experience? How did you feel then? What did you do if it didn't work out as you expected? Do you think you can afford to control bigger things in the future?

9. 

   Practice unpleasant experiences in a safe way. Your therapist can help you learn to handle uncomfortable emotions by giving you exercises to do. Here are a few things you can do yourself:
   • Hold an ice cube until you feel the negative emotion is over. Focus on the physical sensation of the rock in your hand. Notice how it becomes extremely intense at first, but then lessens. Emotions are the same.
   • You imagine the waves of the sea. Imagine it growing until it became big ripples and then melted. Remind yourself that, like waves, your emotions increase and then subside.

10. 

    Exercise regularly. Exercise can help reduce feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression. This is because exercise releases endorphins, the body's natural "happiness" hormone. The National Institute of Mental Health recommends regular physical activity to help minimize negative emotions.
    • Research has shown that even the slightest exercise, like walking or gardening, can have this effect.

11. 

    Keep a fixed schedule. Instability is one of the hallmarks of BPD, and setting a fixed schedule for things like eating or sleeping can help. Swings in blood sugar levels or lack of sleep can make symptoms of BDP worse.
    • If you have trouble remembering to take care of yourself, like forgetting to eat or not going to bed on time, ask someone to remind you.

12. 

    Keep your goals close to reality. Dealing with a disorder takes time and practice. You won't be able to completely change after a few days. Don't let yourself get discouraged. Remember, you can just do your best and that's enough.
    • Remember that your symptoms will improve gradually, not overnight.
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Method 2 of 3: Coping with a loved one has BPD

1. 

   Understand that your feelings are normal. Friends and relatives of people with BPD often feel overwhelmed, contradictory, exhausted, and hurt by the behavior of the person they love. Depression, grief or loneliness, and guilt are also common among people whose loved one has BPD. It is helpful to understand that these feelings are normal and not because you are a bad person or a careless person.

2. 

   Learn about BPD. BPD is as real and debilitating as a physical illness. It is not the "fault" of the person you love. The person you love may feel extremely ashamed and guilty about his / her actions, but they cannot change it. Understanding BPD will allow you to support your loved one as much as possible. Do research to learn more about what BPD is and what you can do to help.
   • The National Institute of Mental Health has a lot of information about BPD.
   • There are a number of programs, blogs and other online resources that can help you better understand BPD. For example, the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorders has a list of helpful advice for families. The Boundary Personality Disorders Information Center offers videos, manuals and more advice for loved ones of people with BPD.

3. 

   Encourage your loved one to seek treatment. However, understand that these therapies can take time and effort, and some people with BPD do not respond well to treatments.
   • Try not to interact with the person you love in a judgmental manner. For example, statements like "I'm making you nervous" or "I'm confusing you" are not helpful. Instead, use the proposition that uses "myself" as the subject of concern and concern: "I worry about something I see through your actions" or "I love you and want to help me get help ”.
   • A person with BPD is more likely to seek supportive therapies if they trust and have a close relationship with a therapist. However, a person with BPD's unstable relationship with another can make it difficult to establish and maintain a therapeutic relationship.
   • Consider seeking home remedies. Some BPD treatments include family and loved ones.

4. 

   Accept the feelings of the person you love. Even if you don't understand why they feel that way, try to support and love them. For example, you could say something like, "It sounds like it's really hard for you" or "I can see why it upsets you so much."
   • Remember: You don't have to agree with your loved one to show him / her that you are listening and interested in them. Try making eye contact as you listen and use phrases like "um" or "I understand" when the other person is speaking.

5. 

   Consistency. Because people with BPD are extremely contradictory, you need to be consistent and reliable as a "place of refuge". If you tell someone you love that you will be home at 5 o'clock, try to do so. However, you should not respond to threats, requests or orders. Make sure your actions match your needs and principles.
   • This also means that you need to maintain a consistent boundary. For example, you could tell the person you love that if he / she yells at you, you will walk out of the room. This is completely fair. If the person you love does start screaming, make sure you do what you said before.
   • It's important to decide on a plan of action to take if the person you love begins to behave in moderation or threaten to hurt yourself. It helps if you develop this plan with your loved one and possibly his / her therapist as well. Even if you make a decision like that, follow the plan that you have come up with.

6. 

   Set personal boundaries and protect them. It can be difficult to live with people with BPD because they often cannot control their own emotions. They may try to force someone they love to meet their needs. They may even be unaware of personal boundaries and often cannot form or understand them. Setting personal boundaries, based on your needs and comfort level, can keep you safe and calm as you interact with someone you love.
   • For example, you can tell the person that you won't answer the phone after 10 p.m. because you need enough sleep. If the person you love calls you after that time, you must stick to your boundary and not answer. If you respond, remind the person of the boundaries you have set, but don't forget to show empathy for his / her feelings: “I care about you and I understand that you have Hard time, but it's 11:30 now and I told you not to call me after 10pm. This is very important to me. I can call you at 5:30 tomorrow morning. I turn off the phone here. Good night".
   • If the person you love accuses you of not caring about them because you did not answer the phone, remind her / him of the limit you have set. Suggest him / her an appropriate time that he / she can call you.
   • You will often have to assert your limits many times before the person you love understands that the boundaries are real. Be prepared in advance that the person you love will react angrily, harshly, or otherwise violently to your claim to these rights.Don't respond to these reactions or get angry with yourself. Continue to reinforce and assert your boundaries.
   • Remember that "no" is not the sign of being bad or heartless. You must take care of your own mental and physical health so that you can care for the person you love to the fullest.

7. 

   Respond positively to the right behaviors. Supporting appropriate behaviors with positive responses and compliments is extremely important. This can encourage the person you love to believe he / she can control his emotions. It also encourages them to keep trying.
   • For example, if the person you love starts yelling at you and then stops to think, and say thank you. Show that you understand he / she has put a lot of effort into stopping harmful actions, and you appreciate it.

8. 

   Find self-encouragement. Caring for and supporting someone you love with BPD can be mentally draining. So it's very important to provide care and support for yourself as you try to balance mental support and personal boundaries.
   • The National Alliance for Mental Disorders (NAMI) and the National Alliance for Border Personality Disorder (NEA-BPD) have some information to help you find resources in neighborhood.
   • Maybe you should also see your doctor or counselor. They can help you process your emotions and learn beneficial coping skills.
   • NAMI offers “Family-to-Family” educational programs where families can get support from families in other similar backgrounds. This program is completely free.
   • Family remedies can be helpful. Family Skills Training for Dialectical Behavior can help family members learn how to understand and cope with a loved one's illness. A therapist can support and teach you specific skills to help your loved one. Family Link Therapy focuses on the needs of each family member, helps them build skills, form coping strategies, and explore resources that can help them balance their needs. they and the needs of someone they love have BPD.

9. 

   Take care of yourself. It can be easy to get too absorbed in taking care of your loved one and forget to take care of yourself. Staying healthy and getting enough rest is extremely important. If you lack sleep, are anxious or indifferent to yourself, you will often react to your loved one in an irritable and irritable way.
   • Do exercise. Exercise will help relieve feelings of stress and anxiety. It helps promote feelings of well-being and is a helpful coping skill.
   • Have a reasonable diet. Eating on schedule. A well-balanced diet provides plenty of proteins, complex carbs, fruits and vegetables. Avoid fast foods and limit caffeine and alcohol intake.
   • Get enough sleep. Try to go to bed and wake up regularly every day, including on weekends. Do not do other activities in bed such as playing on the computer or watching television. Avoid drinking caffeinated beverages before bedtime.
   • Rested. Try meditation, yoga, or other relaxing activities like a bath or a walk. Having a loved one with BPD can be overwhelming, so it's important to take time to care for yourself.

10. 

    Pay special attention to threats of self-harm. Even if you've heard someone you love threaten to commit suicide or injure yourself in the past, you still need to take these threats seriously. 60-70% of people with BPD will attempt to commit suicide at least once in their lifetime, and 8-10% of them will be successful. If the person you love threatens to kill yourself, call 911 or take him / her to the nearest emergency room.
    • Call the Suicide Prevention Line if there are negative symptoms. Make sure someone you love also has this phone number so he / she can use it if needed.
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Method 3 of 3: Identifying Characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

1. 

   Understand the diagnosis of BPD. A mental health professional will use the criteria in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) to diagnose Boundary Personality Disorder. The DSM-5 requires that a person diagnosed with BPD must have at least 5 of the following:
   • "Frantically trying to avoid real or imaginary abandonment."
   • "Unstable and excessive personal relationships: quickly go from idealizing to downplaying others."
   • "Self-awareness is unstable."
   • "Depositing money in at least two areas risks self-harm."
   • "Frequently there are behaviors, gestures, threats of suicide or self-harm."
   • "Fluttering emotions due to a sharp change in mood."
   • "Feeling empty often."
   • "Unreasonable anger, outrageousness, or difficulty controlling anger."
   • "Short-term delusional thoughts or intense personality splits."
   • Remember, you cannot self-diagnose BPD for yourself or someone you love. Information provided in this section only helps you to determine whether you or someone you love may have BPD or not.

2. 

   Look for symptoms of fear of abandonment. A person with BPD will often feel extremely scared or angry if faced with leaving someone they love. He / she will likely engage in impulsive behaviors such as cutting himself off or threatening to commit suicide.
   • These reactions can occur even when the separation is unavoidable, planned in advance or only for a short time (eg the other person works).
   • People with BPD are often terrified of being alone and need help from others. They may panic or become furious if the other person leaves even for a moment or is late.

3. 

   Consider the stability of your personal relationships. A person with BPD usually does not have a stable relationship with anyone for a long time. People with BPD often cannot accept the “ambiguous” side of another (or usually themselves). Their views on relationships are often "go for nothing", the other is either perfect or very bad. People with BPD often end friendship or love relationships very quickly.
   • People with BPD often idealize those they know, or "adore them." However, if the other person has certain flaws or makes a mistake (or even seems so), the person with BPD will often immediately lower them.
   • A person with BPD will generally not accept responsibility for problems in his / her relationship. He / she may say that the other person “doesn't care enough about them enough” or doesn't contribute much to the relationship. Others may assume that people with BPD have feelings or "superficial" interactions with people.

4. 

   Consider the person's self-image. People with BPD often do not have a steady sense of self. For ordinary people, the sense of self-worth is often quite consistent: they have a clear view of who they are, the things they value and how others think of them will not affect what they are. there. People with BPD often don't feel about themselves this way. Their perceptions of themselves are erratic or volatile and vary depending on the circumstances and with whom they interact.
   • People with BPD's self-views may be based on what they think others think of them. For example, if the person they love is late for a date, they often take it as a sign that they are "bad" or not worthy of being loved.
   • People with BPD have unstable goals or principles and can change dramatically. This will affect the way they treat people.For a while, someone with BPD can be kind, but then be evil, even if it's the same person.
   • A person with BPD will feel either self-hatred or helpless, even if someone else assures them otherwise.
   • People with BPD often have an abnormally variable sexual orientation. They often change the sex of their desired partner at least once.
   • People with BPD often define themselves in ways that deviate from their cultural norms. Cultural norms that an important factor to consider when dealing with are "normal" or "stable" self-esteem.

5. 

   Look for signs of impulsive behavior that could harm yourself. Humans will sometimes have impulses, but a person with BPD will often exhibit dangerous and reckless expressions. These behaviors often pose a serious threat to their safety or health. This behavior can be out of spontaneity or in response to an event or experience in their life. Here are some good examples of these behaviors:
   • Unsafe sex
   • Drive recklessly or drive while drunk
   • Drug abuse
   • Binge eating or some other eating disorder
   • Spend money
   • Uncontrolled gambling

6. 

   Consider whether thoughts or actions that hurt yourself or kill yourself often occur. Self-harm and threats of self-harm including suicide are common behaviors in people with BPD. These actions can be spontaneous or happen in response to being neglected or considered abandoned.
   • Some examples of self-harm include cutting, burning, scratching or damaging the skin.
   • The behavior or threat of suicide can include things like grabbing a bottle of medicine and threatening to drink it all.
   • People with BPD often make threats or attempt suicide to force others to do what they want.
   • People with BPD may perceive their actions as dangerous and harmful but they feel like they cannot change them completely.
   • 60-70% of people with BPD will attempt to commit suicide at some point in their lives.

7. 

   Observe the person's mood. People with BPD often have a “sudden mood swings” or sudden mood swings or “mood swings”. These emotions are constantly changing and are often much more intense than the steady responses.
   • For example, a person with BPD may feel happy and happy for a while and then cry or be angry. These fluctuating mood swings last a few minutes or a few hours.
   • Despair, anxiety, and irritability are common emotions among people with BPD and can be caused by events or actions that ordinary people would consider inappropriate. For example, if the person's therapist says their treatment is coming to an end, the person with BPD will feel hopeless and rejected.

8. 

   Consider whether the person feels depressed often. People with BPD often act as though they are feeling “empty” or extremely bored. These emotions can lead to risky and impulsive behavior. According to the DSM-5, a person with BPD constantly looks for new sources of stimulation and excitement.
   • In some cases, this can also affect their feelings about others. A person with BPD can quickly become discouraged from their relationship with a friend or lover and find excitement in a new person.
   • A person with BPD may feel as though they don't exist or worry that they aren't in the same world as everyone else.

9. 

   Look for signs of anger often. A person with BPD tends to get angry more often and excessively than usual. They often have difficulty controlling their own anger. This behavior is often a response to the thought that a friend or family member is indifferent or indifferent to them.
   • This anger can be expressed in the form of sarcasm, gnawing, cursing, or angry shouting.
   • Anger may be the person's default response even in situations where they might express other emotions more appropriately and properly. For example, a person who wins first place at a sporting event may feel angry at their opponent's behavior instead of enjoying winning.
   • This anger can lead to arguments or violence.

10. 

    Look for symptoms of paranoia. A person with BPD is likely to have short-term delusional thoughts. These thoughts are caused by excessive stress and often don't last long but are repeated over and over again. This delusion is often related to another person's intentions or behavior.
    • For example, a person being informed of his or her health may become delusional that a doctor is colluding with someone to trick them.
    • Dissociation is another typical symptom among people with BPD. A person with BPD often has thoughts that make them feel like their surroundings are not real.
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Advice

• Take time to look after yourself, whether you or someone you love has BPD.
• Try to provide as much emotional support and support as possible to the person you love.
• The US Food and Drug Administration has not yet approved any medications for the treatment of BPD. BPD cannot be “cured” with medication, but a doctor or a mental health professional can identify certain supplements to help ease symptoms such as depression, anxiety, or aggression.
• Always remember that BPD is not your "fault" and it does not make you a "bad" person. It is a curable disorder.

Warning

• Always be on the lookout for threats of self-harm or suicide. If the person you love expresses suicidal thoughts or plans to hurt yourself, immediately call 911 or the Suicide Prevention Line 1-800-273-8255 (in the US).