Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

A condescending spouse will make you feel worthless, depressed and sad. If the other person is demeaning you in private or in front of someone else, this behavior needs to be addressed and changed. Marriage cannot exist if one person always looks down on a partner, so quickly recognize this behavior and find ways to make a difference.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Facing your spouse

1. 

   Determine the best time to talk to your spouse. A moment when a couple is stressed is not the best time to have a conversation, as an angry mood can cause either of you to say something you regret.
   • Talk as soon as possible after the act of disdain has happened. If you let things go for too long, you will forget and the details will become fuzzy. Sit down with your spouse for a few days after the incident to clarify the problem.
   • Find a quiet place where you can have a private conversation. Talking about this problem in front of your friends will make you hurt and your spouse will be viewed as ludicrous.
   • Talk when your partner has had time to relax and be entertained after work. You should wait until the children go to bed and after you have rested comfortably.

2. 

   
   
   Speak out in a gentle tone of voice. Don't accept responsibility for yourself for the other's behavior, instead try to calmly express your feelings. Say you feel sad / angry / hurt when the other person doesn't appreciate you.
   • For example, you might say, "I'm sad when you talk to me in that tone". Or, "I get angry when you underestimate my understanding".
   • Avoid saying that the opponent cause How do you feel because this can make them defensive.

3. 

   
   
   Use evidence to clarify your point of view. You need to give some concrete examples when talking to your spouse about their behavior. Choose a recent reference and a specific thing they said or did.
   • For example, you could say, "Last night while eating, I said a disdainful sentence. I said it was a waste of time trying to explain to you about my new project because you wouldn't be able to. do you understand ".
   • Avoid choosing a reference at which you and / or the other person were drunk, as the details will probably be ambiguous.

4. 

   
   
   Ask your spouse why they looked down on you. Perhaps your partner behaves disrespectfully because of a lack of self-confidence or a feeling of incompetence. Understanding the causes of your partner's rude behavior will make it easier for you to sympathize with them and encourage them to start behaving more politely.
   • Try asking the other person to tell you why by asking, "I feel like you are upset about something, not because of me. What's the matter?"
   • For example, if the other person is angry and despised when you ask about their work, they may be feeling less confident to get the job done well. Although their behavior is to be blamed, knowing the true cause of the rude will help you find a better solution to be together.

5. 

   Set out consequences. Make it clear that you cannot accept or tolerate disregard for you. Take a stand and don't change your mind if the other person continues to take you lightly or tries to ignore the situation.
   • For example, you could have a consequence like "If you talk to me in that tone, I'll leave the room. If you look down on me in front of other people, I'll end their relationship. me ".

6. 

   Use humor to let it go. Don't let your spouse's indecency get in your way. Next time they look down on you, think of something funny. Make a joke or turn a blind eye by pretending to think the other person is joking. Humor will help reduce the other's influence when they lower you.
   • Use humor that is appropriate for your particular situation, but it's best to avoid humiliating jokes on yourself, because the other person has already looked down on and offended you.

7. 

   Change of focus. Turn the matter over to the person making the rude comment to end it.
   • To do this, ask questions about the situation. For example, if your spouse is disregarding your child's way of teaching, you might ask, "Do you have a better way?" or "Do you have any proof that I have to do it the way you want?"
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Part 2 of 3: Assess the cause of the behavior

1. 

   Evaluate when your spouse started to look down on you. Think twice about whether the other person has started to disrespect you recently or if they didn't respect you during their time together. Ask yourself a few questions like: Did you marry someone who looked down on you from the moment you met, or did that disdainful behavior appear after you got married? Determine whether this is a new behavior or the other's attitude from the start, so you will find the best way to deal with their vulgar behavior.
   • Did the partner completely change after getting married? Did you not understand who they really are or that they tried to pretend you were married before you marry them?
   • Does the new job affect the other person's behavior? The work pressure and the impatient mood to get promoted are the effects from the work that can even drastically affect the calmest person.
   • While this information can help you better understand why your partner is disrespecting you, like when you are confronted with them, you need to focus on your current issues and events.

2. 

   Determine if their behavior is contextual, and considering when the other person made a disrespectful comment will help you understand if their behavior is disrespectful because did you do something Do they only say those words in specific situations, for example in a parenting discussion? Or does it happen in many other cases? Limiting time and specific situations will help you identify behaviors or contexts that might excite the other person. However, keep in mind that sometimes people don't know the motives for their behavior, so if you don't find this helpful, ignore it.
   • If your spouse is looking down on you in front of their coworkers, is this behavior often happening in front of their boss, peer, or subordinate (or everyone at the company)? How do they comment? Are they putting you down when you try to make an opinion of what's going on at the company?
   • Perhaps the other person feels scared or even embarrassed by what you did and overwhelms their true feelings with a harsh and rude comment. If that's the case, focus on pointing out their offensive behavior in this particular case.
   • Are you always alert when you and your spouse are with your family and friends? Are you always "looked down on" by the other party when you are with their family and friends?

3. 

   Find out if the spouse is aware of their behavior. In some cases, your partner has developed a habit of looking down on you, and that behavior has become part of their personality. However, people are not always aware of their behavior. Perhaps the other party doesn't know they're acting rude. Besides, if they are trying to overcome their insecurity, they may want to assert their confidence to the point of not realizing that their behavior offends you.
   • Does the person continue to talk to you after making a vulgar comment and acting as if nothing happened? If they were, they probably did not realize that the comment was rude and inappropriate.
   • Does the other person also have a similar way of talking to the people around or just with you? A sarcastic person believes that disregard for others is one of their "attractions". They may not realize that their comments hurt and offend others instead of being humorous.
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Part 3 of 3: Making a difference

1. 

   Watch out for signs of psychological abuse. Violence can take many forms, and it is not easy to recognize a person's abuse. Here are a few subtle signs of emotional or psychological abuse:
   • Say things that make you feel guilty
   • Humiliating you on purpose
   • Criticize you often
   • Ignore you
   • Committing adultery or flirting with the opposite sex in a clear way
   • Talk to you in sarcastic voice or make fun of you
   • Say "I love you, but ..."
   • Try to control you by isolating, using money, or intimidating you
   • Constantly text or call you when you're not around

2. 

   Protect your children. If your spouse is also emotionally abusive and despises your children, take the initiative to protect your children during this sensitive stage of development. You can follow the suggestions below:
   • Loving your child sincerely to make up for the violence he has suffered. Tell them how much you love them and take good care of them.
   • Explain that when people are angry, they will say things they don't really think.
   • Help your child understand that what others say about you is not always true, even if it is what your parents say. The important thing is how you feel about yourself.
   • Contact a social protection institution for help if you experience severe or persistent emotional abuse.
   • Tell the other person they are emotionally abusive and that is wrong, and if they don't stop you will end the relationship with them to take care of the child yourself.

3. 

   
   
   Chat with friends and family. Friends and family can provide you with support and advice in a relationship crisis. Try talking to friends and family about what happened. Ask them for advice on what to do and where to go for help.
   • You can even stay with a friend or family member until you find a solution and find private accommodation. Perhaps this is the best thing you need to do. If you have children, you should keep them away from an abusive spouse.

4. 

   
   
   Get an expert advice. Tell your spouse you want to seek out couples therapy. This therapy will help you create a positive change in your troubled relationship. When you are in a safe place, you can frankly say that the person's disrespectful behavior is wrong and needs change.
   • Let your partner know it's important to see a counselor, so if they don't want to try this, you will end the relationship.
   • To find a mental health professional in your area, visit this page: http://locator.apa.org/

5. 

   
   
   Speak privately with a counselor. Seeing a counselor can help you become more assertive and determine if you want to continue the relationship or move on. If your partner is not participating in your couple therapy, you should also talk to a counselor privately.
   • Try to find a counselor with experience handling similar situations as yours.
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Advice

• Although you may want to be quiet and deal with passive aggression, do your best to have an open conversation.
• Seek a counselor if a spouse needs someone to intervene so that they can open up to talk about their behavior.

Warning

• When the person commits an act of violence, call 911 or the domestic violence hotline 1−800−799−7233 if you live in the United States. In Vietnam, call the hotline of the rapid response police force.