Content

• Steps

Self-esteem, or how we view ourselves, is one of the factors that create personal emotions. If you are a person with high self-esteem, you may find it annoying to see a friend or loved one have problems due to low self-esteem and negative attitudes towards yourself. While you can't make them feel better about themselves, you can help, support, motivate, and set a model for a positive self-image.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Expressing Help

1. 

   Be a good friend. A good friend can help by listening from the bottom of his heart. While maintaining friendships with someone who is in an unstable mood is also a big challenge, keep in mind that this is only a temporary state and the other person is working on improving the situation.
   • Try to spend time with your friends. People with low self-esteem often lack the initiative in proposing plans to others. You should proactively plan and comply with implementation. Difficulty in approaching and implementing social communication plans is not a simple problem. This can actually reflect anxiety, fear, or depression in a person with low self-esteem.
   • Making regular "appointments" can be very helpful, reducing the need to sit around and planning and make sure your appointments are scheduled during the week, avoiding going out and not having any problems. Contact for any purpose. Whether it's a coffee date on a Sunday afternoon, a card Wednesday night, or a daily swim, these appointments are crucial to helping your friendship.
   • Listen to your friends, maintain eye contact during conversations. Talk about their problems, ask them what they are having, and offer help and advice (but only when they ask). A little care has a lasting effect. Showing that you care about your friends can help improve their self-esteem.

2. 

   
   
   Avoid forcing the other person to think like this or that. It can be risky if you try to make the person you want to help hostile to you just because you directly tell them how to think about themselves and how to act properly. Instead, you should support and help this friend by accepting who they are, trying to motivate and set an example for them to think more positively and take care of themselves.
   • If you try to counter the person's negative side, they won't respond positively. This is not a problem solving by reason.
     • For example, if they say, "I feel stupid of myself," and you won't be of any help if you reply, "No, you're not at all: you're very smart." At this point, it becomes easier for them to think of themselves as stupid - what they still think.
     • Instead, try responding to "I feel stupid of myself" by saying, "I'm so sorry that you feel that way." What makes you think that? Did something happen? " This can create an environment conducive to a productive conversation.
   • Listen to their feelings. Just listening to them tells them you are empowering. You often argue that negative emotions are not worth it, but it is important to stay away from it.
     • Agree: "You seem very disappointed by not having a semi-formal appointment.I can imagine that this is very difficult for you. I have been through the same thing ".
     • Disagree: "You shouldn't be too sad about not having a semi-official date. It's not a big deal, forget it. It happened to me and I'm fine. "
3. Deal with the problem, if the opponent has the ability. If the other person has low self-esteem, they tend to be more personal. The problem is with them and it seems solvable. It can be very useful if someone sees their problem from a clear perspective. Remember that the problem will only be resolved after some more negative emotions have emerged.
   • • For the example above: "There are a lot of couples going to the semi-formal meeting, but I've heard that there are also many people who go alone. And of course you're not the only one doing this." .
     • Or: "A lot of us are carpooling, if you want to go there. We'd really welcome you. Actually, if you wanted me I'd introduce you to my roommate, I'm thinking." that the two of you will be together ... "

4. 

   
   
   Volunteer together. Helping another person is a way to strengthen your self-esteem. By motivating and making an effort to help others, you will be able to boost your friends' self-esteem.
   • Or try asking them for help friend. A person with negative self-esteem is actually more willing to help a friend than himself. Give someone an opportunity to give them moments to do something that builds self-esteem.
   • For example, it can be helpful to ask someone to help you with a love problem or fix your computer.

5. 

   
   
   Make your friend lean on his shoulder when he cries. If they want to share their feelings or tell you what caused them to be low self-esteem, then it's best to listen when they speak. Usually, if someone identifies the cause of a self-esteem problem, they will find that negative emotions originate outside, not from themselves.

6. 

   Propose to adjust the voice in your heart. Ask your best friend what their inner voice says about themselves. You will probably find that it was a series of negative comments. Teach them how to deal with themselves well by stopping negative self-talk and turning into positive, positive thoughts.
   • For example, if their voices say, "I messed up all the relationship efforts," this shows how pitiful they are to be alone in a relationship. It also shows that the person cannot learn anything from mistakes, or summarize the skills to continue to improve. Hopefully, as a friend, you will be able to help correct these negative thoughts with the following words:
     • “This relationship did not work, and know as soon as possible. Thank goodness I know now instead of waiting to get married and have 3 kids! "
     • "Maybe I need to go through some love before meeting the true prince of my life. Almost everyone does."
     • "I know I need to communicate better. I will work to change - that's something I can improve."

7. 

   Offer treatment, sensitively, if you find it helpful. If you find your friend's problem worsening and you are personally unable to help, advise them to get treated. Both cognitive behavioral therapy and psychodynamic therapy can be helpful for low self-esteem.
   • Maybe you want to carefully initiate the conversation. You don't want to alienate the other person or make them think you think they are out of their mind.
   • If you have been through therapy yourself, then explain how much it helps you.
   • Don't be surprised or disappointed if your suggestion is immediately rejected. You may be sowing a seed and it will grow, nourish in the other's soul; in the end they will decide to seek a consultant.
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Part 2 of 4: Modeling Righteous Self-Esteem

1. 

   Spend time with people who have negative thoughts about themselves. Being around people with high self-esteem can be helpful for someone who is suffering from a lack of self-esteem or guilt. If you take the opportunity to relate to your self-awareness, then you will be the ideal type of feeling healthy or happy.

2. 

   Set an example for goal setting, taking risk, and being flexible. People with low self-esteem are often hesitant to make risky decisions or set goals for themselves out of fear of failure. By setting a goal to strive and take risks yourself, you demonstrate a healthy approach to living. In addition, demonstrating that failure is not a disaster will help show a person who can recover, moving forward after stepping backwards. If possible, share your thought processes with someone with low self esteem. You may want to emphasize that:
   • What is your goal and why you are setting it. (I want to run at a distance of 5000 meters to have a healthy body).
   • What will you do when you reach your goals? (When I finish the race, I might think about running half the marathon).
   • How will you feel if you do not meet your goal. What if I try my best and do it but fail? (I would be disappointed if I didn't finish the track but there are always other races for me. Besides, my real goal is to get in shape. If I get healthier, I would be the person. If running doesn't work, there are other activities to improve my health so I can practice.)
   • The results of risky action. (I'll get sick. I might have knee pain. I can look weird at the gym. I can see better. Maybe I really like it).
   • How will you feel with a few different results. (I would be delighted to succeed, have confidence in myself. Even if the injury gets worse. I also hate feeling out of place.)

3. 

   Express your heart. We all live with our own voices and it is difficult to know that your inner voice is abnormal if there is nothing to compare. Talking to someone with low self-esteem about how you speak and think about yourself can help them understand a positive inner voice.
   • Emphasize that even if the work doesn't work out as expected, don't blame or blame yourself.
   • Tell them that you never thought other people were judging or thinking badly about you.
   • Explain to them how you praise yourself for your accomplishments and that it is pride, not pride.
   • Giving a model of your own voice really shows the support you give to the person you love, not the hurting them.

4. 

   Explain that you are not perfect. For someone with low self-esteem, a confident person is perfect. People with negative self-criticism tend to criticize themselves harshly, and when they compare themselves to others, they tend to compare their worst with their best. other. Explain that you are not — you don't want to either — be perfect, and that you love yourself for the long haul, is helpful for someone with low self-esteem.

5. 

   Show you accept yourself. Use your words and actions to let the other person know that you are truly living yourself. Even when you have a goal or an ambition, you are satisfied with being yourself.
   • Try using phrases like "I am good at ..." "I hope to continue to grow in ..." "I love ..." and "I feel comfortable when I ..."

6. 

   Explain setting personal goals. Tell them that you also have things to work on, but you don't have to see it as your downside, this will help them understand a healthy way to accept themselves.
   • On the contrary, a person with low self-esteem may think, "I'm a loser because I haven't got a job yet", you can create a better approach by saying, "I'm a person. I am looking for a job that suits me.
   • Instead of thinking, “I am a disorganized person with no hope anymore,” you can say, “My strength is to come up with the idea of ​​'a big picture' rather than attention to detail, though of course I'm trying to be more organized and focused on details ”.
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Part 3 of 4: Understanding Low Self-esteem

1. 

   
   
   Accepting your ability is limited. Basically, self-esteem is a personal matter, and people with low self-esteem have to help themselves actually become better. You can encourage and support them, but you cannot improve their self-esteem.

2. 

   
   
   Identify symptoms of low self-esteem. Being able to recognize symptoms of low self-esteem can help you in supporting your loved one. Some symptoms to look out for include:
   • Constantly make negative comments about yourself.
   • It is difficult to accept everything that is imperfect in life.
   • Worry or panic when strangers are around.
   • Giving up without trying for fear of failure.
   • Always stay on a fierce defense against insignificant provocations.
   • Think other people always think worst about them.

3. 

   
   
   Talk about "talking to yourself". One of the defining characteristics of low self-esteem problems is the presence of harsh criticism within them. Usually the other person would say that about themselves. If the person you love also feels this way, chances are they also have negative thoughts about themselves. For example:
   • "I'm an ugly fat pig, no wonder I don't have a boyfriend".
   • "I hate this job, but no one will hire someone like me".
   • "I am a failure".

4. 

   Intervene before the problem gets worse. Realize that having low self-esteem can get worse, not better, if it isn't treated over time. If you think someone needs help, talk to them as soon as possible. People with self-esteem problems worsening tend to:
   • Endure an abusive relationship
   • Become your own bully or abuser
   • Give up your dreams and goals out of fear of failure
   • Neglect personal hygiene
   • Committing self-injury
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Part 4 of 4: Practice Taking Care of Yourself

1. Set appropriate limits if necessary. A person with low self-esteem can become extremely pitiful. If you want to help out, you might be disturbed by the 3am call, the endless chats about themselves tired or asking you to meet them while you have social obligations. other. Therefore, you should set a limit to prevent your friendship from turning bad. For example:
   • Your first obligation is your children. This does not mean that friends are not a priority, but listening to your child recounting the dance takes precedence over reading poetry from his friends.
   • The call after 10pm should be a really urgent call. For example, a car accident is an urgent matter, but breaking up with your girlfriend is not.
   • Take time to nurture other relationships. You value this friend but also need to spend time with other friends, family, boyfriend or girlfriend, and even time for yourself.
   • You will talk about what's bothering the other person, and also talk about your own life, hobbies, and other things related to you. Friendship is a two-way relationship in which there is a give-and-take.
2. Remember that you are just a friend, not a specialist. A therapist is not an ordinary friend, and a friend is definitely not a specialist. In the process of trying to help someone with very low self-esteem, a friend may spend a lot of time and effort helping their poor friend, but it is ineffective. And this can make you both feel extremely unhappy and out of balance. But a therapist can improve a situation that even very close friends often cannot.
3. Do not accept abuse. Unfortunately, people with low self-esteem can turn negative towards others. Sometimes this becomes so serious that it is overused. No one will force you to help someone who has physically hurt you, verbally or otherwise.
   • Low self-esteem prevents people from becoming cruel, cruel to others, no matter what causes them to have low self-esteem.
   • You have the right to protect yourself from further harm. You can choose to properly end the friendship.
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