Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning
• What you need

It's not always easy to make amends when you've hurt someone. Gathering the courage to apologize is hard, but it is worth it if it helps your relationship resume. You took the right first step, choosing how to handle the situation, not ignoring it. Now you just need to find a way to apologize properly and correct mistakes. Take a look at step 1 and the next steps to learn how to heal your fractured relationship right now.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Understanding What Happened

1. 

   Look at what happened objectively. Is this situation clear in black and white, meaning you are wrong and that the other person is right? Or is the problem you're dealing with more complicated than that? Redemption can be tricky if you don't know exactly who was at fault. Think carefully about what happened and determine what you have to apologize for.
   • If you are clear on your part and know what to apologize for, your redemption is quite simple (though not necessarily less difficult). For example, if you borrow someone's car without asking and then dimming the car, you probably understand how to compensate.
   • However, there are cases that are not so clear. For example, you and your friend haven't talked to each other for a long time, and you both talk hard that the relationship comes to a standstill. This will make it difficult for you to determine where the friction begins and who the responsibility belongs to.

2. 

   
   
   Deal with your mixed feelings. When you do something wrong with someone, you may not fully regret it. People often hide their shame by reacting aggressively or taking a stance and find ways to justify their behavior. Confessing that you have hurt someone can be difficult, but when you want to make amends, focus on fixing the situation instead of letting other emotions obscure the situation. Ask yourself the following questions to understand your feelings:
   • Are you trying to hide your regret out of worrying that you will look like a bad guy if you admit wrong? Don't worry - apologizing for making a mistake will actually make you "better" in the eyes of others, not vice versa.
   • Do you realize your mistakes but still believe you need to “fight” to keep your reputation? If so, then everything you are doing will only cause a new "reputation" - an angry and defiant person.
   • Worried that this will be a battle between your self-esteem and respect for others?

3. 

   
   
   Put yourself in the other's shoes. How do they view what happened between them and you? Do you think they feel the same resentment, anger, and frustration you feel? Will they suffer, wonder, confusion and disappointment? Step out of your pain and think about what happened and see it from the other person's perspective.
   • Change your feelings. If you still feel angry, injustice, don't want to forgive, or are simply fed up, understand that your relationship with the other person is more important than being right at all times.

4. 

   
   
   Write down the reasons you want to atone. This way you can turn the emotions in your head into reasons on paper. It will help you analyze your worries, facts and explanations about the situation, and then you can find ways to make up for your mistakes.
   • Admit that you made a mistake. Don't be arrogant and stubborn, but be honest.
   • Even if you think you are both at fault, be generous.
   • Consider the reasons you wrote down. Is there anything remarkable? Do you see any kind of behavior that stands out? For example, you might see the kind of selfish behavior you have been dealing with over and over again. What happened is not as important as your negative motives, so focus on that aspect because you want the other person to know that you understand the problem.

5. 

   Only make up when you don't have any worries left. If you are still feeling angry and wary, perhaps do not hesitate to do this. Trying to make up while still filled with resentment is not going to help. Your apology will not be considered sincere because in fact it is not sincere. Coping with your own anger is a practical and positive way to move forward because it helps you understand what is the bottom line that drives you to do it.
   • If necessary, allow some time to calm down and allow time to heal. Don't wait too long, though, because the longer you let your anger and the greater the disbelief of the other person, the harder it will be to reconcile.
   • Acknowledge that you have committed the bad deed and now is the time to deal with its consequences.Admit is not to be ignored - but to realize the nature of the matter.
   • Understand that it is okay to feel angry at first about what happened, but don't use your anger as a defense. Get out of anger - remember that it's about your mistakes, not about your reputation being smeared.

6. 

   Determine what to do to compensate for the damage you have caused. Go beyond hiding your shame and genuinely think about how to compensate for what you did. Each person has a different way of compensation. Only you will know the right way to do it.
   • Atoning can be as simple as bravely apologizing for your behavior.
   • Sometimes atonement requires more than one apology. You can apologize with action. For example, if you damage someone else's property, paying for it will make it much easier to mend.
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Part 2 of 3: Planning to Fix Mistakes

1. 

   Determine what to say. Practice before you speak, as that will help your natural reflexes come into play if you're overwhelmed by your emotions. Review your list of reasons, think carefully about options you could have made things different, and find solutions. Then have a few thoughts in mind, or even write down what you will say when you see the other person. Please keep the following in mind:
   • Willingness to take responsibility for what you did. It's a good idea to talk from the beginning about what you did wrong and admit that you did it wrong. This creates an atmosphere of repentance throughout the conversation. You can start out as simple as “I'm sorry for making you sad. I was wrong to think / say / do etc ”. Recognizing their hurts is a way of relieving stress.
   • Understand that if this isn't your first time hurting someone, and the other person has heard you apologize before, simply saying "sorry" won't work. It would be too easy to say an apology if it didn't come with real change. Think how to show sincerity, show them that you really regret and promise never to act like that, and not make the same mistake again.

2. 

   Meet up to talk to the person. While it's possible to apologize by email or phone, it's still much better to talk in person. It demonstrates your desire to reunite with the person, and at the same time be ready for direct and serious contact.
   • If you want to reconcile with a family member you haven't seen for a while, consider meeting them at an intermediary rather than at both parties. This will avoid the stress that could arise because one is in the other's "realm".
   • If you can't meet in person, consider writing a letter instead of typing or sending an email. Putting a pen on paper will make your feelings much more personal.

3. 

   
   
   Began to apologize. Tell the other person that you want to make up for your mistake, and talk to them based on what you've been doing with a well-thought-out feeling. Remember the following:
   • Try to make it better when the mediation is over before you make any mistakes. If you come to this conversation with the thought that you really want to get in touch with the other person, and that you want things to be not only the way things were, but for the better, then that means you have. Have a great first step.
   • Pay attention to body language, tone of voice, attitude, and posture. If you do regret it, all of the factors above have to show your sincere apology. Eye contact is an important indicator that you value what you are saying and do not shy away from the fact that you made a mistake.
   • Avoid judgments about the other person; just say things like "I think", "I think", "I think", "I think", etc. This talk is not aimed at the other person's mistakes.
   • Don't let thoughts of reason get in the way. This will bring you back to an argumentative mood.

4. 

   
   
   Simple to say and to the point. A lengthy apology will become rambling and go nowhere. Keep your conversations clear, soft, and productive. Both sides do not want to take the whole session to endure this inconvenience.

5. 

   
   
   Give the person a chance to vent their anger. Do not judge their feelings or opinions according to your thoughts. Following the steps suggested above means that you have tried to put yourself in the other's shoes with your understanding and understanding of the world. Give them the space, time, and freedom to devote themselves, and from there they realize your mood. Even if you feel that some of the other person's statements are not correct, you will not be able to improve your situation by saying that they have no good reason to feel that way.

6. 

   
   
   
   
   Support your words with action. It means much more to express your regret if you make a promise that you will change, and at the same time, make that promise. Let's start with claiming. For example, if you damage something, offer to buy a new one; if you ever used to offend the person, list a lot of their good qualities and explain that you felt jealous of their success before; If you spoil an event for the other person, ask to be reorganized for them. No matter what you take away from them, money, time or interest, you can compensate.
   • Explain the strategies you plan to use to change your behavior. Use every possible way to add weight to your promises. For example, you could tell the other person that you will never drive an ATV again, because the accident you caused killed their award-winning sheep, and showed them the flyer. car for sale.
   • Be sincere when telling the other person what you have learned from this. That will help the other person realize that you actually received a lesson, you regret it, and how effective it was.
   • If necessary, you can also suggest how the other person should behave if you fail to deliver on your promise - this is a last resort, and its effectiveness will depend on the extent of your mistake. For example you might say, "If I break your promise, you have the right to sell my collection of stamps."

7. 

   
   
   Ask the other person what kind of compensation is best for them. If they suggest a practical solution then this will be a good way to mediate. This choice is not always appropriate, so consider the context. Be very careful if you are concerned that the other person might use the occasion to manipulate you. You are here to atone, not to be their lifelong slave. advertisement

Part 3 of 3: What's Next

1. 

   Don't repeat mistakes. Surely you will undermine the trust of others if you hurt them twice with the same pattern. If you want to maintain a friendship, remember not to intentionally hurt the other person again. Do your best to be an honest and considerate friend. No one can be perfect, but you can still work hard to be trustworthy.

2. 

   Determined to step forward. Regardless of the outcome of the reconciliation, it is important not to indulge in self-pity or try to blame the other person. While you can't heal, at least you did your best.
   • Focus on what is in front of you and do not repeat the same story.
   • Even if you can't make up with the other person because they think the relationship has completely broken down, you should make up your mind never to hurt someone else like that again.

3. 

   Learn from what happened. Use your experience of mistakes to empathize with others if they have made the same mistakes you did. Not only can you get to know them better right now, but you also have the ability to help them try to achieve positive results without condemning them.
   • Forgiving yourself (this is the key to atoning) will help you live the present, not dwell in the past, so even if things don't go well, be grateful for this gift.Forgiving yourself will heal you.
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Advice

• Controversy is a part of life in almost all relationships. When handled well, misunderstandings and quarrels will actually make both sides closer together, making both of them more sympathetic and forgiving of each other's shortcomings. If you notice a disagreement between the two of you, you will be willing to take it as personal lessons and an opportunity to develop a relationship instead of avoiding contact at all costs.
• Be at ease with your mistakes before you reconcile - this will help the other person get over them as well.
• Atonement may also include the intention to atone for another, usually a family member or friend for whom you feel a responsibility but the person does not appear to want to apologize for their behavior. However, if you try to make amends for the mistakes of others, be careful not to admit their shame and guilt, or it will poison your life and make you feel bad. about the incident.

Warning

• Believe that you are always right, you are doing yourself suffering. Remember that everyone has their own point of view, and some of them are not the same as yours. That is not sure if they were wrong, but only different only. Using your opinion, judgment, and mindset to attack others is not only harmful, but it also makes you not realize that your opinion is just one of billions of other opinions, and you will lifetime encounter if you don't keep an open mind. Avoid this by acknowledging both opinions - yours and the other's - simply say "Your opinion / opinion / opinion is not the same as mine". There is no right or wrong here, just accept more or less.

What you need

• Paper and pen (optional)