How to let someone know you don't want to be friends with them

Author: Peter Berry
Date Of Creation: 11 February 2021
Update Date: 1 July 2024
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Content

When you need to let someone know you don't want to be friends with them, how do you do this? The answer depends in part on whether you are best friends or regular friends.If you don't know the person well, you may end up abruptly or slowly. If the person is your best friend, talk to them directly.

Steps

Method 1 of 2: End Friendship

  1. Plan to meet. You can send the person a text or email asking to meet them in a neutral location. If you live in the same city, this is the best way to talk about ending the friendship.
    • When the person asks you what you want to say, just respond with a vague statement. For example, you could say, "I just wanted to share some of the recent decisions with you". If your friend continues to plead, remind him that you want to talk to them face to face.
    • If the person lives in another city, you can send an email or text about setting a specific time to chat on the phone. Of course, having a face-to-face conversation would be better, but if the two don't live close to each other, this choice won't be suitable.
    • You need to be careful because the words written are easily misunderstood. This is also why talking directly to the other person is the best, albeit difficult, way.

  2. Ready. You may have been looking forward to freeing yourself from this friendship for quite some time, but when you meet your friend, you need to state why you want to end the friendship.
    • If you need to state the actions the person took to make this decision, think about ways to put them in a kind and gentle way as possible.
    • Maybe you don't want to tell them why you ended the friendship, and that's okay. You can use vaguely worded statements, or like "For me, everything has changed ...".
    • Don't feel as though you need to justify or defend your decision.

  3. Remember that your decision may surprise the other person. The person will be upset or angry when he learns the news. Or they will try to save the friendship. Determine in advance if you want to heal your friendship and whether this decision will be the final one.
    • If your friend becomes angry, be prepared to deal with it. You don't have to be a big deal - just walk away.
    • Unless you think you want to fix this relationship, keep things short. You don't have to take care of the person until they feel better. Just state your decision, and tell the person it's time to move on.
    • Do not argue about who is right and who is wrong.


  4. Be aware of the consequences. If the two of you have been friends for a long time, there is a chance that the two of you will share a few together. These friends may be forced to "choose sides" between you and your old friend.
    • Avoid telling your friends about the actions your ex took that caused you to end your friendship with them.
    • You shouldn't feel as though you need to defend your decision from your friends, as it will only make the situation worse.

  5. Don't talk about old friends' jobs. Explain that it is only up to you to decide. Good friends will understand the reasoning without your need for further explanation.
    • Friends you both know will try to get you back to your previous friendship. When this is the case, you should redirect the conversation. Remind your friends that you are just trying to move on.
    • Don't make anyone against your old friend. If you lose friends because of your decision, they may not be good friends either.

  6. Move forward. Avoid dipping into the decision to end your friendship - everything has happened. You have made the best decision possible, if you are mature. Now you don't have to talk about this. Reconsidering the decision, or defending it (even yourself!) Will only make the process longer.
    • It will feel strange that the person is no longer in your life, but you will get through.
    • Spend time with other friends. Try out new things, and go to every new place with your other friends.
  7. Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, get enough rest, and do everything you enjoy. Treat yourself with kindness and empathy, and remember that ending a friendship can cause you some grief.
    • Focusing on the positive parts of your life - everything you love about your current life - will help you stop feeling sad about losing your friendship.
    • If you find yourself having negative thoughts, try to turn them into more positive thoughts.
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Method 2 of 2: End a regular friendship

  1. Use a "gradual avoidance" approach. Slowly reducing your encounter with the person can happen naturally, or you will need to take the following steps. This is a great way to let others know that you don't want to befriend them without having to explain in words.
    • This method is great for casual friends you don't know well.
    • If the person is your new friend, this might not be the end of the friendship, but it simply makes it clear that you will never be able to become friends.
    • It may take longer for you to end the friendship this way.
  2. Decline the opponent's invitation. One way you can start minimizing contact with the person is to decline an invitation to do activity with them. From time to time, you will need to resort to a harmless lie in order to refuse.
    • For example, if the person invites you to a movie on a weekend, you might reply with something like, "Sounds great, but I have a lot of work to do this weekend so I won't be able to go."
  3. Use excuses to avoid having to talk. Perhaps you will come across someone you are trying to avoid in person, so you need to know how to deal with a situation like this. Ignoring the person can be painful and awkward, so you should instead excuse yourself for not being able to stay.
    • For example, you can politely greet the person and say something like “Sorry, I can't stay for a chat. I'm running late. See you another time! "
    • Try to be as polite and considerate as possible. Even if you don't want to be friends with the person, you won't be able to tell when you'll see them again, and maintaining politeness will minimize the awkwardness of you two accidentally meeting again.
  4. Use a more proactive approach to ending your friendship. If the polite and gradual end of the friendship doesn't work, you can make it clear directly to the person that you don't want to be friends. You could say, “You are a great person, but we are very different. I really want you to meet a lot of good things, but I think we should stop meeting ”.
    • Avoid using a strategy called "distinct negative". Non-isolation is when you suddenly cut off all contact with the person. For example, you might need to ignore their messages and emails, stop calling them back, and unfriend them on social media. This can be painful, angry, and anxious about your health, so it is not ideal.
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Advice

  • Remember that you may just want to end the friendship temporarily. You shouldn't say or do anything that would make the process permanent unless you are absolutely certain that you will never want to be friends with the person.
  • Act on kindness.
  • If you don't want to be friends with someone because you are arguing, or if the person is saying things that offend you without even knowing it, you should find out if you can talk to each other. to solve the problem before it ends or not.

Warning

  • If you present all of your thoughts in email, your friend can share them with others, and easily modify what you want to say.