Content

• Steps

There may be times when you have seen your friends or co-workers cry or get upset. Perhaps you want to help but don't know how to get started. When you want to comfort a crying person, the most important thing is to show concern for them. Help them in your power and try to meet their needs. Ask to make sure the other person feels safe or if they need something. In general, spend a lot of time with the person and let them express their feelings. However, don't force them to talk to you.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Willingness to help

1. 

   Stay with that person. Often there are very few things you can say and do that are really helpful to the crying person. Words are just awkward consolation. In many cases, your presence is the most important thing. Being with them during difficult times will be the most valuable thing. Make an effort to spend time with them.
   • Stay with the crying person and let them know that you are there for them and support them. You don't have to talk much, just being there is enough, especially if the person feels like no one is around.

2. 

   
   
   Make sure they feel safe. People are inherently afraid of crying in front of others because society often judges crying behavior as weak. If the person begins to cry in public, take him or her in a more private place. This will help reduce embarrassment. You can take them to the toilet, car or an empty room. When they are in private, they feel more secure and able to overcome their feelings.
   • If the person seems uncomfortable ask, "Would you like to go somewhere quieter?" You can take them to bathrooms, cars, private rooms, anywhere, as long as there aren't dozens of other people there.
   • If you are young (in high school or college), do not put the person in a place you cannot go, such as a classroom when there is no class. You also need to make sure there is a way out. Don't let yourself get in trouble!

3. 

   
   
   Give a tissue to the crying person. If you have a tissue or you know where to get it, take it to them. When a person cries, tears run down their faces, and giving the person a tissue shows that you are ready to help. If you don't have a tissue nearby, offer to find one for them.
   • You could say, "Would you like a flyer to get you a tissue?"
   • Sometimes giving a tissue implies that you want them to stop crying immediately. Be careful about actions that could be misinterpreted, especially if the person is very confused or is facing a loss because a loved one dies or falls in love.
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Part 2 of 3: Respond to the person's needs

1. 

   
   
   Let the person cry. There is no way you can help tell someone not to cry or say it's not worth crying. Crying makes people feel better. It is better to let out emotions than to squeeze in, because the accumulation of emotions can lead to mental illnesses like depression. If you see someone crying, let them cry. Never say things like, "Don't cry" or "It's a small thing, why cry?" They are sharing moments of weakness with you, so let them reveal what they need to express and don't tell them how to feel.
   • You may feel awkward around someone who is crying. Remember that your role is to offer effective help, and the focus here is not on you.

2. 

   Ask what the person needs. Maybe they want you to stay and hear what they have to say, or they want to be alone. Don't assume you know what they want, because you don't. Asking what they want and need will give the other person control and you will also have a chance to listen and react. If they need something or ask for something, respect their will.
   • You might ask, "Can I do anything to help you?" or "Do you need any help?"
   • If they tell you to leave, do as they please. Don't try to say something like "But you need my help!", Just say "Okay, but if you need something, text or call me!". Sometimes people need their own space.

3. 

   Give the person time. Don't think you have to do something right away. Being around and spending time with them is also a way to help. If you want to make someone more comfortable, give them the time they need. Being there alone is comforting, so try to stay around and make sure they get through this time or get the support they need most.
   • Don't just pause for a few seconds and then continue with your work. Stay with the person and let them know that you will stay if they need it. Even if you have work to do, a few extra minutes won't hurt.

4. 

   Pat the person. If your friend likes to hug, give them a hug. But if the person is quite reserved with physical contact, you can either pat them on the back or not touch them. If you are helping a stranger, it is best to ask that person first. If in doubt, ask if they want to hug or hold hands. If the person doesn't want physical contact, don't touch them.
   • Asked, "Can I hug you?" Your friends or family may prefer physical contact rather than strangers, so make sure not to upset them further.
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Part 3 of 3: Talk about their experiences

1. 

   Don't let them feel pressured to speak. The person may be in shock or may not want to talk. If they don't seem like they want to open up, don't force it. The person may not be willing to share his problems, especially someone not very familiar with. If you still have trouble finding comforting words, don't think that you have to say something deeply. Just being there and saying (or implying) that, "I'm here to help" is fine.
   • Maybe you are comforting someone who never tells you what they are upset about. This is also okay.
   • You can just say, “Perhaps it will be more comfortable to talk about what happened. If you want to talk, I am here with you ”.
   • Don't judge or act like that; otherwise, the other person will be more reserved towards you.

2. 

   Kindly listen. Use listening skills and be willing to give the person full attention. If you ask them what the person didn't answer, don't keep asking. Accept whatever they say and focus on listening to help them. Give the person all your attention, focusing on what they say and how they say it.
   • Improve listening efficiency with eye contact and reacting in a non-judgmental manner.

3. 

   Focus on that person. You may think that saying "I've been through such things" is helpful and makes a connection, but in reality it will divert your focus on you instead of the other person.Worse yet, this may even seem like you are in denial of their feelings. Keep the conversation going around the other person. If they want to talk about what made them cry, let them talk and don't interrupt.
   • Maybe you really want to connect with the person or talk about your experiences, but try to resist, unless they ask you. Your role is to help and comfort them.

4. 

   Don't be in a hurry to propose a solution. If the person is crying and upset about something, don't try to solve the problem for them. What is more important for you right now is to talk less and listen more. The other person might not even tell you what happened, and that's okay. Your role is not to solve the problem.
   • Crying is not a way to deal with the problem, it's just an expression of emotions. Let them show up and don't interrupt.
   • It may be difficult even for you to stop crying. Remember that crying is not a sign of weakness.

5. 

   Encourage the person to see a therapist if they need more help. If the person continues to experience emotional problems, a therapist may be needed. Maybe their problem is too big for you, or maybe you find their situation is best to ask a therapist for help. Be gentle when offering, but let them know that is a good idea.
   • For example, you could try saying, “Sounds like you're having trouble. Have you ever thought of talking to a therapist? ”
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