Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Get to know your limits
• Method 2 of 3: Identify your personal priorities
• Method 3 of 3: Recognizing opportunities that yield little
• Tips
• Warnings

Knowing when to say no takes skill and practice. This skill can help you stay safe, work to build and maintain strong and healthy relationships, and be able to take the best opportunities that come your way while ignoring things that take your time and waste your talent. To know when to say no, it's important to learn about your personal boundaries, as well as understand how to discern opportunities that are too good to be true.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Get to know your limits

1. Think about your personal boundaries. Consider your physical, emotional and mental limits. Physical boundaries include privacy, space and your body. For example, what actions are you willing to take - in any of your relationships with other people (hugging, shaking hands, kissing, etc.) - or during recreational activities (walking instead of running after knee surgery, or wanting to water ski but not parachuting). Emotional boundaries are those where you draw a line between your responsibility for your own feelings versus those of others. Mental boundaries include your thoughts, values ​​and opinions.
   • You may find it helpful to write down your thoughts and feelings about your personal boundaries. You can then go through the list again at a later date to help you make difficult decisions.
2. Think about every time you said "yes" but regretted it. Take a moment to write or reflect on each time in the past that you have moved beyond what you were comfortable with. Identify the people involved and the situations in which these things took place. Examining past events in this way can help you make better choices next time.
3. Listen to your feelings. Your feelings say a lot about where your boundaries should be. Anything you dislike or make you uncomfortable should sound an alarm. Sometimes anger can also be the result of crossing your personal boundaries. If a situation or interaction with someone makes you feel resentful or unreasonably uncomfortable, ask yourself what is causing this feeling.
   • Do you feel that you are being taken advantage of or that you are unappreciated? Do you react that way because of someone's expectations of you? Feelings of resentment and discomfort can both be signs that you are not setting boundaries where you should.
4. Give yourself permission to stay within your stated limits. Many people who learn their own limits so they know when to say no experience feelings such as self-doubt, fear, and guilt. Remember, saying no is not selfish, and saying no can be a way to take care of your own health and well-being.
5. Choose an exercise for "developing boundaries". These exercises can help you see what it feels like to have "strong yet flexible" boundaries - those that experts say are best. Psychologists have developed exercises that you can use to visualize your limits so you know when it is the right time to say no.
   • Choose a type of boundary you are interested in exploring - mental, physical, or emotional. Focus on this type of boundary while doing the exercise.
   • Close your eyes and imagine that you are in the center of a circle that you have drawn around you. Make the circle as big or small as you want - give yourself the amount of space that works best for you.
   • Now imagine that your circle becomes a wall. Make your imaginary wall out of any material you want - thick glass, cement, bricks and masonry - but make sure the wall is strong.
   • Now imagine that you have the power to completely control the wall. You can melt a temporary hole to let something come in or out, you can make a small window, or you can take a brick out of the wall to create an opening. Think about how you can control the wall and be safe and have power within the circle you have built.
   • Stay inside this wall for a minute.
   • Repeat this exercise every day.
6. Practice saying no. Knowing when to say no takes time and practice, and over time you can hone your skills so that you are better able to recognize situations where you can and should say no. Practice saying no clearly so that the person you're talking to doesn't get confused and think you'll agree later. Give a short but clear reason for saying no, and be honest instead of making an excuse.
   • Be respectful when you say no - you can let the person or organization know that you appreciate them and what they do, but you can't do what they ask of you.

Method 2 of 3: Identify your personal priorities

1. Identify your priorities. In order to make a good decision about when to say no, you will need to consider your own personal priorities in your life. Do this by taking a moment to think about the 10 most important things that you feel make your life worth living. Don't worry about choosing things you "should" choose - this list is about what makes you happy.
   • After completing the list, put it aside.
   • A few days later, you write another list (without looking at your first list). Put that list aside too.
   • Repeat this a few days later.
   • View all three lists and combine them into a list. Notice where ideas repeat and combine things you think are similar.
   • Rank your priorities.
   • Use the final list as a tool to help you make a decision by asking yourself how the different decisions affect your priorities.
2. Say no when you already have too much to do. If you already feel like you are too busy, saying yes to something can have very negative consequences for the work you are doing, your physical and mental health, and your relationships. Small things at work can get in the way, you may get sick or collapse, or your relationships with friends and family may suffer.
   • Remember that your health and well-being are far more important than taking on one more task.
3. Be realistic about your own abilities. Business experts say that people are often far too optimistic about how quickly and well they think they can complete something. Take the time to honestly consider whether or not you have the right skills, capabilities, and time to do what is asked. Don't say yes thinking that you can "change the rules" at a later time. Be clear and honest with yourself and others from the start so that you know when to say no - and when it is the perfect time to say yes.
4. Take the time you need to make the right decision. If you are unsure whether saying yes is a good idea, tell the person honestly that you are not sure. Then take a moment - possibly even a few days - to think, investigate and seek advice.
5. Make a pros and cons list based on your long-term goals. Sit down and make a list - on paper, on your computer, or possibly on your mobile - what could be the reasons for saying yes and the reasons for saying no to the options before you. This can help you make the right decision, because you will be able to see if the "great" opportunity that you initially thought you couldn't pass up is really that great.
   • When looking at your list, think about where you want to go in the future. If you say yes now, will this decision help you get where you want to go?

Method 3 of 3: Recognizing opportunities that yield little

1. Calculate the "price of this opportunity" if you say no. If this opportunity is a business or financial decision - anything from hiring a new client to babysit to whether or not you have your groceries delivered - then it makes sense to calculate what the "price is of this possibility."
   • Start by calculating how much an hour of your time is worth when you spend that hour on paid work.
   • For each opportunity that presents itself, calculate how much this opportunity will bring you as part of the decision about whether or not to say no.
   • For instance. You normally get paid € 15 per hour for your work. Having your groceries delivered costs € 10, but going to the supermarket will take you two hours. If you could choose to work for another two hours or do your shopping yourself, then you probably choose the working hours (€ 30) and paying the costs for delivery (€ 10).
   • Remember, the price of an opportunity should only be part of the decision-making process. It can help you understand the financial aspects of a dilemma, but there are other considerations to consider when making a complicated decision.
2. Think about whether you have the skills and competences needed to say yes. If someone asks you to take on a task or project that you are not ready for, you may not be able to do a good job. You may find it stressful to complete the task or project, and the person who asked you may not be satisfied with the outcome.
   • If you say no now and continue to prepare yourself, you can say yes next time with confidence - knowing that you will do a good job. Or maybe the task or project just doesn't suit you. Don't create a situation where you have to fail.
3. Assess whether saying yes undermines the commitments you have already made. If you are already very busy, think carefully about whether you have the time to do a good job, whatever is required of you. For example: If you are busy with your studies and have many other commitments, it is probably not the best idea to take on a new temporary job or volunteer if this is detrimental to your ability to complete assignments for you. successfully complete your studies.
   • The same principle applies to people who run their own businesses: If hiring a new client means that you will suffer from the work you do for existing clients, then it is wise to think carefully about your next step. Do you want to take the risk of losing both customers due to sloppy work?
4. Ask yourself if the request is realistic. Sometimes people ask for a favor or look for someone to do work without really wondering what they need or without thinking carefully about whether the request is reasonable. If you're not sure if the request is realistic - something that can be done - do some research to see if it is.
   • Don't say yes until you are sure that the task can really be done the way the person asks.
   • Don't be afraid to say "maybe" or negotiate a realistic way to complete the task.
5. Ask for advice. If you are unsure whether to say no, ask a trusted advisor. If you are a student, this may be a teacher or professor. It could also be one of your parents, a friend, or another family member. These people can help you see "the big picture" and can often give you a fresh look at your dilemma.

Tips

• Remember that knowing your boundaries and using strong but flexible boundaries is not something you do to punish others. You don't say no because you want to hurt others. Staying within your own personal boundaries is something you do for your own well-being - keeping yourself safe and sound, now and in the future.
• Remember to be more assertive, calm, firm, and courteous when you say no. If someone doesn't take no for an answer, you can let them know about the consequences of any actions they take if they choose to go beyond your personal boundaries.

Warnings

• Trust your instincts and don't forget to put your personal safety first when it comes to a situation that could be dangerous.