Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 2: Doing self-examination
• Method 2 of 2: Examining your relationship
• Tips
• Warnings

Letting go of someone you love can be very difficult. Changes can be difficult, especially when it involves saying goodbye to someone you love or love very much. However, once you realize it's time to say goodbye, you can begin to take control of the situation and work towards a new beginning and possibly a new self!

To step

Method 1 of 2: Doing self-examination

1. Submit yourself to a reality check. Sadly, most people know indeed that they have to say goodbye, but are unable to do so because they fear the consequences. Reality checks help you realize it's time to say goodbye to a relationship that has stopped working.
   • To do the reality check, imagine that you are someone else observing your situation. What does that person think of the situation? Is the solution obvious to them? If so, you probably know what to do.
   • If you are struggling to distance yourself from the situation and then view it as a stranger would, change the names of the characters that play a role in your story. Change your own name to someone else's. Also, change some small characteristics of yourself to make "you" look less like you. The intention is to artificially create distance between yourself and the variation on yourself. Do the same for the person you want to say goodbye to.
   • Or imagine that a similar scenario to the one you are in now happens to a friend and their partner. What advice would you give? Would you tell them it's time to move on?
2. Ask for someone else's angle. Ask a friend (or parent / counselor if you're comfortable with this). Ask that person what he / she would do in the situation and whether that person has ever experienced a similar situation themselves.
   • Assure that person that you will not judge him or her for the answer given, that you are looking for an answer to a particular matter, and are not looking for self-affirmation.
   • Ask him if he actually thinks that what you would like to do is justified. Ask him if you yourself played a part in the breakdown of the relationship.
   • For a therapist near you, try the following website: http://locator.apa.org/
3. Analyze the situation. Write down your feelings in a journal where you can vent. Know that you and only you will be reading this diary, so be as honest as possible when you write in it. Look for patterns in what you write. Do you find yourself blaming yourself a lot? If so, ask yourself if you've actually earned the self-blame or if your partner's role has been greater than you admit after all.
   • You can ask yourself some specific questions in your journal that can help you answer the question of whether it is time to leave. If your partner constantly makes it clear that he has a fear of commitment or is he in danger of ending the relationship as a means of power? Is your partner jealous of your success instead of being excited for you? Is your partner cheating on you? Do you and your partner need a whole different degree of intimacy? If you've written these questions down and thought about them, and answered yes to any of them, that's a sign for you to let go of the relationship. Keeping a journal about your relationship can also help you come to terms with the divorce should you take that route.
   • After you've written down your thoughts and thought about them, leave them for a while and look at them again the next day with a fresh perspective. If the same pattern emerges, chances are it is correct.
4. Know when you are sabotaging yourself because of an ideal. For example, if you are looking for perfection in your relationship and will not settle for anything else, then you are probably the one with a problem and not your partner. In this case, it's wise to think about how you could change, to make the relationship work that way.
   • Be honest with your partner and let them know that you are struggling with ideals that are not reasonable and that you want to try to make the relationship work. Maybe he respects your openness and honesty and is therefore much more willing to accommodate you.
   • To determine whether you may be sabotaging yourself because of an ideal, ask unbiased friends, family, or acquaintances for advice. Consider these people's understanding of whether you are unrealistic or whether your view of the relationship, or your partner's "flaws", has any foundation.
   • You can also ask yourself the following:
   • Do you have the (unrealistic) expectation that every time you want to, your intimate desires have to be met?
   • Do you have the (unrealistic) expectation that your partner will have to meet all of your requirements?
   • Do you expect your partner to meet all your needs?
5. Realize that lack of interest is a warning sign. If you find that you don't want to spend time with your partner, or are not really interested in their day, or no longer respect their opinion, there is a chance that your love for the other person is fading. These signals could be an indication that it is time to say goodbye.
   • While it can be difficult to let someone go, don't let remorse overwhelm yourself; it is better to let the other person find someone who actually loves and cares about him / her than to stick with the other person out of guilt.

Method 2 of 2: Examining your relationship

1. Watch for clues. The indicators can vary, but a few warning signs can suggest it's time to say goodbye and end the relationship. Look for consistent patterns of jealousy, insecurity, altercations, boredom, and general dissatisfaction or dissatisfaction.
   • These can all be warning signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship. A little fight now and then is normal and healthy, but there is a line between whether it is okay or not okay.
2. Watch for constant arguments. If you are always arguing for stupid reasons, it could be because the other person is no longer attracted to you and / or feels little for you. However, this is not a signal that something is wrong, as many couples do argue from time to time, but it may indicate that deeper relationship problems are at play. Don't let a few petty / silly arguments ruin your relationship, but if you argue ridiculously often, it may be time to say goodbye.
   • If you find yourself thinking about ending a relationship because of the many arguments, you can ask yourself a few questions. Why are you arguing? What are you arguing about? Have you argued about this before or is this a new disagreement? If you find yourself arguing to hurt the other person, or that you are arguing over and over because of small things, or that you keep arguing about the same things over and over again because you are unable to settle your differences, then it is possible these are a sign that it is time to let go of each other.
3. Watch for constant irritation. When both parties are constantly annoyed with each other, there is no sign of love or interest. You find that your partner is annoyed when there is nothing you do that is enough or okay, or when the way you behave in public makes the other person seem ashamed of you (the other might just like you have to love because of your manner).
   • Keep in mind that you are looking for continuous annoyance or a specific, repeating pattern of annoyance. Don't jump to conclusions from a single incident, because we all get annoyed by our life partner from time to time.
4. Watch for communication diminishing. For a relationship to work, both sides will have to be willing to talk about issues and thoughts. If your partner doesn't want to talk to you about it anymore, you can consider that it is time to say goodbye (he / she must be able to be honest about feelings and thoughts). The point is that a lack of emotional expression and communication can be a sign that it is time to let go.
   • If there are serious problems and you love your partner, you may want to consider seeing a relationship counselor together to list the different emotions you are each feeling.
5. Listen to your partner. If your partner is brave enough to tell you he doesn't want a relationship with you anymore, listen up. This can be one of the worst, hardest things to hear; however, the truth never hurts as much as deception. If your partner respects you enough to be honest, reciprocate that respect and let go.
   • It's never easy to hear that you are no longer "it" for someone you've been in a relationship with; but in the end you will be better off with someone who really loves you for who you are.
6. Watch for signs that the other person is cheating on you. Maybe he's texting a girl you don't know, or he's coming home late, with a hint of an unfamiliar perfume around him. Either her dating profile is back online with new photos, or she's constantly posting flirty messages on Facebook; if any of these things are the case, it suggests that he or she is cheating on you, or plans to do so.
   • Don't sell yourself short by staying with an imposter. If you are sure that your partner has cheated on you, go your own way as soon as possible. You deserve better than that. Get on with your own life and do your best to forgive the other person or they will continue to pull on you emotionally.
   • If you are no longer happy with the other person and you notice that the relationship is dwindling and the happy moments are diminishing, make a decision and keep the other person more informed. Always look for the truth about yourself and that of your partner. Decide what's right for both of you.

Tips

• Do what you think is right and not what your friends advise. This is your situation and therefore, despite all the advice you may receive (such as in this article), you should do what feels right for you after considering all the advice.
• Take your time and be as sure as possible about your decision before making it. If you're not ready to say goodbye just yet or you find that your reasons don't match any of the above, don't let go. Otherwise, you may be the one who's breaking the relationship.
• It can be very difficult to let go, but you will have to face reality. Yes, you want to be happy, but you won't find happiness if you keep clinging to something or someone who is hurting you.
• Don't be vague about your decision. One of the fastest ways to lose someone's respect is to ask something and then come back to it. When you draw a line, make sure you never want to cross it again.
• Missing your ex is only part of letting go. Give it some time and you will recover from it.
• When it hurts you more than it makes you happy, it's time to let go.
• Don't forget to take care of and love yourself first. Saying goodbye to someone can hurt that person, but you will have to worry about yourself.

Warnings

• Do not try to get back to this person every time at all costs. You expose yourself to strong emotions that weigh heavily on you, without making the situation any better.
• It may be a good idea to talk to the person about saying goodbye before actually doing so. It is possible that the other person's behavior is related to something other than you (ex: work), and if so, you run the risk of ending a relationship based on erroneous interpretations.