Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 2: Observe his behavior
• Method 2 of 2: Pay attention to what he says
• Tips
• Warnings

If you and your boyfriend have been together for a while, you may want to know if things are getting serious. Your boyfriend may say he loves you, but you're not entirely sure if he really means it. If your friend doesn't indicate that he loves you, there are ways to determine whether or not he loves you. Pay attention to what your friend does, and then weigh his words again.

To step

Method 1 of 2: Observe his behavior

1. Ask yourself if he treats you with respect. If your boyfriend really loves you, he will be interested in you. He will respect your ideas and advice, even when he disagrees. He will pay attention to what you like and dislike, and he will try to meet your needs as best he can.
   • Is he asking you about your life?
   • Does he seem to actually have an interest in your feelings and opinions?
2. Observe his ability to compromise. If your boyfriend respects you, he'll suggest compromises, even if you haven't asked him for it yet. Whether it's small things like going to a movie together because it's great for you, despite him having nothing to do with it, or bigger issues, compromise is an important signal that your boyfriend really loves you.
   • Real compromise doesn't mean "I'll do this for you, if you do this for me." It's not a negotiation.
   • Does he insist on being right if you disagree? Or does he not mind that you have the last word?
3. Pay attention to where your boyfriend touches you. Most people who are in love want to touch their love, even without sexual intention. Would he like to touch you? Do you feel like he is interested in you when he touches you? Affection displayed in public shows the world that they care about you.
   • If you're not sure how he feels when he touches you, pay attention to your own feelings. Do you feel love radiating? Or do you feel like he's trying to "claim" you by touching you in public?
   • If he's shy or from a culture where touching in public isn't acceptable, he may love you but rarely touch you.
   • When a man touches a woman's face, it is often a sign that he wants to be closer to her.
   • A touch of the shoulder or hand is not necessarily an intimate gesture in most cultures. However, if he touches your lower back, or runs his hand gently down your leg, it is often a sign of affection.
   • If he only touches you when you are alone then this is a warning. If he ONLY touches you in public and never when you are alone, that's also a warning sign.
   • Respect is needed in the way he touches you. If you don't like the way he touches you, and he does, then he probably doesn't love you.
4. Make sure he wants you to hang out with his friends and family. If your boyfriend wants to keep you all to himself and doesn't want you hanging out with his friends and family, then he probably doesn't love you. If he really loves you, he will want you to participate in all aspects of his life.
   • It may be difficult for him to introduce you to his family at first, especially if his relationship with his family is uncomfortable or disrupted.
   • If he treats you differently in front of his family and friends, ask him why this is. If he's really in love with you, he'll be proud of you no matter who's there.
5. Find out if he wants to spend time with your friends and family. Someone who loves you will be interested in your family and friends. Even if he just doesn't like them, he'll still be willing to hang out with them if you ask him to.
   • If your boyfriend is avoiding your family and friends, he may be shy. If he's trying to convince you not to hang out with them, he may be trying to take control of your life. This is a bad sign.
   • If he's not interested in getting to know your family and friends, it's a sign that he doesn't really care about you.
6. Notice if he joins you. Someone who loves you will try to do things with you that you enjoy, even if those things are not of interest. For example, he will eat with you in a certain restaurant because you want to, or go to cultural events because you have asked him to do so. If all your activities revolve around his interests, it could be a sign that he doesn't really love you.
   • Getting involved in doing things because someone else wants to do it is an act of generosity. If he thinks you should do something for him because he did something to you that you like, then this is not being generous. It's a form of manipulation.
   • A man who really loves you will consider what you like and don't like. He will do his best to make you happy because your happiness is important to him.
7. Avoid him if he hurts you. Sometimes people say they do hurtful things "because they love you". If your boyfriend says this to you, this is a warning. Learn to recognize a potentially abusive relationship and ask for help.
   • Abuse is not limited to physical violence. If your boyfriend really loves you, he will treat you with respect. He won't belittle you, berate you, or put your performance down.
   • If you are unsure whether you can trust your friend when he says he loves you, ask a parent or trusted friend for advice.

Method 2 of 2: Pay attention to what he says

1. Listen to see if he uses the word "we" instead of "I." When someone loves you, they think of you when they think about their daily life. When he makes plans for the future, he involves you in it.
   • Does he include you in his plans, or is he just making plans for himself?
   • When he calls his friends or family, does he tell you about things you have done together? Does he let them know when he's with you? Or does he prefer not to talk to his friends when he is with you?
2. Watch if he apologizes when he's wrong. Some men find it easy to say they're sorry, but it won't change their actions. Other men refuse to say they're sorry, even when they've obviously done something wrong. Notice how your boyfriend reacts when he has done something hurtful or insensitive. Does he apologize?
   • If someone apologizes easily, but seems to be repeating the same behavioral patterns, then their apologies don't make much sense.
   • A stubborn boyfriend may find it hard to apologize when he's wrong, but if he loves you, he'll feel uncomfortable until things are okay between you.
3. Find out if his words match his actions. A boyfriend who says one thing but does the other is essentially untrustworthy. Someone whose actions and words do not match has discrepancies in thinking. This discrepancy becomes apparent through his actions and words.
   • When someone's words and actions don't match, they are untrustworthy. Even if he loves you, you won't be able to trust him.
   • Often times, a boyfriend will try to cite negative life experiences as the cause of this discrepancy. As a result, girls often take pity on such boys and try to help them.
   • At other times, someone caught with contradictions will try to blame you. He will twist your words to accuse you of negative thinking. This is a warning sign.
4. Remember, saying "I love you" is not enough. Someone who says "I love you" but doesn't act in a loving, caring way doesn't really love you. The words "I love you" are sometimes used in a dishonest, manipulative way. When someone says this, check that their actions match their words.
   • If you are unsure whether you can rely on someone's words, ask a trusted person to clarify this. Maybe they saw something that you haven't noticed yet.
   • If you are really convinced that your boyfriend loves you, then you are ready to think about whether or not this is enough for you. Just because your boyfriend loves you doesn't mean you have to reciprocate his love.

Tips

• There are many online quizzes that claim to tell if your boyfriend really loves you. Do them if you want, but consider their results with caution. These quizzes may be especially interesting to help you think about your relationship in a new way.

Warnings

• Keep in mind that abusive relationships can take many forms. If you are not sure if you are being treated badly, do some research on the warning signs of abuse.
• If you find yourself regularly doing things you don't want to do, or saying things you don't want to say, all for the sake of your boyfriend, then you're in a bad relationship.