Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Changing your behavior
• Part 2 of 3: Doing things together
• Part 3 of 3: Work on forgiveness
• Tips

Many people deal with arguing with their partner night after night. They almost wish they could run away and find a better life elsewhere. The more they argue, the more difficult it becomes to have positive feelings for each other. Often, one partner becomes discouraged and experiences feelings of hopelessness regarding the survival of the relationship. To get out of this rut, you really have to want your relationship to work again.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Changing your behavior

1. Stop criticizing. Instead of criticizing your partner by revealing what you don't like about him or her, replace it with feedback - telling how the other person's behavior makes you feel, whether it's fear, shame , feeling unloved, etc. When someone knows exactly why their behavior is a problem - and imagines it, because they are likely to be experiencing the same emotions - they are much more likely to have a polite response.
   • Make sure to give feedback in a respectful manner, and keep sarcasm and anger out of your voice. You can practice forgiveness every time before you give feedback.
   • You also need to put your mind outside of the relationship, and note that even though the other person is not 100% your dream partner, he / she is generally good, allowing you to accept the other unconditionally, despite the little things you do. irritate.
   • When you find that a critical thought arises in your mind, catch that thought and redirect it to the acceptance of your spouse as a whole.
2. Look for the good. In order to stop criticizing your partner, you will have to look for the right thing. Develop a positive, empowering mindset - when you think something negative about him / her again, replace it with something you admire, and reward yourself for the effort. Rewards have been proven to help us learn and maintain new habits.
   • Reward yourself with something small, like a little chocolate, an episode of a show you enjoy, or even a mini break from a monotonous task.
3. Be affectionate. Physical affection is one of the most obvious forms of conveying love and care. Studies show that even a supportive pat on the back motivates students to volunteer twice as often. A massage from someone you love can curb depression and even relieve pain. Physical and verbal affection can convey what words cannot and help save a marriage.
   • Use simple gestures, such as a pat on the shoulder when the other person has done something right, a kiss on the forehead, or touching the fingers.
   • Compliments also convey affection, such as telling your wife she made good food or telling you how happy you were with something your partner did for you.
4. Pay attention to the other person. Giving your partner undivided attention is important to show him / her how valuable he / she is to you. If you or your spouse regularly watches TV while the other wants to talk, looks around the room or scrolls through the mail, or engages in any number of distractions while the other tries to have a conversation, then you are not really paying attention to your partner . Instead, focus on your partner's eyes as they talk.
   • Focus on the other when you realize that they are saying something to you.
   • Thank the other person when they say something uplifting or kind, as this indicates that you have heard them.
   • Come with a present, preferably something your partner has recently talked about.
5. Listen to your partner. Another thing that comes with paying attention is listening carefully. Active listening means waiting for the other person to finish speaking and then responding - there is no need to fix the problem. Respond to what the other has said by sharing a similar experience with your partner.
   • Make eye contact when the other person is talking, or ask the other to look at you when you are talking.
6. Recognize new things about your partner. If people have been together for a long time, chances are you have both changed over the years, especially if you have children together. Take the time to get to know the other person again. Ask questions about what he or she likes or dislikes. If the other person is unsure of what he / she wants, offer to go to a restaurant together to find out.
   • Do your best to provide the things that the other person loves, be it presents, at home or when you go on trips.
7. Be friendly. Be consciously nice to each other. This may mean making an audio recording of your interactions and listening back to see how much you are bickering. You can make lists of what annoys you about the other person and write down how you usually react. Make a commitment to respond differently each time the other person does any of these 10 things.
   • You can also be kind by taking care of the other person, such as cooking for them, helping with a project, or surprising your partner with something you know they would like.
   • Don't choose mean, critical, or other negative things.
8. Make it clear what you need. If you change your behavior without telling your spouse about it, you may be expecting a change in your relationship without your partner knowing why you are disappointed if it doesn't. Tell your partner about your determination to improve your relationship and what you are looking for in a partner.
   • If you usually discount your own wishes for the other, try to reverse this habit and express what you want before others do it.

Part 2 of 3: Doing things together

1. Pretend that you are dating for the first time. In an effort to please your spouse if you have been together for a long time, try pretending that you are in a new relationship. Go out together and ask basic questions. You may be surprised to find that their favorite color has changed or that their favorite food hasn't been spaghetti for years.
   • If you still have young children, hire a babysitter.
   • Agree to go out weekly so that you can be sure that despite a busy life you still go out with each other.
2. Do new things together. Try new things as part of your new dating plan. Go to places you and your partner have never been before, especially one where you've always wanted to go. Try new activities in your city, or go to other cities or countries. Creating new rituals with a romantic foundation can cultivate loving feelings.
   • You can use the New Things Strategy to surprise your partner with something they've always wanted to do.
3. Relive memories together. Think about the time when you got to know each other, without criticism of each other and with an unconditional acceptance. Talk about the first date, your favorite time together and how beautiful the wedding was, and think about all the times you held hands and did fun things together. Linking memories to feelings can help to get those feelings back.
4. Do things together that you haven't done for a long time. In reminiscing about the early days of your relationship, you may have thought about all the things you did together but stopped because life got too busy. Create that first date from scratch, or meet up with friends you haven't seen in a long time.
   • By doing things that you were used to and that you had strong feelings for your partner, you can remember this and help you feel it again.

Part 3 of 3: Work on forgiveness

1. Write down things that make you angry. You may have lost your love for your husband because of something they did that hurt you deeply. The only way to regain love for your partner after such an emotion is to forgive the other. Start by writing down what your partner did to make you so angry.
   • This could be something big, like an affair or betrayal, or a lot of little things like ignoring you, lying, etc.
   • Writing it down can help you contemplate and organize your thoughts so that you don't have to think about them anymore.
2. Write down the things that hurt you. The same things that make you angry probably hurt you too, but you can be hurt without anger. Make another list of all the things you can think of that your spouse has hurt you with. You know it hurt you when it triggers an emotional response when you think about it.
   • Again, these things can be big, like cheating, or they can be a lot of little things like forgetting a wedding day, not helping with the housework, etc.
3. Expand forgiveness. Now that you've made the lists, it's time to let go of your anger, hurt, and pain by forgiving your partner. This is usually an ongoing process (and may involve many tears), so you may want to enlist the help of a loved one or counselor / therapist to help you work through your list.
   • There can be many reasons why you find it difficult to forgive your partner, and studying those reasons can help you let go of your anger.
4. Ask your spouse to write down the same things about you. Chances are your partner has built up a lot of negativity towards you, just like you towards your partner. Ask your partner to write down the things you did that hurt or anger the other person. You don't need to ask your partner to forgive you at this point, just look at the things in your relationship that are hurtful to them.
5. Ask for forgiveness. Repent of things on your partner's list and ask to forgive you. Repentance means choosing to take a different path, so you agree to stop doing the things that hurt and angered the other person.
   • This does not mean that you can suddenly stop behavior that has been a habit for years, any more than your partner will be able to. You will both need to be patient during this process.

Tips

• If your partner is not interested in reviving the love between the two of you, even after explaining that you are having a hard time loving him / her again, you may need to start a conversation with your partner to be very make it clear what you feel. If you suspect that the other person is cheating on you or know that the other person has cheated on you without feeling guilty about it, consider other steps, such as making an appointment with a counselor.
• Seek outside help, such as a counselor, therapist, or trusted family member if your spouse is not responding to your efforts to love each other again.