Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Recognizing your self-destructive patterns
• Part 2 of 3: Changing your mindset
• Part 3 of 3: Dealing with triggers for self-destructive behavior

Almost everyone exhibits self-destructive behavior at some point in their life. Examples of self-destructive behaviors include deliberately injuring yourself (cutting, banging your head on something, burning yourself, hitting the wall), engaging in risky behaviors (gambling, unprotected sex and drug use), dysfunctional relationships, and neglecting someone's health. Intentional or not, self-destructive behavior can have personal and social consequences. Stopping this self-destructive behavior is possible by identifying the pattern of your self-destructive behavior, changing your thoughts related to the self-destructive behavior, and dealing with triggers for self-destructive actions.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Recognizing your self-destructive patterns

1. Define your tendencies. It is important to first identify the specific behavior that you think is destructive before attempting to change it. Self-destructive behavior can be anything that is physically or psychologically harmful to you. Compile a list of all of your self-destructive behaviors that you want to change.
   • Any of the following acts as self-destructive behavior: self-harm (cutting, plucking, hitting / punching, scratching, pulling hair), compulsions (gambling, overeating, drug use, unsafe sex, excessive shopping), neglect (not paying attention to your needs, health, refusing help) and thoughts / behaviors that cause psychological harm (pessimism, being overly needy, denying responsibility, allowing others to mistreat you). There are too many types of self-destructive behaviors to list them all here, so explore your life and behavior to find all of your tendencies that are harmful to you in some way.
   • Are you drowning shame, guilt and remorse by turning to the use and abuse of narcotics, such as alcohol, drugs or nicotine?
   • Write down any specific self-destructive patterns you have. You can keep a journal and list each of these patterns in it.
   • When in doubt about your patterns, ask family members and friends if they can point out behaviors that they think are potentially harmful.
2. Understand why you are engaging in self-destructive behavior. Some studies suggest that people engage in self-destructive behaviors to distract themselves from painful thoughts or emotions.
   • For each self-destructive behavior that you have written down, look for a reason why you engaged in this behavior. For example, there are many reasons why you drink too much alcohol, such as: wanting to belong, insecurity, relaxation or stress relief, and the desire to have fun. Think about how you benefit from the behavior.
3. Determine the consequences. Identify why each behavior is negative. For example, if you think your drinking is destructive, find out what bad things happened in the past when you drank too much. Examples could be blackout, hangover, bad decisions, hurting people you love, and engaging in illegal activities. Write down how you felt after experiencing the consequences (angry, sad, guilty, or ashamed).
4. Follow your own behavior. Keep a journal of when you engage in self-destructive acts. State the event and your thoughts, feelings and behavior (self-destructive or not). Just keep a log of all your self-destructive behaviors and notice what patterns of events, thoughts, and feelings emerge.
   • For example: If cigarette smoking is one of your self-destructive behaviors on your list, then your list may include positive things such as helping to calm down and being relatively sociable, and the negative sides could relate to issues such as the serious risks to your health, the addictive nature of cigarettes, the high costs of cigarettes and the medical costs.
   • State the benefits of a change. Based on your assessment of your self-destructive tendencies, give the positive and negative aspects to changing each specific problem behavior. This will help you decide which behaviors are given top priority.

Part 2 of 3: Changing your mindset

1. Accept the responsibility. We can sometimes blame others instead of looking at how we ourselves contribute to our self-destructive behavior. It can be difficult to deal with hidden pain from a difficult childhood or marriage, where patterns of abuse prevail, but we can take control of our own lives by addressing our emotional problems, helping ourselves and overcome addictions.
2. Recognize useless thinking patterns. Our thoughts tend to be linked to our feelings and behavior. In other words, our perception of ourselves and the world dictates how we feel and act. These ideas are central to cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a form of therapy used in treating self-destructive behavior.
   • Write down the thoughts you associate with any self-destructive behavior you have. Ask yourself, "What am I thinking right before I do this? What thoughts influence and sustain this behavior?" For example, if alcohol is the problem, you might think, "I'll only have one drink. I really need this right now. I deserve a drink. It really doesn't hurt." These are the thoughts that encourage a person to consume alcohol.
   • Recognize your negative thinking habits. Some examples are: doomsday thinking (the worst will happen), generalizing too much (also known as black and white thinking, where one tends to think something is completely good or completely bad), mind reading (thinking you know what others think), and predicting the future (thinking you know what will happen). For example, if you believe that another person is thinking badly about you, it can result in feeling depressed or angry, which in turn can lead to self-destructive behavior. If you change this mindset, you can avoid negative emotions and behavior.
3. Change your self-destructive thoughts. If we change our thoughts, our feelings and behavior will follow. Once you have a complete list of these thoughts, you can start questioning these thoughts as they come to your mind.
   • Keep a journal of your thoughts. Indicate what situation, feeling and thoughts are involved. Then you consider which ideas support the thought and which ideas do not support the thought. Finally, you use this information to create a thought that is more realistic. For example, if your mom yells at you, you may feel angry and think, "She's the worst mom in the world." Ideas that support this thought could be: she's screaming, and she doesn't know how to communicate calmly. Ideas that might refute this idea include: she tells me she loves me, she gives me food and housing, she supports me, and so on. A more balanced perspective in general (to counteract the belief that she is the worst mother) could be, “My mom has her faults and sometimes screams, but I know she's trying to help me and that she loves me. " This thought can lead to less anger and thus healthier behavior (instead of drinking alcohol or socially isolating yourself).
4. Practice, practice, practice. Once you know what your useless thoughts are and have created alternative thoughts, you will need to practice changing these thoughts as soon as they occur to you. Be aware of any negative emotions you may have (anger, sadness, stress) and consider what thoughts you are having at the time.
   • You can consult your thought journal to help you. Then you actively change the thought you have. If you think, "My mom is terrible and doesn't love me," think of the alternative you came up with before and repeat to yourself over and over, "My mom loves me but sometimes she loses her temper."
   • Track your progress and learn from mistakes. Continue to keep a diary of situations that can lead to self-destructive behavior. When you know what your negative thoughts are, write down alternative thoughts that can produce a better outcome. If there is self-destructive behavior, come up with an alternative. For example, if your mom yells at you, you might think, "I can't stand her. She doesn't care about me." followed by feelings of anger and resentment, followed by behaviors where you lock yourself in your room and shut yourself off from others for days. Come up with a different way to handle and think about the situation. For example, you could change the thought to say, "I love her despite her weaknesses, and I know she cares about me even when she acts like that." Try to keep these thoughts the next time the situation arises (when your mom is screaming). Then you can feel better and look for reconciliation, instead of engaging in self-destructive behavior.

Part 3 of 3: Dealing with triggers for self-destructive behavior

1. Understand the connection between emotions and behavior. Strong negative emotions such as fear, anxiety and anger can lead to self-destructive behavior. It is crucial to find new ways of dealing with these triggers to curb self-destructive behavior.
2. Do some self-examination. There are likely triggers that precede your self-destructive behavior patterns. Use the activities in the previous step to discover thoughts, feelings, and situations that lead to self-destructive tendencies. This is not just about your feelings, but also about the specific situations that seem to coincide with self-destructive behavior.
   • Continue to keep your diary. Dedicate a page solely to discovering and tracking your self-destructive behavior triggers. For example, some of the triggers for drinking alcohol could be when my mom yells at me, when I'm stressed or overwhelmed, when I'm hanging out with friends who drink, and when I'm home alone and feeling lonely.
   • Consciously avoid situations that are a trigger. For example, if you want to cut back on alcohol, but you know that when you hang out with certain people they pressure you to drink, avoid these situations completely. Rather than putting yourself in a potentially risky situation where it may be difficult to say no, excuse yourself or explain that you are in rehab.
3. List your coping skills. It is important to understand how to deal with these triggers (situations, emotions and thoughts) for self-destructive behavior. In addition to changing specific thoughts, you can also actively change or replace your self-destructive behavior with new behaviors that are more effective in helping you deal with them.
   • If you believe in a power greater than yourself, see if you benefit from communicating with a higher power. Sometimes we have to talk about something to let it go.
   • Try new activities. Look for alternatives to your self-destructive behavior that are constructive. For example: writing, painting, coloring, playing sports, camping, hiking, trekking, collecting things, helping others or gardening.
4. Accept the emotion. Don't try to escape an emotion right away. Focus on lasting healing rather than instant gratification. Distress tolerance is about learning to deal with emotions instead of just trying to prevent them. Emotions are part of life.
   • When you feel a strong negative emotion (anger, depression, stress, frustration), don't immediately try to distract yourself in some way or make yourself feel better, but say to yourself, "I feel ___, and this is a natural feeling to have. Although it is unpleasant, it is not life-threatening and will pass. "
   • Our emotions provide us with valuable information on how to handle a situation. Try to think about why you feel that emotion and what it tells you. For example, if you are very angry with your mother because of her screaming, find out why you are so angry. Is it because she hurts you because of her words, because you think it's inappropriate, or maybe because you're worried she might do something violent?
   • Focus on how that emotion feels in your body. When you're angry, do you feel the tightening in your shoulders, your body shaking, clenching your fists, or clenching your teeth? Experience the emotion fully, even if it is uncomfortable to do. By thinking about exactly how an emotion feels in your body, you can take away some of the power of that emotion. After all, feelings are nothing more than feelings.
   • Use writing as therapy. Write down your thoughts and feelings that lead to self-destructive behavior.
5. Watch your health. Sometimes stress can lead to unhealthy behavior such as: eating junk food, not exercising, sleeping less.
   • Get enough sleep. Most people need at least 8 hours of sleep per night to function optimally.
   • Eat and drink healthy. Avoid overeating snacks, sweets and junk foods.
   • Practice dealing with negative emotions, such as stress and depression.
6. Have healthy relationships. Insecurity within relationships is associated with a higher degree of self-destructive behavior. Social support is very important for the recovery process for self-destructive behavior. Identify and cultivate your strong ties with family, friends, and other relationships.
   • Focus on good contact with your loved ones. Spend time together such as: eating together, exercising, talking, walking, playing a game, or trying a new activity.
   • If there are people in your life who are abusive or abusive, you may want to consider cutting off or distancing yourself from them. You can start by creating boundaries and explaining that you will not tolerate certain behaviors, such as yelling at you.
7. Seek help. If you engage in self-destructive behavior, it can be accompanied by depression, anxiety, and aggressiveness. In addition, self-destructive behavior can sometimes be linked to a history of abuse or trauma, as well as drug abuse. Contact a psychologist or therapist.
   • Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is a useful treatment for individuals who are dealing with emotional dysregulation or anger, self-harm problems, suicidal thoughts, are using narcotics (alcohol or other drugs), or have relationship / interpersonal problems. DBT focuses on improving your mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotional regulation and distress tolerance.
   • Problem Solving Therapy (PST) helps individuals better solve problems (instead of using self-destructive behavior) and learn useful coping skills.
   • Cognitive Restructuring (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - CBT) is about changing your maladaptive beliefs and helps to curb negative behavior.
   • Explore the different medication options. Consult a psychiatrist for additional information or to discuss therapeutic medications.