Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 4: Working on a positive attitude
• Method 2 of 4: Accept yourself
• Method 3 of 4: Accept others
• Method 4 of 4: Continue

The urge to hold on to the past can be overwhelming, especially when deep pain, trauma, or shame just won't let you go. However, letting go of the past is healthy, and it is crucial if you want to get the most out of your life. Getting on with your life really means finding the right attitude to life and, depending on the situation, accepting yourself and forgiving others.

To step

Method 1 of 4: Working on a positive attitude

1. Take a step back. To face the past and let it go, you will have to look at it from an objective point of view. Think about your past and try to figure out exactly what it is that is holding you back. The culprits can take many different forms:
   • Sensual (e.g. obsession with or shame about sexual or material matters)
   • Aversion (e.g., past pain that causes you to avoid someone or an occasion)
   • Wishing people something bad (wishing that something would happen or be disadvantaged)
   • Restlessness / agitation
   • Lack of motivation or energy
   • Doubt
2. Shake off false beliefs. Deeply held beliefs are often the motivation for our actions and thoughts in a powerful way. When you have trouble letting go of the past, a conscious or unconscious belief can be the cause. Challenging and changing these beliefs can help you move on with your life.
   • For example, you may have been telling yourself all your life that you want to reach a certain income level in order to live happily. But this pursuit may be the very thing that has stopped you from doing those things that you really enjoy, such as hobbies or spending time with your family. Challenge your beliefs and decide to spend more time in other areas of your life and rethink how you feel.
   • It can be difficult to change deeply held beliefs, especially when they are fueled by powerful influences such as culture, family and religion. Give yourself time to review your beliefs and talk to a friend or counselor if you need help.
3. Accept change. It can be scary moving on with your life. Rather than fearing the future, accept change as part of life and who you are. Try to see change as a positive force:
   • For example, if you lose your job, stay positive by seeing it as an opportunity to gain new skills and experience in another job or career.
4. Meditate or pray. The strong emotional responses that cause pain, regret, and other past stressors can have a lasting effect on the mind. A calm, balanced mind is an absolute necessity to be able to leave the past behind. Meditation and / or prayer can help your mind to be more stable and focused on your core.
   • Mindfulness meditation helps people focus on the here and now. This usually focuses on your breathing as you try to clear your mind of distracting thoughts.
   • If you are religious or open to a personal or ecclesiastical faith, prayer can be very helpful. If you adhere to a particular religious direction, you can make use of the fixed prayers. Alternatively, you use your own words, in your mind or out loud.
5. Write about your past. Journaling and other forms of writing (like a private blog) can be a great way to come to terms with your past and let go of it. Try to write about things that have been bothering you, hurting you, or that you feel are holding you back. The experience of expressing yourself can be liberating. Since you only write for yourself, you don't have to worry about what others will think or say about it, which can increase your confidence.

Method 2 of 4: Accept yourself

1. Forgive yourself. It can be tempting to hide a painful past and pretend it doesn't exist. Fighting your share of that past, however, will deplete your energy supply. It is better to start by forgiving yourself, rather than judging yourself consciously or unconsciously.
   • Say something to yourself like, "I know I haven't lived the way I would like to be because of X. I realize that and want to focus on the future."
   • Give yourself time to heal. Instead of saying to yourself, "my heart will never heal again," say to yourself, "all the pain will fade and pass over time."
   • You may never completely get over certain things, such as the loss of a loved one or the pain of betrayal, but as long as you accept the idea that you can move on, you can heal to some extent.
2. Confess what's bothering you. Often, by venting your heart out, you can get the liberated feeling you need to move on. If you have hurt someone, have been a victim of something in some way, have done something that you regret or are ashamed of, or if you are struggling with some kind of pain, talk to a trustworthy person about it. friend, counselor, or spiritual counselor.
3. Apologize. Hurting someone can make you feel guilty or shame. Taking the time to apologize to someone you have hurt will help you recognize the pain you have caused and give you an opportunity to get rid of your own pain. When apologizing, be sincere and specific and offer to correct the situation.
   • For example, if you've lashed out at your partner, take a moment to say something like, “I know I hurt you when I did / said X. This was wrong of me, you didn't deserve that, and I'm really sorry. How can I make it better? ”
4. Repair damage done. Unfinished business, outstanding debts and other situations can form a heavy emotional burden. If you want to clear your conscience, let the past rest and move on, you will have to settle it.
   • If you have financial problems caused by outstanding debts, unpaid bills or other problems, turn to a financial planner. It can be scary or embarrassing to take this first step, but you will feel better once you take it.
   • If you hurt someone in the distant past and this won't let go, contact that person and try to make amends.
   • If you want to avoid further confrontation, you may feel even better if you repair the damage anonymously. For example, if you stole money from someone, return it in an envelope with no return address.
5. Do not be afraid to fail. No one can succeed in everything all the time. If your past has created a certain type of fear about a particular circumstance or area of ​​life, actively work to face and combat that fear.
   • Remind yourself that even if you have failed, you can learn from the experience and use that knowledge again in the future.

Method 3 of 4: Accept others

1. Forgive other people. It's all too easy to hold on to anger when someone has hurt you in the past. However, there are tremendous psychological benefits to forgiving others.
   • Especially telling someone that you forgive them can help. If someone has said something mean to you, try to say to that person, “It hurt me when you said X, but I want to let you know I'm leaving it because I want to move on. I forgive you."
2. Don't blame the other person. While saying a problem is someone else's fault seems like an easy way to get rid of it, it doesn't work that way. When you blame others for something, you may unconsciously expect them to fix things. However, it is more effective to recognize that there is a problem and to focus on the future.
   • If your partner's spending has caused financial problems, don't say, "You broke everything!" Instead, try to be more constructive: "We have financial difficulties and need to make some changes in our spending habits."
3. Let go of your cherished grudges. Resentment is a specific type of emotional ballast that can make a past problem quite depressing. If someone has hurt or harmed you in the past, don't focus on retaliation. While you might think it would be extremely satisfying to watch that person get hurt, leaving it behind will make you feel better.
   • For example, if you are angry because you think someone has stolen your ex from you, approach that person and say something like, "I was very angry at first, but I want everyone to be happy and move on. I want you to know that I accept your relationship. "
4. Focus on changing yourself, not others. Making changes to get rid of a past problem is difficult. It's hard enough to change yourself, let alone someone else. If you let others worry about their own problems, you have more energy to devote to correcting your own.
5. Give yourself some space. If you've tried unsuccessfully to fix a past relationship that's holding you back, giving yourself some breathing room can help. Time to think can work wonders.
   • You can meet with someone to come back to the problem at a later time. For example, if you have relationship problems, you may consider taking some distance from each other.

Method 4 of 4: Continue

1. Focus on the present and the future. Once you recognize your past, you can start letting go of it. Focus on your life in your present as best you can and think of the future as motivation to keep going.
   • Making concrete goals will increase your chances of success. This includes things like getting a college degree, looking for a new job, or improving your skills in a particular field.
   • Make the present something to involve yourself. For example, pick up a new hobby or start a volunteer activity that makes you feel satisfied.
   • Start small. If a serious car accident has made you anxious about being in a car, start small by sitting in a parked car for a while. Then take a short car ride to a place nearby. Gradually process the event in this way until you are comfortable enough to take a longer drive somewhere.
2. Change your habits. If you do certain things in the same way all the time, it seems like the past keeps popping up. If you really want to leave the past behind to move on with your life, you may need to make some conscious and specific changes in your behavior. Changing the way you do things can be tricky, but this is easier if you remind yourself that you are trying to improve a situation. For instance:
   • If you just keep bumping into an ex (or memories of him / her), you can consciously make a change in the places where you eat, shop, hang out, etc. A change of scenery can make it easier to let go of the past. let.
   • If you're spending too much money, take a "spending vacation." Do not make any non-essential purchases for a period of time (such as a few weeks), and tell yourself that you will use that time to focus on using or getting rid of the things you already have.
3. Use regret or loss as fuel for the future. You can overcome past setbacks if you are determined to use them as motivation for future success. If you keep thinking about regrets about something you've lost, think about ways you can use that to propel yourself forward:
   • Mistakes can become learning experiences. If you fail in a job, you can use that knowledge to do better in the future, or to help you decide whether a different career is better for you.
   • If you've hurt someone you care about, apologize and tell yourself you'll never let them down again.
   • If someone criticizes you, realize that you have been hurt, but keep improving for yourself, not to please someone else.