Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Dealing with emerging anger
• Part 2 of 3: Preventing a tantrum
• Part 3 of 3: Learn more about your tantrums

Everyone is angry at some point or another. But if you find yourself out of control, embarrassing, or feeling powerless over it, you may have a tantrum. It is estimated that about 1 in 5 people experience times when they cannot control their anger, and will usually say and do things at such a time that they later regret. Learn how to deal with the direct anger of a tantrum, how to prevent a tantrum, and understand what it is.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Dealing with emerging anger

1. Exercise regularly, just before a tense situation or in response to anger. Research has shown that exercise tells your body to produce beneficial endorphins that reduce your body's stress response and improve your mood. This can help you calm down. All kinds of exercise can have a positive effect on anger, so choose an activity that you usually enjoy (such as running, dancing, or walking).
   • For example, if you know you're having a stressful business meeting later in the day, take a few minutes in the morning to go for a run. This reduces stress and tension, so you don't rush into the meeting.
2. Count. While this may sound strange, counting can actually help you unwind when you're prone to exploding or having a tantrum. Focus your thoughts away from the situation and on the counting and your breathing. Count to 10, taking a breath with each beat and between each beat. Doing this at a slow pace can help yourself to become more calm and calm. Continue counting if you still feel angry when you reach 10.
   • When you are angry, your body produces adrenaline which speeds up your heart rate, pushes blood to your head, and causes other signs of anger or excitement.
   • Counting allows you to calm down and calm your reactions so that you don't act impulsively.
3. Do breathing exercises. Learn to breathe from the diaphragm, the muscle at the bottom of your lungs. Focus on your breathing and take deep and full breaths that completely fill your lungs. Take a breath for a count of 5, then hold your breath for a count of 5 and then release your breath for a count of 5. Take 2 normal breaths between each diaphragm breath to avoid hyperventilating and repeat this exercise until you have calmed down.
   • Breathing signals your body to calm down. The body does this by releasing neurotransmitters that tell the brain it is okay and safe.
   • When you are angry, adrenaline can speed up your breathing, which can make you feel that your breathing is getting harder or that you cannot breathe fully.
4. Meditate. Meditation can help you concentrate, reduce your stress and make you more aware of yourself. All of these things can help you calm down during an emotional outburst. Set aside at least 10 to 20 minutes a day for mindfulness practice, which can increase your overall psychological health.
   • There are several forms of meditation you can try, such as Tai Chi, Yoga, Transcendental Meditation, and Qi Gong.

Part 2 of 3: Preventing a tantrum

1. Find out what the problem is. This is an important life skill that can reduce stress and frustration. Recognizing the problem will help you identify a situation that is problematic and learn how to deal with it. Understanding the cause of your frustration can also make you feel more in control of the situation.
   • For example, if you are in a restaurant and have to wait a long time for the waiter, you can recognize this as a problem because it frustrates and makes you angry.
2. Create your own options. Take a moment to consider the different actions you can take, such as having a tantrum, saying nothing at all, or leaving. The key to your options is facing the consequences of each before doing anything. Choose an action that will reduce your frustration and change the situation. Once you have decided what to do, turn your plan into action in a way that will be well received.
   • For example, instead of having a tantrum at the restaurant (which you later regret), you can choose to speak to the manager or move to a different table. These options can reduce your frustration and anger.
3. Calm yourself. Take a moment to make sure you are in control of your emotions. Be careful not to let your anger direct your actions. You may need to step back from the situation or gather your thoughts before responding.
   • Only try to deal with the situation as soon as you feel that you are able to interact with other people without throwing a tantrum.
4. Express your emotions. If you feel stuck and unable to express your feelings, learn to express your anger effectively. This can make you feel like you have a lot more control over the situation. If someone makes you angry, approach the person in a straightforward and direct way. Explain how the situation makes you feel and possibly even indicate what you want the situation to look like in the future. Make sure to focus on your feelings.
   • Imagine sitting in a restaurant and waiting for the waiter to return. Once you've calmed down to avoid having a flare-up, your next step could be asking to speak to the manager. Explain your dissatisfaction with the service and request a change. Focus on yourself as you try to avoid the urge to yell or make derogatory comments (such as swearing) about the waiter, manager, or staff.
5. Adjust your expectations. Really take a moment to think about your way of looking at situations. Do you often have negative thoughts or are you often convinced that you are being treated unjustly? If you often think this way, you may be creating stress and constructing situations that make you angry. Start changing the way you view things. Consider the positives of a situation or don't expect to deserve preferential treatment.
   • For example, write down 3 positive things that happened to you every day. This can make you more aware of the positive things that are already present in your life.
6. Plan positive activities throughout the day. Plan some little positive things you can do every day. Things that are not harmful and that take little time. They should be easy to fit into your daily schedule and make you feel happy or relaxed. Incorporating positive moments into your day can keep you from building up anger.
   • For example, give yourself a coffee break in the afternoon, plan a soothing bubble bath in the evening, or read a chapter from your favorite book during your work break.

Part 3 of 3: Learn more about your tantrums

1. Understand what can cause adult tantrums. A tantrum, or explosive anger, is an outburst of anger out of proportion to the situation. You may also feel helpless, as if you no longer have control over yourself. Tantrums can be caused by several things, and this can be different in every person. Some people feel exceptional shame that leads to the outbursts, while others have adopted rage as their coping mechanism with past trauma. People also have varying degrees of control over their anger management.
   • Tantrums are usually verbal by nature and can be part of an anger episode, although not all anger is the same.
   • Some eruptions are less intense but more frequent, while others are more intense and only occur a few times a year.
2. Think about your triggers. Triggers, the things that trigger tantrums, might be easy to identify (like traffic or rude people), or more subtle (like waiting in a line or making a snide comment). Try to identify the places, people, or situations that lead directly to your outbursts. Think about common themes or exactly why those things made you angry. Identifying triggers helps you anticipate situations that could trigger a tantrum. This gives you the opportunity to think about how you will respond without having a tantrum.
   • For example, you may find that when you feel stuck or disrespected or belittled, you are more likely to have a tantrum. If you know that a particular colleague often makes you feel this way, understand that you need to view the situation differently. Discuss the situation calmly with your co-worker or practice relaxation techniques before interacting with this person.
3. Keep a log to determine your triggers. This will help you identify triggers and remember the way you handled the anger. For example, it may be that your family of origin also dealt with anger by engaging in tantrums, and you learned this from them. Or it could be that in your family any expression of anger was taboo, and you learned to bottle everything up until you exploded. Once you have a clear picture of your triggers and why they are triggers for you, you can start recognizing these situations and replacing your tantrums with more productive behaviors.
   • Ask yourself if you can remember a childhood moment when you got angry without bursting into rage. Maybe you had those feelings but you held them in? Perhaps someone in your family made you feel unimportant, and you are now very sensitive to that. This may still piss you off.
4. Watch for angry thoughts. There can be many different reasons why we get angry, and anger is a normal response to frustrating situations. It is not a "bad" emotion. But anger can lead to unwanted and often aggressive behavior, whether verbal or physical. Watch for angry thoughts that can turn into a tantrum. Try to focus on something else, remind yourself to calm down, and know that the situation is only temporary.
   • There may be situations that immediately make you angry. For example, you may be cut off by someone in traffic and think: "I can't believe they have a driver's license !!"
   • Angry thoughts can also develop after a waiting period. For example, if you are waiting to be served at a restaurant, you might start thinking, "Where's the waiter? Why don't I still have a drink?"
5. Notice the physical symptoms of anger. While watching for angry thoughts, you should also be able to recognize the physical signs of anger. These can also remind you that you need to change your thinking and start solving problems. By doing this, you can prevent a tantrum from developing. Physical symptoms of anger can include:
   • An increased heart rate
   • A hot flush or flushing
   • Tense muscles
   • Headache
6. Know when you need help. A counselor can work with you to prevent outbreaks and help you calm down when you experience a trigger. You will therefore work on changing your way of thinking and behavior through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT can help you learn where your anger comes from and how it develops. This can help you spot potentially tricky situations and teach you how to deal with them in a better way. If you experience any of the following, it may be time to talk to a counselor:
   • Friends and family fear your outbursts or feel ashamed if they happen in public.
   • Your health starts to suffer, putting you at risk for heart disease, bulimia nervosa, and even a car accident (if you get mad in traffic).
   • Your anger creates serious family problems or arguments.
   • Your anger creates difficulties at work (complaints from colleagues or an imposed disciplinary measure)