Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 2: Heal yourself
• Part 2 of 2: Moving on
• Tips

Letting go of pain from the past is not always easy. If some time has passed but you still haven't been able to move on with your life, it may be time for a proactive approach. Regardless of what happened in the past, it is important to remember that you are in control of your life and have the power to ensure a good future for yourself.

To step

Part 1 of 2: Heal yourself

1. Forgive others for your own good. When you forgive someone who hurt you, you give yourself a wonderful gift. This can be good for your health, including lower blood pressure and a healthier heart, as well as psychological benefits, including less stress and less depression. You will also increase your chances of more successful relationships in the future.
   • Forgiving someone who has hurt you is a sign of strength and not weakness. It does not mean that you approve of what they have done, but rather that you do not allow yourself to bear the burden of those actions any longer.
   • Forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean making up with that person. Depending on the situation, this may not be possible or may not be a good idea. Forgiveness simply means letting go of any resentment and revenge that you hold.
   • Try to show compassion and empathy for the person who hurt you, no matter how difficult that may be. It's important to understand that people often hurt other people because they hurt themselves.
   • You may just as well have to forgive yourself if you are somewhere responsible for any past hurts. It is important to recognize this responsibility, but not to hold on to it. Forgive yourself with compassion and understanding.
2. Stop allowing yourself to be seen as a victim. While another person may be held responsible for your past pain inflicted on you, they are not responsible for your decision to dwell on the past. The first step to recovery is to regain control of your life and realize that you have the power to make your future better than your past.
   • If you keep blaming the person who hurt you for everything that went wrong in your life, you allow that person to control you. The next time such a thought comes to mind, consciously remind yourself that you are in control. Then try to think of something positive you can do to make yourself feel better.
   • It can make you feel particularly strong to be in charge of your own recovery. To stop giving others control over your actions and emotions, make your own plan for letting go of past hurts. You can take advice from others, but keep reminding yourself that you are in control of your own life.
3. Repeat positive affirmation for yourself. If pain from your past has left you with a damaged self-image, take a moment to reflect on some of your most positive qualities. Then you remind yourself every day that you are a wonderful, worthy person.
   • Try different ways to affirm your self-love. Sing, write, or say it out loud to yourself. Create a work of art incorporating the words of affirmation and keep it where you can see it often.
4. Express your feelings. Expressing the pain and sadness can give you a feeling of liberation. Write in a journal about what happened or write a letter to the person who hurt you (but don't send it). Throwing it all out at once will help you process your feelings and understand why you're still in pain.
5. Go back to the past for positive reasons. Revisiting the past is usually a negative thing, but if you choose to do it for the right reason, it can help to get over your past pain. If you continue to hold on to guilt or other negative feelings about yourself, try to think about and assess the events of your past to find out why you feel that way. Then consider all the reasons why your negative feelings are not true.
   • This exercise is best suited for reliving traumatic events for which you unnecessarily blame yourself. For example, if you hold yourself responsible for your parent's divorce, or you feel you are responsible for your partner's infidelity, relive the event to help yourself understand the source of your negative feelings. If you take the time to analyze the situation, you will realize that the negative feelings you have about yourself are not true.
   • Be careful of blaming others too much. The purpose of this exercise is not to hold a grudge against someone else, but rather to understand why you feel bad about yourself and to stop feeling that way.
6. Try to get the support you need. Depending on the type of pain you are trying to release, you may need a specific type of support. Don't keep your feelings to yourself if you feel trapped by them. Talking to someone can help sort out your feelings, and sometimes it just feels good to throw it all out.
   • Talk to friends or family about your feelings, but make sure they are not part of the problems you are dealing with. They are in a much better position to support you if they are completely independent.
   • Find a support group that addresses your issues (such as a survivor group or childhood trauma).
   • Find an individual or group therapist with expertise in recovering from unresolved past pain or trauma. Your therapist may be able to help you understand why you feel the way you do and learn how to get rid of negative feelings.

Part 2 of 2: Moving on

1. Focus on something positive. If you allow negative thoughts and memories to consume you, it can feel like there is no room in your life for positivity or happiness. Instead of allowing this to happen to you, take the opposite approach: fill your life with so many positive things that there is no more room for negativity.
   • Choose to engage in a goal, such as college or your career, or things that make you feel good about yourself, such as volunteering or having a good time with your friends.
2. Reframe painful experiences as learning opportunities. It can be extremely helpful to reframe negative thoughts in order to move on with your life. Everyone experiences painful moments in his or her life, but looking for opportunities to grow as a person helps to leave behind pain from the past.
   • For example, you are hurt that your partner left you. Instead of dwelling on this experience, you can also put it in a different frame, such as this: "I have been hurt because I lost my loved one, but I have learned a lot through that relationship and can take that knowledge with me. another relationship. "
   • Or another example. Maybe someone was not nice to you. You can frame this like this: "That person hurt me, but I'm strong and resilient, and her behavior won't hurt me."
3. Be aware of intrusive thoughts. When you start thinking about what happened, calmly push those thoughts aside and remind yourself what it is that you are focused on right now in your life. It's okay to recognize the memory, but quickly replacing it with a reminder of something positive in your life will help you avoid dwelling on it for too long.
   • When your mind is preoccupied with the past, repeat the following phrase: “Bad things happened to me in the past, but now it's the present and I don't have time to worry about the past because I aim at _______. "
   • Alternatively, you can take a moment to list all the positive things in your life. When you fill your head with happy thoughts, there is no room for the negative thoughts.
4. Be open to others. If someone has hurt you in the past, you may be inclined to expect other people to hurt you too. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking can lead you to embark on a new relationship in an angry way. If you want to develop healthy relationships in the future, you will have to do your best to put your anger behind you and avoid expecting the worst from others based on what happened to you in the past.

Tips

• Holding a grudge toward another person can contribute to making you anxious, depressed, and angry. Ironically, it may not have any effect on the other person, so it serves no purpose at all, other than making you feel miserable.
• Depending on your situation, guided meditation or cognitive behavioral therapy can help you. Some people also benefit from religious activities.
• Resentment is an addictive state of mind, and it can take a lot of work to get past your negative feelings. Hold on and get over this unhealthy pattern!