Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Developing ways of coping
• Part 2 of 3: Building your own strength
• Part 3 of 3: Breaking the cycle
• Tips
• Warnings

Bullies come in all shapes and sizes, and most of us encounter them at some point in our lives, often in childhood; recent statistics show that slightly more than 1 in 3 children report being bullied at some point. Bullying is a serious problem not only at school, but also in the workplace, in the playground and even at the daycare center. It must be handled with care and the cycle broken.

It is also important to define the term bullying so that we do not call every negative social interaction that way. Bullying is a systematic form of aggression in which one or more people try to harm another person physically, verbally or psychologically. In bullying, power is unevenly distributed. The behavior occurs repeatedly, or has the potential to be repeated later. Both the bullies and the victims can end up with serious problems for a long time.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Developing ways of coping

1. Respond minimally to bullying. Don't show the bullies that you were hurt and that they managed to hit you; just walk away. Bullies get satisfaction from hurting or making others insecure, so if you respond, you are actually encouraging them to keep going. The bully wants attention, and showing that you are hurt emotionally will give him / her more pleasure.
   • This technique can backfire too, depending on the bully, so get a good sense of the situation. Some bullies will just keep going (because they think the bullying is a fun activity themselves) when they see that you haven't been hurt by their actions.
   • You cannot expect reasonableness from an unreasonable person. Walk away with your head up, say you have something better to do. If it continues, stand up for yourself. Whether it continues or not, make sure you stand up for others who are being bullied as well.
2. Feel your inner strength. Everyone has inner strength to draw from; The problem with bullying is that many bullies try to make you believe that you don't have that power, and that makes you less of a person. That is not true; be careful that they don't belittle you and make you feel weaker.
   • Sometimes we think we can take everything from us. Believe that you are stronger than them because deep down am you too, and even stronger than they ever will be.
3. Try to avoid the bullies. Try to avoid them at school and in social settings. If they take the same route to school as you, try a different route; if they don't find you, they can't bully you. Do your best to avoid them, but don't show that you are avoiding them. They usually see this as fear, which makes them feel successful, and then they will bully you even more afterwards.
   • Always walk with a friend; together you are strong. Most bullies drop out when their buddies are not around. They don't feel like getting in trouble, and if your friends are around they could get in trouble.
4. Don't joke at your own expense to prove that the bullies can't hit you anyway. Bullies just like this, and often they'll put in a little more effort to further humiliate you and lower your self-esteem. You basically lower yourself to their level and you only have yourself with it.
   • There's nothing funny about bullying, so don't join them yourself; whether it is about yourself or someone else; you only make it worse. Jokes are not appropriate in this situation, even if you think it will lessen the tension. You just throw oil on the fire.
5. Return an insult to your verbal attacker. If you do this in public, bystanders or victims may make fun of the bully. That is a bully's worst nightmare because it shows that he / she has no power over you. Remember not to give the bully the attention he / she is looking for, because then he / she will still get satisfaction from hurting other people's feelings.
   • Do not insult the bully if he / she has also physically hurt you, as that can trigger a conflict that you may not be able to win. Instead of making the situation worse, walk away. Tell a superior (teacher or supervisor) if you think you are in danger.
6. Be smarter than the bully. Bullies are usually not that smart or witty, so you can use that to your advantage. Here are some ideas:
   • Laugh at everything he / she says. The greater the insult, the harder you laugh. Try to think of something really funny that will make you laugh. This is very frustrating for the bully, because he / she wants you to cry, not laugh.
   • Shout something crazy right in the middle of his / her face as loud as possible. Only do this if the bully does something nasty that doesn't involve words. There are all kinds of suitable things you can shout, such as the first lines of a nonsense poem such as Boem Paukeslag by Paul van Ostaijen, or a song that hardly anyone knows anymore (The owl was in the elms), or you can just come up with something yourself ( "Give me a dollar and I'll buy a fish!"). In this case, the more random the better. The bully may be so surprised that he / she laughs, or at least walks away. If he / she thinks you are crazy, that's fine too!

Part 2 of 3: Building your own strength

1. Take lessons in self-defense. Consider getting into karate, kung fu, taekwondo, judo, ju jitsu, or similar. This will give you more confidence, make you stronger, and allow you to learn some combat or self-defense techniques. Bullies prefer to choose prey that looks weaker than themselves, so if you have a combative appearance, you can scare them off. If you take some self-defense lessons, you will learn how not to look like an easy target.
   • You don't have to look like a fighter, but rather you have to develop an attitude that can't be messed with. It is better to know how to defend and not use it than to look black and blue because you cannot fend them off.
2. Be smart and be aware of everything. Study the environment to learn possible escape routes, assembly points, danger zones, safe zones and territorial boundaries. Know the bully's patterns, including possible connections, as most bullies have accomplices. Knowing the enemy and the environment makes a big difference in avoiding the bully, but it's also important in a confrontation.
   • Be confident when you walk around. Walk purposefully and confidently, with a don't-mess-with-me attitude. Keep your head upright and look ahead in the direction you are going, and also look from the corner of your eye so that you are aware of the people around you. No matter how unreal it feels to you, act confident and make yourself big. The rest won't know any better.
3. Learn a few self-defense tricks. This is very important if you have to fight (which hopefully you don't have to). You don't have to have a black belt, but it is useful to know a few tricks to be able to defend yourself. Do it with all your strength and without hesitation.
   • A quick kick in the crotch will disconcert the bully for a moment, and he / she may be ashamed to give you time to escape. Bullies often don't expect to be taken back.
   • If the cross doesn't work, try the solar plexus (just below the ribs), or kick his / her knee so that he / she falls over.
   • If the bully grabs or pushes you, it can be - believe it or not - to your advantage. Try to keep your balance, then grab one of his / her arms with your left hand and hit his / her elbow with your other hand. Then push the arm away with your other hand.
   • Then run to a safe place as soon as you have the chance and get help.
4. Get to know yourself well (and know how great you are). Know your strengths, weaknesses and goals. Know what you are capable of and what you want. This confidence can help you if you are being bullied verbally because his / her words will not get to the core. Verbal bullies usually need an audience when they make their insults, and their words are rarely based on the truth.
   • Try not to care about gossip: tell everyone it's not true and the bully just wants attention. Put the bully in a negative light. Show that he / she just wants to bully you and tell him / her that he / she must be very insecure and unhappy to act like that to others.
   • Insults or the way the bully treats you has nothing to do with reality or you, but it only says something about him / her. This is his / her insecurity and it shows how unhappy he / she is. When the bully is done with you, he / she will likely move on to someone else.
5. Don't be tempted to bully back. The last thing you should do is lower yourself to the level of the bully. While you should try to clarify why they bully you and find weaknesses in their argument, never stoop to the same behavior as the bullies. That's another way of empowering the bullies. Then you're just as bad as them.
   • If you do that, you can get in just as much trouble as they do. If they do strange things and the authorities find out, no one knows who the original bully is now; you or them.

Part 3 of 3: Breaking the cycle

1. Recognize the type of bully you are dealing with. Bullies come in all kinds; some abuse others physically, others verbally, while still others play emotional games with you. Many bullies also use a combination of these strategies. Whatever type it is, it helps if you know the bully's approach.
   • Is the bully physically abusing you? Aggressive bullies hit, punch, kick, and pull your hair. They do so without hesitation. Such a bully does not shy away from provoking a fight, then blaming you, or crying and saying you started.
   • Does the bully insult you or verbally insult you? Harassing bullies like to swear (swear words, jokes at your expense, teasing, etc.).
   • Does the bully pretend to be your friend, but does he / she make a fool of you in front of others? That is a form of emotional bullying. Another way is by hurting or destroying someone or something you care about, or by doing something that makes you feel like a fool (for example, sticking a note saying "kick me" on your back), or by lying about you that makes others hate you. There are also underhanded bullies, who spread gossip, shut out others, and intimidate their victims whenever they can.
2. Understand that cyberbullying, aka internet bullying, is just as bad as bullying in everyday life. Cyber ​​bullies intimidate others via text message, email or other electronic means. The best way to deal with Internet bullying is to delete the messages immediately and not read what they say. Make sure to block the bully too.
   • If this happens to you, it is just as bad as bullying in everyday life. Don't hesitate to tell your parents, your boss, your teacher or even the police. This is not good and should absolutely not be tolerated.
3. Report bullying behavior always to an authority. Think of your parents, your mentor, your boss, the principal of the school, the police or anyone else who can confront or punish the bully to ensure your safety. This is not cowardly of you. It is brave that you come out and dare to be vulnerable.
   • Don't worry about the bully's revenge if you report the behavior; he / she tries to hurt you anyway, and ignoring it doesn't solve the problem. You can also tell a good friend; a good friend will stand up for you.
   • If there is a special bullying protocol in school, make use of it. Don't be ashamed. You can probably talk to someone who has a lot of experience with it, and that can help a lot. You may feel small, but in reality you are way above the bully.
4. Help others who are in the same situation. Bullies belittle others so that they feel better about themselves. They just want attention, and they may have learned the bullying behavior at home or from their friends. If you take that from them, they have nothing! Because you are dealing with the problem yourself, you know how it hurts and you may be able to help others!
   • An easy way to make others feel better about being bullied is to change their understanding of it. Emphasize that the bullies themselves are unhappy and frustrated, and that they try to control other people's feelings to make them feel better. That is actually very sad, if you look at it that way.
   • If someone comes to you who is in the same situation as you, come along to report it to an authority. Your moral support will be of great benefit to the other. If the other person is not strong enough himself, he / she can draw on your strength.
5. Talk about it. Bullying is a serious problem. It is not something that should be pushed aside, or that you have to deal with quietly. Talk about your problems. Ask your school to organize an information evening so that everyone knows it exists. Make people aware that it happens on a daily basis. People can only do something about it if they know it exists.
   • You may think that you are the only one or that you don't know anyone who's been through the same thing, but that's because a lot of people are too shy to talk about it. If you can break the ice, you'll be amazed how many people will stand behind you in your fight.

Tips

• Don't care what the bullies say; they are not worth your tears! Don't let their words stop you from achieving your goals. Show your confidence and show that their words can't get to you.
• Ignore them and walk away; that is the best. They just want attention.
• Whatever you do, don't fight the bullies unless you're really in danger.
• Sometimes bullies are just jealous of you. They bully you because you can do something well that they can't, so just be proud of what you do. Being called names is no fun. But actually the bullies just don't dare to do what you are good at.
• Remember, swearing doesn't hurt. The bullies just want to show that they are powerful, when in fact they are just the opposite: they are cowards. Truly powerful people show their power in other ways, not by belittling "the weak." Show them that you are not afraid.
• Tell it right away to someone when you feel threatened. You sometimes read terrible stories from people who have been bullied for 8 years, but then the biggest problem is lack of communication.
• Always stay calm, as this will confuse and frustrate the bully because he / she cannot elicit a negative response from you.
• If you are being bullied over the internet, take a screenshot of the insult so you have proof, block him / her, and tell someone.
• If the bully says mean things about you, just ignore it. You know who you are and what you want to do in your life, and when you are a little older you will never see him / her again.
• Always stay close to your friends. Together you are strong!

Warnings

• Often times, kids are told that bullies won't hurt you, they just want to make fun of you. This is not always true as it can get out of hand. Be careful when you're around a bully, and have an adult around if the bully is targeting you.
• All bully are different. Some bullies still go on even if you don't care, so you just have to tell your teacher.
• Always let an authority (teacher, parents, police) know and keep going until they listen to you. Ignoring is a great way to fight off bullies, but it's even better to speak up.
• If you are bullied by an adult who threatens or hurts you, it is called assault. Talk to someone about it immediately or call the children's telephone (0800 0432)
• Again, don't care what the bully says. Don't let that fool you either. If the bully is being nice to you, and it seems like he / she really means it, give him / her a chance. If it doesn't look genuine, ignore it.
• Don't fight the bullies.
• Don't get in the way of bullies.