Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Accept your feelings
• Part 2 of 3: Taking your distance
• Part 3 of 3: Moving on forever
• Tips
• Warnings

When you are in love with someone you are hopeful for the future - and your heart is broken when it turns out that it is not going to work. Maybe the person you're in love with already has someone else, or you just know it's impossible to start something together. Letting go and moving on isn't an easy process, but you can! You can read how here.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Accept your feelings

1. Find people who know how you feel. It's hard to see light at the end of the tunnel when you're wallowing in heartbreak, but plenty of other people have been through the same thing. By finding out how they got through it, you can find inspiration to move on.
   • Ask a friend or family member for help. Most people can empathize with you in some way when it comes to love, and they may be able to tell you about their own experiences of overcoming heartbreak. Even if they haven't experienced it personally, they may be able to give some good advice.
   • Keep your eyes peeled for examples. Once you start paying attention, you will see countless examples of people struggling with something. Books, movies and even TV. programs often revolve around someone struggling with an impossible crush. Pay special attention if the main character gets over it so that you can learn from it.
2. Admit that you are in love. Before you can overcome a problem, you have to admit it exists. Allow yourself to say that you are in love and experience all the complicated emotions that come with it.
   • Maybe you can write down how you feel. Take time to vent your emotional turmoil, it can help put it behind you. Write down the reasons why you have come to feel something for this person and why it may not work. Write it in a journal or in a document on your computer that you protect with a password. Or write it on loose pieces of paper and burn them later.
   • State your feelings out loud. You don't have to tell others how you feel, but it can help to articulate your problem aloud even if you are alone in the room. This may make your feelings seem more concrete and easier to approach. It can be as simple as saying, "I am in love with Stefan, and I hate to feel it."
3. Tell the person you are in love with. If you are confident that they are mature and able to understand what you are going through, find an opportunity to talk to them about it. One of the hardest things to get over a crush is letting go of your hopes for a relationship. If you give up just like that, you may be haunted by the "what if" thought. If you just tell them, there is a small chance that they will feel the same way about you, but even if they don't, you can finally move on to accept that. You do not feel that you have missed a chance for luck.
   • Don't be demanding or scary, don't talk about the physical side of your feelings because that's irrelevant to what you really want to know. Simply say how much you care about him / her and that you want to know if he / she feels the same way about you. Make it clear that you still want to remain friends (although you may have to step back to get over your feelings), and that you want them to be honest.
   • It may be better to write a letter to the person in question for several reasons. It is easier to express your feelings without closing, and it also puts less pressure on the other person. Give him / her a letter explaining your feelings and ask him / her to read it when he / she is alone. Don't contact us for a day, give him / her time to think about it. Try to talk about it the next day when you can be alone for a while. If he / she is avoiding you, understand that he / she is probably a bit shocked or confused, so give him / her some space and try again after a while.
4. Know when you lost. Maybe the person you're in love with already has someone else, or maybe you live very far from each other. Maybe the other person doesn't know how you feel, and you don't dare to say it. Whatever the reason, accept that there is an obstacle in your path and that you choose to walk away from it.
   • Don't confuse this with personal failure. The fact that you can't be with them has nothing to do with your self-esteem. Relationships fail for thousands of reasons, and often they are problems that cannot be resolved. Some things you cannot control.
   • Accept the things about yourself that have caused the other person to feel nothing for you. Heartbreak usually starts with denial, but try to skip that phase. Accept that maybe you just don't fit together. Be open to correcting flaws in yourself if you want to increase your chances next time, but don't confuse flaws with differences. Poor body care is a lack, and that is something you can do something about. If you like a different kind of music, or are a bit more introverted, that's not a flaw, so you shouldn't change that for someone else. It may seem like you want to change everything in order to be with that person, but deep down you want nothing more than to have them love you the way you are. Even if changing meant that he / she fell in love with you, the relationship would soon fail when the first crush is over.
   • Don't get embarrassingly stubborn. You may be offended that something doesn't work out, and in many situations persistence is a good quality. But there are cases when persistence turns into despair and stupidity. Chasing an impossible love is one of those cases. Let it go.

Part 2 of 3: Taking your distance

1. Distance yourself from your crush. If you can, give yourself some room to breathe away from the subject of your worship. Many crushes arise because someone is often around. If you don't see that person that often anymore, the crush may pass on its own.
   • If you have a crush on a close friend, reduce your availability. If you want to keep the friendship, try to do as little as possible with the other person right now, without hurting him or her. Or if you expect your friend to respond with sympathy, explain your problem and say you need a little space.
   • If you have a crush on a mutual friend, try not to date that group of friends for a while. If it turns out that way, explain to your first friend that he or she shouldn't take it personally.
   • If you're in love with someone from school, take this opportunity to work harder on your studies and distract yourself from the crush. Whenever you think about him or her, open a book or start learning back to back. Take a different route to the next class, and sit elsewhere during recess if necessary.
   • If you are in love with a coworker, focus more on your work. Avoid joint lunches or drinks for the time being.
   • If you're in love with someone you can't avoid, distance yourself mentally. You don't necessarily have to think about someone if they happen to be in the same room. Think about what you need to do today, or daydream about the great things you'll be doing on vacation - without the other.
2. Get to know new people. If the person you are in love with is always in your current group of friends, try to broaden your horizons. You can distract yourself from your grief by meeting new people, it gives you confidence and who knows, you might meet someone who is better for you. Here are some places to start:
   • Find people who have the same hobby. Do you like pop music? Go to a nearby cafe and take part in a pop quiz. Are you sportive? Find a sports club nearby and become a member. The possibilities are endless!
   • Volunteer. Work at a homeless shelter, or find an organization that stands for your ideals, such as animal protection or the environment. After a few meetings you probably already know some like-minded people.
   • Make use of school or church groups. If you are already attending a school or church that offers many activities, sign up! The party committee, the choir, auxiliary groups or sports teams are just a few of the possibilities.
3. Take care of yourself. Use this time to take a step back and think about how you can improve your own life, instead of putting all that energy into your crush. This way you have enough on hand to distract yourself, and at the same time you improve your own situation.
   • Give yourself a mini makeover (even if you're a boy!). Is your wardrobe looking a bit stale? Have you had the same haircut for a long time? Buy some new things for your closet that will boost your confidence, or invest in a new haircut. If you're not sure what direction to look in, ask a hip friend for help.
   • Organize your life. You may not have cleaned out your closet / car / garage / basement for a long time, so do something about it! Sorting out old junk can be meditative, and you probably feel relaxed and proud afterward.
   • Move. Movement clears your mind - if you're so focused on tormenting your body, you can't afford to worry in addition to breathing and moving. Go for a run, swim, bike or do any other sport that improves your body and detoxifies your head.
   • Practice positive "self-talk". It sounds crazy, but it really works. Look at yourself in the mirror a few times a day and say whatever it takes to hear. It could be something like "You will find someone better" or "No one is worth all this misery". Repeat it until you believe it.

Part 3 of 3: Moving on forever

1. Be on the lookout for a relapse. You have to work hard to get over a crush, and if you've been blinded by a crush for a few months, it can take a long time to get over it. Accept that it is a process, and plan ahead so that you don't get derailed by a sudden setback. Here's how to deal with that:
   • Realize that you don't see this person realistically. The overwhelming feeling of falling in love you feel when you are around the person can confuse your logical thinking patterns and cause you to idealize them. Convince yourself that however you feel no one is perfect, not even he or she, and knows that you are deliberately looking through his or her flaws.
   • Treat it as an addiction to narcotics. You would never send an alcoholic to a cafe, so avoid getting into situations where you could interact with that person. Stay away from intimate situations and avoid too much contact, even if only by text message or chat.
   • Don't convey your feelings to another victim. Finding someone else to project your feelings on is a form of relapse - you may not be in love with the same person, but you are feeling the same emotions. Finding someone to replace them is not fair to them, because you may not see them for who they are. In addition, it is not fair to yourself, because you allow yourself to fall back into the same pattern.
2. Be careful not to get bitter. By demonizing the person you are in love with, you may get over them more quickly in the short term, but it is not a long-term solution. Here's the problem: Thinking about how much you hate him / her is still a form of obsession, so you get stuck at the same point.
   • Don't make someone else responsible for your happiness. The person did not respond to your affection as you hoped. He or she may even have made things worse by teasing or flirting with you, knowing what you were feeling. But whatever happened you are the only one who can make you happy. You are responsible for getting yourself out of a bad situation and moving on, so don't say it's the other person's fault for feeling bad.
   • Try to wish the best for him or her. When you really care about someone, you want them to be happy - even if it isn't with you. Resist the urge to get angry or compare yourself to that person's new boyfriend / girlfriend. Try to be genuinely happy when people you care about are happy.
3. Make a list of bad things about your love. This is quite tricky, but very effective when done and understood correctly. You noticed your love for all the good qualities you saw in him / her. Now you have to see it the other way around. At first you may think that your love is "so perfect", but no, everyone has their bad sides and you have to keep that in mind. It's time to stop dreaming.
   • Think carefully about your love and find as many ugly traits as you can find. Make a list on paper and read it repeatedly. When you see him, don't look for the good. Remember everything you wrote down and don't get distracted.

Tips

• Remember, if your love doesn't like you, that is his or her loss, and there is someone waiting for you somewhere who is truly worthy and likes you.
• Respect yourself. Know that you are worthy and that there really is someone who is right for you.
• Remember that a crush is only a short-term thing. It's not like you are getting married. In the future you will find someone who is much better and better suited to you; someone who cares about you more and shows this too. Who knows, your love was in fact a jerk and wasn't the right one for you. So wait for something better on your path.
• Don't blame yourself if it doesn't work. If they don't see you that way, it's not your fault, it's how they feel this. Don't feel worthless because of what they feel about you. Remember there is someone who loves you for yourself.
• Don't say you love someone if you're already sure they just want to be friends. This can irreparably damage the friendship.
• If you've never talked to your love, get all the courage and go for it. This can soften your feelings because the way the person treats you will likely redefine how you feel. In any case, you both gave it a shot.
• Don't just give up on a friendship. If you fall deeply in love with a friend, try not to destroy the friendship. Once you get over it, you'll be glad you're still friends. Be grateful for the beautiful friendship instead of obsessing about what isn't going to happen.
• Give other guys a chance to meet you. He's not the only boy in the world. But, most importantly, live your life, don't let him take all your happiness away.
• Try to avoid seeing him too often and keep your distance so that you don't fall back to where you came from.
• Avoid moving into another relationship too soon. Make appointments for fun, date someone you wouldn't normally be interested in, and have fun as a single. There may be people out there who "love" to be with you and that will help you move on and feel better about yourself.
• Get on with your life. Don't get stuck in the past. Meeting other people can help.
• Know the difference between love and superficial infatuation (being "crazy" "with someone). Sometimes it's worth staying in a relationship, but you need to let yourself be recognized when it's time to move on and seek other relationships.
• Don't talk about him, even to your friends. When you talk about how much you liked him, you end up liking him even more.
• Tell yourself everything you DON'T like about him / her.
• Forget it and move on.

Warnings

• Never call the person if you are drunk. This makes the other person feel uncomfortable and you make a fool of yourself.
• Don't punish yourself. Don't drink, eat too much, or otherwise hurt yourself for being sad.