Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 2: Confront the person
• Method 2 of 2: Ignore the person
• Tips
• Warnings

In your life you will inevitably have to deal with mean or rude people. Whether it's a complete stranger at the grocery store, your roommate, or a co-worker, there will always be someone getting on your nerves at some point. There are different strategies for dealing with rude people depending on the situation. If the person is someone who has insulted you or their rudeness is something you deal with on a daily basis, then it is probably best to confront them directly to prevent it from happening again. If the person is a complete stranger and their rude behavior is completely pointless and not worth your time, then it probably makes sense to just walk away.

To step

Method 1 of 2: Confront the person

1. Stay calm. Confrontation with the person will not go well if you get angry and / or aggressive.
   • If you are upset or taken aback by a rude comment from the person, take a few deep breaths before confronting the other person. The more nervous you look, the less the other person will listen to what you have to say.
   • Take some time beforehand to think carefully about what you are going to say, instead of impulsively yelling at the person. The other person will be less likely to argue with you if you show that their rude comment didn't upset you. Being the better person means being confident and in control of your emotions.
   • Do not engage in any kind of scuffle or argument - this will only make the situation worse. If you're worried about lashing out, have a friend there to control you.
2. Be direct. Don't beat around the bush and don't be passive-aggressive. Confront the other person directly, make eye contact, and immediately make it clear what it is that annoys you. People cannot learn from their mistakes if you don't tell them what they did wrong.
   • If someone is in line at the grocery store, don't let out a dramatic sigh or roll your eyes in the hope that they'll notice. Address the person directly by saying, "Sorry, but I was in line for you" or "I'm sorry, but you can join the queue there."
3. Use humor. If you feel uncomfortable directly addressing someone in a serious way about their rudeness, use humor to ease the tension a bit.
   • If someone is loudly chewing a sandwich and making a mess of it next to you on the subway, smile and, smiling, casually say something like, "Wow, you're really enjoying it, aren't you?" If the other person doesn't understand the point, continue with, "Would you mind chewing a little less loudly?"
   • Make sure your humor is lighthearted and not passive-aggressive or sarcastic. Stay friendly and smile. You want your comment to come across as a joke that both of you can laugh at, and not as a rude comment that can turn into an argument.
4. Be polite. The best way to combat rudeness is with kindness. Be the more mature person and don't get down to their level by becoming rude yourself.
   • Have a respectful, polite tone. Smile.
   • Use words like "please" and "thank you". These words can go a long way in getting you started. For example, say something like, "Stop, I think this is rude and offensive. I don't appreciate your behavior" or "No such [aggressive, rude, offensive, etc.] language is necessary. Thank you."
   • Often times something bothers people who are rude. Their impertinence may be a cry for help, or they may be looking for a listening ear. If you know the person well enough, ask them if there is anything that is bothering them or if they need help. However, make sure it doesn't come across as sarcastic. Say something like "I've noticed you are more [nervous, tense, etc.] lately. Is everything okay? Is there anything I can do to help you?"
5. Have a civilized conversation. If the person has personally offended you or said something that you particularly disagree with, politely express your opinion and ask why the other person is behaving this way.
   • Try to make it clear that you want to understand the other person's perspective by saying, "I think what you just said is rude and disrespectful ... Why are you saying such a thing?" This can start a healthy discussion or debate - just make sure it doesn't get out of hand.
   • If it does turn into a heated discussion and the person remains rude and disrespectful, walk away. Realize you've done everything you can and let it go.
   • Don't forget that some people can get very stuck in their ideas. Sometimes it is not possible to agree, and even if you try, you will not be able to change the other's mind.
6. Use "I" in your comments as opposed to "you". "You" comments point the finger and accuse the listener, making them feel attacked. Instead, make it clear to the other person how his / her actions make you feel.
   • If a family member keeps commenting on your weight, say something like, "Saying those things about my body will make me feel insecure and negative about myself," as opposed to "You're very annoying and rude."
7. Talk to the other person in person. Nobody likes to be held accountable when he / she has done something wrong. If one person is annoying to you while you are in a group, wait a while until you can talk to the other person privately.
   • If a friend makes a racist or sexist comment in a group during lunch, wait for the others to leave or walk them to the next class so you can discuss it privately. Or send a text and say something like, "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something. Do you have some time after school?"
   • Talking alone with the other person also prevents other friends from taking sides in the conflict, which only worsens and can lead to a division in your group of friends.
8. Don't overthink the situation. If you have confronted someone with their behavior and find that things are not getting better, accept that you have done everything you can to improve relations with them.
   • You cannot make someone polite if they want to be rude, and it is not your responsibility to make the other person "better". In fact, forcing a behavioral change in other people will often cause them to behave worse rather than better. Sometimes you'll just have to accept the rudeness of others, realize it's not your fault, and let them find their own solutions.

Method 2 of 2: Ignore the person

1. Keep your face in a "poker face". Don't show any emotion. Even if you find yourself getting angry, annoyed, or irritated, don't give them what they want by showing that their rudeness has no effect on you.
   • Stay calm and collected. Close your eyes and take a deep breath if you find yourself losing patience.
   • Keep a straight face or try to look with an "empty" look, ignoring the person completely and showing that he / she is not worth your time.
2. Do not make direct eye contact. When you make eye contact, you confirm the other person's existence and validate their actions. Look away from the other, with your gaze on infinity.
   • Don't lower your eyes. This type of body language comes across as submissive and insecure. Look ahead and steadfast to give yourself a confident and controlled look.
3. Turn your body away from the other. You can convey a lot through just your body language. Turn your shoulders and feet in the opposite direction. Fold your arms to give a closed and uninterested impression.
4. Walk away. If possible, quickly walk in the opposite direction of the other and don't look back. Stand up straight and look confident as you walk.
   • If you feel uncomfortable not saying anything before walking away, answer shortly. This indicates that you have heard what the other has said, but that you disagree. You can just say something like, "Ok" or "I don't know" before walking away.
   • If a classmate keeps rubbing your face that she passed the final exam, smile and say, "That's nice." Then turn your attention to other, more important things.
   • If it's someone you know you'll interact with that person again at some point, such as a co-worker or friend, you can give them some space to calm down by walking away after a few minutes. Hopefully the other person's behavior will have changed when you meet again.
5. Avoid the person. Keep your distance from the rude person so that their negativity doesn't make you feel down too often.
   • If the person is a stranger this should be easy - you will probably never have to see the other person again.
   • If you really can't stand the other person, but you bump into them often or daily, try to limit contact with them as much as possible. If it's possible for you to switch offices or make other changes to avoid this person, take that step. It will certainly help not to have them around you.

Tips

• Accept that rude behavior is common to people and that it is impossible to get along with everyone. Remember, we all think illogically at times - in fact, we ourselves may be the rude person in some situations!
• Don't take it personally. Rude behavior is usually the result of a personal problem or insecurity that has nothing to do with you. Even if the person takes their frustration out on "you", it does not mean that this person is frustrated "by" you. Don't internalize the other person's meanness as something that would be your fault; rather try to deal with it objectively.
• Even if it has to do with you and you feel personally attacked, take a step back and realize that you can choose how it affects you. Draw strength from their bluntness by choosing to treat it as their problem, not yours. Have faith in yourself and what you believe, and don't let their blunt comments take hold of you.
• When answering, keep it superficial. You are supposed to stay polite and not make any comments that could get you in trouble. This will show the other person that you are much more mature, and you can maintain your dignity.
• Do not be rude to the other: smile, show compassion and ask how the other is doing. Their bluntness may be a cry for help, and kindness may be just what the other person needs in the moment. Instead of wasting your energy on negativity, try to radiate positivity.
• Limit the number of people you discuss these confrontations with to your closest friends. It's okay to talk about an emotionally tough situation, but then move on to a different topic. Being part of the adult person in situations like this is that you don't make too much of a point of it. Plus, you don't want the gossip to spread and end up back to the rude person.
• Pay attention to how others interact with that person. It's likely that you're not alone in finding a particular person rude. Consider how others treat such people when they are rude, and whether or not their techniques work. This can give you other ideas and insights on how to interact with them.

Warnings

• In turn, don't be mean to the rude person. This just goes to show that what they are doing is bothering you. Besides, if you're going to be mean too, is there a lot of difference between you and the other person?
• Don't adjust to them - they will only feel superior to you. Rude people often play subtle power games; they try to throw you off your feet or adapt you to them.
• Don't do anything that could escalate the conflict, such as start an argument. It is better to walk away than try to convince such a person or belittle them as some sort of retaliation.