Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Adjusting your way of thinking
• Part 2 of 3: Dealing with constructive criticism
• Part 3 of 3: Dealing with destructive criticism
• Tips
• Warnings

Criticism is never fun, whether it comes from your well-meaning English teacher or your frenemy. If criticism is intended to be constructive, you can use it to develop as a person. If the criticism is only aimed at hurting you, then you can ignore it. How to deal with criticism? Read the following steps to find out.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Adjusting your way of thinking

1. Know the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. This is the first step you need to take to deal with criticism. You need to know where the criticism comes from, and be able to understand the intentions of the critic. If it comes from a teacher or higher in rank, chances are he / she just wants you to do better. However, if the criticism comes from a so-called friend (a frenemy) or even an enemy, then you should ask yourself if this person wants the best for you.
   • If you are sure that the criticism is unfounded, that the criticism makes no sense, or is only intended to hurt you, scroll right on to the third section of this article: Dealing with Destructive Criticism.
   • Constructive criticism is, ideally, intended to help you. Destructive criticism is only meant to hurt you.
   • Try to focus on both the message and the delivery. If someone is yelling at you or pretending that you are a nuisance to them, it is difficult to assess whether the criticism is valid or justified.
2. Accept that you are not perfect. This is an excellent way to deal with criticism. If you want to be able to take in a little feedback, you can't keep thinking that everything you're doing is right. Nobody is perfect. So if you think you're perfect, then you're nobody (ha-ha). Okay, seriously: everyone has their own flaw. If you can't see yours, then you're not analyzing yourself as thoroughly as you should.
   • List your top ten flaws. Yes, ten pieces! Can you come up with ten things that need improvement? And fifteen? This practice is not intended to make you feel bad about yourself; it is meant to show that there is still room for improvement.
   • Think of all the people you know. Can you think of one person who is perfect? Movie stars don't count. And don't forget that most movie stars also have flaws, however small they may seem at first glance.
3. Don't take it personally. If you want to know how best to deal with criticism, you cannot take it personally. If your boss tells you that you've been less productive in water lately, she's not saying it because she thinks you're lazy and fat; she says it because she wants her employee to step up a gear. If your best friend tells you that you tend to stray when he speaks, he is not saying that you are a worthless friend or a zombie; he says it because he wants you to learn to communicate better.
   • If the criticism is constructive, it is meant to guide you and help you become a better person; not to bring you down or make you feel inadequate.
   • If your teacher has given some rather critical feedback on your essay, then she didn't do it because she thinks you are stupid or because you were annoying in class; she does it because she thinks you still need to learn a thing or two about how to put together a convincing argument.
4. Try to be less sensitive. If you keep crying, getting on the defensive, or being taken aback when someone gives you helpful feedback, then you're going to need to get thicker skin. Learn to accept your flaws and take constructive criticism. If you never improve, you will stand still forever - and you don't want that, do you? Try to focus on the message and the intention, instead of constantly focusing on the "mean" or "hurtful" things being said to you.
   • Find out where the message comes from. Chances are your boss sent you that spicy email because he thinks you're a jerk or because he wanted to piss you off. He probably just wants you to do your best.
   • Control your emotions. You don't have to cry every time someone says something negative.
   • Work on your reputation. If people think you are sensitive, they will be less likely to tell you the truth. You don't want people to feel like they have to walk on eggshells when they talk to you.

Part 2 of 3: Dealing with constructive criticism

1. Understand what is really being said. If you want to deal with criticism, then you have to understand the message behind it. If you have determined that the criticism is intended to be constructive, then you will have to break it down into manageable pieces — only then can you figure out what to do next. Sometimes you may just focus on the hurtful aspects of the feedback, and your pride is too hurt to see what's really going on.
   • Okay, maybe you weren't satisfied with those 6 for your essay. But do you think your teacher is trying to tell you that you are stupid or that you are a worthless writer? Probably not. She probably just wanted to tell you that you need to do more research on your material and use more concrete evidence to back up your arguments. Also, it wouldn't hurt to stick to the word limit, would it?
   • If your boyfriend has told you that you are obsessed with yourself, it naturally hurts. But maybe there is some helpful grain of truth behind that message? Your friend tells you that you could show a little more empathy, and that you could think a little more about others; and a little less about yourself. Look, that helps you.
2. See if there is any truth to it. If the feedback comes from someone who wants the best for you, then you should check that there is some truth in their words. In fact, chances are you've heard similar comments before. If ten people have told you you're selfish, or your last three girlfriends said you were emotionally distant, they probably won't be all wrong, will they? Take the time to see if there might be some truth in the criticism.
3. Draw up a battle plan. So you've determined that your English teacher, your boss, your boyfriend, or your best friend is (almost) right. Then it is now time to write down what you need to work on. You will also now need to formulate a plan to address the issue. This may take a while, but it is never too late to start. Once you have a plan in place, found a way to adjust your expectations and actions, you can begin to respond to the criticism — this is how you can become a better person.
   • If your English teacher is right and you should do more research, in the future, do your best to consult twice as much literature before making your argument.
   • If your boss tells you you're disorganized, do your best to organize your inbox, desk, and spreadsheets.
   • If your boyfriend tells you you're too needy, give him space. For example, choose to make some more time for yourself, or go out with your friends more often.
4. Thank the person for their honesty (if the criticism was well-intentioned, at least). If you have received criticism that has been given kindly and helpfully, or at least honestly and clearly, take the time to thank the person. Express your appreciation that he / she has told you something that could help you become a better friend, partner, student, or professional.
   • It is maturity when you thank people for their honest criticism. Swallow your pride and say "thank you", even if it's on your stomach.
5. Stop making excuses. If someone gives you valid criticism, don't keep making excuses to prove that person is wrong - especially if you know there is some truth in the criticism. If you become defensive and make excuses, the person giving you the feedback will never be able to tell you exactly what he / she means. So you will not receive the information you need to improve. It is completely natural to take the defensive positions when you are criticized or feel that you have done nothing wrong. However, it is important to listen to people before closing the criticism to prove that you are perfect.
   • If someone tells you something that can help you improve, don't say, "Well, I already do ..." - unless they're just saying something.
   • If your teacher tells you that you have to work harder, don't make flimsy excuses to condone that you're walking around the edges. Rather, take note of the feedback and try to work on it.
   • It takes maturity to remain silent when being criticized. It is a lot easier to make up excuses. However, that is of no use to you.
6. Know that constructive criticism can help you improve as a person. Okay, it's hard to deal with even the best-intended criticism - especially when you believe you're perfect and you can't do anything wrong. However, if you place so much value on being great, then you do well to be aware of your flaws and shortcomings. Make a plan to address those flaws so that you can become even more awesome.
   • Embrace the constructive criticism in the sequel. It's like Kelly Clarkon says, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Part 3 of 3: Dealing with destructive criticism

1. Understand the person's true motives. If you see that someone's criticism is intended to be completely destructive and hurtful, consider why that person would want to say such a thing. You can do that to feel better about yourself. Maybe that one girl was jealous of your outfit when she said you looked tacky. Maybe that one guy said you were a bad writer because he was jealous of having a short story of yours published. Maybe he was having a bad day and wanted to take that frustration out on you. Whatever the reason, remind yourself that it has nothing to do with who you are.
   • Take a look at it from his / her perspective. Try to understand why he / she would say such a thing. While the words will always hurt, it can make you feel better. If your co-worker starts yelling at you just like that, but you know she's in divorce, then you can be a little more understanding about that, right?
2. Search for the grain of truth. Perhaps the lion's share of the criticism made no sense, and the criticism was given incredibly mean and hurtful. Maybe your co-worker has told you that you don't like it, or your friend has told you that you are extremely selfish, and you think that criticism is absolutely unfounded. But take a moment to think about it. Could you perhaps put your organization in order a little better? Or are you also selfish every now and then? If so, it may be wise to ponder your actions — without being hurt by the way the criticism has been made.
   • Obviously, it is difficult to take someone seriously if they yell at you, call you names, or treat you disrespectfully. Try to stand above that and see if there is an underlying message to be discerned.
3. Know that words don't hurt. Do you remember what your mother used to tell you? Words don't hurt. In grade 3 you may have thought that was stupid, but now that you're older it makes a lot more sense. Ultimately, destructive criticism isn't grenades, bullets, or bombs - it's just a few words that are meant to make you feel bad. So remind yourself that criticism is only a few words.
   • Criticism can't steal your money, hit you in the face, or crash your car into the abyss. So don't let that fool you.
4. Stay confident. Maintaining your confidence is the most important thing. Stay strong no matter what people have to say about you. Never forget who you are and don't let other people determine your self-esteem. Being confident doesn't mean you think you are perfect; it means you love who you are and what you look like. If you're really confident, then you won't let the haters get you down.
   • If you are unhappy with yourself, ask yourself why. List the things you don't like about yourself and find a way to change them.
   • Being confident also means accepting the things you cannot change about yourself. You may not like that you are so tall. Are you planning to slouch your whole life now, or are you going to try to learn to love your long legs?
   • Hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself can also make you feel more confident. If you keep hanging out with people who bring you down, then you won't be too good about yourself.
5. Keep doing what you do. So… someone has said you are a heel-licker. Are you going to do your best at school now? Has your coworker told you that you are too much "Type A"? Are you going to completely change your personality? Even if you actually think you're a nice pear? Of course not.If the criticism you receive is unjustified, and it comes only from jealousy, anger, and meanness, then there is no point in changing your routine — especially not to please others.
   • If the criticism is unfounded, it's best to do it all the way ignore.
   • You don't have to worry about it if you can't ignore those negative words right away. It's not easy to stop caring about what others think of you, but practice makes perfect.

Tips

• If the criticism is flawed, ignore what has been said. Or contact the person who sent the criticism.
• Criticism stands for constructive advice that is intended to address your mistakes and flaws. Insults are not covered.
• Always stay polite so that people don't throw ugly words at your head all the time.

Warnings

• People might think you are weird if you ask them to criticize you.
• Don't bluntly tell people they are wrong or that they should stop ripping you off. This makes no difference, regardless of whether they are right or not.