Author:
Christy White
Date Of Creation:
3 May 2021
Update Date:
1 July 2024
Content
It is no fun at all to convince a stubborn person of what you want. Dealing with stubborn people can be incredibly frustrating and exhausting, whether it's your coworker or your very own mother. But once you understand that stubborn people are just afraid of damaging their egos and are afraid of trying something new, you can start making them feel more comfortable. Then you can convince them to hear your side of the story. So, how do you deal with stubborn people without going crazy? Read this article to find out.
To step
Part 1 of 3: Stroking their ego
Flatter them a little. One of the reasons stubborn people are stubborn is because they hate to be wrong. They think they know how best to do everything, so they can be a little sensitive when someone tells them that there are other ways to do those things as well. They may view a disagreement as a personal attack, even if you intended no harm at all. Therefore, do your best to make the stubborn person feel good about themselves. You can do this by flattering them a bit first. Just make sure that your flattery is genuine, and that it doesn't immediately come across as slime. For example, you can try one of these ways: - "I know you've been working really hard lately. I'm really impressed with how you manage to perform under such pressure."
- "You always have those great ideas. I thought I'd throw one in the group too."
- "I'm so happy to see you again. I really think it's a shame that we don't hang out together that often."
Show that you value their opinions. If you want to get along with stubborn people, it is also important to recognize their perspective. Show that their ideas are really good. Don't make them think their idea is silly, invalid, or baseless (even if you think it is). Doing so will completely destroy the chance that they will listen to you. Make sure to repeat their arguments and show that you know there are indeed good points in their story. That way, the person will see that you value him / her and his / her ideas. This will make the person more willing to listen to you. Here are some things to say: - "Good idea to go to the Italian. I really love the gnocchi there, and they have an excellent wine list. However,…"
- "I know it wasn't really fun with Mike and Sara last time, and that you're right: they're a bit weird too. But I really think we should give them a second chance."
- "Moving from Den Helder to Amsterdam brings many advantages, just as you said. There is much more to do, the airport is closer and we do travel a lot, and moreover, we will be closer to our friends in the area. living. But having said that,… "
Don't tell them they are wrong. Hearing they're wrong is the last thing stubborn people want. Never say things like, "You don't see it right ..." or "You just can't understand, can you?" Don't say anything like, "How the hell could you be so wrong?" If you do, you will alienate the person, and he / she will shut off completely. Make it clear that he / she does have good ideas, but that you prefer to choose what you want now. Make that clear. - Say something like, "We both have good ideas" or "There are several ways you can view this situation." This shows that you are both "equally" right.
Show how the decision will work in their favor. Stubborn people are often stubborn because they think very highly of themselves. They are very satisfied with how their decisions can make them feel even better and do what they want. If you want to caress their ego a little and make them feel that the decision is justified, then you will have to show how the decision can work in their favor - even if it seems surprising. This will pique their interest and increase the likelihood that they will agree with your idea. Here are some things to say: - "I would love to take a look at that new sushi restaurant around the corner. Remember when you felt like fried ice cream? I heard that they have a very wide range at that place."
- "I think it's nice to hang out with Sara and Mike, and guess what ... I heard that Mike had an extra ticket for Ajax-Feyenoord, and that he is looking for someone who wants to come along. I know that. you would really like that. "
- "If we stay in Den Helder and don't go to Amsterdam, then we can save a little money. We can use that money to go on a summer vacation to Curacao. You always wanted that so much, didn't you?"
Make them think they came up with the idea themselves. This is another trick you can use to get stubborn people to do whatever you want. During the conversation, have the person think that he / she came up with the idea, or found an important aspect of why the idea is so good. This will make the person feel proud of himself / herself, and he / she will start to think that he / she will still get what he / she wants. In practice this is often difficult, but if you do it right you will be amazed at how much better the stubborn person will feel. Here are some things to say: - "That's a great idea! I completely forgot how much I liked plum wine. No doubt they will have that on the menu at that sushi restaurant!"
- "You're right - let's meet up with Sara and Mike this weekend. And you said Saturday night is the best time, right?"
- "You are absolutely right about that. I would miss the farmers market terribly if we left Den Helder."
Part 2 of 3: Coaxing them
Be steadfast. Stubborn people often get their way because the people around them often give in, and they let the stubborn people get their way. This can happen for several reasons: you may think that the person gets angry or sad if they don't get their way, you may not have enough energy to resist, or you may even think that the person what you argue about needs more than you do. Just know that the stubborn person uses these cowardly tactics to get their way, and that you have the right to get your way. - If the person starts to feel emotional or sad, slow down. Wait for the person to calm down, but don't say things like, "Okay, okay, have your way. Just stop crying." If you do, the other person will see that he / she can tap into your emotions to get what he / she wants.
- Being steadfast means sticking to your point of view and being able to rationally and logically reason why your idea is important. It does not mean that you will become aggressive or yell or swear. Stubborn people are already very defensive, and this behavior will only make them feel extra threatened.
Give them information. Stubborn people also fear the unknown. They may not want to do certain things because they have never done them or because they are not used to breaking out of their routine. The more you can tell them about the situation, the better they will feel about it. They will see that your proposal is not that scary at all, because they will have an idea of exactly how it will work. Here are some things to say: - "That new sushi restaurant has a special offer for sashimi, and is also a lot cheaper than the Italian. They also have a big screen, so you can watch the game while you eat."
- "Sara and Mike have a super cute dog - you'll love him. Mike also loves specialty beers, and they have a nice selection. We don't have to travel far either, because they only live 15 minutes away."
- "Did you know that the rent in Amsterdam is on average almost twice as high as in Den Helder? How could we afford that?"
Show why it is so important to you. If the stubborn person cares about you, then you will be able to convince them by showing why this is so important to you. In this way you help them assess the situation on a human level, and they will see that it is not just about who is right. They will see that it is also about what you really want and need. If you are in a relationship with this person, you can show him / her why this will make you happy. Here are some things to say: - "I've been craving sushi for weeks. Can we please eat sushi? Of course I can always go with Maria, but that's not nearly as much fun as with you."
- "I would really like to hang out with Sara and Mike more often. You know that I am really lonely in our new neighborhood, and that I would like to have some more friends."
- "I would really like to live in Den Helder for another year. Commuting is so easy for me, and I would really hate to have to wake up an hour earlier to get there on time."
Remind them it's your turn. If you're used to dealing with this stubborn person, chances are you'll be tackling over and over again. It's time to act firm and remind the person that you always give them what they want - no matter how important or fussy those situations were. You don't have to make them feel guilty to do this. You just have to show him / her the bigger picture and make it clear that now is the time for you to have your way. Here are some things to say: - "We have already been to the restaurant of your choice the past five times. Can I choose once?"
- "We've been hanging out with your friends for the past three weekends. Can we meet my friends this time?"
- "It was your idea to move to Den Helder, remember? Now it is my idea to stay here."
Negotiate or compromise. Sometimes you don't get your way, but the stubborn person is willing to compromise. By negotiating or compromising, you can convince him / her to do whatever you want, without having to give in completely. If the person is really stubborn, it's best to do it in small steps. You will not be able to convince the person of your plans overnight. Here are some things to say: - "Okay, we're going to the Italian tonight. But then we'll go to that sushi place tomorrow night, okay?"
- "Shall we go for a drink alone with Sara and Mike? Then we don't have to go to their house to have dinner together. That way we will hang out with them for a while, but it won't last all night."
- "I am open to moving to Alkmaar. It is more expensive than Den Helder, but not as expensive as Amsterdam. And there is always something to do in Alkmaar too."
Stay calm. If you really want to get along with stubborn people, and even create an opportunity to get your own way, you should always be able to keep your emotions in check. If you get upset or angry, the person will start to think he / she has won. After all, you are not in charge of your emotions. Take a deep breath and take it easy. If necessary, you can even leave the room to cool off. The stubborn person will listen to you more quickly if you stay calm and calm than if you are angry and insane. - It's all too easy to freak out if you're hanging out with someone who isn't willing to do what you want, or someone who isn't willing to change. Just keep in mind that the chances are much smaller that the person will want to hear your side of the story if you burst out in anger.
Don't say he / she is stubborn. The last thing he / she will want to hear is that he / she is stubborn. Stubborn people are defensive and, well, stubborn. If you say that word, he / she will close and he / she will be less likely to change. Don't say things like, "Why are you so stubborn?" If you do, he / she will stop listening to you. Resist the temptation to say this word, even if it is on the tip of your tongue. 
Try to find matches. Finding similarities will help you convince the stubborn person to look at the situation from your perspective. Stubborn people can feel like they are being harassed. If you can convince him / her that you have the same interests, he / she will be more willing to listen to you - even if your opinions are miles apart. Here are some things to say: - "I totally agree that there are productivity issues within the company. We will absolutely have to find a solution. I just think it has more to do with employee dissatisfaction than with the new projects that are happening. are assigned to us. "
- "I agree with you completely. The people we hang out with are all a bit strange or boring. But if we don't give new friends the chance, then we'll never find people we really like, will we?"
Part 3 of 3: Making it stick
Try to make changes little by little. If you're dealing with a stubborn person in the long run, then you should know that stubborn people don't like to take the plunge. They prefer to put their big toe in the water first, and then slowly walk forward. So if you want to convince someone to try something else, you'll have to get them used to the idea first. Do this little by little, until the person is completely comfortable with the situation. - For example, if a close friend of yours is quite possessive and doesn't like that you made new friends on the painting class, you can choose to introduce those new friends to them one by one. It is not wise to introduce him / her to the entire team immediately. If you do it right, the person in question will be better able to accommodate the new social situation.
- If you're trying to convince your roommate that he / she should be a bit tidier, ask him / her if he / she wants to do the dishes every other day. After that, you could ask him / her to take out the trash every now and then, to vacuum, and so on.
Do not put salt on all snails. This is extremely important when dealing with stubborn people. Sometimes you will be able to turn stubborn people into tack. With the right approach, you may even be able to ensure that he / she will make major changes. However, if the person in question is really stubborn, the chances are slim that he / she will often meet your requirements. So if you have a hard time getting the stubborn person to do what you want, then you should only ask them for things that you really value. - You may not mind at all if he / she selects the movie on date night; but you may find it important where you go on vacation. Don't waste your credit prematurely, just wait for the things that really matter.
Break the pattern. If you give in every time, the stubborn person will always be able to get their way. If you never say no, why would he / she want to change for you? So the next time you negotiate something, for example about the movie, you can say that you will go home if you don't get your way, or that you will go to the movies on your own. This ultimatum will so surprise the stubborn person that he / she will either admit or think that you are not that easy to manipulate at all. - If you don't give in to their wishes that easily, the stubborn person will even start to respect you more. Chances are that he / she will appreciate your opinion better.
Don't beg or appear desperate. This is not a good tactic, and will not cause him / her to take your side - no matter how badly you want to get your way. If you think you've already tried everything, just leave. There's no point in humiliating yourself by begging and whining. This won't work with stubborn people anyway, but it's also a bit embarrassing for you. - If you want to convince a stubborn person of something, then you have to take the rational approach. The emotional approach will only make him / her less likely to agree with you.
Be patient. It can take a while to persuade stubborn people, especially if you're trying to break a pattern of stubborn behavior. It will not happen overnight, and you need to remind yourself to start small (what television show you will be watching) before you can get into the bigger issues (where will you live). Know that you can try to change the person bit by bit, but you will not be able to change their entire personality. 
Stay confident. Self-confidence is extremely important when dealing with stubborn people. If you show any doubts about your own ideas, the person will respect you less and less, and will listen to you even less. Act like your idea or point of view is the best idea ever (without getting arrogant). If you do that, the person will get the impression that you know what to do. Don't let the person intimidate you into backing out or saying that your own idea might not be so good after all. - Keep your chin up and maintain eye contact. Do not look at the floor when you are talking. If you want to convey your ideas confidently, then a confident attitude is an absolute must.
- If you're a little nervous about what to propose, practice a little beforehand. This will make you appear more confident when the moment comes.
Know when to give up. Sometimes, unfortunately, you try in vain to get your gram. If the stubborn person doesn't give in to you an inch, doesn't listen to you, and isn't willing to hear your side of the story, even if you've provided information, caressed their ego, been steadfast, and let go see how important the decision is to you, then you have no choice but to walk away. Sometimes you just do more damage, and it is better to leave a situation when you know that it will not do anything. - If you keep trying in vain to convince the stubborn person of your point of view, you may become the stubborn person.
- Giving up doesn't mean you're weak. It means that you are rational and that you know when there is nothing else you can do.
Tips
- Don't try to fight the stubbornness - it will only make things worse.
- Get to know yourself first!
- Forgive and forget!
- Make a little compromise. For example, if the stubborn person wants a dog, tell them you want to look at it for a month to see how it goes.
