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• Method 1 of 2: Dealing with a spouse or friend who is condescending
• Method 2 of 2: Dealing with a condescending coworker or boss

It's hard to deal with someone who is condescending to you. Nobody likes to be treated with condescension. With a little patience and the right communication skills, it is possible to deal with a condescending person. This article discusses two common situations in which someone can be condescending: in your personal life and at work.

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Method 1 of 2: Dealing with a spouse or friend who is condescending

1. Stay calm. While dealing with the condescending person, try not to lose your temper, or you will only make the situation worse. Before responding to the other, pause for a moment and take a deep breath. Say something to yourself like: I'm going to state what the problem is, but I remain calm and polite.
2. Be honest. If someone says something to you that is disparaging, even if it is carelessly presented, don't hesitate to speak up for yourself. Let the other person know that you feel like you are being belittled and that this is inappropriate. Being honest is crucial if you want to deal with the situation. Otherwise, this person may not realize at all that he / she is being condescending.
3. Watch your intonation. Condescension is often in the sound of someone's voice. In other words, it is not always what is said, but how it is said that is important. In your response to a condescending person, try not to be condescending yourself. So avoid sarcasm, murmurs, raising your voice, etc.
4. Practice communication that is not defensive. If you want to deal with difficult people, you will have to choose your words very carefully. Avoid comments that are defensive, as doing so will play into the hands of the condescending person and negate the opportunity to resolve the situation. Fortunately, it is usually possible to turn defensive statements into more constructive responses. For instance:
   • Suppose someone says something condescending to you like, "Well, if I were you I would go for a career and move on with my life."
   • You may be tempted to say something like, “You don't understand! And don't interfere with my life. ”
   • However, it's probably better to try something a bit more productive, like, “I understand you see it that way. But let me explain why it is not that simple… ”
5. Determine what kind of relationship you have with this person. If you're dealing with someone who tends to constantly say disparaging things to you, take a moment to consider your relationship with them in general. Determine why you find the comments disparaging, depending on the relationship you are in. Armed with this knowledge, you will then be able to communicate more effectively.
   • For example, if you are in a relationship where you feel like you owe the other person, the pressure of the guilt can make you feel inferior. Make sure to settle the debt, or be open to the other person about how you feel.
6. Recognize emotional blackmail. Sometimes people act condescendingly to get others to do something for them. For example, if a friend or partner says something disparaging to you, he or she may be afraid of losing you. The condescending comments may be intended to make you feel inferior and thus become dependent on the other. If you recognize this type of behavior, discuss it calmly and openly with your friend / partner.
7. Nod and smile when everything else hasn't worked. Sometimes the quickest and easiest way to deal with a condescending person is to just leave it behind. If you can't stand the condescending comment long enough until you can leave that person, just grind your jaw and try to tolerate it, and avoid them in the future.
8. Seek professional help if necessary. If someone's condescending comments are seriously damaging a relationship you value, don't hesitate to seek help. For example, relationship therapists and family therapists are trained to mediate between people who experience problems in their relationship.

Method 2 of 2: Dealing with a condescending coworker or boss

1. Recognize condescending behavior when it occurs. Things like yelling, swearing, and derogatory remarks are all indications that someone is acting condescendingly. In the workplace, however, people can sometimes act in subtler condescension, such as gossiping about other people behind their backs or putting someone down by telling jokes. If you recognize this behavior, point it out. You can also help prevent this from happening in the workplace by fostering an environment that discourages gossip, joking about colleagues, etc.
2. Ignore it and leave it behind. If a person makes a derogatory comment without it being part of a pattern of behavior, the most efficient and effective thing to do is to let go. Everyone says stupid things now and then or has a bad day, or is unintentionally unkind to others. When it comes to an isolated case, try to forgive it and get back to business as usual.
3. Turn the disparaging behavior into action. Sometimes it is possible to deflect demeaning behavior. If a coworker is behaving superior or appearing smarter than you, communicate with such a person in such a way that those feelings are converted into productivity. Say things like:
   • "Can you help me with this?"
   • "What do you think we should do?"
   • "Maybe you are the best person for this job."
4. Seek support. If you're dealing with a coworker who is chronically condescending, talk to a supervisor about the behavior problem. Try to provide evidence of the problem, such as condescending email you saved. If it is the manager himself who behaves condescendingly, it can become a lot more difficult. However, you can still seek support from colleagues who have experienced similar situations.
5. Discuss it in a personal conversation. To deal as efficiently and effectively as possible with a condescending colleague or supervisor, you can ask for a personal meeting to discuss the problem. If you'd rather not announce in advance what the discussion is about, indicate that it is about something neutral such as "workplace communication strategies."
   • You can also ask a manager to be present at the meeting as a mediator.
6. Let us hear from you. If someone's condescending behavior makes it more difficult for you to do your job, then you will have to speak to them about it. Respond politely and without getting angry with the behavior. Try something like, "I really appreciate your input, and I know you have a lot of experience in this area. But sometimes I find it difficult to ask questions because I feel like you don't respect me when I don't know something. That can come across as particularly condescending. "
7. Don't lash out at the other. If the derogatory colleague responds by just being more condescending, resist the temptation to retaliate. Take a moment to breathe, calm down, and assess the situation before responding.
8. Avoid body language that appears judgmental. Non-verbal communication is always important, especially when trying to resolve conflicts. While discussing the disparaging behavior with the relevant colleague, pay attention to your posture, as well as what you say. Avoid things like:
   • Point with your fingers
   • Roll your eyes
   • Cross your arms
   • Keep your face in front of the other person's
   • Stand while the other is seated
9. Try to see things through the other person's eyes. Sometimes people are condescending without really realizing it. Try to rise above the situation and overcome your own feelings and understand the colleague's point of view.
   • Invite your colleague to explain what he or she thought or felt when he or she said something that you have experienced as derogatory.
   • Be polite by asking questions like, "Can you tell me what your vision is?"
10. Make suggestions for improvement. After the interview, you can ask the supervisor to write a memo with suggestions on how to deal with and avoid derogatory behavior. This memo may be addressed to only those involved in the conflict, or may contain guidelines for avoiding derogatory language and comments in the workplace.