Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Dealing with the aftermath
• Part 2 of 3: Dealing with long-term rejection
• Part 3 of 3: Decline a request
• Tips
• Warnings

Any kind of rejection, whether it's love, your job, a friendship, or anything else, shouldn't determine how happy you are. Rejection is no fun and sometimes it seems unfathomable, but you shouldn't let it dictate your happiness. The reality of life is that rejection is part of the deal - there will be times when your application, proposal, or ideas are rejected by someone. It's a healthy attitude to accept that rejection is part of it, and it's important to find ways to get back to yourself and give it another try.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Dealing with the aftermath

1. Give yourself time to process it. A rejection makes you feel sad, whether it's a manuscript that's been rejected, an idea at work that doesn't get through, or a rejection from a loved one. You may also be upset, and it is even healthy to give yourself time to process it and be sad about it.
   • Take a step back from your busy life to come to terms with the rejection. For example, take the rest of the day off if you can. Or stay at home to watch a movie if you were actually planning to go out. If you've gotten a rejection in the mail, take a stroll or comfort yourself with a large slice of chocolate cake.
   • Don't overdo it and lock yourself up in the house for days and feel miserable. That will only make it worse in the long run.
2. Talk to a good friend. This doesn't mean that you should shout the grief from your rejection from the rooftops. Then the person who rejected you (your publisher, the girl you like so much, your boss) just thinks you're a dramatic whiner who can't take life. So only tell one or two close friends or family members you trust.
   • A good friend simply tells you what he / she thinks. He / she can help you figure out what went wrong (if something has already gone wrong; often there are things you can't change, so you just have to accept that). Your friend can also help you get back on your feet so that you don't get stuck in your grief.
   • Don't express your grief on social media. The internet never forgets, and when you want that great new job in a while, your new employer looks on the internet and sees that you can't handle rejection well.So no matter how sad or angry you are, don't do it.
   • Don't complain too much. Again, you shouldn't wallow in grief over rejection or it will take over your life and you could even get depressed. Don't bring up the rejection every time you talk to a friend. If you think you are going too far, ask. If the answer is "yes", adjust your behavior.
3. Accept the rejection quickly. The sooner you accept the rejection and move on, the easier it will become for you. It also means that you will not be put off by rejection in the future.
   • For example: If you don't get that job you were so hoping for, allow yourself to be fed up with it, but then let it go. It's time to look for something new or think about what you could change in the future. It's good to realize that when something doesn't work out, something else will usually take its place, and often in a way you didn't expect.
4. Don't take the rejection personally. Remember that the rejection doesn't say anything about you as a person. Rejection is a part of life and not a personal attack. For some reason, your publisher, girl, or boss just wasn't interested.
   • Rejection doesn't necessarily have to be your fault. The other person rejected something for what him did not work. He declined the request, however not you.
   • Remember that they cannot reject you as a person because they do not know you. Even if you've been on a few dates with someone, it doesn't mean they know everything about you, so they reject you as a person. They reject the situation that is not working for them. Respect that.
   • For example: You asked a girl out and she said "no". Does that mean you are worthless? Does it mean that no one will ever want to go out with you? No of course not. She just isn't interested in the request (for whatever reason; maybe she's already in a relationship, doesn't want a date at the moment, etc.).
5. Go do something else. You should try to change your mind if you have been grieving long enough. Don't go right back to work on the topic of your rejection, or you'll get stuck in it. Take some distance from it.
   • For example: Suppose the manuscript of your book has been rejected by the publisher. If you've been sad about it for a while, move on to a new book, or try writing something else (like a poem or short story).
   • By doing something fun you can take your mind off the rejection for a moment. Go for a dance, buy that book you've been wanting to read for a long time, or go to the beach with friends for a weekend.
   • You cannot completely stop your life after a rejection, because you will be rejected much more often in your life (just like everyone else). By moving on with your life and doing other things, you keep the rejection from controlling your life.

Part 2 of 3: Dealing with long-term rejection

1. Put the rejection in a different frame. Remember that the rejection does not refer to you as a person, and now is the time to rephrase the rejection. People who say they have been “rejected” take a rejection less than people who turn the rejection into something that says more about the situation than about themselves.
   • For example: If you ask someone out and they say no, instead of saying "She turned me down", say "She said no". That way, you don't formulate the rejection as something that makes you worse (because she didn't reject you either, she turned down the proposal you made).
   • Other examples of rephrasing a rejection are: "We grew apart" (instead of "My boyfriend turned me down"), "I didn't get the job" (instead of "My application was rejected") and "We had different priorities" (instead of "They rejected me").
   • One of the best phrases to use is, "It didn't work," because then neither party is to blame.
2. Know when to give up. When something isn't working, it doesn't always mean giving up right away, but it's important to recognize when to stop and move on. You don't give up when you stop with a specific case, but try again in a more general sense.
   • For example: You asked someone out and he / she said no. That doesn't mean that you are giving up completely now to find true love. You give up on this person, but you don't give up on the idea of ​​love in general.
   • Another example: If your manuscript is rejected by a publisher, it is good to take a look back at what they didn't like about it, but you should keep trying with other publishers.
   • Remember, you cannot claim "yes" as an answer. Your existence does not diminish if you are rejected, so don't blame others for it.
3. Don't let it rule your future. Rejection is part of life. If you're going to try to avoid it, or if you get stuck in it, you're going to be unhappy. You have to accept that things will not always turn out the way you want. Just because things have not gone well now does not mean that you have failed or that it will not work in the future!
   • Each case is unique. If that one guy doesn't want to go out with you, it doesn't mean every guy will say no. If you start to believe that you will always be rejected, you will. You then call it out about yourself.
   • Make sure you move forward. If you get stuck in the past, you cannot enjoy the present. For example: If you keep thinking about the times you have been rejected after an application, it will be more difficult to write new cover letters and approach companies.
4. Use it to improve yourself. Sometimes rejection can wake you up and help improve your life. The publisher may have declined your manuscript because you still have to work on your writing style (it may not be good enough to publish right now, but that doesn't mean it will be in a while!).
   • If you can, ask the person who turned you down why they're not interested. For example, if your cover letter was not good enough, ask how it could be better. You may not get an answer, but if they do, it can be a valuable lesson for another attempt.
   • In a relationship, you can ask why he / she doesn't want to go out with you, but that can be a very simple answer, like "I'm not interested in you that way." You can't change someone's mind, so the lesson from this is that you have to deal with the fact that not everyone is interested in you that way, and you have to stay positive because you will actually get into a relationship with someone (though is it not with this person).
5. Don't get stuck in it. It's time you let it go. You grieved about it for a while, you talked about it with a good friend, you learned something from it, so now you have to put it to the past. The longer you stick with it, the bigger it gets in your memory, and the more you feel like you will never succeed.
   • If you find that you really cannot let go of the rejection, seek professional help. Sometimes thought patterns ("I'm not good enough", etc.) can get stuck in your psyche, and with each rejection this takes root. A good therapist can then help you further.

Part 3 of 3: Decline a request

1. Remember you can always say "no". This can be difficult for many people, especially women, but you are never obliged to say "yes" if you don't want something. Of course there are exceptions; if the flight attendant tells you to sit down, do so.
   • If someone asks you out and you don't want to, you can say clearly that you're just not interested.
   • If your friend wants to go on vacation with you, but you can't afford it, his / her world won't collapse if you say no!
2. Be direct. One of the best ways to decline a request is to be as direct as possible. Don't try to beat around the bush. Direct isn't the same as mean, although some people might take it that way. There's no way to turn down someone's request (whatever it is, a date, a script, a job) without it hurting.
   • For example: Someone asks you out and you are not interested. Then say "I'm flattered, but I don't feel the same for you." If the other person doesn't get the hint, be clearer and say "I'm not interested, and if you keep bothering me like that, I'm not going to like you more".
   • In the other example above, if your friend asks you on vacation, you can say, "It's nice that you think of me! But I really can't afford it right now, I can't even get away for a weekend. Maybe next time". This does not exclude the possibility that you will do something fun with him / her in the future, but your friend knows where he / she stands, as opposed to when you would say "maybe".
3. Give specific reasons. While you don't always owe an explanation, explaining why you're not interested can help the person who rejects you. If something needs to be improved (for example with a manuscript or cover letter) you may be able to indicate what still needs to be worked on.
   • In a relationship, you can just say that you are not interested and that you do not feel the same for him / her. If he / she asks for more reasons, you can say that love and attraction are something that cannot be changed and that he / she must accept that you are not interested.
   • If you reject someone's poem and you have time, explain why it is not suitable for publication (its structure, clichés, etc.). You don't have to say you hated the poem, you can say it still needs work before it is good enough to publish.
4. Do it quickly. Quickly rejecting someone does not allow emotions to build up. It's like removing a patch quickly (just to use a cliché). Explain as soon as possible that the proposal is not going to work for you.
   • The sooner you do it, the faster the other person can get over it and use the experience to learn from it.

Tips

• Try to find a way to relax after being rejected. Some people turn to their faith, others take a warm bath and meditate. Find ways to clear your mind, let go of negative feelings, and regain your balance.
• Just because someone rejected you in love doesn't mean you should feel bad about yourself or be sad. It just means there was no attraction. And you can't change that.
• Just because someone said no to something you tried doesn't mean they see you as a worthless person. So instead of focusing on rejection, focus on the good in yourself. If you don't see anything good in yourself, make up something you'd like to see in yourself and move on to the next challenge. If you focus on your strength as an individual, you will notice that rejection has less and less grip on you.
• Most success comes from hard work. Sometimes we simply don't want to admit that we still have a lot of work to do to be as good as we want to be. Be excited about your opportunities but also know that it may require training and experience that you don't have yet. Do your best to get things right instead of dwelling on feelings of rejection.
• Seek professional help if you keep feeling depressed after rejection. Alcohol or drugs are not solutions, although they seem to help at first. In the longer term, they are destructive forces.
• Don't be afraid to say no, nothing is worse than someone wasting your time and emotions.

Warnings

• If you keep taking rejection personally, consider talking to a therapist or coach. If you suffer from depression, anxiety, or other mental health problems, you may not have the resilience needed to deal with the pressures of life and need more support. This is nothing to be ashamed or afraid of –– every human being needs an empathetic guide in life from time to time.
• People will not always answer when you ask about the reasons for rejection. That's life - sometimes they are too busy, other times they can't articulate the rejection without being unkind or hurtful - see if you can find someone you trust and have time to reflect on what happened and to see how you can tackle things better in the future.